Nick and I had our inevitable conversation the day after I talked with Kate. I texted him around eleven in the morning and suggested that we get lunch. "Busy at work," he replied within two minutes. "Library is a tomb. You should swing by with sushi."

"Gladly," I replied. "Be by around one."

I needed to shower before I saw him. I couldn't see Nick looking like I had just rolled out of bed…which I had. After showering and putting on a carefully contemplated outfit, I went to pick up shrimp tempura and tea for Nick. Nick might say that he wanted sushi, but he wouldn't actually eat raw fish. That was too risky for him. Hugo, on the other hand, would eat raw fish. I'm pretty sure that he once ate raw eel while on a business trip to Japan. The mere thought of that makes me want to vomit in my mouth. I'm more like Nick than I am like Hugo. But that's not the point here.

At exactly one o'clock, I strolled into the library, trying desperately to look casual as I carried Nick's lunch. Why was I bringing him lunch at work? Because I felt bad about not responding to his profession of love earlier; that's it, plain and simple.

"You look nice," Nick said in his deep, gentle voice when I came up to his desk on the second floor of the Mansfield Park Public Library. He kissed my cheek. "How are you, Annie?"

"I'm all right. How are you?"

He shrugged. "I'm doing well, but I'm bored out of my skull."

"Are you playing that Gatsby video game again?" I asked, motioning to his laptop.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, I'm doing some research."

"On what?" I set the bag with his lunch on the desk and leaned against it slightly. I was tired.

"I'm trying to find the perfect Christmas present for my parents. After last Christmas, I want to do something really nice for them."

I smiled at him. "You're too good, Nick."

"That's what Hugo said when I told him about it. He said that I should just let bygones be bygones and act like last Christmas never happened. But I want them to know that I still care about them."

In retrospect, that conversation-especially that comment-has haunted me for more than thirty years. He wanted to give them the perfect Christmas present and let them know that he loved them, that he cared about them. Sure, the previous Christmas hadn't been as dramatic for him as it had been for Hugo, but I understood how it had impacted him. And he wanted to make things right. He wanted to make sure that his parents understood how much he cared about them. Instead, he ended up never giving them that present that he had spent weeks looking for, and we never saw his parents again after that night. After that Christmas, we didn't even go near their house again until after his mother died. He had such hopes, and they were dashed. And everything changed.

But in the moment, we knew nothing of the future to come. I just thought it was nice that he wanted to let his parents know that he loved them, and I told him so. We left it at that.

"When can we talk?" I asked abruptly.

He looked at me and I was struck for the millionth time by his resemblance to Benedict Cumberbatch. I loved his chiseled face, and I adored the confused look in his eyes. "Aren't we talking now?"

"Talk-talk," I said. "Like, really talk; when can we have a real talk?"

He shrugged. "I get off around six. We could have dinner together and talk."

"Do you want me to make something?"

"Sure, if you want."

"I like to cook."

He smiled and his eyes crinkled. "I know. I just don't want to force you to do anything you don't have time for. I could just pick up noodles or something."

"It's fine."

"Okay," he replied simply. Then he looked up at me. "Are we good? Are things good between us? I know I kind of startled you the other night."

"We're good, Nick. And we'll talk tonight. I promise."

"Excellent. I'll be by around seven."

Kate was with Hugo for the evening. "Good luck," she had told me before leaving. "Just tell him the truth. He deserves that."

Nick showed up at seven o'clock on the nose. He was as punctual as an atomic clock. He was wearing jeans and a dark blue sweater. "I brought wine," he said, holding out a bottle.

I smiled. "I made chicken alfredo. I know you prefer marsala, but I was in the mood for a cream sauce. Plus, I am wearing a white dress, and you know what I'm like." I had put on a hand-knit dress that Kate had made me in an exchange of services-the dress for her engagement photos. I was wearing the dress in the hopes that it would give me luck-and as a symbol that this dinner, this conversation was important. This wasn't just another dinner with my sort-of best friend.

He smiled. "Luckily, I brought white wine. I know you prefer it."

"Well, it matches my dress perfectly."

Nick's smile grew.

"Now let's hit the kitchen," I said. "Come on."

I served dinner, and Nick poured the wine. It was, I realized, a quiet domestic scene. I hoped that it boded well. After three bites of pasta, I dropped my fork and looked at Nick. I had prepared a speech, an introduction for this conversation. But in his presence, I had forgotten everything. And so I blurted nine simple words out as I picked my fork up off the floor. "I've had a crush on you since middle school."

"I know," he replied simply. "Well, I knew that you had crush on me. Hugo told me when you were about fifteen."

"I'll kill that traitor," I muttered.

Nick smiled slightly. "I figured you'd grown out of it. You dated other guys. You dated Dan. And then you seemed mad at me, really mad at me last winter."

"I hated you after the accident," I confessed. "I think I hated you then because you weren't the person that I expected you to be."

"I wasn't the person I expected me to be," he confessed. "As I've told you before, I let you down a lot in the past year or so, especially around the time of the accident. I keep thinking that I should have been able to prevent it. I think that every morning when I see Hugo wandering around the apartment without his shirt. I see those scars on his chest, and I think that I should have been able to stop that from happening. I should have been able to stop you two from getting hurt."

"But how?" I asked. "You're not God. I used to think that you were a god, but it's been a long time since I let go of that illusion. How would you have been able to have stopped the accident?"

"I should have been the person you turned to when you needed Hugo last winter."

"And then you would have been the one in the coma," I said flatly.

"I keep thinking that I could have saved you. I should have saved you."

I sighed. "Nick, have you ever talked to anyone about this?"

He shook his head. "I've never said anything to Hugo. I've never told him that I feel guilty because he almost died. I was supposed to be your best friend, and I was too busy with Daisy to be there for you. And I'm not just talking about the day of the accident. I should have been there more for the two of you. I should have been a better brother."

I shook my head. "You're not perfect. Even I know that."

He hung his head as if he was ashamed. "I know that, but I should have been more. I should have done more."

I smiled. "Nick, I don't want you to feel guilty about this. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You're a good person. And yes, you made mistakes. But I forgive you. Hugo has forgiven you. So let yourself be at peace about this."

He still wouldn't look at me, and I took his long, bony hand in my small one. "You need to forgive yourself," I persisted.

"How?"

"Recognize that we love you," I replied. "Accept our forgiveness and our love."

"And then what do I do?" he asked, confusion shrouding his voice.

"Move forward with us."

While that might not have been the best possible moment, that was the moment when he chose to broach the issue that had been circling around us. "If I did that, in what capacity would I be moving forward with you?"

"With all of us or with me in particular?"

"With you, with you, Annabelle," he replied.

"In whatever capacity you chose," I said simply. "I care about you with all of my heart. I love you. And while I'll freely admit that I love you against my own better judgment, I do love you and I want to be with you."

"You want to date me?"

I nodded. "I've realized that you're a good man and you're what I'm looking for out of life. I can't promise you fire and lightning but I can promise that I'll do my best to make you happy. I know it's not the most romantic thing in the world, and I can understand if you don't want it. But I'm willing to offer you myself as a companion and lover."

Nick smiled. "And I'm willing to take that deal on the condition that you allow me to try to win your heart."

I shrugged. "I'm willing to accept that challenge."

"Remember, my dear, that I have never met a challenge that didn't inspire me to rise."

"I'll consider myself warned."

Nick took my hand in his. "I'd marry you on the spot if I thought you'd go along with it."

I smiled almost unwillingly. "But that's not what I want. That's not what I'm ready for. I need to get used to the idea of us."

"What do you mean?" he asked, sitting up straight as thought waiting important news.

"I spent so many years so desperately in love at you, and then I was mad at you. And now I need to get reacquainted with who and what you are. I love you, and I always will. But I need to fall in love with you. I need to view you as my equal rather than some god on a pedestal. And I need to fall in love with you as my equal."

"Very well," Nick said. "But I am entirely confident that you will come to love me as your equal."

"And why is that?"

"Because as crazy and sappy as it might sound, I genuinely believe that you and I are meant to be together."

"Well, we'll just see what happens." I wasn't about to make any fantastic declarations, but I had no idea what changes Christmas would bring us.

A/N: Please review! Hopefully, I'll have more soon.