Eric

Chapter XXI

The Past

Sookie, Pam, Alexei and I the four of us ended up at the mall. Alexei was in need of what he called "local attire" Pam was all too thrilled to join in the endeavor though I doubted either of them knew what normal clothes were supposed to be. Sookie and I walked hand in hand stealing kisses and smiling for no apparent reason. Basically we were making people around us sick. Having had enough Pam took Sookie to a store under the pretense of needing her opinion. I offered Sookie my credit card in case there was anything she wanted. She tried to refuse but I just stuck in her pocket and took off with Al.

I was glad to hang out with Al. He told me about school and friends and being stuck in Connecticut by himself. Even as old as he was when he got like this there was an undertone of innocence to his demeanor and smiles. Seeing him this way always dredged up memories of when he wasn't happy; when none of us were. I couldn't help thinking of those days no matter how hard I tried.

When my mother died I was fourteen. Pam was twelve and Al was five. I remembered waking up on my own which I have never ever done. It was all I needed to tell me that something was horribly wrong. Our little home did not smell of coffee or waffles or bacon or eggs. None of the lights were on. Even with the light of the morning sun brimming into my mother's room it looked dark and felt cold.

My mother looked peaceful but too still. If you have never seen a dead body you could never mistake it. There was something about it that told you; the life in you recognized when you were looking at death. From my place by the door I knew she was gone. Al was behind me trying to barrel into her room and jump on her to wake her as was their routine.

"Momma" He said not knowing she would never hear. I quickly shut the door and picked him up and carried him to lay with Pam.

"Stay" I told him. He frowned but nodded. I shut the door and made the emergency phone call. I don't remember much after that. It was just a blur of lights and faces and names. Then I heard Pam's voice.

"What the hell! No need to call the police I'm up" She came out of her room looking as ragged as she always did in the morning. Al was in beside her and they both looked around all the activity then at me. Then Pam's eyes searched again for our mother. "In the room Al" she pushed him into her room and closed the door even as he began to protest and threatening to tell.

Pam came and sat at the kitchen table as the constable explained that our mother had died at some time very early in the morning. The cause was not yet known. He asked if there was someone we could call. I said yes but there wasn't. Our father died before Al was born. The only family we had was Godric and at last check he was in Sri Lanka or was it Tibet. He sent post cards and gifts at random but we had gone a year without hearing from him in the past. It was normal.

As I looked at my mother's empty room later that day a saying entered my mind. "No parent should ever have to bury their child. It goes against nature" Who ever said that was a fucking asshole. A child should never have to know the death of their parents. No child should ever have to throw dirt on the coffin of a parent twice in half a decade. Now that shit was unnatural. And if I sounded angry it was because I was.

The day we put my mother in the ground Al cried and cried and when we thought he had no more tears to cry he cried some more. He was almost ten years younger than me but I had never had responsibilities in caring for him like some siblings would have. The age difference was so vast that when my mother had him she missed having an infant and rarely delegated anything for us to do in caring for him. I didn't know what to do with a heartbroken child. For days he didn't eat or sleep he was almost catatonic. If I told anyone they would take us out of our home into state care; they might have to split us up because of the age differences. My mother would not want that but she would not have wanted her youngest child to starve himself to death.

Having no other choices and fearing for my brother's life I told someone. It was the worst mistake of my life and we all suffered for it especially the person I was trying to save. Al suffered the most. We were placed with a wealthy philanthropist Appius Livius Ocella. He was willing to keep us together. Everyone told us how lucky we were to have him take us in. They said he was kind and generous. It was a testament that people usually saw only what they wanted to see.

In his house we were prisoners. When people no longer saw us they assumed he was home schooling us. The truth was from our first night there he beat Pam for other reason that the fact that she was a girl and he wanted the boys only. I stepped in and he put a gun to Al's head and said he would paint the walls of his house with my brother's blood and no one would care. We were now an affliction on society and he would be doing the world a favor.

Thinking he just wanted a punching bag I offered to do whatever he wanted he just had to leave them alone. What he wanted was worse but I endured it. He never hit Pam unless she provoked him which was often but even then it was never as bad as the first day. I would step in before it escalated and lead him to a bedroom. For almost a year I performed all the degrading sexual acts that he wanted knowing I was doing the right thing no matter how dirty and ashamed I felt.

Al was safe. His mind was fragile and his nerves were frayed but his body was safe. At least that was what I thought.

I remember the day we fled from Ocella. It was January second and it was one of the coldest days we have had in decades. That morning I woke to Pam screaming. It was not of pain but of pure fury; of a mad woman. After a year of walking on eggs shells out of fear I knew something bad had to have happened. My first though was of Al.

"You fucking pig" Pam screamed. Behind her back was Al was in nothing but his underwear.

Ocella couldn't have. I hid Al from him always. I forced him to sleep with Pam at night. So he would never see when Ocella came for me nor could Ocella ever take him without Pam knowing. The room spun out of focus in pulsing flashes of darkness and light. Bile rose to my throat and I couldn't mitigate the force of which it escaped me. I heaved and a sharp pain stabbed my sides. I had my first panic attack that day. I thought I was dying. I wanted to die. It was all a blur of shouting and screams. Looking back now I know I fainted and it was the distinctive clap of gun fire that brought me around.

Somehow Pam had Ocella's gun in her hands. With tears falling down her face she raised it with deadly intent. Al was still hidden behind her back humming loudly with his hands pressed over his ears and he was shaking and whimpering.

"I am going to kill you" My sister ground out. Although her body was shaking her gaze and hands were steadfast. She fired without further hesitation.

Al screamed; his humming got louder and he had fallen to his knees and was rocking. Ocella who had been unmoved by my sister's threat fell as the bullet pierced his shoulder over his heart. Pam reached down and yanked Al up and made him come to me. I knew she was going to get close enough to Ocella so she could get a better shot.

I held Al to me but he just wouldn't stop shaking. I could barely breathe and he wouldn't relent his vice grip from around my neck; it was enough to have me leaning towards unconsciousness again. But I couldn't let my sister do this. She would kill him and her life would be over.

"Pam don't" I croaked fighting darkness.

"No!" She shrieked at me. In her eyes I saw no traces of the person she had once been. My little sister was gone "I know what he does to you Eric" Humiliation washed over me and again the air stopped coming no matter how hard I gasped. "I know what he makes you do! You wouldn't have to do it anymore" She said.

"We'll run away" I told her.

She was shaking her head in hate and disgust, be it directed at me or him I did not know. At that time I truly felt there was nothing in me worth loving or saving

"No Eric!" She shouted sobbing. "Don't you see? He has to die or they'll find us and bring us back to him"

I knew that. I have heard enough from the people who worked for him to know he was not only rich but powerful. All his servants turned a blind eye to us. I can't say they knew but they did not dare look deep enough to see. Ocella was terrifying. Once he struck a maid of his with a frying pan and when she reported him nothing happened. No one believed her like no one would believe us. Plus if we ran away where would go? My mother's possessions were sold and the assets were placed under my name but he was my legal guardian and I could not claim that money without him or until I came of age. We would be on the streets where anything could happen but anything was better than subjecting Al to this pedophile.

Seeing how powerless our abuser was in this moment made my head clearer and my chest loosen slightly.

"Pam, for me do not do this please" I begged. I couldn't let her do this. Not for me and not because of him. "I don't care about any of that" I told her. "We will leave and I swear we will never ever come back to him" She risked a long glance at me and I nodded through the dizziness in my head to assure her. She walked closer to Ocella.

"Tell me how to get into the safe I know you have" She said. Ocella cackled in disbelief.

"You miserable little bitch I'm going…" Pam put a bullet in his foot and Ocella never finished his threat. He howled in pain and hurled curses at her.

Al screamed again. I cradled him in my arms and murmured to him. Pam had to get us what we needed but every time she pulled the trigger we risked someone hearing and her killing him. Not just that every crack of the gun was leaving another scar on my baby brother's psyche.

"Where?" She asked again calmly. I knew where the safe was but I had no idea how to get into it. Ocella must have realized just how serious Pam was because he began talking and he sure as hell didn't think it was funny anymore.

"The office; under the desk the key is in the bust of Cesar" He panted through gritted.

"Bust of Caesar" Pam said in vast loathing and equal mocking. "Roman filth" She spit in his face.

"Give me the gun" I told my sister her control was wavering and she was looking for him to give her a reason to shoot him again. She walked backwards and handed me the gun. She left the room and took Al with her.

"You're going to wish you were dead when I'm done with you lot" Ocella said.

I gave a lazy shrug. It was not a form of bravado. That was already the case. Fate took everything from me. He had stolen the rest. There was nothing left for him to threaten me with. I had no more to lose outside of my brother and sister. I would not let him or anyone else take them from me. I would kill them myself and follow them right out of this unforgiving world.

Pam returned with three backpacks; tape and rope. She had dressed Al and herself and brought clothes for me. She held the gun and I tied Ocella to a chair. With Al in my arms and Pam beside me we walked out the front door of that house that had been our hell and never went back.

In a little over five hours we were out Sweden and in London. I figured it was a big enough place where we could dock for a while. It was also the only other country I had been to. My father was stationed here for a while when I was kid. It was where he met my mother. It was dangerous because it was familiar but it was the first plane that was leaving home. In London we kept our heads low and stayed in motels that didn't ask questions.

"You have to dye your hair" Pam had told me from her post on the window. She had instituted "watches" It would not be necessary unless we stayed in one place too long but she was fully into the spy mode. I rolled my eyes.

"What do think Al?" I asked Al.

He was jumping on the bed with a chocolate bar in his hand. "Fine but you can't do green I want that color" My brother said. Pam laughed.

In the end Pam chopped off her hair and turned it light brown. Al settled for red because green was a no go. I went for a mixture of the two. After a few nights on the streets speaking to shady characters I found someone to make us fake papers. Our cover was a married couple. Al was very scrawny for his age so he was our child. Pam and I looked young but we dressed older. The total haul from Ocella's safe was a little under two hundred thousand euros. We couldn't carry all that around. It was a miracle we got through the airport in Sweden without being harassed. With our fake papers we left it in a bank before we left. Two weeks after we arrived in London we were leaving it.

It was strange that I saw my babysitter Astrid at the airport in Heathrow. She had watched the three of us grow up. Even with our hair dyed she recognized me, Pam and Al. She was shouting our names at the top of her lungs and waving. People were looking. We could hardly run off. It would look suspicious so I stopped to talk.

She made many comments about our hair and how grown up we look. She was ready to go when she said, "How is you uncle?" Pam and I froze. She didn't notice our reaction she was arranging her bags on her shoulders.

"You have seen Godric?" I asked. She nodded.

"He came around a few days after you moved away" She said looking down sadly. When my mother died I had sent letters to all the address she had for him. I had no idea if any of them ever found him. I assumed not because he had never came, or so I thought. After all this time I had forgotten about him or anything that had to do with my life before Ocella; even the fact that once I was infatuated with Astrid.

"Have you seen him since?" I asked with too much intensity for someone that was just supposed to be on vacation with plans to return home.

She nodded. "A few months ago" She said. My face fell. I knew without a doubt it was already too late. We had missed him and he had come looking for us. "I sent him up to the Ocella manor" My jaw clenched at the mention of that name. "Did you not see him?" She asked. I wanted to smile and nod to let her think everything was alright but I couldn't muster the energy. The blow was too heavy. Ocella really had taken everything. Godric had come looking for us. He could have rescued us from that life of but Ocella had turned him away.

"No" Pam answered dejectedly.

"Oh" Confusion flashed across Astrid's face and she was clearly unsure how to proceed. Thinking quickly I pulled a notepad out of Pam's backpack and scribbled down a clue for Godric. If he came back he would know exactly where to come when he saw this. I folded it and handed it to Astrid.

"Give this to him" I said placing the note in her hand and placed my hand over it. She looked at me with her big green eyes and I knew she knew something was wrong. "Only to him" I reiterated.

"Are you in trouble Eric?"

"Yes" I said. I don't know how long she has been away from home but when she returned she would find out what we did to Ocella. If I lied she may not help me and this was my only chance.

"I will help you" she began. Despite my urge to recoil I pulled her into a hug and nodded.

"Only this" I whispered. "Just do this please"

"I don't understand" She said with her hands around me stroking my arms the way she did when I was a kid. It was still comforting but the hurt just ran a little too deep for it to cure this time.

"You will" I told her. "I did what they said I did but I had to" She was looking at me with her eyes brimming with tears. She nodded. They called her flight and she had to go. She hugged Pam but Al skirted back with a terrified cry when she reached for him. Anyone that wasn't Pam or I scared him to death.

The flight we had planned on taking was supposed to bring us to New York but we traded them for tickets to Mexico. The last postcard Godric had sent was of a place called "Isla Mujeres" It was a tiny island off the coast of the Yucatán Peninsula. It blended the beauty of the Caribbean with the soul of Mexico. My mother had said he was asshole for sending it knowing we were in the dead of winter. Every time he had sent a post card I would find out and learn as much as I could about the country. I wanted to travel and have adventures like him. Being on an adventure right now told me just how naive I was.

Our flight didn't leave until the next day so we went to the hospital for vaccinations. I did mine in front of Al so he wouldn't be afraid but when his turn came he refused. He didn't let anyone outside of Pam and I touch him.

"It's okay" Pam said. He was becoming very hysterical very quickly. He was rocking with his hands over his ears and shaking his head; begging us not to let the nurse touch him. We ended up bribing the nurse to let Pam inject him. It was pretty much the same thing.

The flight to Mexico was long after which we had to take a boat to the Island. I watched my siblings sleep but sleep did not come easy to me. It hasn't for a long time. Usually it was because I lay waiting for Ocella to come for me but that night I had Astrid's words ringing in my ears. My mind was tormenting me. I should have waited. A few more days and Godric would have come and we would have never known the sadist. Al would not be as scarred as he was and Pam would not be as cold and I would be so broken and empty. I did all of this to us for nothing.

On the island Al seemed happy. He would spend hours by the beach building intricate sand castles. He also bought a sombrero that had to be five sizes too big for his tiny head and wore it every day. I think it made him feel safer from the rest of the world. It was the most idiotic looking thing I had ever seen.

"We have to move on" Pam told me one night. I didn't want to admit what I already knew but we have been on this island for almost two months. Godric was gone and Astrid couldn't get him the message or he no means to get to us-a prospect I hadn't thought of.

Pam was right. It was dangerous to stay here like this. In a place so small if someone was looking for us we would be easily found. It was time to move on. All I had was hope; wild and reckless but it was all I had to cling to. Before we checked out our little villa I left a note at the main lobby for Godric. It was just as vague as the last one. Only he would be able to make sense of it. It would just seem like a heartfelt note. In fact I was just repeating his words from postcards and the destination was the exact image that had been on the post card. I hoped to God he had a good memory.