It was nearly time. I was making myself sick over it. I had spent half the night wedged against the bars of my cell, coordinating with Blaise. My stomach was rolling with waves of anxiety, but it was too late to back out now. Nearly everything was in place.
Thankfully, Granger had spent the past few days catching up on sleep. At least, that's what she kept telling me. We spent most of our time sleeping, or shagging, what was there to catch up on? I didn't understand it, but Zabini said I didn't need to understand it.
"I've one last request." I furtively glanced over my shoulder, but the blurry lump in the feather bed hadn't moved.
"What now? I've done everything you've asked. You're mad!" Zabini was drenched in sweat, and I attributed that to his nerves.
"Look, you're doing me a solid, and I appreciate that but…" I heard her yawn, and her fingers slap into the hardwood of the headboard.
"She's more important. I get it. I'm not even offended." Blaise leant forward and his shoulder grazed the bars, and they immediately burned through his robes. He winced and batted the smoulders before more damage could be done, and I didn't even smirk at his distress.
"I think I love her. I know it's incredibly selfish and stupid as hell, but I can't help it. I can't tell her. She won't leave if she knows. It's that whole Gryffindor courage and whatnot. I can't risk it."
"I don't even really know how you plan on getting her out of the fucking cell. This is madness, you realise this, yeah? We're all going to die." Zabini was a tad on the dramatic side, but he wasn't far from the truth.
"It doesn't matter if I die. Fuck mate, it doesn't matter if you die either. What matters is if she lives, got it? That's the most important thing to me, do you understand?"
I gripped the iron bars and knew Zabini was watching me. I could feel his shock, or was it awe? Regardless, I felt it in the air. I felt many things in the air, it was part of the advantage of being a Malfoy.
"She more important than your mother?" He was goading me, and I wasn't going to take the bait. He wanted me to be willing sacrifice Granger, and I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.
"Yes. Are you set then? I'm counting the days. I know there's the Revelry, which is just a piss poor excuse to round up as many members of the Order as possible. You'll be expected there. Afterwards, they'll be half in their cups. It's the perfect time to scurry her out without raising suspicion. You've got thirty days to get your shit straight, Zabini."
"How the fuck did you know any of that?" Zabini was panting, and he probably would have rested his forehead against the bars, but he valued his body too much for that. I'd heard the sizzle of skin before, and it wasn't something that needed repeating.
"I listen." I scoffed, noticing Granger was no longer in our bed.
"She's in the loo. I've gotta go, it's nearly daybreak. I can't be caught down here." I waited until I heard Blaise close the door at the top of the stone staircase before I made my way toward the loo.
She never woke this early. Something was wrong. I had become attuned to her, at least I thought I had, but I had missed something.
"I'm alright. I'm alright, it's fine. Don't worry about me." She was splashing tepid water on her face, but she looked rather shaky, at least from what I could discern.
"You're doing a better job convincing yourself than me."
She squealed when I picked her up, and I almost laughed. I wasn't really the laughing sort, but damn her for bringing out the best in me. I was going to be completely fucking gutted when she left.
"Please, don't send me away." She straddled my lap in bed, and ordinarily, I wouldn't argue with her in such a position, but this was different.
This wasn't light banter and teasing. This was serious. She was fucking serious. What sort of idiot would wish to stay incarcerated when freedom was nearly at their fingertips? Oh, I'll tell you, my fucking Gryffindor, that's who.
I tried to ignore her pleading, but she was so good at it. She had had years of practice. I mean, she had managed to mostly keep Potter and that Weasley fucker out of trouble for years.
It wasn't going to work on me, though. I had made up my mind. I would drown myself in her for the next month, and then, I would say goodbye. I wouldn't tell her I loved her. I wouldn't want her to hold onto that for the rest of her days. In a perfect world, she would forget me, but I doubt Hermione Granger had forgotten anything in her entire life.
"Granger…" I was busy paying homage to my favourite expanse of skin between her breasts.
She winced when I brushed the undersides, and I paused. I might not have been able to see her, but I could definitely feel her. I hefted the weight of her breasts, and I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. She held her breath, silent for once, as my hands skimmed down her stomach to rest upon her slightly rounded abdomen.
"I-I…" She covered my hands with her own, which strangely answered an unasked question.
"You're definitely leaving now, Granger."
The air was forced from my lungs with a great whoosh when she slammed into me. She held me so tightly, I could barely draw a new breath. I could feel her hot tears on my throat, and I wished I had the luxury of tears as well.
"Come with me. You could come with me. If you can get me out, surely you could leave as well. You don't have to pay penance anymore, Malfoy. You've done enough. You could come with me. We could be alright. You wouldn't have to be alone anymore. You could…you could see your mother. You could be with me…if you wanted, but even if you don't…" She was babbling, which was a terrible habit, but I found it sort of endearing.
"Hush. I'll consider it." I was lying, but she didn't know that. I was a fantastic liar, came from years of living with my father.
"Even if you don't love me, that's alright. Y-you could, you could be a father. Maybe you could be happy. You don't have to stay here. The Order won't toss you out, not if they know what you've done. Please, Malfoy."
She was breaking my fucking heart. I didn't even know I really had one until her. I didn't like seeing her so bloody broken. She was stronger than this. She would survive; she could survive. She didn't need me. She didn't need anyone.
"I should have sent you on your way last year. I was being selfish, and look where it landed you. Fuck."
I was still reeling. Hermione Granger was going to have a child. She was going to have my child. I wasn't going to be able to see it. I wouldn't see my child grow, or even be born. It was a pretty shitty thought actually.
"Don't. Don't do that. You could have left whenever you wished. You think I didn't research the protections? You think I don't know what your father did for you? You think your mother didn't tell me all about the tunnels? I love you. I don't care if you don't love me, that part doesn't matter. You matter. You matter to me. You matter to your mother. We need you to live, Malfoy."
The tunnels! Sweet Merlin, I didn't have to wait for the stupid Revelry. I didn't have to wait for Blaise either. I could get her out myself.
"You drive a hard bargain, love. Listen, we'll discuss this later. Apparently, my accidental girl is having my child. It's a lot to take in." I tried to make light of the matter, but it fell flat. It really was quite a lot to take in, but she was determined to badger me.
"Accidental girl?" She drew away from me slightly, and I didn't much like it. "Well, I suppose you've called me worse. We could do this, Malfoy. We could…we could raise this baby and we could be good parents and…"
"What kind of life would we have, could we have, with Voldemort still about? Come on, you're being irrational." I held her face in my hands and wished I could see those brown eyes I remembered. "Look, I understand your plight, our plight. I care about you, you know I do. You also know I can't allow that monster to take over the world, not if I can do something about it."
"But why, why did you wait so long?" I tucked her into my side and wished she'd stop crying. It was hurting my heart.
"I never had anything worth fighting for until you."
She didn't have anything to say to that. It was a small reprieve, but she stopped crying. We clung to each other that night and the next. I was stalling. I had grown used to the idea of thirty measly more days, and I couldn't have them. I wanted them, but I wanted many things that would never come to fruition.
"Can we…just pretend…we're not here?" Granger didn't ask me often, but there were occasions when it did happen.
I never thought her the sort to wish to play pretend, but this place does things to a person. You've got to escape, otherwise, you'd go mad. There were moments, I was absolutely certain I was mad, but Granger brought me back to…hell on earth.
"If we weren't here…and you didn't detest me on sight. I'd take you to dinner. Nothing exceedingly posh, as I know you're not a fan of indulgently rich fare. Perhaps we'd share a bottle of wine, and some sort of chocolate concoction. Afterwards, I'd walk you home and definitely steal a kiss." I attempted to peck her nose, but I missed, landing just beside instead.
"Just a kiss Malfoy?" I loved it when she was in a playful mood. Gods, she was the sunshine on a stormy day.
"Oh, I'd definitely feel you up."
It wasn't a hurried affair, as it had been before. I no longer feared discovery. I made love to her. It was overly slow. She voiced her complaints in the form of whimpers and groans. It was sensual as well. I studied every curve as my fingers walked across her body. My lips were quick to follow, and I memorised her.
It was selfish of me, I knew this, but I needed something to cling to after she was gone. I needed something to make me walk into the fire. I needed to be filled with light amidst the darkness, and she was my light. If I had ever had the opportunity to cast the Patronus, it would be due to memories of her.
"What are you doing to me?" Granger's back was a perfect arch, and her breasts were thrust into my face.
I definitely wasn't complaining. They were larger, heavier than they had been, and I felt a fool for not realising sooner. The slight rounding of her abdomen brushed against my cheek, and I paused.
I vaguely wondered how long I had been blinded by the changes in her, and my palms couldn't help but to hold the small space. I littered the space with the smallest of kisses, suddenly overcome. My child was growing within the woman I had once despised, and yet now, she meant more than my life.
"I'm making you love me." I was a bastard, such a bastard.
I knew the truth of the matter. Apparently, my selfishness knows no bounds. My mother had always told me one day I would find a witch and my entire life would change. I hadn't believed her. I should have.
We shuddered, in unison no less, when I entered her. I moved achingly slow, my hands, my lips never stopped moving, and she was much the same. I was saying goodbye, and I truly believe, in that moment, she knew that.
Granger's hands continuously stroked over my cheeks, and I could feel her staring at me. I would have done anything to be able to see her. My visions of Hermione Granger were limited to childhood memories of ridiculously large teeth, frizzy hair, and oversized robes. I'm positive those images did her absolutely no justice.
"I-I think I did before I ever came here. Your mother paints beautiful pictures with words." Granger's voice was breathy, yet restrained, and I felt a shiver as her breath touched against my chest.
"Hermione," I toyed with her name on my tongue, caressing it even, while my fingers dug into the supple flesh of her arse. "Let's not discuss my mother now."
I tried to make light of things, but I was faltering. This was the last moment I would feel her naked body beneath mine. It was the last moment I would revel in the sensation of her breasts against my chest. Hermione Granger was the first and last woman I would ever make love too, and that was enough to make any bloke cry.
"Are you alright?" I hummed against her throat as I spilt into her, grunting a fair bit, but she was worried for me. "Y-you're crying, Malfoy."
I rubbed my face on her pillow and felt the dampness on my cheeks. I thought I had lost the capability to express myself in such a brazen manner. I wasn't embarrassed, or anything at all really. No, I take that back. I was thankful.
I didn't answer her, and Granger knew better than to pry. When we slept that night, there wasn't a bit of space between us. I was quite certain it would nearly impossible to discern where she ended and I began. It would have been absolute perfection if it hadn't been goodbye.
I had difficulty vacating our bed in the morning. At least, I think it was morning, I didn't know anymore. It all looked the same anyway. At this point, what did it matter?
I waited for her to rise and sipped some horrid little concoction Goyle claimed was tea. I had a plan. It was a perfect plan, and it was going to work. I simply required Blaise Zabini to implement the last bits.
"Every inch of me is sore." Granger groaned and covered her head with her pillow.
Ordinarily, I'd tease her a bit, force her to eat whatever slop the fucking Death Eater had provided, and we'd bathe. Today, I handed her half a slice of soggy toast and led her to the loo. I kissed her temple and paid special attention to her abdomen. I wanted to soak up all the sentimental moments before they were gone.
"Bathe, you'll feel better. Perhaps I can convince Zabini to bring us better fare. Merlin knows you need it." Her hesitation was nearly palpable, but I offered a quick smile and closed the door just the same.
The moment she sunk into the water with a sigh, I snapped my fingers. I could feel the magic in my veins, and I wasn't averse to using it now. The iron gate clanked as it opened, but not loud enough to alert her. I stepped into the corridor, nervous, as I was playing with fire.
I heard the heavy door creak open, and the heavy steps on the stairs. I knew it was Zabini. He was the only bloke who attempted to be silent as he descended into my prison. He nearly shouted when he spied me waiting for him, but I was quick to cover his mouth, at least it was near his mouth, but he got the hint.
"You will do this. You will not baulk. You will not fail, do you understand me?" I towered over him, realising how much I had grown while locked away from the world, and if he had been a lesser man, Zabini would have cowered.
Instead, he straightened his shoulders and tightened his jaw. I didn't have long. I had convinced Granger to take a bath, and for the first time since our beginning, I didn't join her. She was suspicious, but that was to be expected.
"How…"
"Zabini, this is my family home. My father's ancestral home. Do you truly believe me to be incapable of leaving if I so wished? I remained behind to aid as many witches and wizards as possible. I accepted abuses in order to punish myself. It wasn't enough. It will never be enough. How do you think Abbott escaped? Did you honestly believe Nott's abilities surpassed mine? I opened the bloody cell and he took care of the rest. He was punished soundly, and his error secured his current position." I shrugged, no longer concerned with Theo's lies.
"H-he said he was Imperiused." Blaise huffed, groaning as he realised his stupidity.
"And now he is. Regardless, it's time. We can't wait any longer. The plan has changed and you will do this for me, or I will fucking end you where you stand." I grasped his hand, and he flinched with fear.
"Now? Are you mad? We can't do it now. I can't get her to the perimeter when…" He was stuttering, and damn near losing his mind. I almost slapped him.
"The tunnels." I rolled my eyes and offered the answer with a slight smirk.
"Wait, the tunnels? She's not…I'm not…it's…" Blaise stuttered nervously, and I understood, but I didn't have time to coddle him.
"Would you shut up? We haven't the time. She can. She's not a Malfoy, but she's," I took a shaky breath, the force of reality striking me, and striking me hard. "She's carrying the Malfoy heir. As for you, that can be quickly rectified."
"Fuck, Malfoy. He'll kill her." I could hear Zabini swallow hard, and I followed suit. He wasn't wrong. It was exactly the sort of leverage Voldemort would use to his advantage, and it would work.
I concentrated hard and centred my magic. I swiped across Zabini's palm, and then my own. He attempted to retract his hand, but I held fast. This wasn't a time for cowards.
"Yours. Mine. Ours. Blood of my blood. Blood of your blood. The fatherless man now has family. The brotherless man is no more. In hours of danger, and even in death, this bond shall ensure life." I knew he could feel the warmth of the magicks, just as I could, and while it was exhausting, I knew it had worked when I pulled Zabini into the cell.
He yelped, expecting the horrid sounds of burning flesh, but they did not come. I breathed a bit easier inside my small space. It had been my home for seven years, or there abouts. I hadn't properly catalogued every day, but it was near enough.
I had spent the first two years in utter and complete darkness. I had wallowed in self-pity without lifting even an eyebrow at the abuses occurring around me. Voldemort had attempted to hex me, for his own pleasure, sometime during the third year. It was then the first vestiges of light had made their way through my eyelids. I didn't reveal such things, but he must have known.
He had reeled away from me as if I had touched him with love or some such nonsense. Nott had informed me, Voldemort looked even more ghostly after his visit with me. It was then that I began toying with my family magicks.
It had taken another two years to discover I could leave my cell. My first thought was to bolt for freedom, but I couldn't. There were too many prisoners, and I couldn't allow them to take my punishments. It was only then that I truly began my atonement.
When Hannah Abbott had come, she was so scared. I knew she wouldn't last long in the clutches of Death Eaters. I struck a bargain with Nott, and well, you know the rest. It was Granger who had really changed me.
She filled bits and pieces and spaces, I wasn't even aware they needed to be filled. She healed parts of me I didn't even know existed. She had wiggled her way into my heart. A heart, I was positive was made of stone or even ice.
I had always known I loved my mother. In fact, I was fiercely protective of her, but with Granger, it was different. I would lay down my life for her, and I'd never felt that for anyone. I would walk into the fire and present my life as forfeit, without regrets to ensure she and…and my child, survived.
Fuck, my child. If that wasn't a blow, I don't know what is. I had never considered the idea, honestly. How could I when I was locked away from the world, not to mention, completely blind? Even if the war had ended, I didn't envision a future with a wife and children.
I still couldn't. I didn't. Of course, the difference now was, I wanted it, which was debilitating. I knew I couldn't have it. However, she could. She could have a child, my child…and my mother would aid her. My mother wouldn't leave Granger to her own devices, even I knew that much.
It helped push me forward. My mother, Granger, my child, they'd be alright in the end. They'd live, and fuck, that was more important than anything. I could do this. I could face death, and I wondered if this was how Potter felt when he faced Voldemort.
I didn't mind having something in common with him, not anymore. Perhaps he'd keep an eye on Granger as well, especially if she tells him what I've done. I want her to have a good life. I want her to marry, but if she marries that Weasel, I'm going to fucking haunt her. I have limits.
"Malfoy? What's…why is he…what are you doing?" Granger was shaky at best, and her fear made me want to drag her back to bed and hold her until the end of time.
"Zabini." He understood what I needed, what I wanted.
He strode forward, caught her by the waist, and lifted her quite easily from the floor. He was careful at least. I dug my fingernails into my palms until I could feel the pinpricks of blood. It helped me focus. It helped me let her go.
"No, no, not yet. I'm not ready. Y-you said you'd think about it." She was struggling, but Zabini held her, just as I needed.
"Take her." For the first time in seven years, I was thankful I was blind.
I was incapable of seeing the betrayal in those golden brown eyes. I was incapable of seeing the hurt etched upon her face. I was incapable of seeing her face crumple, but I wished I were deaf as well.
Her wail was not something I ever wish to experience again. One would have thought her heart was wrenched from her body, and dangling before her face. It was the worst sound in the entire world, and it fucking killed me.
I blocked Zabini's way, just before he crossed the threshold. He hadn't loosened his hold, which was what I needed. I needed him to hold her, otherwise, I would change my mind, and that couldn't happen.
Granger was a bit of a hellion. I wasn't expecting that. I don't imagine Zabini appreciated it in the least. She reached for me, her fingers barely glancing off my forearm.
I touched her cheek, stroked it even with the side of my thumb, and it calmed her some. I kissed her forehead and indulged myself for a moment. I took in the scent of soap, and the softness of her hair. I needed a memory to cling too.
"Malfoy, Draco. Draco, listen to me." Her breath was a whisper against my lips. She'd never once used my given name. It was quite manipulative of her to wait until our goodbyes.
"Can't. It's time." I kissed her, tenderly. I wanted to remember this moment with fondness.
"What do you expect me to do now?!" Her voice squeaked as her hysteria rose, and I couldn't wait any longer.
I nodded to Zabini, and he sidestepped me, as I was unable to move. I couldn't force my feet to walk away from her. Her fingers skimmed mine until we could no longer touch. I counted Zabini's footsteps until I knew they were near the hidden exit near the end of the corridor and I closed the cell.
"Live, Granger. I expect you to live."
The little minx broke free of Zabini, I suspect with a well placed kicked. I heard him grunt, and then her feet were slapping against the stone floor. She reached through the bars, seeking purchase, and I faltered.
I allowed her to drag me forward until only the bars were wedged between us. I awkwardly wiped the tears from her eyes and attempted to shush her. I wanted Zabini to hurry as much as I wished he wouldn't.
"Tell me." She shook me by the shoulders, sounding a bit crazed, but I remained silent.
"Are you trying to get yourself fucking killed? Dammit Granger, let's go!" Zabini hobbled up behind him, but she refused to let me go.
"Tell me, Malfoy. Tell me!"
I knew what she was asking, but I couldn't. I didn't want her desperately clinging to what we had. I kissed her, despite the tears and the bogies, none of that mattered, but I remained silent. If I began to speak, Granger would have wound up back in my cell, back in my bed, and that was certain death.
"Zabini." I struggled to say that one word, but it was enough.
"TELL ME!" Granger shrieked as I pried her fingers off my shirt, and thrust her arms back through the bars.
Zabini cradled her in his arms, and I prayed to the gods he didn't release her this go round. He walked slowly, almost as though he was giving me the opportunity to speak, perhaps he was. I didn't take it, I didn't trust myself.
"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!"
I closed my eyes as the heavy door swung shut, her heart-wrenching sob echoed in the darkness, in the silence. It was an apt ending. It succinctly closed the chapter of my life I'd entitled, 'when I loved Hermione Granger'.