Last chapter of the day. Hope you like it :)
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or AVPS.
Act 2 Scene 4
Snape: Why have you called me out of bed at this—where did the poster of Headmaster Zefron go?
"Oh, now it makes sense that Dumbledore has the poster in his office. He's a former headmaster." Hermione muttered to her self. Everyone shot her a look before turning back towards the screen again.
Umbridge: I don't care for Zac Efron. Taylor Lautner's my man.
Ginny pulled out her paper. "That's the guy who plays Jacob in the Twilight films."
"We figured."
Snape: What do you want, you horrid bitch?
"Go musical Snape!"
Umbridge: Well Snape, it's Potter. I think he knows where Dumbledore's hiding and he's not telling me and there's this stupid rule that won't let me discipline the children. I just wish there was some way that I could get my boyfriend and kill Harry Potter.
"Or you could just do neither one of those." Harry offered.
Snape: Are you suggesting that we kill a student?
Umbridge: Of course not Snape, that would be crazy. We can't have crazy people running the school.
"Because all sane people rub axs affectionately." Hermione roled her eyes.
But maybe if someone who also hated Harry Potter could get him for me…
Snape: Don't look at me.
Lucius: No, look at me.
"Is it necessary for him to dance everytime he has an entrance?" Malfoy groaned.
Umbridge: Lucius Malfoy, what are you doing here?
Lucius: I couldn't help but overhear your conversation and I wanted to know if you were interested in a role in the evil scheme I've just choreographed?
"It's a murder plot, not a musical plot."
Umbridge: Well, what's the part?
Lucius: It's a meaty supporting villain role.
"Perfect for her then." Sirius said.
Umbridge: Go on.
Lucius: You say that you want to find Dumbledore and have unspeakable things happen to Harry Potter. Well, I can give you those things for a very small price.
Umbridge: I'm listening.
Lucius: First, you let my Death Eaters into Hogwarts. Our presence here must remain an absolute secret. Next, you lure Harry Potter someplace where I can have him alone. He must be alone. That is of the upmost importance. I would have done this myself already if he went anywhere without that ginger and that filthy Mudblood girlfriend of his.
"Don't call her a Mudblood," the Gryffindors said immediately.
"And she's not my girlfriend," "Harry said. "I don't even like her like that."
Umbridge: Fine. That takes care of Potter, but what about Dumbledore?
Lucius: You say Potter knows where Dumbledore is hiding? Well, before I finish him off I'll use every torture imaginable to loosen his tongue.
Harry winced.
Umbridge: Yeah, and then I get my boyfriend Dumbledore. He's probably out buying me presents, he's really sweet. I'm gonna find and crush that criminal.
"I really doubt that hes buying her presents."
Lucius: Yes…and once you have Dumbledore, Potter is mine!
Umbridge: Fine, it's a deal.
Snape: Oh, this all so illegal! If anyone were to report this sort of business to the Ministry, you both would go to Azkaban.
Umbridge: Well, that's why no one is going to report it, right Snape?
"Yeah, Snape, turn them in."
Lucius: Come now Severus, you better than anyone know what kind of people the Potters are. Their arrogance knows no bounds. Something simply must be done about them for their will always be guys like Potter.
"Here comes a song about the Potter arrogance," Harry rolled his eyes.
(singing) There are so many douchebags in the world. Yes, so many douchebags get the girls. Who deserved more than absolutely anything that any charm or potion could ever bring? But men like that, they have her on a string and they don't care. For there will always be guys like Potter, to realize tears in your eyes because he got her. She'll never ever know how much you'd have brought her if you'd only done something more for the one back when you were young…
Snape's expression turned dark and Remus looked at him sympathetically. Harry looked confused.
James: Hey, Sour Grapes, Expelliarmus – Impedimenta! So how'd the exam go, butt-trumpet?
Harry frowned as he thought back to the memory of his father bullying Snape.
Lily: Leave him alone!
James: Lily Evans…
Lily: What's poor Severus ever done to you, Potter?
James: Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean?
Lily: You think you're funny James but you're not. You're just an arrogant, bullying douchebag.
"Toerag," Sirius corrected automatically."
James: Uh, tell you what Evans, I'll leave Snape alone if you go on a date with me.
Lily: Ugh, you are such an asshole! It's so charming.
Snape glared at the screen.
Remus and Sirius frowned. "That's not how it went at all."
James: Cool, well, I'll pick you up at eight then.
Lily: Okay.
James: We can hang out with my best friend, Sirius Black. You're lucky that Evans was here, wiener jacket.
Snape: I don't need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her!
Harry frowned as Hermione gasped. "I can't believe you would call her that! After she helped you!"
Snape looked pained as he recalled that particular incident.
Lily: Fine, I won't help in the future. Come on James.
Snape: No wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!
His beautiful Lily, no longer his with one stupid, careless mistake.
(singing) So many assholes in this place, so many assholes in my face! Why can't they leave me alone to love princesses, maids, and queens? They wouldn't ever be in between.
Both: We treat them nice and never be mean and we would care, but there will always be guys like Potter. Who'll quench the flame like it's a game with drops of water. He'll never ever think her perfect as I/you thought of her.
Lucius: But now you're alone left to pout and moan 'cause you were totally pwned.
Snape: Alright, let's do it.
"I'm so confused," Harry said.
"Stay that way," Snape growled, before standing up and stomping towards his room, robes billowing behind him.
Harry stared after him. "Weird."
"Just leave him be for now, Harry. He will come back out in due time. For now, let us start the next scene." Dumbledore said. Harry gave the door Snape disappeared through once last glance before turning back to the musical.
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