HARRY POTTER AND EVERYTHING RELATING TO THAT MAGICAL UNIVERSE BELONG TO JK ROWLING, WARNER BROS, BLOOMSBURY BOOKS ETC. AND I AM VERY LUCKY TO BE ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH IT ALL.

IF 'ORDER OF THE PHOENIX' HADN'T BEEN SO LONG, SHE WOULD HAVE INCLUDED ALL THIS HERSELF!

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

The warmth and comfort of Bill's body slipped from Sirius' grip. He chased after, across the kitchen and up the steps. As Bill sprinted through the hallway, Sirius was pulled back.

"You stay here! I'll get him," Remus shouted, pushing Sirius into the wall.

Then there was silence. Even the portraits were quiet for once. Sirius was alone. Remus was right, of course. Bill would be even more angry if Sirius went outside again. He hoped Remus would be able to find Bill and bring him back so they could explain everything.

He watched the front door for a long time. This was all Kreacher's fault. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? Bill didn't even need to know. Bill had to come back now and they could explain and then Remus would go away and Sirius would find a way to make it up to Bill.

Remus had better find him! It was all his fault in the first place. Sirius had been too drunk to know what was going on. Why had Moony done it? It hadn't been worth it. It hadn't been worth anything much.

After forever, there was a knock at the door. Sirius let in a Remus who glittered with energy and adrenalin. He could see he was alone, but he asked anyway:

"Couldn't find him?"

"No. I've been looking all over. He must have Apparated really quickly."

That was that then. It would have to wait until the Order Meeting on Friday. Bill would be furious if Sirius tried to owl or Floo Call. They had to be discrete at all times. Sirius sloped down into the kitchen, not caring that Moony was tailing him. He dragged a chair in front of the fire and glared into it.

"Never mind," Remus started. Sirius hated him for it. If Remus had left him alone then everything would have been OK. "It's probably for the best," his so-called best friend added, "it's not like there was any future in it. When the war's over, he'll have his girlfriend and you'll have me."

Sirius snorted. He didn't want Remus any more. He heard the scrape of a chair being pulled out, but he didn't take his gaze from the flames.

"Just the two of us. It's better like this, isn't it?"

Better? Merlin! It was a disaster.

"What the hell were you playing at last night, Moony?"

A nervous laugh, then: "Do I need to answer that?"

"I was paralytic and you come in and start groping me!"

"You weren't complaining!"

"I was too pissed! I was semi-conscious!" And feeling maudlin and nostalgic.

"You managed to get it up."

"Did I?"

"Oh, come on, you were laid out half-naked -"

"I wasn't expecting you to walk in!"

"Weren't you?" Remus paused. He seemed to be thinking. Sirius tried not to think. He pictured Bill's face in the flames, the way it had been the other night. Ginger hair blending with orange flames …

"You were pretty keen on him?" Remus asked, pensively.

Why was that in the past tense? Sirius just nodded, refused to look round.

"You kept saying his name, murmuring it, and then when you climaxed …"

Sirius did look round then. Why hadn't Moony stopped when he'd known it wasn't him Sirius wanted? Angrily he snapped, "That's not surprising, is it? He's a lot younger and better looking than you are."

Remus winced. They stared at each other in silence. Remus was calming down, deflating. Sirius was furious with him. He wanted to break him down further.

"You claiming I molested you?" Remus asked. "You never told me to stop!"

"I never encouraged you, either!"

"It was only a fucking hand job! You looked like you were enjoying it!"

Not much. He couldn't be held responsible for a physical reaction. He'd been sad and drunk. And there had been no reason for Bill to find out about it.

Remus sighed. "Look, I'm going to be locked up for the next couple of nights. After that, though, we'll talk. You'll see. In the long run. It's for the best. Just us two. We don't need anyone else."

Sirius felt an inferno of rage well up from his guts. For the best?

"Just us two? You haven't a clue!"

Moony was still purring, placating. "When things settle down, it'll be just like the old days."

Sirius didn't feel like protecting his old lover any more. He'd carried the guilt alone for too long. And now he hated his friend: "It was never just the two of us! All the time … almost from the start … all that time we were together … from school until … I was screwing James on the side -"

"You're only saying that 'cos you're angry, 'cos I just took away your new toy." Remus was shaking his head, refusing to listen.

"Yes, that's why I'm saying it now, but it's still true!"

The silence was chilling. Remus' face crumpled. His mouth worked but no sound came. Sirius enjoyed seeing him collapse. His temper stilled a little.

"Why?" Remus finally managed.

Sirius' anger wasn't all directed at his friend any more when he answered, "Because we were a couple of cocky pureblood heirs, used to getting whatever we wanted."

He'd had a lot of time to think about this. He had so many theories now.

"But why did you want him?" Remus whispered, his voice breaking but his eyes still dry.

For the fun of it? Because it was illicit? We were following the patterns of our ancestry, each the other's Boy? Or the answer that would wound the deepest?

"Don't you remember what he looked like? Fit, handsome, golden -"

"Perfect skin?"

Sirius just nodded.

"Unlike me." Moony stuck a paw in his mouth, started worrying at his nails. Now he was the one staring into the fire, refusing to meet the eyes of the man he still loved. "The whole time?" he questioned.

Sirius was going to batter Remus with the truth now. He didn't care how much it hurt. Bill was gone and it was all Remus' fault.

"Within weeks of us two getting together. You know how James hated to be left out of anything. Through that last year of school. Did you really think Quidditch practice took that long? Right up to the end. Once a month. New moon. Whenever we could manage in between. The last time was a few weeks before they died. In the graveyard at Godric's hollow. On the grave stone of some forebear of his. Ignatius or something. He thought that was funny."

"You selfish bastards!" Remus hissed. "What about Lily and Harry?"

"It killed them all." Sirius was quite calm now. This was the part that really hurt and he'd carried the knowledge alone for too long. "That's why I couldn't be Secret Keeper. It wouldn't have held. I'd already betrayed her. And I couldn't ask you, because he'd broken your trust. The magic would have failed. There was only Peter left. And we know how that turned out."

They both watched the fire and ignored each other. Eventually Remus stood, his chair clattering to the floor, and he stormed out of the house. Sirius remained for a long time, sitting motionless and allowing the misery to wrap itself round him.

On Friday, Bill arrived late and left early, without once looking in Sirius' direction. Remus sat as far from either of them as he could. Another week passed and still Sirius didn't manage to talk to Bill. It was then that he realised that he'd lost his best friend as well as his lover. It became increasingly painful to make it from one end of the empty day to the other, prowling round the prison of his mother's house.

He'd lost almost everything that still meant something to him. He tried to be a good Godfather to Harry, but Harry was so far away. Most days Sirius had nothing positive to think about or do. All lost for the sake of a maudlin hand job. And it was all his own fault.

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Come on people! You didn't think Lupin was telling the truth did you? It's not all over though. I promise that there will be more smut in the future. The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll get Bill and Sirius back together!