Vision
Chapter 21
Disclaimer: see chapter 1

A/N: a bit of language in this chapter.

"Look, I know you're pissed at me, I know I fucked up, but I need to see him." John Winchester was standing in the hallway outside Mac's room. Jim, Dean and Sammy a few feet away as the older man tried to talk with Caleb.

Running his hand through his hair, Caleb glared at his mentor, "Fucked up? Is that what you call it?" Taking a few steps away from John before he repeated what had happened that first night, Caleb rounded on the Knight, "And you being a selfish bastard had nothing to do with it?" As the words left the young man's mouth he caught sight of the boys standing near Jim. Taking a deep-breath to try and calm himself, Caleb continued, his voice softening slightly, "You're not the only person around here who's ever lost someone they loved. Deuce and Sammy lost there mother too, I lost everyone, Jim lost Emma…" Caleb calmed more as he saw some of what he was saying click with John; honestly he was surprised that John hadn't jumped down his throat at the mention of Mary.

Taking a step closer he felt the need to continue, the message Mac tried to convey during the vision/dream, filling Caleb's mind as he wanted John to see what had taken Mac almost dying for Caleb to see, "I get you're not the touchy-feely type, trust me I know how your whole tough-love thing works, but you're not the only one it's affecting." Again looking toward Jim, then meeting the moss-green eyes of his best friend, behind the younger boys worry Caleb again could see the unconditional love the child had for him. "You don't have to go through this shit alone man, we know you hurt, I know you hurt, but the way you are dealing nearly cost me my Dad. But you know what is almost as scary? It could have cost Sammy and Deuce their dad as well."

It was that comment and the pleading look in his protégé's eyes that had John looking toward his son's. Dean's eyes were shiny, the older boy knowing exactly what could have happened if John had been alone or if the guys at the bar hadn't scattered when he pulled his weapon. Then John looked at Sammy, the eight-year old still so innocent in what his older brother allowed him to know, but the boy was scary-smart and too realized all that could have been lost.

Then John looked at Jim, his friend, his brother, who too had lost the love of his life, though through natural causes and not supernatural, it was a devastating loss none the less. If there was anyone who understood John's pain it would be Jim. Looking at his friend now he saw only understanding looking back at him, Jim didn't judge John for his pain, but his method of dealing with it, or lack there of. And though John had been beating himself up over what happened to Mac because of him, it was the look in Caleb's face as the older man turned and faced the youth that finally seemed to drive home what the twenty-year old was trying to say. This time accusation and blame were replaced with a pleading for understanding, understanding that he wasn't alone, that he had family that cared about him whether he wanted them to or not. That he had people around him that would catch him when he fell.

Silence settled over the group as the words the younger man had spoken sank in. The boy before him, no, John had correct himself, the man before him, that had absolutely no reason to forgive him, was offering John the preverbal olive branch, it was now up to him to accept it.

Watching the straightening of Winchester's shoulders, the fading of the worry lines that the older man had worn since that night six days ago, and a subtle nod told Caleb that John Winchester, ex-Marine, Knight of the Brotherhood, his mentor and friend understood what the younger man was trying to say, finally acknowledged that he was not alone.

After a moment Mac's door opened, Dr. Wittmer and a nurse walked out, the physician stopping to talk with the group. Caleb took a step forward, "Is everything okay?" It had bothered the young Psychic that he hadn't been allowed to stay in the room as the Doctor did a more complete check of his father, going over the x-rays that had been taken earlier in the day.

"Your father is still awake, all his vitals are looking good, there is still no indication of infection and his x-rays look good." The doctor saw relief pass over the faces of the small group before him. "He'll be tired for a few more days and be in pain for a while, but I believe with some physical therapy your father should completely recover from this. Just understand it will take a little time."

Glancing at his family as what the doctor was saying really sank in, seeing the relief on the other's faces, Caleb asked the most important question, "When can he go home?"

"I want to keep him another couple days, just so he can rest." Dr. Wittmer smiled, he, himself, relieved his patient was going to be leaving the hospital in a few day, especially when a few days ago the doctor wasn't sure the man would make it through the second surgery.

Extending his hand Caleb spoke, "Thank you for everything you've done for Mac, you have no idea how much I appreciate it."

Shaking hands the doctor responded, "It was just as much your father's will to fight as it was anything that I did, but thank you." Shaking hands with Jim and John the doctor finally headed down the hall toward the nurse's station.

Taking a deep-breath, allowing the peace that came with knowing his father would finally be leaving the hospital in a couple days; Caleb turned and looked at John. "Don't think that because I ventured into the whole chick-flick territory that I'm not still mad as hell at you, but you should go in for a bit. Mac asked if you were okay, but I think actually seeing you will help, plus…" The younger man glanced at Dean, "I think Deuce is trying to tell me that it's time to eat again, so we'll be in the cafeteria." John gave a hint of a smile, knowing no matter what position of authority the older man held over Caleb, if the younger hunter didn't want him to see Mac then John would not be getting in the door.

As John stepped toward the door, Caleb grabbed his arm, "Just don't upset him or I'll kick your ass."

Patting Caleb's hand, John nodded, "I understand and have no doubt you'd follow through…" a smirk crossed John's face, "Or at least try." It was a step in the right direction in repairing the trust the younger man had lost in Winchester when John was finally rewarded with one of Caleb's cocky smiles.

Turning his attention from John to the others Caleb mock-glared at Dean as he rubbed his forehead, "I got the message Deuce, I'm coming." John watched as his family started down the hallway, Caleb clipping Dean on the back of the head as Sammy took the distraction and slipped his small hand into Caleb's offering support the only way the eight-year old could, by just being there. Taking a deep-breath as he turned toward the door, trying to block out the last image he had of Mac, in the ICU, a machine breathing for him, John slowly pushed the door open, quietly entering.

Mac had his head back against the pillow, eye's closed when John walked into the room, hearing the door open, he turned his head toward the door, opening his eyes, "Hey."

John moved across the room, stopping at the foot of the bed, examining his friend. A hospital gown finally covering the bandage across Mac's chest, an IV was still attached to the older man, but just clear liquid flowed through the translucent tubing instead of the dark red that John remembered in the ICU. Mac's color was almost back to normal, though he looked tired. "Hey," John answered, not normally a man unsure of himself, he found himself not sure what to say to the man who by all accounts had taken a bullet for him, no doubt saving his life. Clearing his throat Winchester continued, "How ya feeling?"

Straightening himself up some, noticing the unnatural nervousness coming from the man before him, Mac attempted a smile, "Better, just a little sore, but they've got me on the good stuff." The Scholar saw guilt flash in his friends face. "Are you okay?" Mac raised his hand, motioning toward John's face.

A nervous laugh escaped John as his hand brushed over his face, moving around to take the chair that Caleb had undoubtedly placed next to the bed, "This? This is nothing, I'm fine." It was definitely something to John; it punctuated just how bad he had screwed up.

Not believing John, Mac narrowed his eyes slightly, "Did those guys from the bar do that, I don't remember much that happened after…"

A sad smile crossed John's face as he looked down at his clasped hands, "No it wasn't those guys, this…" John straightened up looking at Mac, "this was compliments of your son." The Knight noticed the shocked look that crossed the Doctor's face, "Don't you dare tell him I told you, but what he did that night, I deserved it and worse…" standing John walked toward the window before turning back to his best friend, his brother, "I'm so God damned sorry Mac, I fucked up and you got hurt because of it, you nearly died because of it. I don't even know how to begin to make it up to you, to Caleb."

Mac watched the emotions cross the younger man's face, the Scholar wanted to interrupt, to tell his friend it was okay, but he could tell John was working up to something and it was so rare for Winchester to acknowledge his feeling, let along speak about them, so Mac remained silent for the time being as John continued, "I barely remember anything that happened that night until I heard the gunshot, it didn't ever register for a second, those bastards scattered after I pulled my piece. It was then I realized you hadn't said anything…" Running his hand over his beard-covered face John walked back to the chair, "I knew something was terribly wrong before I ever saw the blood, the look…the look on your face, in all the years I've known you I've never seen such a confused, scared look coming from you. Then I noticed the blood," Palming his eye's as if to erase the image that would haunt him for years to come, John continued, "When your legs gave out, I thought you were going to die in the damn parking lot and it was all my fault."

"But I didn't." Mac finally spoke.

"You almost did, hell I was pissed at Jim when he told me he'd had you follow me, that you had been doing it for years and I didn't even know about it." Winchester's voice became quiet, "I don't know what I would have done if you had died because of my stupidity." John looked at the floor not sure what else to say.

"It wasn't just because Jim asked me to. You're my friend, you're the father of my son's best friend and as much as you think you can always handle anything that comes at you, you're not invincible, your emotions and I dare say your mouth have been known to overrun your good sense at times. I was there to protect my family, whether you wanted it or not." Mac watched John's face; the man was really struggling with what had happened, the pain it had caused. "You're not alone John, stop pretending you are and allow other's to care about you, you stubborn bastard."

John's head snapped up at the unnaturally crude language that came from the well-refined Doctor looking at him, "You sound like Junior, I pretty much got the same little speech from him." Sitting back in the chair, John finally released some of the tension he'd had pent up over the last several days.

"I'd like to think I had a little influence over my son the last several years. I see a lot of you come out in him, at least I know he's picked up something from me over that time as well." Mac smiled at his friend, telling the younger man that there weren't any hard feelings between them.

"Trust me Mac…" John rubbed his face where the bruise was slowly fading, "I got a taste of me from that kid, I'd take your influence any day. I never realized he could throw a punch like that. I hope I'm never on the receiving end of Junior's wrath again." They both chuckled at the statement.

After a moment worry crossed Mac's face as he thought about his son, "Is Caleb really doing okay?" The time Caleb had been in the room with his father, he seemed okay, other than the extreme worry that came with someone you cared about being in the hospital. However, Mac knew loss was one of those areas with his son that was always a guarded issue; it was one of the things that terrified the young man. Caleb had seen more than his far share of loss, had endured more in his twenty years than most people deal with in a life time and at times over the last seven years since Mac and his son had been together, it had proven to be something the boy had a very difficult time dealing with.

Not sure it was his place to tell Mac what happened with Caleb. Leaving the decision up to the younger man or possibly Jim, John answered the best he could, "He is now."

Mac saw that for what it was, something had happened, Mac could see it in Winchester's eyes. However, John was going to allow Caleb to talk with his father about it, which the Scholar knew may take some time, but his son would eventually tell him what happened.

A/N#2: I know I may have had John a little out of character when he was talking with Mac, but I think with the guilt he had from initially being the cause for Mac getting shot in the first place, I think it's possible that John would have been a bit more emotional and unsure. Hope you are still enjoying- only two more chapters to go! Thanks again!-Montez