Chapter 21:
It was silent in the staff room. Only three teachers were there, all sat around the centre table. Everyone else was either teaching, sorting out pupils or...absent.
Rob sat, hunched forward in his seat, his finers absentmindedly tapping the side of his mug. He kept replaying Rachel's words in his head. The ones about Matt.
He felt rather than saw Jasmine sit down beside him. He knew it was her. She had been folowing him like a shadow all day, not leaving him alone at all. He wanted to be alone, wanted time to curl up, time to nurse the pain he felt inside him, the pain which had increased now he knew.
"Matt's been in an accident. A car accident." "He'll be alright though, won't he?" "I don't know."
A car accident. Last night. It was all his fault. All his fault. He bit his lip in an effort to keep a sob contained, and began to slowly rock back and forth. He knew the other two were watching him, knew it. But what was the point in hiding it any more? If he died...there would be no point.
"Rob?" Ah Jasmine. The sweet, caring voice of Jasmine. Why couldn't she see it? See that he didn't love her. He was breaking down now, after the news, wasn't that enough? Apparantly not.
It was his fault, all his fault. If he hadn't...his eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to get lost in the sudden flow of images that filled his mind. Matt handing him over a drink...Matt sat so close...Matt's lips on his...Matt running, falling, driving...
It was his fault. He let Matt drive away, even though he knew he was in no fit state to drive. No, scratch that, he had made Matt run away. If he had just kept his feelings to himself, the way he had trained himself to do, Matt wouldn't have left so fast in the first place. If he hadn't kissed him, he would still be here now.
He thought of him now, lying in a hospital bed somewhere. Was he dying? Was he bruised, bloodied, broken, or what? He had to know. Had to explain while there was still a chance.
He stood up quickly, making the other two jump. He set down his mug, and without a word to either of them, he made his way to the door.
"Rob."
He shouldn't have turned at her voice, he should have just carried on. But why? He didn't see the point of hiding any more, didn't see the point of pretending. He heard the door open behind him, heard the sounds of two more people entering the room. Heels and flats, treading the worn out carpet. Melissa and Eddie. The perfect couple. He felt insane jealousy whenever he saw them, so strong he felt sick to the stomach. He wanted that. Wanted to be free to love the person he loved, and to have them love him back.
"Rob." she said his name again, moving close to him. Light coming through the windows reflected off her dark hair, throughing gistenning lights onto the walls. Her gaze was questionning, and full of something deeper. Love. Her eyes were alwasy full of love when she looked at him. Was that how he looked at Matt? "Where are you going?"
"I can't do this," his voice came out feeble, the broken voice of a man who had seen so much pain. And no wonder. For he was now broken inside. He couldn't live without him, the one he had admired, had loved from a distance. Only now the other knew how he felt, he realised that he might have to.
She tilted her head to one side, looking almost motherly. "Can't do what?"
"Can't be here. I've got to go."
The others were watching the exchange, he knew it, but he didn't care. The giggling of Melisssa had stopped, no sound came from anyone, except Jasmine. They could know everything, he didn't care. The only thing he cared about was lying in a hospital bed somehwhere, and he was here with people who didn't even know the real him, knowing that every second he was here more precious life would flow away. He had to tell him before it was too late.
"No, stay, please. Stay for me."
He laughed, a maniac laugh full of pain and hardship. "Stay for you? Why would I do that, Jasmine? Tell me why?"
She looked hurt, full of hurt. "I thought we...I thought we were..."
He laughed again, rage and anger and pain taking over his words. "Well, guess what Jasmine, you were wrong! I don't love you! I have never loved you, and I never will!" he was almost shouting now, but as he saw the tears in her eyes he felt horrible. He lowered his head, calming down. She was trying so hard not to cry. He sighed. "It's not that I don't like you Jasmine. I do, I really do. But...only as a friend, nothing more. Can't you see that?"
She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks. "No. I thought...with time..."
Time. Something he was running out of. He rolled his eyes, glancing at the clock mounted on the far wall. "No, Jasmine. Not with time. For god's sake, I love someone else! Now please, just leave me alone!" There. He had said it. His voice had been begging, pleading. He waited for her to realise, to say something.
But she said nothing, and he turned to go. Only to find Eddie in his path, staring him down with a mixture of expressions on his face. Eddie was always so protective of Jasmine, and now Rob had made her cry. He braced himself for the outburst, not caring.
"Where are you going?"
"Away, I can't stay. I have to..." he was almost crying now as well. He had to go. They didn't need him here. The school was doomed no matter what, his prescense wouldn't make any difference.
"I can't let you do that. You have to stay here." his voice was calm, but the mere words made the anger bubble inside Rob again. Eddie thought he could help. Thought that strong, good old Rob would be enough to fight the closure when he knew he couldn't. He didn't care enough any more.
"Fine! Then I quit! Tell Rachel she'll find my letter of resination on her desk in the morning, if she's still in a job! Now get out of my way!" he pushed past, and made it out of the door. Then he ran.
He had no thoughts to the events which had just happened. He was going, either way. He ran through the school, skidding around corners, finding the quickest way out of there. He flew past Matt's room, caught sight of the figures in there, and the pain in his chest grew.
He made it to the car. Car accident. He didn't want to drive, but it was the quickest way. He had to be there, had to be with him. He had to explain. But time was running out, he knew that. He couldn't bear it did, so soon. He was crying now as he sped out of the school gates. It was his fault, all his fault. His heart was broken now, it broke last night. And then again this morning when he heard the news. But maybe there was still time. Time to fix it, to fix everything. There had to still be time. Had to be.
AN: Thanks to all my reviewers! Hope you liked this bit :D Please comment, they mean so much to me :D