Okay, you guys! Here are some more Happy Little Ditties! Okay, it's just one...but, oh well. It's relatively long, so BE HAPPY! Okay. Happy Little Ditty number eighteen.

Lord of the Rings:

Dáin Dumbity

A dude in a black robe and on a black horse rode through the gate. He pulled up to a short, stubby little fellow with a white beard in the shape of a shovel. Er, he was holding a shovel under his beard so it APPEARED to be a shovel-beard. Right. We should go with that explanation.

"Who are you?" asked the little man. The cloaked rider only grunted.

"My master, Sauron the Great, requests your friendity. (cough) friendship." He paused for a moment, but then continued. "As a small token only of your friendship Sauron asks this," he said: "that you should find this thief, and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of rings, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Sauron fancies-"

"Yeah, right!" snorted the little dwarf. "Pshaw! That is the last thing you ever say to someone if you are trying to convince them that the thing you want is a piece of crap, even though it can-" he was interrupted by another short, little man, but he had a reddish-brown beard.

"RULE THE WORLD!" the brownish-red beard said.

"Everyone knows that if you say that, you're making up a pile of dog crap! Sheesh! We're not stupid! We Dwarves don't make fun of you, you BLACK RIDERS!" the whitey taunted. And the name stuck, for a very long time.

Lord of the Rings:

The Dead City is Really Just...Sick

Frodo and Sam and Gollum passed by a big, green, gate that led to the big, green city. "The-" Gollum's explaining was cut off by a very excited Frodo.

"EMERALD CITY! I've always wanted to see it! Woohoo! Can we go in, and get the green glasses, and see all the green orcs?" he asked, obviously very on something. He started walking towards it. Gollum and Sam tried to stop him. "They're calling me...they want green eggs and ham..."

"That's the wrong story, Mr. Frodo. We're in LotR, not Dr. Suess, and not the Wizard of Oz. If you want to keep this part and save the world, you're gonna have to pay attention and stay on track. No more mambie-pambie-Bambies, and no visiting the Chocolate Factory. Got it?" Sam sounded very threatening. Frodo nodded. The walked back down the road, and away. Frodo turned back one last time, and looked at the grotesque statues that had their tongues sticking out.

"I feel bad for them...Kiley must have come around..."

How does everyone know Kiley? Will the trio make it to Mount Doom? Will the crazy authoress regain her sanity, or live on as a mentally-messed-up lunatic? WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Who knows. But we do know this: The story isn't over yet. Hip-hip hooray.

Lord of the Blings:

Scary, Scary, Scary

"Bilbo left you this bling." Gandalf handed Frodo an envelope. It was horribly heavy. He opened the package, and saw a very large, golden bling. He took it out, and Gandalf rudely took it away, and chucked it in the fire.

"What are you doing?" Frodo cried, but he wasn't brave enough to reach through the fire and get the bling. Gandalf took the bling out with a chop-stick.

"Hold out your hand, Frodo. Don't worry, it's quite cool." It SMASHED! into Frodo's hand and he lurched forward. Gandalf lifted him up again, and turned around. "Does it say anything?"

"Um...it says: 'Caution: Contents may be evil.'"

"Other side."

"Uh, it says: 'Directions: Throw into Mount Doom. Do not put on. Keep away from small children and Men. And Jack Sparrow.' Jack Sparrow? Who the heck is that?"

"Oh, he is...I don't know." The old wizard put his hand on his forehead. "I think we have the wrong bling..." All of a sudden, Gollum popped out of nowhere.

"My...PRECIOUS! Wait, can we redo? That's not my precious...that thing's Ug-Uh-LY!" he screeched.

"It is NOT! It's purdy..." Frodo started stroking the gigantic piece of plastic (cough) gold.

"Oh, you shut up, Bingo!" Gollum teased.

"I am not Bingo!"

"But you were going to be!"

"But I am not!"

"But you were!"

"No I wasn't!" Frodo-or Bingo-argued.

"Yes you were! Even ask the precious! Or Trotter! Or Storm-crow!" Gollum cried.

"Who?"

"Trotter! You know, big, tall, black hair, gray eyes, stubble, goes by the name Aragorn?"

"Trotter! Teehee! What a funny name! Heehee! But who's Storm-crow?"

"Grayhame!"

"OH! Gandalf? Your real name is Storm-crow?" Gandalf turned red.

"I was only called that once, and only by a stuck-up, under-a-spell-king!" Gandalf defended.

"Yeah, sure. I believe you," Frodo smirked.

"Well, I sure would like to say that Bingo is a much worse name than-" BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! We're sorry for the inconvenience, but there have been some technical difficulties in the actors' stroke possibilities. Please enjoy the music while we fix our delays. Thank you! ♪...and through the night...our hearts live on...even though we may part, our hearts are as one...true love will live on...our hearts beat as one- ♪

"Alright, stop the music!" The camels marched through the door. Keanu had his hands on his hips. "Who the heck came up with this crap? It sounds like something from Desperate Housewives, or some crap like that! I could sue for such awful music!" Ryu patted him on the shoulder.

"Now, now, Niles, no need to get angry," she said.

"ANGRY! I'M NOT ANGRY! WHO IS ANGRY? NOBODY'S ANGRY!"

"Okay, man, let's just play some good music," Behrooz suggested, and pulled out his portable piano. Keanu did the same thing. Except it was an electric guitar. Ryu grabbed her drum set. Boxy suddenly hopped onstage with his trumpet. ♪...doo! DooDOOO! We are who we were! And we hate CRAP! Bring it on! Dundundun! Dundundun! Woohoo! We are who we were! COME ON! Bumbum! Bumbum! Like a HEART! Pounding! Screeching! Pumping! BLEEDING! And we hate...and we hate...and we hate CRAP! Uhuh! Yeah, man! Let's sing it out, one, two, three, and we hate CRAP! ♪

"So, man, when are we getting the goods?" Two short people stood in an alleyway.

"In three..." They got in position. "Two..." They both took a deep breath. "One..." They focused on a small tent just ahead. "GO!" They dashed to the edge of the tent, and sorted through the fireworks. The smaller person grabbed a firework, but the other rejected it. "No, no, the big one! The big one!" he instructed, and the other grabbed the big one.

"All right! It's a...camel?"

"Yes! Get it!" They set it up, and lit it. It blew up in a sparkle of tan, and then shot up again, as a pale circle, and exploded in a glorious fashion of camelous glory.

The IMAX faded out, and zapped in a few random places around the screen. Crevan sat up. Boxy sat beside her, ticket in hand.

"Hm...I guess I must have fallen asleep..."

Yeah. Strange, I know. Anyway, I must be going, going, GONE! Sold to the man in the blue hat! With the long curly hair! And his name just happens to be Peter Jackson! Yay! (applause)

You know what's very messed up? Elijah Wood and Lindsay Lohan are in this new movie, and they're SOUL MATES! Is that disgusting or what? (For those of you who don't know, Elijah Wood plays Frodo and Lindsay Lohan plays grotesquely girly girls) Yeah. Wait...Kiley got rid of Lindsay! HOW DID SHE COME BACK? Okay, I'm done now.