A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've rewritten this chapter several times and I'm still not sure about it. I plan on jumping ahead in time after this chapter. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Chapter 21

The elevator ride ended all too quickly for Alex. She rubbed her temples as she stepped off and began walking toward the squad room. 'Of all cases to be my first case back' she thought as she walked. She had decided over the summer that she would like to return to the DA's office on a part time basis. She had also made a trip to the Congo with the ICC. She had hated the idea of leaving Olivia and the kids for a week and she knew Olivia had been worried about her going, but Olivia had insisted that she go. It had opened her eyes to so much. While she poured over cases at home and did research for the other attorneys it was nothing to seeing it firsthand. She had been allowed to meet with victims who had received justice and those who had not. This trip was part of the reason she had decided to return to her profession.

It had also been a rough couple months for Olivia and Alex had done her best to be there for her wife. Elliot had taken a leave after he shot and killed a teenage girl in the squad room. Alex knew it was killing Olivia what had happened and she knew Olivia had made attempts to contact her partner but didn't receive an answer. She had finally been able to talk to Kathy who informed her that he was dealing as well as could be expected but wasn't up to talking to anyone yet. Alex sighed as she walked into the squad room. She looked around for the brunette but didn't see her. She took a seat in her wife's chair and smiled at the picture frames that took up almost every available space of her desk. There was the picture of Olivia and her mother that had been a permanent fixture on her desk since the first time Alex met her. Then came the pictures that Alex knew meant the most to Olivia, the pictures of their family. One was of the two of them taken at the beach; Alex was standing behind Olivia with her arms wrapped tightly around the brunette's waist while they were both smiling widely at the camera. Next was Henry's first school picture, followed by one of Jase sitting on his bike that he received for his birthday and finally was a picture of the twins lying next to each other smiling at the camera.

Alex was beginning to wonder where Olivia was when she heard her name being called. She looked up and noticed Det. Rollins standing next to her. "I'm sorry?" Alex said when she realized the young woman was speaking to her.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Cabot, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't I was just enjoying the view while waiting for Olivia." Alex said as she smiled and glanced back at the pictures.

Amanda smiled "You have a beautiful family."

"Thank you." Alex replied with a proud look. Nothing brought her more pride or happiness than her wife and children.

Amanda looked down for a moment unsure of how to say what she wanted to say. She was new here and she didn't want to upset anyone "Um a little while ago Olivia was called in the captain's office and she looked upset when she left. She headed down the hall. I wanted to go check on her but Fin and Munch both told me not to. They said to leave her alone but I think she's really upset."

Alex laid a comforting hand on the detective's arm "Thank you." She quickly headed down the hall in search of her wife. She didn't think Olivia had done anything lately to cause her to get in trouble so she wasn't sure what would cause her to be upset. She was trying to decide where to look first when she caught movement from the corner of her eye in one of the interrogation rooms. She walked over and slowly opened the door "Liv?"

Olivia straightened up and quickly wiped her eyes when she heard the door opening. She was hurt but she didn't want anyone else to see it. Then she saw the one person she knew she could break down in front of. "Alex."

Alex rushed to her wife's side "Olivia what's wrong?" she said as she pulled her into her arms. She allowed Olivia to cry for a moment. She slowly reached over and pulled the blind over the window so no one could see them. She knew Olivia was very private when it came to her emotions and she wouldn't want any of the guys to see her like this.

Olivia relaxed into her wife's embrace, she never felt as safe as she did when in Alex's arms. "It's Elliot he turned in his papers."

Alex held the woman in her arms even tighter. "Oh baby, I am so sorry." Olivia had come home a few days prior and said that IAB was looking into Elliot's jacket considering it was his sixth good shoot. Alex couldn't help but think that it was possible for him to be fired but she figured they would send him for a psych eval and counseling and then he'd be back on the job. She had to admit him retiring did surprise her a little. She allowed Olivia to cry before trying to ask any questions.

Olivia was so grateful for her wife. Alex was the only one who had ever been allowed to break down her walls and support her. When she felt the tears subside she slowly pulled back and gave Alex a sad smile when she felt the blonde gently wipe her tears away. "Thank you."

Alex placed a chaste kiss to Olivia's lips "I love you." she placed both hands on Olivia's cheeks and used her thumbs to gently wipe the few tears that were still flowing. Once she was sure Olivia had stopped she took Olivia's hand in hers and laced their fingers together "Come on let's go home." They walked back to the squad room where Alex grabbed her things while Olivia got her purse and told the Captain she was cutting out early. Considering the news she had just received he didn't object.

Everyone kept their heads down they knew when Olivia was upset it was best to leave her alone. They also knew that Alex was fiercely protective of her wife and wouldn't waste a second if one of them approached Olivia. While they still didn't know what had happened they knew it must be bad from the tear stains on the woman's face.

As they left the room hand in hand Alex caught Amanda's eye and mouthed a 'thank you'. The young blonde gave a slight smile and a nod.

After leaving the precinct Alex swung by the daycare to pick up Jase and the girls before heading home. Since she had returned to work the girls had started going to daycare with their brother most days but Gail would keep all three a couple days as well. Henry had started kindergarten and their neighbor Carol would pick him up from school and keep him till one of them arrived home.

She watched as Olivia sat in the floor playing with the girls. She knew Olivia was trying to hide her hurt in front of the kids but Alex could see right through it. She stood at the counter finishing dinner when Henry walked into the room. "Hey buddy dinner will be ready in a minute. Would you like to help?"

"Yeah." He said as he walked over to stand next to his Mama.

"Okay there are the plates you know what to do." Alex smiled as she watched her son take one plate at a time from the counter and set the table.

"Mama, is Mommy okay?"

"Of course she's okay. Why?"

The little boy looked up at her "I don't know she just looks sad. Did something at work make her sad? Did one of us make her sad?"

Henry was now old enough to know that his Mommy's job sometimes made her sad. Alex's heart broke when he asked if one of them had made Olivia sad. Alex sat in a chair and pulled her son onto her lap. She wasn't sure how to explain it to him but she and Olivia had always said they would be honest with their children. "Mommy is sad but it's not because of you guys. Mommy and I love you guys so much and you could never make us sad. Okay?" she waited until he nodded that he understood. She took a deep breath before continuing "Mommy's sad because Elliot retired." The confused look his face told Alex she needed to explain further which she did.

"So Mommy's sad because she won't get to work with Elliot no more?" Alex nodded. Henry smiled the smile that never failed to melt Alex's heart "After dinner I'll color her a picture so she won't be so sad."

Alex nodded as she took a second to hold back her tears back; she was always overwhelmed at how caring their children were. "I think Mommy would love that."

After an evening filled with bath time, story time and bed times both ladies were exhausted. "Why don't you let me run you a bath while I go down stairs and straighten up?"

"I think I'm just going to take a quick shower and go to bed." Olivia loved the thought of a relaxing bath after the day she'd had but more than that she just wanted to curl up in bed and forget the captain had ever called her into his office. She knew the day was coming that one of them would retire she just didn't expect it to be so soon. Once she was done she pulled on a t-shirt and climbed into bed. She lay there silently wishing she had asked Alex to join her. At that moment the only thing she wanted was her wife holding her.

Alex went through her nightly routine as fast as possible. On days they both worked their mornings were so rushed that she made sure as much as possible was done the night before. She double checked Henry's backpack before packing the diaper bag and a bag that Jase would be taking to Gail's. She was just setting her briefcase on the sofa when her phone rang. She groaned at the thought of one of the detectives catching a case and needing her to get a warrant. However her jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw whose name was on the screen. "Hello?"

"Hi Alex, its Kathy. I hope I didn't wake you."

"Uh no, no. I was just straightening up and getting things ready for tomorrow." Alex was still surprised by the late night call.

"I know how that is."

"Not to be rude Kathy but I'm sure you didn't call just to talk about how we both know how much work it is taking care of several children."

Alex could hear Kathy sigh over the phone "You're right. I'm sure Olivia has told you about Elliot by now."

"She has."

"Alex you have to know I tried to get him to tell her himself but he wouldn't do it. I know she's been trying to call him but it's like he won't listen."

Alex could tell the other woman was upset "Kathy I can't imagine what he's been going through but Olivia has been so worried about him. She just wants to help him. Do you know she has been at your house several times trying to talk to him but he won't answer the door?"

"I didn't know that." Alex could tell by the surprise in Kathy's voice that she was telling the truth.

"She has called him numerous times and I know she's been by a few times as well. Kathy all she wants to do is be there for him. I know she and Elliot has had their issues through the years, and I know Elliot and I have had our issues as well, but can't he talk to her just once?" Alex was silent for a moment. "I don't remember the last time I saw her as upset as she was today."

"Alex I don't know how to say this but Elliot said he doesn't want anything to do with anyone from the squad," she was quiet for a moment "Including Olivia."

"He what?!" Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was struggling to keep from letting loose on Kathy. She knew it wasn't the other woman's fault.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry to tell you this but I can't get through to him. Alex you know I think the world of you and Olivia both and I think he's being an ass but I can't get him to change his mind. I think it would probably do him some good to talk to her but he refuses to listen to me. I don't mean to make you angry but could you possibly talk her in to backing off for a while? Maybe I can convince him to talk to her or someone, but right now he just doesn't want to deal with it."

"You're right he is being an ass. I know he's dealing with something pretty heavy and I hate that he's going through it, but he was her partner for twelve years. She deserves more than just to be brushed off like she's nothing."

"I know Alex and I'm sorry. I hope we can all move past this someday." Kathy said as she hung up.

Alex stared at the phone in her hand. She wasn't mad at Kathy she was just trying to help her husband. Elliot on the other hand, she was furious with him. She sat down on the couch and tried to calm down, there was a part of her that wanted to drive to Queens and tear Elliot a new one but an even bigger part of her just wanted to comfort her wife. She climbed the stairs and felt her heart break as she entered their bedroom. Even in the dark she could tell Olivia was crying. Alex walked over to the bed and stripped down to her tank top before sliding in bed. "Hey." She said as she curled up and pulled Olivia to her.

Olivia quickly tried to wipe her tears "Hey." She snuggled back into the blonde's embrace. She was trying her best to hold back the tears but being wrapped in the love and safety of Alex's arms caused her tears to begin all over again. "Why Alex? Why? Why couldn't he tell me he was retiring? Do I mean so little to him that he can't at least pick up the phone and tell me himself?" She was sobbing by this point and could feel a tightening in her chest.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry about this." Alex said as she held Olivia even tighter.

"Does all that time mean nothing to him? I know he's struggling with what he did, but I thought I meant a little more than this. I've put my career, hell I've put my life on the line for him, and he can't even call? What is wrong with me Alex?"

Alex quickly pulled Olivia over till they were facing one another. She wrapped one arm around the brunette's waist and held her tight as she looked into her eyes "Olivia there is nothing wrong with you. You are the strongest, most wonderful person in the world. I don't ever want you to think different. Okay?"

Olivia slowly nodded. There was no one in the world that could make her feel as important and loved as Alex could. "I'm sorry I know I should just accept it and move on but it's so hard."

"No you shouldn't just accept and move on. Olivia you are grieving and it's okay to be upset. Whether he and I always got along, whether you two always got along, he was a big part of your life. An important part of your life, but don't ever think that it's your fault." She debated telling Olivia what Kathy had called and said but decided to leave that minor detail out "I think he may just be needing time to come to terms with it all. Maybe he just can't face you guys right now. Give him time I'm sure he'll come around." She leaned over and began kissing away Olivia's tears.

"I love you." Olivia whispered.

"I love you too."