The Twilight Twenty-Five

thetwilight25 dot com

Prompt: #17

Pen Name: thimbles

Pairing/Character(s): Bella

Rating: M

Word Count: 492

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…

Dear Alice,

Hey girl … You know, it's crazy, my first instinct is to write "How's it going?" Is that dumb? I mean, are you even 'going?' Is there any sense of awareness there? It's easier for me to believe there is. You were too full of life and vitality and you were just so you, that I can't imagine that your existence has ceased simply because your heart stopped beating.

I miss you so much this time of year. I miss you always—like a constant ache, like missing part of myself … But at this time of year, when the skies are blue and the sun is shining, and the nor'easter blows lazy across the seashore, when we're free to roam all day … this is when that ache really starts to sting. Like a poorly sutured wound that's ripped open again.

Things here are … well, they're okay, you know? We're okay.

We still haven't heard from Jasper … I'm not sure we will. It hurts, but I get it. I think being with us all reminded him too much that you weren't here anymore. I hope, wherever he is, that he's healing, that he's living, you know?

Ro and Emmett split up at the start of December. They seem okay. Maybe they're better as friends. I spend a lot of time with Ro now. She's … softer, I guess. More forgiving. It's … is it wrong to say it's nice to see? We've all changed since you've been gone … and mostly for the better. It feels so fucking wrong to say that. Because it's not worth it, Al. It's not worth us being better people if it means you're not here with us.

Edward and I are … well, we're really good. He's my rock.

Oh. I took him roller-skating last weekend. It was hilarious. He had a big fit about sticking his feet into shoes other people have worn and sweated in. Pretty sure he wore two pairs of socks to protect his poor little footsies. He fell over soooo many times, you should have seen … well, that's the thing, isn't it? You should be here, but you're not, and I hate it. I hate it so much.

Anyway, we're heading to uni together come February. UNSW. Moving to the big smoke. I'm fucking terrified, Al. Of everything. Getting lost, failing classes, making new friends (or not being able to), paying rent … just, how do we become responsible, independent adults? I don't know how to grow up. I'm not ready.

It was supposed to be you and me, figuring this shit out together. Eating two-minute noodles, drinking goon, skipping classes to explore the city.

It's … IT'S NOT FAIR.

It's not fair. And you're the only person I can admit that to, without hearing, "No one said life was fair, Bella."

I miss you, Alice. I always will.

I love you, girl.

Bella. xo

Thank you for reading. Seriously, it's so wonderful hearing your thoughts on these bits and pieces. Shell x