Summary: Dipper disguises as a witch to protect his identity while guarding the town. Unfortunately for him, two blonds are determined to figure him out.

Pairing: Billdip and Dipeon (both one-sided)

Hide and Seek

The teen adjusted the wig and twirled his wand. "Geeze, why do dress's have to be so airy?"

"Dippingsauce," his twin scolded, dabbing her index finger into the fair skinned the foundation and dotting it onto his forehead, covering his birthmark. "When you agreed to guard the town, you agreed to crossdressing to hide your identity."

"No I didn't."

"Okay no you didn't." Mabel agreed cheerily and applied the makeup into Dipper's cheeks. "I just wanted to play dress up with someone."

"I feel like a doll." Dipper grouched as she took a damp special sponge to spread the foundation evenly. "It's dark. No one's going to see me, so why do I have to wear makeup?"

Mabel grinned. "Because I need to practice and your the perfect candidate!"

"What about Candy and Grenda?" He sucked in a breath and shut his eyes when his sibling grasped a fluffier brush.

"They're out of town, silly!" Mabel coated the poofy brush into powder and patted it onto Dipper's face.

While the teen resisted the urge to sneeze, Mabel finished coating his face to set the foundation in place. He tried not to groan as his sister continued on to apply makeup to his lips, eyebrows, and eyes. Not soon enough, she grasped a makeup setting spray to finally, finally finish and be done with prepping him up. He shut his eyes as she added the final touch.

"Now to paint your nails!"

Oh hell no.

Dipper launched himself off his grunkle's couch and skirted around his sibling. He was willing to put on a wig. He could even handle makeup. Even worse he could take wearing a dress. But his nails? Nuh-uh. Even he had limits.

"Dipper!" She protested. "At least tie your shoes!" But was already out the door.

He checked his watch as he sped down the Mystery Shack's path. Damnit, he was late in starting his patrol! Deciding he could afford to spend a bit of his magic resource, he waved his wand and muttered an incantation.

Poof.

Dipper halted, dizzy. Whoo, he really needed to work on that spell. But hey! He looked around. At least he was at the edge of the town next to…he squinted in the dark and peered at a sign. Greasy's Diner, alright.

Now oriented, he checked inside the dark building but didn't see any movement. Alright. No supernatural creatures there, so… He strolled down the street to check the next building and alley.

~oOo~

A yellow vest wearing teen studied his map as he walked. "Manly Dan said the witch often starts her patrol near Greasy's Diner. Logically, we should start there."

The blue suited teenager beside him frowned. "Do you honestly think she'd still be there? Obviously she would have moved on to a different place by now!"

The first young man scowled. "Are you the one with the map, Gideon, or am I?"

Gideon narrowed his eyes. "Well Bill," he bit out. "I'll have you know that map is upside down!"

Bill paused, checking to find that the map was not, in fact, upside down.

His scowl deepened. "Very funny. Ha. Ha." He returned his focus to the map. "So if we're here then Greasy's Diner would be…"

While Bill muttered to himself, Gideon rolled his eyes but nonetheless smiled. He had successfully fooled the yellow haired smart aleck. Ha! In his face!

Crack.

Gideon tensed. "Did you hear that?"

"What?" Bill looked up from the glossy parchment.

"It sounded like, I don't know…bones cracking?"

"Ooo," Bill cooed, pleased. "How exciting!"

"Bill." Gideon hissed. "Now is not the time for your sadistic tendencies! This could be our chance if it's one of the creatures the witch hunts!"

"I thought the witch just protected the town, not went out and tracked down the paranormal."

Gideon huffed. "Does it matter? This is our chance to see the witch!"

Bill finally grinned, having succeeded in riling his companion. "Good. It's about time something exciting happened."

The platinum haired blond rolled his eyes. "I swear you'll be the death of me."

Bill's grin slowly stretched wider. "Really? When do you think I can call some funeral directors? I hear there's a couple in this town that would be more than happy to help me put you six feet under."

"Oh hardy har har. Now would you just shush? I can't hear if the–"

Creak crack. Snap. Crackle.

"Um," Gideon began with a frown. "That doesn't sound good."

Bill's smile dropped. "Yeah and…do you smell smoke?"

They turned around but didn't see anything. Odd.

"Is there a fire or barbecue nearby?" Gideon inhaled. "Because I definitely smell smoke. But I don't see any flames."

Crackle. Crackle. Sizzle.

"Get out of the way!"

A force of bright blue slammed into the blonds, hurtling them off their feet and tossing them against the brick wall of a building. And not a second too soon because a stream of fire seared the ground where they stood moments earlier. The two blonds stared.

"Holy sh–"

"Get down!"

Without thinking, the two complied just as another blast of fire blazed over their heads. The heat burned their backs but better a blister than turning into roast. They looked up just in time to see a blur of black rush in front of them. Soon the black figure raised their arms and a wall of blue silhouetted the stranger.

Bill and Gideon stared. Was this the witch?

~oOo~

Those idiots.

What the hell did they think they were doing wandering around on the outskirts of the town near the woods? Didn't they know this was the shady part of town? The part where supernatural beasts tended to gather when they tried to leave the woods?

Those idiots.

He had to save their sorry behinds thanks to their carelessness!

Seething internally, because they could've died if he hadn't shown up, Dipper muttered an incantation and shoved. The blue forcefield flung from his hands and wrapped around the beast. The monster snarled an struggled in the bindings but couldn't break free. Dipper peered closer.

"Looks like a Bone Dragon." He muttered. "Huh, I've only heard of those in rumors. Didn't think they actually existed."

Wait. Remembering he was angry, he pivoted to face the blonds on the ground.

"You two!" He yelled. "You are idiots! Numbskulls! Nimrods! Dummies! Dummies dummies dummies! What do you think you were doing coming to this part of town? Don't you know how haunted this section of town is?"

The yellow vest wearing stranger recovered first. "Wow. That was hot."

Dipper blushed. "Um–"

"The flames or the witch?" It seems the blue suited teen had recovered as well.

Dipper intercepted the conversation, forgetting to pitch his voice into a falsetto. "Does it matter? You two could've been killed!"

"For a girl, you have a very boyish voice." The vest man commented and in the dim lighting of the streetlight Dipper could just barely see a leer.

His flush deepened. Oops. Well it was too late to try to pretend his voice was higher than it actually was. Ugh. Dipper shook his head. He needed to focus before his magic reserves depleted.

"Look," Dipper began, inhaling deeply to center himself. "I'm going to go take care of this guy and you two are going to go to your homes. Okay?"

Without waiting for a response, he turned to approached the writhing dragon.

"Wait!" The platinum blond called. "We have so many questions!"

"Too bad!" He broke into a sprint to the bound creature.

Any question asked could risk his identity. He was a terrible actor and they might be able to glean information from his reaction alone!

"But we want to know who you are!"

He scoffed internally. If he wanted people to know that then he wouldn't go through the trouble of a disguise! Just as he was halfway to the dragon, his left sneaker slipped off his foot.

"We'll find you anyway that we can!" The vest man promised.

Oh hell no, this was like something straight out of Cinderella! Damnit! He should've tied his shoes like Mabel always told him! He contemplated rushing back to grab his shoe because that was a potential clue to his identity before deciding that no, the blonds probably weren't complete dimwits and wouldn't try the feet of all the girls in the town. Or boys for that matter. Whoo. Then he was in the clear.

Except for the fact he was wearing boy's sneakers.

Eh. He shrugged and skidded to a halt next to the bound dragon, placing a hand on the dragon's bindings. It was just a shoe. It wasn't like they could find him based on that, right? He and the dragon vanished with a poof.

Right?

~oOo~

Notes:

Credit: The ideas for this story came from a combination of the guest reviewers: AWESOME, Dip, me, and lol.

Thanks for the request!

Shoutout to AWESOME! (That's right, I read your review, I read all the reviews. That sounds creepy, whoops) Also, AWESOME, I guess I can see how Dipper seems weaker in Garden Shop 2 in comparison to 1. I'll try to make him seem more like Garden 1 in Garden 3. (Which there will be a Garden 3, as well as a Still as a Statue part 4, and a Haunted part 2 but that'll be whenever I get around to writing those continuations)

Since I actually already have a vague plan for the Garden Shop, guys, Dipper won't be a witch in that one. Instead, since you guys wanted Dipper as a witch, (and since all you lovely reviewers were so polite) you guys get this oneshot where Dipper uses magic, loses a shoe, and is disguised as a witch!

As for Guest's idea of Dipper being forced to marry Bill... Okay! It'll take me awhile to think of something but I will write something at some point with that as the plot! Feel free to toss out more ideas on new oneshots or ideas for continuations to previous oneshots and i'll see what I can do!

Thank you for reviewing!