When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Paradise
Every time she closed her eyes
-Coldplay (I have so 'not' listened to this 1000x times. dubstep galore!)
Several days later…
The little bell hanging over a door signaled Eponine's entrance into the chemist shop, where the druggist greeted her behind the countertop. "Ah...mademoiselle! It's been some time since I've last seen you. How may I help you today?"
"Good morning monsieur," she responded cordially, watching him work as he crushed several herbs with a mortar and pestle. "I was wondering if that new supply of ether has arrived."
"Ah…I think it has. Give me one moment to check," he said while moving past a door that led to a storage room.
Eponine nodded appreciatively as he disappeared to the back. She moved throughout the shop, perusing the various shelves containing several types of medicine, wines, and herbs that were for sale. Her eyes fell on the morning gazette, which was opened to display employment advertisements. One listing in particular caught her attention:
NOTICE
Seeking Nurses to Assist in Care for Women
Suffering from Long-Term Illness
At the Pitié-Salpêtrière Asylum
Compensation will be provided
She took the paper in her hand, reading the notice with interest. Sicknesses of the mind had become a recent fascination to Eponine ever since she had read A treatise on insanity, by Philippe Pinel. She recalled that this physician had spent some time in this same hospital, where he had managed to better the unfortunate conditions of female patients. The challenge of working in such a place and being able to see the progress achieved was an idea that seemed to intrigue her.
The old man reappeared with her bottle. "Will you also be getting that as well?" he inquired as he noticed her reading the paper.
She turned to face him with a nod and thanked him for fetching the anesthetic while gathering a few coins out of her pocket. After paying the man, she decided to look about the shop for a bit, seeing if there was anything else she might find useful.
The ringing of the doorbell was heard again as two new voices filled the shop, one of which Eponine seemed to recognize and cause her heart to quicken in panic. Darting behind a shelf before they were able to spot her, the brunette found herself eavesdropping on their conversation.
"Look Alice, they have the same herbs that mother always used for her tea…" remarked Ada as she grazed her eyes over the various assortments of products.
"The same ones grown from your land?" questioned the unfamiliar voice of a woman standing next to her.
"Yes…well what used to be our land," Ada answered with resentment.
"May I help you?" inquired the voice of the owner.
"We're just looking around, thank you," answered the other woman assumed to be 'Alice' from what Eponine could gather.
She continued to spy on the pair as she raised the large chronicle over her face so as to remain out of plain sight. I should leave before she spots me, Eponine thought, attempting to seek out ways to exit the shop without calling attention to herself, but she was kept from doing so when she heard the mention of Enjolras's name.
"I see you both have resumed your friendship," Alice said happily while looking through the shelves from where Eponine previously stood.
"Yes…it was merely by pure chance that we were able to find each other. I cannot be more excited to see him again."
"This is the first time I've seen you light up since you've come here," Alice remarked.
"Really? That can't be so," Ada answered disbelievingly.
"It's true. This Andre must be a very fascinating personality."
Ada rolled her eyes at her cousin's misled opinion. "I'm just content to have reconnected with my best friend. Hearing his voice again brings me back to times that were far simpler. It's as if I've managed to partially atone for what's lost to me now," Ada answered softly.
"Oh? And what's that?" Alice inquired.
The other girl didn't respond as she walked about the store. She could not bear to utter his name.
"Ada…" Alice whispered to her consolingly as the shop became more crowded, knowing whom her cousin spoke of. "It's been nearly four years. You have to put his loss out of your mind or it will become your undoing."
"I've tried. Believe me, I've tried," Ada responded while shutting her eyes slowly.
"Come now," Alice said dismissively, placing a hand upon the other's shoulder. "Would you want him to see you like this?
Ada gathered enough strength to face the other woman with a small grin. "No."
"It's time to remove this weight from your shoulders and greet the world again. When was the last time you actually enjoyed yourself?"
"To be quite honest…I can't actually remember," Ada responded, quite shocked at that admission.
"You owe it to yourself to relish in what is out there. You're still young and I daresay you even deserve to be a bit reckless," Alice suggested in attempt to lighten the other's mood.
"And how reckless do you think I should be dear cousin?" she asked, her voice lifting into a lighter tone.
"As much you'd like. Flirt and dance about with any man you wish if that would suit your fancy."
"Ha…I have no wish to be a tease," Ada said dismissively.
"Why not? We should use our liberty to tease as much as we desire. It is our God-given right! Unless your sights are already set on someone in particular…" Alice inquired while raising her eyebrow in interest.
"What are you talking about?"
"Have you caught a certain childhood companion's eye?" asked Alice.
"You're not assuming that Andre and I are…that's ludicrous!" rejected Ada, her blue eyes flashing surprise toward her cousin.
"How is it ludicrous? He's been calling on you for the past several days."
"That's only because he wishes to know about the affairs of our town since he left. I doubt he would ever consider me romantically…we've always just been friends! That's all we'll ever be…"
"He's a man Ada. They only have one matter on their mind when it comes to women, and believe me, he's not around you to hear about hometown news."
"You don't know him Alice. Andre's different. He's not prone to give into his emotions easily. Not from what I can remember. I always looked up to him in that regard for never taking part in adolescent frivolities…like the other boys our age."
"That, or he was a very talented liar and yearned for the same thing as his comrades."
"I don't think he was lying."
"Alright. Let's say he is as pure-hearted as you say. People can change, Ada, no matter how celibate they may seem, and I've seen the way he looks at you. Don't be surprised if this Andre may be seeing you in a different light…"
Eponine could not bear to hear any more of the conversation as she willed her feet to leave the building. The door of the store crashed behind her as she walked on further through the street and several lingering demons clouded her train of thought.
Everything Ada's cousin suspected had truth behind it, as Eponine had already discovered from Enjolras's own confession. However, to think that he was actually now outwardly (but ever so subtly) displaying his unrequited affection toward Ada was something that threatened to send the brunette reeling over the edge.
Why? she asked herself desperately as she walked on and moved her palm over a dull pain within her chest. Have I really become this person again? The wretch that always watches on from afar as everyone else lives in romantic bliss?
Her head ached with so many unanswered questions, and she longed to confess her dilemma to some confidant, but she did not know whom to turn to. Azelma would most likely lecture her due to her protective manner, but that was the last thing Eponine needed at the moment.
She thought of turning to Cosette, who seemed sensitive enough to handle matters of the heart, but seeing that she was rather preoccupied with baby business, the brunette thought it better to not trouble an emotional and pregnant woman.
There was Laure, who seemed rather trustworthy despite Eponine having known her for little over a month, but the redhead was eventually struck out as a possibility due to her present shift at the textile factory.
She even considered Marius, a friend whom she had not spoken to in sometime, but she disregarded the thought ultimately, finding it absurd to discuss her romantic feelings with an old infatuation.
Her mind settled on the only plausible source of honest advice available, and as her legs approached the foreboding presence of the structure that appeared in the distance, she immediately reconsidered the soundness of her plan.
The young man stared back at the chipped piece of dark red brick that was lined amongst many in the cell that imprisoned him in the jailhouse. He closed one eye to see where the object appeared before him, and then closed the other to find that the object had moved several centimeters toward the right.
The voice of the guard interrupted his optical illusion. "You! There's a visitor here for ya'."
"Is it another one of my admirers?" Montparnasse inquired, wondering if another wench of his had come to revel in his demise of finally being turned into the police. Apparently, his reputation with the ladies was turning into more of a curse as the days went by. "Tell her I'm busy."
"I'm not your messenger. Tell her yourself," responded the guard in annoyance, signaling to the woman that it was all right for her to approach the cell. "Fifteen minutes," he instructed as she nodded back to him in compliance.
Montparnasse got up slowly from where he laid on his disintegrating cot to turn and acknowledge his guest. The sight of Eponine's reluctant gaze truly caught him by him surprise. "Well…isn't this my lucky day..."
Eponine crossed her arms over her chest nervously as she looked around the dank surroundings of the cell. "I see they've managed to keep you alive."
"Barely," he responded, while eyeing her suspiciously. "What are you doing here?"
"To be perfectly honest…I'm not exactly sure."
"Are you here on holiday? Because I would definitely recommend this high class oasis," he advised sarcastically.
Eponine shook her head.
"Is there something you want?" he inquired again, wondering what had possessed her of all people to come and see him.
She shook her head again, silently wondering why in her previous desperation had she ever thought to consider this meeting logical.
He assumed that he would not get much of a straight answer from her and decided to move onto another topic. "What have you got there in that bag?"
"Oh this?" she answered, looking down at what she held in her hand. "Just some medicinal supplies and this morning's paper."
"Medicinal? You're quite the wise one now aren't you?" he said with artificial admiration while leaning his arms against the rusty iron bars separating them both.
"I know a bit more than I did several months ago, but I'm no more the wiser," Eponine replied.
"Don't play humble with me 'Ponine. I always knew you to be smarter than anyone I knew. You have your father's wit."
She gave him a dark look. "Please, do not compare me to him."
"It's the truth whether you were to admit it or not, but I always felt like all that wisdom would lead you astray."
"How has it led me astray?" she asked curiously.
"Well…you left my bed quite lonely for one thing, but that is no matter now, seeing that I have taken up a new residence in this lovely establishment."
"Knowledge has satisfied my life far more than your bed ever has."
"You're lying," he mocked while biting his lip suggestively.
"What makes you so deluded to believe that I could be lying?" she asked deplorably.
"To have young ladies only inserting knowledge in themselves…just doesn't sound natural to me," he replied leeringly.
"You crude…vulgar…must your mind always be on?"she responded heatedly to his innuendo.
"Forgive my forwardness," he smirked in gratification to the color that rose in her cheeks. "But that's what happens when you deny an incarcerated man his carnal needs."
"You really have no shame, do you?" she asked in astonishment.
"Speaking of carnal needs, how are you doing in that respect?" he asked brazenly, ignoring her question.
Eponine's flustered look persisted as her patience finally ran dry as she turned away from his cell to leave. "It was a mistake to come here."
"How is that fellow of yours? Enjolras?"
She halted in her steps.
"Did you finally confess your undying adoration for him?" he asked mockingly.
She clenched her fists at her side, but instead of charging toward him like she was known to do in the past, she turned around slowly. "I know how you play, 'Parnasse. You will not manipulate an answer out of me this time."
"Ah…am I sensing trouble in paradise? Has he not returned your affection?" he clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Now, now…that won't do. Don't worry 'Ponine, I'm here if you should ever need a shoulder to cry on."
She concentrated on her breaths, attempting to remain calm as she spoke through gritted teeth. "If you think you can ever understand the secrets of my heart, you are quite mistaken. Good day to you sir."
"You haven't told him how you feel, have you?" he said with interest, resting his chin on one of the metal bars as one arm dangled loosely outside of the cell.
"Drop it, 'Parnasse," she dismissed quickly.
"Ah ha! You haven't! Come now, stubborn silence will not help you in the ways of the heart. Tell old Monty what's on your mind. I can provide you some wisdom on unrequited love," he prodded.
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Then why are you here?"
She went quiet again, asking herself the same question. Why was she there? She knew her mind was desperate for release, but to resort to Montparnasse as the receiver of her confession was clearly not one of her better plans.
He stared at her for sometime in silence before finally speaking again. "Well…I would love to play guessing games with you, dear 'Ponine, but I would rather not spend my last few days on earth conversing with a woman who despises me."
"What do you mean? Have you been sentenced to…?" her voice trailed off as she thought of the worst.
"This time next week," he retorted nonchalantly and took note of her troubled expression, "don't make that face, little one. What other type of sentence would you have expected for a wanted felon?" he asked incredulously with a haunted grin.
"You speak of it so lightly…aren't you afraid?" she asked quietly, noticing the muscles in his jawline twitch in apprehension.
He turned his back on her, hiding the truth that fell heavy on his shoulders. "Afraid?" his voice gave the tiniest falter before he continued, "No. I'm actually relieved."
"Relieved?" she asked in surprise.
"I'm tired…I've spent so much time chasing after a life that wasn't mine, and running all the while from the bounty that was placed on my head. Now as the noose finally beckons to me…I'm feeling a sense of peace at last, something I haven't felt in my entire existence."
She did not know how to respond as she felt every ounce of disdain slowly slipping away. She knew that he walked a troubled road all his life, so it should have served as no surprise that he would meet such an end. Still, something deep inside of her kept her wishing that he could have avoided such a fate. After everything he had done, she could not help but feel the smallest hint of empathy toward him.
"And you must be relieved as well…to finally be rid of me?" he suggested while looking toward a small source of light emanating from a barred window.
"I…no…perhaps you can overturn the verdict somehow?" she stumbled through her words, now walking closer to the bars that divided them.
He moved to face her again. "It's too late now. Besides, who would believe a murdering thief? No, this is what I deserve. I was a foolish schemer. I did not know what I had when it was standing right in front of me…now all of that is out of my reach."
She wished she could deny the part of her soul that was burning with sympathy, but that wasn't the case as she looked into his piercing blue eyes and saw the young boy that was her friend. "There has to be something I can do to help."
He eyed her in confusion. "How can you offer such concern for me?"
"I do not know…" she said, shaking her head in torment. "Every time I see you, I see the face of an innocent who lost his way. I know you could have redeemed yourself despite everything you have done," she was stunned by her own words, knowing fully well that she had thought otherwise merely a few moments ago.
He looked at her in astonishment, taken aback by her claim. "Look at me."
She brought up her gaze slowly as he extended his arm through the confines of the cell to cup her chin.
"You never cease to amaze me. I have never been worthy of your compassion Eponine, and yet it remains all the more infallible."
She broke down at this point, feeling the tears brimming beneath her eyelids as she held his arm in a deathly grip. "Why 'Parnasse? Why did you treat me as you did? I was your only true friend, yet you saw fit to defile every scrap of my dignity. Me! The only one who saw good in you."
Her collapse sent anguish running through him. "No apology can suffice for the torment I inflicted upon you, but I truly am sorry. I was afraid…"
"Afraid of what?" she hissed angrily.
"Of letting myself care. Of ever becoming attached to anything in my life, like I did with you. I saw it easier to degrade and humiliate you, rather than accept what you truly were in my eyes."
"And what was that?" she asked in disbelief, not believing her ears at this admission.
"Alright, time's up!" yelled the guard from off in the distance.
She stared back at him in shock; astonished at her own need to lengthen this spare time that had been allotted. "This can't be it…"
He stroked her hair gently; taking in the last few sights of the only person that ever gave him a moment's worth of solace in his chaotic world. "You should tell him. Before it's too late. Take advantage of what little gifts are bestowed upon us humans. God knows I took mine for granted."
"His heart belongs to another," she said through a broken voice, finding no more need to hide her secrets from a marked man whose days were already numbered. "I cannot bring myself to tell him."
"Take a leap of faith. Who knows where it may lead you."
Those were the last words she would ever him say on that day as the guard appeared by her side, prompting her to stand up unwillingly and send a crestfallen look of sympathy and a final farewell his way.
Day of execution…
A black flag rose from the prison tower, signaling that a life now ceased to be.
Eponine looked on from afar outside the jailhouse. She felt her knees buckle at the sight, but she managed to stand firm while gripping onto a nearby wall. She looked around herself wildly, wondering how life just went on as if nothing had happened.
As if he had never been.
A small boy sat on the pavement across from where she stood, who was petting a rather small kitten rested against his lap. Feeling as if he was being watched, the boy looked up to face her.
She stared back at him in shock, noticing the striking resemblance of the child's blue eyes to Montparnasse's.
He gave her a small smirk before turning to his previous distraction.
A solitary tear managed to escape despite her resistance. What was she doing? Was she really weeping for this man who had robbed her of her innocence? Who took the life of many others without a moment's thought? Who had brought nothing but misery to her existence for the last few years?
Yet as she looked back to the small boy, she could not help but feel remorse at the loss of the child who had been her friend. Who managed to lighten her mood when things were not as bright as they seemed. Someone who had found a lifeline in her, and in his own twisted way helped her to develop a unique enduring strength that she could not have gained otherwise.
So she continued on as she was, mourning in silence for the soul that all others would not know beyond a mere sense of a debased outlaw.
A/N: Sorry for the ever typical delay and thanks a bunches for the support to keep this fic alive!
P.S. Any 'Misfits' fans out there? Notice the Nathan quotes I sort of snuck in? Gotta love that hilarious idiot! Yes I am a Robert Sheehan enthusiast, and I'm also very sad that he won't be returning next season =(…Anyway…stay happy and healthy everyone!