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Chapter 21

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The next week passed without any other major incidents but everyone could tell that John was still anxious around new people and a bit paranoid at other times. But he was able to stay awake for longer periods of time and he had been steadily walking around the room as much as he could.

Ronon and Teyla had taken turns staying with him overnight though where Teyla snuggled up with John in the bed, Ronon settled himself in a chair with his booted feet resting on the bed frame. When John started having the nightmares that had been plaguing him, Ronon would nudge him with his foot and after a few times of John waking up and seeing Ronon watching over him, the nudge was all he needed.

Teyla had her own way of calming him down and she suspected John liked that much better than the nudge. She touched and kissed and whispered in John's ear sweet words of comfort. And that had not been the only time they had touched and kissed.

Once the lights had been dimmed in the room so they could sleep, John had a habit of allowing his hands to do some exploring. With Teyla spooned up against him, he would run his hands over her curves and sometimes slip them under her stretchy top or loose bottoms. Teyla would try to keep from becoming too aroused but he always managed to get her going to the point where she wiggled her bottom right up against his front. And she could feel the effect it had on him. But they hadn't dared go much further with the nurse and guards right nearby.

Teyla had finally shaved off John's facial hair and he was allowed to use an electric razor each day to keep it off. Teyla had continued to help him clean up but he had yet to be allowed a full shower. Dr. Lam worried about his back still and his ability to stay standing while in the stall. She had promised him one very soon, with help. Teyla knew John wished for her to help him. And she did not have a problem with it at all.

The best part of all was that they had removed the IV. John was sucking down nutrient drinks several times a day as well as eating four or five small meals. He reveled in every little drop he got and the gaunt look finally began to disappear. He'd only put a few pounds back on but with that weight came more energy and strength.

And they had slowly begun introducing more people into his daily routine. Teyla, TJ and Ronon were constants but Carter and O'Neill stopped by a few times, Jennifer came in, though Rodney was still too upset that he had caused the last freak out. Mitchell, Teal'c, Jackson and Vala said quick hellos and David had come back for a day to check on him.

They had also started to take John out of the room in a wheelchair. He never went too far or any place crowded as it seemed to get him very nervous but they could tell he was getting better at dealing with crowds and unknown people. And the more he saw of the SGC, the more he seemed to believe he was truly back there.

Dr. Marshall thought it might be time to introduce himself and see to the task of getting the Colonel on the road to emotional stability as well. He knew the man had been well behaved and social with those he had seen so far but he also knew the environment had been extremely controlled and they hadn't let anything near him that might set him off again. But it was time.

They decided to start him off with just a small visit and have Teyla and TJ come along. Teyla brought the wheel chair in and Torren was sitting inside looking as if he had won the big prize.

"Dada, loot!" he called out as John tied the lace of the sneakers they had brought for him to wear. They had finally let him put on some casual wear during the day; t-shirt and work-out pants, instead of the hospital gown and scrubs.

John smiled at the toddler. "Hey Pal, you look like you're getting a ride. Are you going somewhere?"

"Doe you, Dada."

"You're going with me?" John said humorously so the little boy would laugh. "I was hoping you'd go with me."

"But you must allow Daddy to sit in the chair, Torren and then you may sit in his lap," Teyla instructed.

John scowled as she said this. "I can walk to the elevator, Teyla. I don't need a stinkin' wheelchair."

"I know you are capable and have been doing very well in the room and around these hallways but Dr. Lam does not wish you to stand on that injured leg too long. She says it will not heal properly if it gets too much use. She says you are already pushing yourself too much physically. I informed her that you do not know any other way."

John made a face and rolled his eyes. He held out his hands and TJ stood up and jumped right in them. Then he sat in the chair and said, "Carry on, James."

Teyla did not understand what he meant but she knew better than to ask. She wheeled him out of the room and frowned as the guard followed along behind. She knew General Landry was still unsure about John's mental stability and she could hardly argue the fact as she knew he still did not know the difference between their relationship when he left and what it was like in his fantasy world. And she also knew if the right trigger came up, John could possibly have another moment of paranoia and delusions. She had often seen his eyes dart around the room in what she could only call fear.

The soldier followed them into the elevator but made sure to stay far enough away so John would be unable to get at his weapon. Teyla knew John was aware of this and she could see that it bothered him. But as typical he tried not to let it show. She had just become very good at reading John Sheppard.

When they got to Dr. Marshall's office, John looked at Teyla and whined, "Do we really need to go in there? You know I hate talking to shrinks. Maybe we could tell him I don't feel too well."

Teyla gave him a glare she usually reserved for Torren when he did something he knew he shouldn't. "We are just meeting with him for a short time today. What you went through was not a simple matter, John. You were away for more than three months. And we all thought you were … that you were not coming back."

Teyla still couldn't say it and John saw how much the thought of him dying caused her pain. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. "Okay, Teyla, we'll go in. But I won't promise to say a whole lot. You know spilling my guts isn't really my style."

"I know it is not," Teyla replied and leaned down to give him a kiss.

"Can I at least go in under my own steam?" John asked as Teyla opened the door.

The guard who was with them moved toward the wheelchair and said, "I can hold onto the wheelchair, Sir. General Landry said I was to remain out here."

"Thanks, Corporal," John answered and he was thankful that at least he wouldn't have some other person listening in on his session. Having to come here was embarrassing enough.

As they walked in, TJ holding both John and Teyla's hands, Dr. Marshall got up from his desk and greeted them.

"Teyla, it's nice to see you again. Colonel Sheppard, I'm Alex Marshall, welcome. I'm glad you came today. And who is this little guy," he said as TJ tried to swing in between the two adults.

John reached to pick up the tot and said, "This is Torren John," he smiled smugly and emphasized his own name.

"Hi, Torren John," Marshall greeted the child then looked at the adults and pointed to the chairs around a small coffee table. "Have a seat."

John and Teyla took chairs next to each other and Torren climbed into Teyla's lap. She knew he would stay there for a short while then climb down and insist on being in John's lap. It was a game he liked to play when there were lots of adults around and he wasn't the center of attention.

"So, Colonel Sheppard," Marshall began, "why don't you tell me a little about yourself."

John looked at him suspiciously and asked, "You haven't read my file?"

"I've read your military file but I just thought it might be nice to get to know you. You can tell me about how you grew up, any hobbies you have, your family, whatever you feel comfortable sharing."

"I'm not big on sharing, Doc, just so you know," John grimaced. "And as for my family, they're sitting right here with me."

Marshall just smiled indulgently. "I thought I met your brother earlier?"

John nodded. "Yeah, Dave was here. He's married with two kids. I like his wife, Amy, she and I have always gotten along pretty well."

Marshall knew there were tons of questions he could ask regarding that but decided to allow Sheppard to lead the conversation so he just nodded and smiled and allowed the man to speak when he wanted to.

John looked around the room awkwardly then at Teyla who was speaking softly to Torren in her lap. He half rolled his eyes and said, "Hobbies? Well, I like to surf and play golf. I've been known to tool around Atlantis on my skateboard on occasion and I play the guitar; but not in public so don't ask."

Teyla looked up and smiled now. "John has played for Torren and I fairly often. But he sings the most bizarre songs and I truly wonder sometimes if the lyrics are real or if he has just made them up."

"They're real," John defended with a twinkle in his eyes, "for the most part. I might change a few words here or there just to get a giggle out of TJ. But I'm not really musically inclined in the writing department."

"And these are the things you do during your off time on Atlantis?" Marshall continued his questioning.

John did roll his eyes this time. "When I get off time, sure. But it's not like we can easily get to the mall or go out to a bar. We're floating in the middle of an ocean on a planet in another galaxy."

Marshall decided to see how far he could push some more facts. "Except right now Atlantis is floating in San Francisco Bay and has been for about four months now."

John looked at Teyla and she could tell he felt uncomfortable with the new information as it wasn't part of what he had known from before. Teyla reached to lay her hand on his arm and smile.

"That is where we landed once we got to Earth. The IOA and your government have not yet decided if they will allow it to return to the Pegasus Galaxy. They seem to think it would be better to have it here for protection of this planet."

John looked pensive for a few moments then said, "They didn't offer to take you back to your people on the Daedalus or the Apollo?"

"The offer was extended but even though I had been told you had … perished … I felt close to you here and did not wish to leave just yet. And you did leave me the lovely cottage in Nantucket," Teyla added with warmth in her eyes.

John smiled back and Teyla wondered if he was remembering their dream of being on the island with Dave and his family. She had enjoyed that immensely and could still feel the love and emotion they had shared while there. But she did not wish to get into a conversation regarding that so she gave an impish grin and squeezed his hand.

"I did hear Rodney wonder if he needed to give you back the chalet in Aspen. He has not had an opportunity to use it but I know he wished to take Jennifer there at some point."

This made John laugh. "Coming back from the dead complicates things, doesn't it? Maybe I'll let McKay keep it as long as I get to use it if we're ever back here during the winter. I'd love to teach TJ how to ski when he gets a little older. I think my Dad had me on skis by the time I was three or four."

Teyla appeared confused. "Did you not tell me once of skiing on water? Why would you wish to do this during the winter? Would it not be quite cold?"

John laughed again. "There are two different kinds of skiing. There's water skiing, which is where you get pulled behind a boat by a rope while you have skis on and you do that when it's hot out. Downhill skiing is done in winter and you go down a snow covered hill with skis on; different kind of skis though although they are similar in shape."

"Ah, yes," Teyla seemed to comprehend. "I have been to snow planets where people put special long shoes on their feet to move quicker through the snow. Perhaps it is similar. I would like very much to see this sometime."

"Then I'll make it a point to show you if we're here in the winter."

"It sounds like you're quite the sports enthusiast, Colonel," Marshall commented. "Did your parents encourage this or were you just always very active?"

John's mouth twisted into a crooked smile. "Well, I was a very active child and I think my parents encouraged the sports to try and keep me out of trouble and maybe wear me out a little. Not sure that really worked though. But I seemed to be pretty good at them and I realized I like the action so I kept it up."

Marshall nodded. "So all that action, is that what made you decide to join the military?"

John shrugged and shook his head. "Nah, I wanted to fly jets and the only place to do that was the Air Force. The rest is history."

"What else have you flown?" Marshall inquired conversationally.

John took a breath but knew that he never minded talking about flying so he began to rattle off the names of everything he'd ever flown. The list was long and he made comments about each and every one of the aircraft hoping to use up his allotted period of time with Dr. Marshall.

But Marshall seemed interested and even asked a few questions about some of them and John began to relax a little. Marshall could tell when he did and was glad he could get the man to open up even though it had nothing to do with why he was here. But he needed Colonel Sheppard to trust him and this was a beginning.

When John finally wound down talking about the puddle jumpers, darts and the city of Atlantis, which he had also flown, Marshall figured that was enough for the day. The little boy had crawled into Sheppard's lap and was now sticking his thumb in his mouth and his eyelids were lowering slowly.

"I found that intriguing, Colonel," Marshall said then pointed to Torren. "But I have a feeling he wasn't as enthralled. You put him to sleep."

John pulled the child in tighter and smiled then looked at Teyla. "Yeah I do that to Teyla sometimes, too. She was good today and managed to stay awake."

Teyla pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "I love hearing you speak of things you have done in the past, John, you know that. Though I will admit that there are often things of which you speak that I do not quite comprehend. Perhaps you will show me pictures of some of these flying machines so I will know what they look like."

John's eyes widened in excitement and Teyla was glad to see the old spark in him. "If they let me have a laptop I can show you. And then maybe if there are a few games on it I won't be so bored when you need to spend time with TJ."

"I think having a laptop would be beneficial to your recovery, Colonel," Marshall theorized. "It will get you back in touch with what's going on in the world and help you stay focused on the present. I'll mention it to General Landry and hopefully you'll have one by tonight."

"Really?" John asked enthusiastically. "That'd be great, Doc, I'd appreciate it. Maybe I wouldn't feel so isolated all the time."

Marshall nodded his head. "Yes, I imagine being in just that one room must be very isolating for you. I was thinking of recommending a little outing. The weather's been beautiful lately and sometimes you forget that when you're in here. I'll speak to General Landry about that too. Do you think you're ready to go outside maybe just to a nearby park to get some fresh air?"

John nodded vigorously and his face almost looked pained. "Oh, yeah, I'm ready. And could TJ and Teyla come and we could find a place that had swings and a slide. TJ would love it."

"I think that would be a very good idea, Colonel, though I have a feeling General Landry will still insist on some other chaperones."

John grimaced but still had a smile on his face. "I figured that but it's okay. I'd love to get outside if I could."

Marshall stood up and moved toward the door. "Then I'll get working right on that, Colonel. You look like you need to get that little guy in a bed."

John carefully stood up so he didn't wake the now sleeping child. He moved toward the door and Teyla opened it. Marshall gently placed his hand on Sheppard's arm and said, "It was nice meeting you, Colonel. I'm sure we'll get a chance to talk more later."

"Thanks, Doc," John said in a blanket statement then walked out to see the guard pushing the wheelchair across the hall for him. Teyla helped him settle in then shook the doctor's hand and turned to begin wheeling John toward the elevator.

John glanced back to see Dr. Marshall standing in the doorway then turned away smiling. It hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it would be. He'd imagined someone asking him all sorts of questions about his time in captivity and his abuse and torture. He knew he wasn't ready to talk about that yet, if ever and he knew he'd never talk about it in front of TJ regardless of the fact that the child didn't understand much of the grown up talk. He wasn't even sure he wanted Teyla to hear. Though truthfully she was probably the one he'd be more likely to speak with about it. After all she had been the one to save him from it every day.

That thought confused him and he started wondering why. Teyla had been there to help him escape the torture but she hadn't really been there, it had just been his imagination, right? But her memory was so real and he could feel her thoughts and emotions every time they were together. How could that be? Was it just echoes of their time prior to his last mission? That must be it. He knew for some reason he didn't want to try and delve any deeper into those thoughts. He had a feeling he wouldn't like what he found.

But for now Dr. Marshall was going to speak with Landry and see if he could get a laptop and possibly take TJ and Teyla to a park. The thought of that alone would get him through the rest of the day.

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"Okay, Colonel," Carolyn started her instructions, "There are a few things you need to know about a shower."

John stared at her incredulously. "Doc, I've been taking showers for quite a few years now and pretty much all on my own. I'm guessing I haven't forgotten how."

Carolyn glared back at him. "Yes, Colonel, I am aware. But remember that you still aren't up to full strength yet. Teyla says she'll be in the bathroom while you go in just in case you begin to feel lightheaded and weak or need any help. Now I think your back is healed enough to allow it in the water but you don't want to actually scrub it. We don't want to aggravate the still healing scars. Take your time and don't rush. We don't want you slipping and falling. I'm sure the last thing you want is to be laid up with another injury right now especially since General Landry has authorized that little field trip today to the park. I placed a small stool inside the shower enclosure in case you need it. And don't think you're so macho that you don't use it if you need it."

John gave a small sigh then said, "Is that it, Doc?"

Carolyn just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Colonel, I'm done my lecture. Enjoy the shower."

John glanced at Teyla as she came out of the bathroom having just supplied it with shampoo, soap and towels. He would definitely enjoy it if at all possible but maybe not in the way Dr. Lam was thinking.

He turned and walked toward the bathroom door only limping slightly on his healing leg. Teyla followed him in and closed the door as John adjusted the water to a comfortable temperature. He reached for the edge of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. He saw Teyla eyeing him as he reached for the waistband of his scrub pants and took a step in her direction.

"Sorry, Teyla," he smirked, "Dr. Lam says no scrubbing my back just yet. She didn't say anything about scrubbing my front though."

Teyla just closed her eyes and laughed at John's outrageous words. But deep inside she knew she would happily scrub his front and any place else he wanted.

She took the t-shirt from his hand and directed, "Go, take your shower. I will be right here if you need me."

John leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. "I always need you, Teyla." Then he quickly stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped under the invigorating spray with a deep sigh.

Teyla unabashedly watched through the clear door as John rubbed soap on his body and then squirted shampoo in his hair. He just stood there rinsing off for far longer than she thought was necessary but he seemed to be luxuriating in the feel of the water cascading down his body so that she did not wish to disturb him.

Finally he reached for the faucets and stopped the water flow and shook his head. Teyla chuckled as water flew in every direction from the hair that still had not been cut and she was glad he was inside the enclosure. She took one of the fluffy towels she had managed to find and held it up ready for him. He opened the door and smiled his thanks.

"Ah, that's the first time I've felt really clean in over four months."

John ran the towel over his arms and legs briefly then wrapped it around his waist to step out. When he did Teyla held up another towel and instructed, "Turn around and I will pat your back dry. Dr. Lam said it should be treated gingerly so as not to aggravate any of the still healing wounds."

John did as asked and Teyla tried not to grimace as she viewed the ravaged surface of his skin. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of John receiving this treatment. She did not know how he had managed to survive such brutal abuse. She knew many men would not have been so strong. She gently patted the towel to absorb the moisture on his back as John took a hand towel and ran it through his hair.

Teyla finished and folded the towel but before she could place it on the counter, John turned around and drew her inside his arms. "Now that I'm all clean maybe I can get you a little closer, hmm?"

Teyla took a sniff and grinned. "Yes, you do smell much nicer. Perhaps closer would be permissible."

John's arms tightened around her and he lowered his mouth to touch hers. Teyla allowed the contact and inhaled more of John's clean scent as his lips travelled over hers light and gentle. She slid her hands up to his shoulders and reveled in the feel of his skin under her fingertips. She could tell John appreciated her touch as well when a tiny groan slipped from his throat.

"God, Teyla, this isn't fair. I can feel your hands touching me but I need to touch you as well."

Teyla caressed the side of his face and smirked, "I am not stopping you."

The low chuckle turned into a growl as John began to unbutton the front of the sundress Teyla had donned for their outing today. He wondered if she had foreseen his little side trip into intimacy. Whatever the case, he didn't really care. More and more of her bronzed skin was showing and soon the last button was undone and he spread the sides of the dress and his mouth dropped open at the sight before him.

She was more beautiful than he had ever remembered with her ample chest that was now heaving at his gaze, her taut abdomen and her curvy hips that were draped in just a tiny scrap of lavender lace. He felt himself shudder knowing soon he would be able to help himself to this delicacy.

"You're so gorgeous, Teyla," John breathed out, his voice barely a whisper. He saw her smile at the compliment then reached out to touch the deeply golden skin of her neck and trail his fingers downward. They skimmed the top of her rounded mounds then circled them and held them in his hands as if they were a precious gift. In his mind they were; the most precious gift of all.

Teyla kept her eyes on John and could see that he was mesmerized by the sight of her near naked body. She had to confess to being pleased that her looks were appealing to him. But she could also tell that perhaps what they had in mind might be too stressful for his still recovering body. She knew there was a way to keep his strength from waning too quickly and she steered him over to the closed toilet seat cover and pushed lightly to make him sit.

Then she stood in front of him and allowed the dress to glide off her shoulders. She placed it neatly over the towel rack then raised one eyebrow in invitation.

John didn't waste any time in answering. He grabbed her hips and pulled her so his lips were exploring the skin he had just caressed. Teyla attempted to keep her cries of pleasure from echoing in the room but his tongue had found her nipple and was flicking it until it was hard and erect. The sensations coursing through her started a fire burning deep inside her stomach and then moved lower to inflame her core. She held John's head close against her and ran her hands over his shoulders and through his thick hair.

John didn't linger too long though; his tongue took a final lick then stroked along her skin down to investigate her navel. As his mouth, lips and tongue nipped and licked along her abdomen, his fingers snuck inside the elastic on her hips and tugged until Teyla felt the fabric pool around her feet. She subconsciously moved each foot until the offending cloth was kicked away and she stood before John in her natural state.

He gave a low moan, grasped her bottom and dug his fingers into the curvaceous flesh that had been exposed. "It's been too long, Teyla," he cried softly then licked along her stomach some more. Teyla knew he was thinking of all the dreams where they had been intimate but she did not wish to dispel his belief right now. Her body was clamoring for his touch and fulfillment and she hoped it was not wrong of her to want this to go to completion.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she lowered her head to press her lips to his once again. As she did her hands moved to loosen his towel and she found his arousal hard and eager. She knew she was moist and ready also and did not wish to prolong this any further. This was as private as they would get for a while and she wanted, no needed to be joined with John this way. She had desired it for much too long a time.

She felt his strength in her hand and heard his groans as she rubbed up and down his length. His mouth moved back to her rigid nipple and sucked long and hard making her hips buck in anticipation. John slipped his fingers between her legs and slid along her wet folds and she knew she would finish too quickly if he did that much longer.

Teyla pushed at John's head and saw his confused expression. She took a little nip of his lips with her teeth and warned, "We cannot be too loud. I do not know who is in the outer room but I am sure there is a nurse and a guard right outside that other door."

Then she straddled his lap and pressed the tip of his erection against her waiting center and allowed herself the pleasure of it just sliding warmly in and out. John's jaw clenched and his hands gripped her hips snugly.

"You're killing me here, Teyla. That feels so incredible but it's been so long I'm not sure I'll last very long if you keep that up."

With an impish grin, Teyla slid so he was completely sheathed inside her tight walls then she held him close to her chest. John heaved a sigh and closed his eyes but soon opened them to continue his ministrations of that chest. Teyla arched her back at this and began to move her hips in a gentle motion. But soon that gentle motion started an inferno burning that couldn't be controlled and John thrust up inside her as she gyrated on his lap, both beating out a rhythm that was innate in all lovers.

Too soon they felt the flames explode into a series of fireworks and they held each other tight as they felt the cinders burn down to ashes and then flutter softly to the ground. But it still took a while before their breathing returned to normal and they pressed sweet kisses along the other's skin while they waited.

"You are incredible, Teyla," John whispered as she stood and began running the water to tidy up. John moved up behind her and kissed her shoulder then reached for his electric razor. "I should've shaved before we … got together. Did I rough you up at all?'

Teyla shook her head and smiled seductively. "I will admit that I enjoyed the sensation."

John nipped at her shoulder again then finished his clean up as Teyla located her panties on the floor. She slipped them on along with her dress as John put his own clothes on. They had gotten him some jeans and a light colored t-shirt for today.

Teyla splashed some water on her face to try and correct the flush she knew was there from the heightened activity then looked to see that John was ready too. Teyla's face grew red once again as she opened the door and saw Ronon sitting in the chair next to the bed. The smirk on his face told them plainly that he knew exactly what they had been doing.

"Ronon," Teyla said as casually as she could manage, "Is Torren ready to go to the park?"

"Yup," Ronon grunted. "Vala was changing his diaper and Mitchell was trying to find some balls we could play with while there. You two done?"

John returned the grin and moved to put on his socks and shoes. "Yeah, I finally got a shower today. That's a big moment."

Ronon heaved his huge body from the chair and muttered, "Is that all you got?"

Both Teyla and John looked sharply at him and he just shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go before Landry changes his mind."

John tugged the last lace tight and nodded. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. You can't even imagine how much."

They moved toward the door where their escort was waiting and John thought about what he and Teyla had just done. It had been amazing! In his mind he knew they had done this before, many times but there was a little niggling thought that something was wrong. He didn't want to dwell on it too long for some reason though, especially as today would be an absolutely wonderful day and he didn't want anything to ruin it.

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