New chapter, hey, hey!

Just going to add a few fun historical facts mentioned here, because it's about time I did some well-deserved research:

Kpojito = A title given to a wife, sometimes of common birth, of the kings of the Dahomey kingdom to act as an advisor and a right-hand person to the current and future kings. Kpojitos were rich and powerful women who had political and religious control over the kingdom. Hwanjile was a prominent kpojito woman in the 16th century.

Dahomey kingdom = a pre-colonial kingdom in West Africa located in the present-day country, Benin.

The Amazon women of Dahomey points to their unique all-women military group.

Wives of the Leopard: An anthropological book by Edna G. Bay exploring the Dahomean culture. Though the book expands more on the social and political system rather than the wives and kpojito specifically, I took the liberty to have Joan focus more on these unique women advisors. For a good reason, as you'll find out later in in the story.

And that should be it.

XX

Chapter 21: Kpojito

"Joan-chan!"

The knock came pattering at the same time, a bit fast today. But right on the dot: 7am. His voice, high key. Forever distinguishable.

"Got something special today, may I intrude?"

Ah, something special, he said. The usual piece of greeting that had grown accustomed to his lips.

"Something special, is it?" I answered back, my eyes scanning the pages of the book on my lap. "I can only assume the new recipe finally worked."

I heard a short gasp come from the other side of the door, a clear feigning of surprise. "Oh, you know me well! Then you should know I am eager to let you try it. Not much, just a little. If that's alright with you."

I sighed at his hesitance. I didn't want it to become a habit—this cautious approach he took from time to time. The headmaster knew by now I was not in that condition to rip off his head if he tried anything without my permission. But I must have been that way…sometime long ago, some months—no eight months exactly—ago when I was not even…when I was something I don't even remember. But it must have been horrific enough that he had to keep his grounds still.

"I can taste it for you." I looked towards the door. "But tell me the name of the Aja woman who became kpojito under King Tegbesu. Dahomean kingdom, 16th century," I settled on a conditional exchange. "It should be an easy one for you."

"Oh! Eh, wait, wait…" His feet pattered against the floor, and I heard the distinct ruffling of his hand through his hair. It was a wholly different experience to hear every little movement now. "It's on the tip of my tongue! Her name begins with an H, and she...she er..."

"Time's up. Her name is Hwanjile." I chuckled lightly. "No matter, you can come in."

Within seconds, the door clicked opened and the headmaster stepped inside.

"I knew that," He looked at me sheepishly. "Well I almost did. It's hard to remember so many trivia questions at once." I noticed the same breakfast bowl in his hand as he used the other to drag a chair to my bed. "When did you tell me about Hwanjile?"

"You told me about Hwanjile." I brought up the book from my lap and showed him the cover. The title, Wives of the Leopard, made him squint in unfamiliarity. "Don't tell me you're starting to forget the books you keep distributing to me."

"Oh yes!" He snapped his fingers in recognition. "The one about the ancient Dahomean kingdom of West Africa...and their unique military regiment consisting of all women warriors."

"And commoner women who could become a kpojito, a powerful and influential advisor to the king," I pointed an index finger at him, expressing my newfound knowledge. "A highly-revered title at that time, headmaster. Only the most fearsome, wise, and politically sound woman could help the king assert control over his own kingdom."

My eyes lingered on the cover where a Dahomean woman sat regally facing an unseen camera. "Funny…the title says Wives of the Leopard. The kpojito acted less as wives and more as the overseeing mother to their lords. If that's not badass parental control, I don't know what is."

There was a pause before the headmaster spoke. "Exactly, Joan-chan. I figured you would enjoy learning about them." I caught his smile before he dipped a spoon into the curry bowl and brought it to my lips. "Tell me what you think."

"What do you mean, 'you figured'?" The question escaped right before I took the first sip, and the flavor enveloped my nostrils and taste buds right away. He had put some spices in it… some ginger, some scallions, garlic, coriander and cumin…everything that brought a nostalgic stir to my senses. "Needs a pinch of salt, but it's good. A week-long feat well accomplished, headmaster."

"I'm so glad!" He clapped his hands together after putting the bowl aside on the desk. "This Moroccan dish was made especially for you, you know."

"Why 'especially' for me?" I tilted my head inquisitively. "You're trying to conjure up sentimental feelings about my childhood?"

"Perhaps. Or maybe because this is the first time I have seen you look so…well, healthy." His face lit up in observation. "You've amazed me everyday Joan-chan…with the way you've just risen out of the darkness. It's about time we commemorated that, don't you think?"

"Eh...I suppose so?" I threw in my uncertainty frankly; I didn't expect this moment to be so special. "If you think I could drastically improve in one day."

"Not one day…many days. Many months. I've seen your progress more than you've seen it yourself." I noticed the small flashlight he pulled out of his pocket, and the procedure that had become a daily insert in my mornings returned to the forefront once again.

"Just one last time today, I promise." He flashed the light into my pupils as I kept my eyes open. "Retina looking good." He then used both of his fingers to press around my face, around my forehead and temples, and towards the back of my ears. "No migraine? No other pains?"

"No pains, doc," I saw him crack a smile as he put the flashlight away. "If I can appease you even more, the marks on my skin have vanished. Did you notice?"

He had. "I see that. It's an inviting sight indeed…thank goodness." He felt around my arms and neck. His expression was calm, but I could tell he felt wholly relieved. It must have been tough for him to witness the things I did to my own body. This madness that came over me where I could only tear at my own skin for comfort…I could recall so little of that. I could recall so little of anything.

Strange.

The nightmares and the heavy emotions would return inconspicuously during sleep. I would see fangs and red eyes and blood and everything that would make me quake in my sheets. I would terrify myself in cold sweat, knowing…knowing full well what had happened. I know everything. I still knew everything. I would cry like a madwoman. I would still burst into maddening thoughts now and then.

But then slowly, very slowly...those feelings would subside when I repeated a prayer in my head. Very simple words: "I am a kpojito. I will think like a kpojito. I am to lead to keep the peace. I am to strike to keep the peace. I am to overcome to keep the peace. I shall be stronger than the devils that make us suffer…"

Those words would comfort me. Those words would somehow banish those creeping nightmares…those creeping visions of the past. They would set aside my fears for bigger things. And I suppose I wouldn't have felt that way if the headmaster had not given this book to me and many other books about women warriors and leaders who bore through troubled times. People who had to make sacrifices…

"You just said earlier you knew I would enjoy this book. You wanted me to read it, didn't you? The stories about the Amazon women and the kpojito of West Africa…there was a purpose to it I assume?" I looked up at him once he had finished the minor check-up. "Everything you've done for me…everything I have done...were you trying to open my eyes to something?"

The gaze he gave me was warm and parental. There was an element of mutual perception in it, as if he could relate to this painful process of breaking out of a gripping trauma—A trauma from which I didn't know I could ever escape.

"I think you already know the answer, Joan-chan." He spoke, "I think you already know why…I became so confident you would recover from that dark place with a little bit of encouragement and a lot of persistence."

I waited as he took the bowl and brought another spoonful of the broth to my lips. I accepted without hesitation. He would do that sometimes—feed me when he had something important to say.

"Although I didn't think so in the beginning. The situation did look hopeless, Joan-chan. But I found things…I made sure I found the right things to direct you towards the light, to give you some inspiration, if you want to put it that way."

I searched his eyes before bringing up the question I must have asked or wanted to ask a million times. "What happened to me, headmaster?" I continued eagerly, almost desperately, "What took me out of that awful state…that time after I shot…em, shot that thing…?"

He noticed the quiver in my lips. I felt the shiver trail up and down my spine. The clawing in my core…it was fighting to erupt again. But I calmly let it reside…because it was easier to do that now. I could let that raw emotion—the rawness of everything that had dragged me to the void—feel a little less painful. The severity was not as great anymore. Time healed, I was told. Time, no…the brain eventually healed itself…but only because I had let it do so.

"Joan-chan, I was scared for you…" he continued. "I cannot go into specifics but you…became frightened of your own self. More than hating everyone and everything around you…you began to despise yourself. Deep inside, you drove it through your head that it was your fault."

"It was my fault." I spoke up automatically. Rigidly. "I am to blame for being so fucking stupid and so fucking blind that I didn't see anything, or know anything, and then when it all ended, I finally pulled my goddamn eyes open, but it was too late, wasn't it? That's the sick irony I have to live with for the rest of my life—"

"Don't say that, Joan-chan." He quickly interrupted. "Don't say that when the guilt has infected all of us. When we hunters were stupidly blind too." He waited for me to calm down, and I consciously loosened my fingers coiled tightly around the bed sheets. "You know I did everything I could to amend it. I did everything to relieve you of the heavy burden, and I haven't stopped yet."

I didn't say anything, nor did I stop staring at the way his expression flickered between compassion and uncertainty.

"You are not alone, Joan-chan. We all have something to feel regretful for. Things that still horrify us..." His eyes lowered in melancholy. "I would know…I have dealt with them for a vast majority of my life."

His gaze turned to the window, and he seemed to have become lost in thought. It made me wonder more about him, about the snippets of his own past as a legendary hunter he had once shared with me…sometime during our small talk. "I'm sorry, I reacted impulsively. I shouldn't have—"

"No, you should have. You should speak of anything that still haunts you, Joan-chan." He blew a slow sigh. "Bad memories cannot be easily forgotten, nor should be repressed in your case. So please don't be sorry."

I wanted to say something more. I wanted to understand how through those long days of crying and screaming and reliving the horror again and again, I felt so isolated that I could not see the type of suffering and tragedy that encompassed us all. I had forgotten about these people…how these men and women had to live through their cruel fates every day, how my conversations with Zero revealed the madness he had to go through, how my time spent under their company allowed me to glimpse a little into their suffering and sorrows that they let bleed in silence.

I knew I was not alone…that thought must have relieved me in some shape and form.

But mostly, it was those little things—the laughter of those war-torn children from that forgotten video, the books that the headmaster gave me, full of narratives and autobiographies of women and men who had to make life-changing decisions. To prevent themselves from succumbing to the madness of war, politics, and the darkest things in life. It was the women warriors and the powerful queens who did more than their kings in Dahomey that fueled my strength and determination. I loved learning about them most…because they had a type of feral regality that I always admired in tribal women.

It was all of these things and more that must have encouraged me. They must have allowed me to persist and live another day until eventually, I woke up at some point to a new and furious thought—this could not be the end. I was not ready to die, or fall, or lose to the cruelty of my fate. Because if I continued to think that way, I would be finished. But if I turned to the things and the people who had made it through the worst of things, if I constantly told myself that even I was capable of becoming somewhat, if not completely, whole…then I had a chance to move forward.

"T-thank you for everything…for helping me go through this…this period of sickness. For not letting me feel…alone." I felt my voice quiver ever so lightly. "I'm sorry for being such a handful. For driving you out of your mind, really."

"You are not a handful, Joan-chan," he gently patted the top of my head. I could almost feel the familiar tenderness of my father's touch. "I told you before…I couldn't leave you after the blunders we had committed. It was my act to make things right…to bring you back to full health. It was not just out of duty, but doing so…well, that's where humanity comes in, doesn't it? To look after someone in need. It was the most humane thing to do."

I felt the warmth of his words and leaned back against the bedpost. It was strange to think of this man as any more than a goofball, but our times spent together had revealed other parts to him…the fatherly side to him. The reality hit me hard—he was all I could turn to now, the only parental figure I could ever have. But I had opened up to him more than I did to anyone, and I suppose that was how he knew what to do—what to say and what to use—to help me through my recovery. He knew me enough by now…that he hardly needed to ask what was on my mind.

"I remember you gave me a choice that day…if I wanted to erase parts of my memory." I bit my lower lip before continuing. "If I wanted…to forget about Papi. Forget about her…forget that house, everything that happened in that house." I swallowed inexplicably hard. "You could have done it…even without my consent, but you didn't. There must have been something that went through your head when you thought against it."

He didn't look into my eyes this time. I felt his hesitance. I felt the noisy breath that he exhaled through his nose.

"Yeah, something did go through my head then," he answered rather grimly. "I couldn't do it…because it would have weighed on my conscience to have kept up a continuous lie. Not once, but many times and many layers of it." He turned to me apologetically. "I know I couldn't let you suffer, but to wipe the slate entirely clean…I don't know if that would have been the wisest choice in the end."

I stared at the wall in front of me, letting my composure loosen at the thought. "You're right. It wouldn't have been wise at all," I shook my head almost jokingly. "I mean what an awkward conversation this would have turned out to be if you had gone through with it, Jesus Christ!"

I heard a chuckle escape his lips. "It's nice to see that humor of yours again, Joan-chan." He stood up, and I heard the legs of the chair clatter across the floor as he dragged it back to its original location. "Let's hope that we see more of that from now on."

"I hope so too," I watched him take the bowl and head towards the door. "I hope this also means something, since you've been preparing something for me for a long time."

I let it slip out as calmly as possible. It was about time…it was about time, wasn't it? He stopped his pace to eye me from the side, and I let myself reiterate the things I knew he had planted not just for the sake of my recovery, but also for my potential future. I wasn't naïve to not see it. Frankly, it was blatantly obvious. But he had been resisting being forthright about it…only because for eight months I was struggling to return back to a solid state of mind.

"You're sneaky, headmaster," I spoke again, without hesitance, "Yagari-sensei' lessons, breaking my mother's seal, the laws and customs of the warrior women in these books…you've been setting me up," I licked my lips at the conclusion that was plain as day. "Is this the path then…to become a vampire hunter like my mother?"

There was the distinct pause I knew too well, the one where he had to choose his words carefully for an answer. The rush of his blood through his veins was clear in my ears, along with that gentle heartbeat. I was still trying to get used to these newly awakened senses, but I had to know—I needed to know what this all meant for me.

"You're always the observant one, Joan-chan," his smile reflected his reverence. "Even after everything…you still look towards your mother's legacy without hindrance."

"I look towards what's inevitable. My mother is merely a hook," I answered with an unwavering need to make him understand. "I know where this so-called destiny of mine lies. I don't deny it. I've written it in my journal about a thousand times. But I don't know…" I paused slightly. "I don't know what to do from there."

"Joan…" his tone had become serious. He turned all the way to face me, and all I could see was the visible curiosity that casted a dull light on his pupils. "I think you already know what to do. I haven't really encouraged you to think on it yet but..."

"But?" I slid to the edge of the bed. "But what?"

He threw an innocent shrug, and that hopelessly irritating bipolar behavior I knew so well made him return back to his carefree self again. "Eh…why don't we talk it over dinner tonight? I think there will be more time to discuss these things then."

"You're making a diversion. As usual," I folded my arms before rolling my eyes to floor. "Alright, I'll hold you to it."

"Please do." He slipped the door open, and the sunlight from the hallway found its way into my room. The warmth pulled me out of the darkness that encased this space for so long. I sometimes forgot how comforting it felt.

"Get dressed, Joan-chan…" he continued, "I think I hear Toga-kun grumbling for you downstairs." What? A snicker had followed after. "And you know how I hate to upset that man."

XX

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The day had passed quickly; another morning with an insanely exhausting routine of doing nothing but balancing a throwing knife between my fingers and hitting a range of targets throughout the woods. Yagari-sensei had explained the different ways to grip the weapon and to use its center of gravity to my advantage. I must have flipped and twirled it a thousand times before letting it fly off in amazing speed. I was getting good. He said I had a strong arm. He was even candid enough to refer back to that time when I had thrown a blade…no, Zero's blade at that beast. At that turban.

A distant memory that felt like a waning apparition, and yet it was stranger to think that the knife somehow became my weapon of choice.

….

"He's opening old wounds is he? Talking about turbans and that woman and crap," I heard Zero mention casually nearby. I had met up with him in the stables after training. The evening sky was already blanketed with grey and orange clouds, and my body was ripe with new sores.

"I don't mind it," My words came out in a murmur as I stroked his mare between the eyes. Her velvet coating felt greatly therapeutic against my tired fingers. "I told you before, what happened then was just a fucked up series of events to get us all to wake up, some more than others but…it's too late to let that affect me now."

I felt his eyes hang heavily over me, and I could pinpoint right away what crossed his mind. Say it, say it then.

"That's your way of looking at it now, is it?" I held my breath. Go on…go on, Zero… "If that's the case, then I have nothing more to say for you…"

An exhale. My eyes followed Lily's gaze before she broke away from my touch to turn towards Zero. He came up and fed her a new patch of hay, but I could only stare at the way he tenderly made her concerned.

"I must admit that I'm surprised," Hm? His face had turned somber, almost with a questionable glint. Zero was not the kind of person to be surprised often, and it made me raise my brows a bit. "I didn't really believe you would make it out of that mess. Become sane again I mean. I really didn't."

Huh…he wasn't the only one. "I didn't believe it either. I still don't believe it now."

A pause followed. "But it's working. It has worked…whatever you ultimately convinced yourself to believe," he continued. "I suppose whatever that headmaster made you swallow…it did some good in the end."

"It wasn't just him. It was many things…many little things. And my strength of will I guess," I blew a quiet sigh. "I suppose I'm lucky…to have you, to have all of you guide me out somehow."

There was a short silence. He knew I was not done speaking.

"I still see him in my sleep, Zero. I see him…and those fangs, I still…" No, control…control… I am a kpojito, I will think like a kpojito, I will slay like a kpojito. Breathe, Joan, Breathe… "I mean I still bear with it. Like you. Like all of you, I just…have to deal with how things are. I can, can't I?"

"You can." He noticed the way I flexed my fingers stiffly. "If you're like me, then I guess that's all you can do."

"But I'm not like you," I had to say it. "You already knew you were a vampire hunter from birth. You knew what you were up against from the very beginning." It was true, that was all very true. "I didn't even…I mean, all my life I was kept away in the dark in some sick sick act of conspiracy. And now I feel…" I looked at my palms that had ceased to quiver for a long time. "I feel like I have such a long way to go."

"Then you'll have to start somewhere…" I met his eyes, those dim grey-blue irises reflecting every burden and horror he had to cope with, along with that scent of his dormant vampire self. But there was also persuasion in there. Zero was always silently pushing me to overcome the madness that had taken him years to conquer. "You'll have to eventually decide where you see yourself most fit."

Lily had huffed a gust of air through his hair, but I couldn't stop thinking what he meant. Most fit… "Zero..." I wanted to say it. I wanted to say it out loud. "do you mean I should—?"

I stopped when I sensed another presence approach us from the entrance. A tickle in my chest. It was a familiar scent…oh so familiar that it felt suddenly new to me.

"I thought I would find you two here," I heard that voice, and I turned to greet its owner. Dutifully. Cordially. Whatever way I could to show that we were now professionals.

"I'm always here..." Zero uttered first. "What is it, Kaito?"

The man who I've seen only a few times throughout my recovery looked paler, almost lost of the fire that made him the top honcho of his game. It was different to see him this way…this tightness in his expression that could only stem from dealing with a certain disability. My gaze went to it first—a prominent hole on the left side of his face where his ear should have been. His hair had hid it well…but it was not enough to hide the way the edge of his left cheek sunk ever so slightly. The light scars along his neckline only made him seem more roguish.

I shivered. I never asked him about it, about dealing with a loss of some deftness. I only knew he had to go through additional training to get used to functioning with one ear. It was all I knew...because mentioning anything else would have opened up old scars.

"The Association is going nuts," Hm? I broke out of my thoughts to hear him continue, "Someone demanded of the Chairman asking for those compounds we've had locked up under strict security all this time."

A spark ran through my brain. I was awake now. I was wholly focused, more than I had ever been before. "Someone wants those compounds? The ones created by that…?" I didn't have to finish to make them understand. My composure was still. I was aware…I was always aware. But this was professional. I couldn't sway now.

"Who is it?" Zero followed.

"As usual, no one knows." Kaito shook his head. "This isn't the first time the vaults have been disturbed…everyone, both hunters and vampires, have had their eyes on those chemicals ever since we brought them in," he spoke ever so plainly, more to Zero than to me. "But this is the first time someone has actually made a direct request to claim them."

Strange. I've been absent from the conflict for so long, I could do nothing but rely on gossip from both sides. Our talks about the Association had become casual too, but this new information was something I could not ignore.

"A direct request sounds fishy. I don't think something like this should be overlooked," I concluded without flinching.

"Huh, whoever's got the guts to demand must have some power to do so." Zero added before he took his mare gently by the rein. "I'm going to take her back. What does the Association want us to do?"

"We have no orders yet," Kaito answered. "But it's curious business."

I said nothing as Zero turned and led White Lily back into her stall. My brain was still working; it had been awhile since I was on my toes with curiosity again. This person…this someone. Another link…another link that was never destroyed with her existence.

"I'm going to go," I spoke up so Kaito could hear. "I promised to have dinner with the headmaster."

"You won't find him." Hm? "He's gone off to the Association, as you would already know."

Oh. Oh right," I stopped in my tracks. Of course…if the hunters were going crazy, he would have to be there. But that also meant our talk had to wait another time. So much for promises.

"How are you feeling now?"

He had stepped closer. His face, unchanged. The question was not unexpected...he had asked me few times before.

"Alright. Better. Sanest as ever." I returned a small shrug. It was the simplest way to answer that question.

"Cross has done a pretty good job then. He said you looked the best he'd ever seen you today."

"I could look better tomorrow, he doesn't know that."

A snicker. "Right...Let's hope so."

I didn't know how long I had avoided his eyes, but it was only then when I realized how our conversations had turned to ridiculously basic things. Short and stale.

It felt odd. It felt odd to still think about it…to accept that whenever we met nowadays, it was just him checking my status or keeping me updated on my studies. He wasn't the Kaito I knew who would bark out sly remarks or push me anymore. He wasn't the Kaito who would do stupid and ridiculous things to put me in danger and then break down in regret. He wasn't the man who I thought I had…well, I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't know what to think after everything...

The only sad part was…none of us were brave enough to admit it. I suppose there was nothing to say…since he had visited me so little during my recovery. I guess that meant something then. I guess that meant that he was the stupid one…or I was. Either way, he had changed. Just like me, he had to deal with a crippling token from the aftermath. And I could do nothing now...I didn't know what else to do now.

"Your training has improved I heard," he continued. "Doing better with the throwing knives than the guns apparently."

"Yeah, the knives suit my feral reflexes…" I bit my lower lip before going further. "The latter has only served one purpose for me so far."

There was that heavy pause. Awkward. Unnecessary. I didn't have to bring that up. Of all times.

"Joan…" His voice turned low, perhaps pitifully, perhaps exhaustingly. I could only hold still to find out.

"What do you think of this person? The one making demands at the Association?"

"What do I think?" I met his eyes this time. I didn't expect that. It was rare to have him ask anything about my speculations anymore. "I think the same thing Zero just mentioned. A powerful person is responsible. A pureblood maybe. Perhaps Touma-sempai…he is her distant relative, isn't he?" I found myself tapping my foot impatiently against the hay-stained ground. "Those chemicals are powerful…we've both seen it. I'm not surprised if someone wants to claim their right to them through ill means."

"You think it's another pureblood?" He asked calmly.

"I said it can be. The most likely case if he or she is arrogant enough to start making assertions."

We were both silent again. I didn't know what direction he wanted to take his question, but it had perked my interest for the moment. A slight progress from our dull talks.

"I see," I heard him continue. "That's all I need to know then."

He placed his hands in his pocket and motioned towards the exit.

"I have to talk to Zero privately for a bit. You're allowed to go." What? "Get some rest. You look tired, Miss Armani."

I stared at him. I stared at him for a good few seconds before I blew a heavy breath and returned a bow. "Fine. Goodnight then…sensei."

I didn't see whether he nodded back. I didn't have the energy to ask anything else...anything that I thought, no - hoped - would continue this conversation we started.

As the cool sunset breeze hit my face on the academy grounds, I felt the aches of the day's work hit me hard. I felt my new instinct take in nature's little movements as the night brought in more activity. I reiterated the headmaster's words from earlier, about my progress, about my accomplishment, about his admiration to the way I stood up from my irreversible circumstances—the things he would say over and over. I thought about those Amazon warriors, even the commoner women in Dahomey who could surpass their title and become something more—a leader, an advisor, a keeper of the peace. A kpojito.

And with that, I would slowly succumb to a childish desire that took me away from the irritating and nightmarish thoughts:

When would that be me?

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