Chapter Twenty One

Dinner had been a challenge. Not for Makoto who managed to eat for the first time properly since the moment Sousuke had left him outside the Penguin Karaoke Club. But the twins were far too excited and fighting over who got the most pork in their bowl and Makoto had ended up handing some of his own meat over to resolve the argument.

The home cooked food was just what he needed and even though he ate well, he hadn't regained his appetite fully after the last few days of emotional turmoil. After dinner, Makoto helped his mother wash the dishes, the simple domestic task making Makoto feel grounded again, a feeling of peace and home in his chest as they moved around each other in the kitchen. During the dinner, Makoto had been asked even more questions and he'd answered them as best as he could until Makoto's father had told Ren and Ran to stop and allow their brother time to eat. It was a relief then as Makoto was exhausted from talking and he just wanted quiet and silence.

Once the dishes were done, Makoto felt his mother's hand on his wrist and he looked down at her with her kind eyes and soft smile. "You're okay… aren't you?"

Makoto saw his mother's concern and he couldn't pretend he was. Not when she asked so directly. "I… don't know whether to come home," he admitted and once it was off his chest, Makoto felt a sense of relief.

He was looking at the floor rather than at the green eyes of his mother which were so similar to his own. "Makoto… don't give up yet… we'll support you in whatever you do but… give Tokyo one more chance. You worked so hard to get there."

A lump in his throat, Makoto only nodded and found himself wrapped in his mother's arms, leaning down to hug her back.

"If you need to come home you are always welcome… Makoto…"

It was so comforting to be in his mother's arms but Makoto broke off the hug and swiped his hand across his eyes. He wanted to tell her more but he couldn't – he couldn't explain Sousuke so he only smiled.

"I'm going to meet Kisumi… we bumped into each other earlier."

Makoto felt a kiss on his cheek, the press of lips warm and gentle. "Have fun."

Before he left the house, Makoto went back up to his childhood room and sat on the bed, staring at some of the posters on the wall. He thought about the years that Kisumi snuck into Makoto's bedroom and the memories brought about a small buzz under the surface of his skin. He remembered the kisses, the playful nips and the unsure hands. He remembered how they'd fumbled removing belts and how their noses had knocked as they perfected techniques, how they'd rushed their grinding together and how their hands had been impatient. But then they had learnt and got better… a lot better and Makoto remember their last few times, their bodies entwined and their breath in pants and trying to be quiet as their parents and siblings slept down the halls. Makoto rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans and got up, grabbing for his old Iwatobi high school swim bag and finding inside his old legskins. He'd given up swimming competitively in high school as he'd never been quite good enough and so many of his friends gave up the sport to pursue other things. So he looked at the legskins and bag with nostalgia as he saw the green stripes and he shoved them in, grabbed a hoodie and set off to meet Kisumi at the old swim club.

When Makoto had been young, he'd spent a lot of time at the swim club but in his teen years it had been shut down and only reopened when some local businessman had bought it and revamped it. He'd not seen the "new" swim club and when Makoto arrived outside he was shocked at the bright signs and glass lobby, all fancier than it had been during his childhood.

Kisumi was already there, a swim bag across his own shoulder and a track jacket that said Iwatobi Swim Club in white and blue. He smiled and saluted at Makoto's arrival.

"Worried you wouldn't come," he said as Makoto joined him and Makoto cocked his head, confused about the comment. "You seemed a little down when we were at the park… maybe thought you wouldn't want to see me."

"No… I want to," Makoto said and that prompted another smile on Kisumi's face and he waved as he turned to the doors of the swim club.

"Follow me – privilege of working here, I get twenty four/seven access."

With a wink, Kisumi pushed through the glass door and Makoto followed smelling the familiar tang of chlorine. It had been a long time since he'd swum and he was looking forward to it. He'd loving swimming as a child – especially in the pool. He did have an aversion to the ocean, something he didn't explain to anyone but a few very trusted people, but he loved the pool. He loved that he could dive under the water and not hear and smell or think and he could forget about everything. He just hoped it would work to forget about Sousuke.

"The locker rooms are a lot nicer than they used to be."

Makoto could confirm that as soon as they walked in. He remembered the lockers that were falling off hinges and the marker pens covering the walls but they were new and clean and shiny. It looked totally different.

"A lot has changed," Makoto commented as he dropped his bag and started to remove his hoodie. For a moment he felt self-conscious, remembering how Sousuke had looked at him but then he glanced over to Kisumi who was almost entirely naked, down to tight purple boxer briefs and Makoto looked away then and removed his own clothes, dropping them to the floor and reaching for his legskins, sliding them off and feeling a little bigger than they should. He guessed he'd lost weight and some of his former bulk in Tokyo. He seriously did need to eat better. He would have to tell Haru.

As he pulled out his towel to drape over his shoulder and leave at the side of the pool, Makoto suddenly heard a gasp and then he felt a finger poke at his hip without any care for his personal space. Kisumi had never cared for personal space anyway but it was odd after not being around him for a while. But the poke hurt and Makoto looked down to see Kisumi eye level with his nautical star tattoo.

"Is it real?"

"Yeah," Makoto replied, his hand scratching awkwardly at his arm and forcing Kisumi to step away.

"Woah… what does it mean?"

Makoto opened his mouth and shut it again. What did it mean? Well, to Makoto it meant he'd fucked up in Tokyo – that he'd let himself fall hard and fast like an idiot and had his heart broken.

"Nothing."

Nothing was the safest answer and Makoto went with it as he picked his goggles out of his bag and Kisumi didn't ask anything more as they got to the pool, their years of friendship making him aware that Makoto did not want to talk. After Kisumi's poke, Makoto gently touched at the star and it made all the feelings come back but he dampened them down as he walked with Kisumi, glancing at his old friend and fuck buddy, his eyes lingering on his toned chest and his slim hips. Kisumi wasn't built like Sousuke was but he was still incredibly attractive and Makoto had been lucky to have a friend like him. Lucky to learn how to touch and kiss and come with someone else. He needed Kisumi right now. He needed to forget about Sousuke.

The distraction was what he needed, Makoto decided and as they reached the edge of the pool, he dropped his towel and put his goggles on before diving in and swimming a few strokes free. He heard and felt the ripples of Kisumi's entry to the pool and Makoto ignored him as he dived and did a full length, stopping only when he hit the wall, his fingers gripping the side.

It had been a while since he'd swum and Makoto felt his shoulders and legs ache as he completed lengths, Kisumi joining him for a few races and soon Makoto stopped, removing his goggles and breathing heavy as he leaned against the edge of the pool, his body not used to the strenuous exercise. He had to start working out or something again, he thought and made a mental pact with himself to start jogging or something. Kisumi was still completing a length and Makoto watched his head bob up and down as he swam breast stroke, finally arriving next to Makoto and stopping, his hair slicked back off his face and Kisumi's eyes seeming even sharper and brighter with pool water on his eyelashes.

It was easy to lean forward, to let instincts take control and for Makoto to close his eyes as their lips met in a tender slow kiss, their mouths moving in a way that suggested they were re-familiarising with each other, re-learning how they did things together. It was different to the kisses with Sousuke, none of the fire and the passion in Makoto's gut but then he didn't want that fire, didn't want that need, he just wanted familiar and safe.

The kiss tasted of chlorine and when Makoto pulled back, his breathing gentle, he saw the small smile on Kisumi's face and it was comforting and safe.

"Out of the water?" Kisumi prompted and Makoto agreed, pulling himself up onto the side and with Kisumi beside him, they sat on the edge, feet dangling into the pool water and kissed again. This time Makoto let his fingers run down Kisumi's damp chest, following the ripples of water on his skin as he pressed their lips together with more firmness.

Kisumi was touching him too and Makoto jerked slightly at the first teasing skitters of fingertips. It was tentative at first but Makoto moaned when he felt fingers pinch at his nipples, the sound captured by Kisumi's mouth as he felt his body respond to the stimulation. It was nothing like Sousuke – Makoto knew that, it was Kisumi, his old friend, the friend who he'd discovered his sexuality with – but he was still thinking of Sousuke as though he was burned into his skin.

To stop the lingering thoughts, Makoto pushed at Kisumi's shoulders and they rolled together on the poolside, water dripping off their skins as Makoto straddled Kisumi and heated up their kiss, his tongue probing into his opened mouth. Kisumi bucked up, their swimsuits rubbing against one another and Makoto felt his arousal build in answer to Kisumi's. He felt Kisumi trail his hands over Makoto's back muscles, descending down to his ass and groping firmly, the move teasing and making his cock grow harder. Kisumi was all about the tease and when he pulled away from Makoto's kiss, he dragged at Makoto's bottom lip and smirked, a small chuckle from his lips as he moved his legs and then pushed and rolled them over, Kisumi ending up on top and looking down at Makoto.

Makoto looked up, his hands reaching up to touch at Kisumi's side and he was haloed by the strip lighting of the pool as he smiled.

"Lay back, Makoto," he said and Makoto did as he was instructed and closed his eyes as Kisumi's kissed at his neck, laved around his nipples with his tongue and then seemed to follow the drips of the pool water across his abs and to the waistband of his legskins.

Kisumi had one finger teasing at the waistband while his other hand touched at the star and Makoto's eyes flew open then. As despite his desire, the fact his body wanted what Kisumi was doing, Makoto pushed him away as he couldn't do it.

"No…" Makoto mumbled as he backed away, fumbling for his towel and getting to his feet, using the towel to hide his erection from Kisumi. "I…" he started as he saw Kisumi's puzzled expression, the hurt in his eyes but Makoto only shook his head. "I can't…"

And with that, Makoto walked swiftly to the locker rooms, not looking back to see Kisumi and he heard a splash of water and the sound of swimming as he left the pool area, his heart heavier than it had been before as he'd hurt someone who'd always been there for him.

Because he couldn't go there with Kisumi and there was a reason he couldn't despite the pain he was currently feeling.

Because Makoto was in love with Sousuke.