She is ready for you.
6:30 PM: So we awake again back into this nightmare that has become our lives. When will it end and will we survive it? I tried not to think about this too much. It's just better to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Let God and time determine our fate; yes, but if we can do something to change this - please show us what it is!
Paroon has returned momentarily to instruct us as to what his role will be in helping get our precious and vital information to someone who can hopefully do something about it. He tells us he has just "gotten off of work" and will be returning this evening with the appropriate attire where with to smuggle me through the weapons lab onto their underground tube. He says it runs between this facility, the droid factory and the city on the other side of the ridge. There's an abandon maintenance tunnel though, that actually runs right under our trooper encampment. He said it will only take 4 hours now to get me back to camp; as opposed to the two days I would spend on foot. It will be much quicker and hopefully buy us some precious time.
Paroon was a little elusive when Salam began to question him again concerning his plans and the amount of information he had. He promised to explain this too me this evening when he returned and took me to the trains. He rationalized that he didn't have time right now to fill in the details on account of he needed to get back to his home, so he could instruct his wife and children as to what their next step should be. I think Paroon was trying to get them on a transport to anywhere but here. I know that has been proving to be more and more difficult as the war has progressed. Civil strife, inter-planetary conflicts and piracy have made travel tenuous at best. Unless you are very wealthy, a Jedi, or a clone headed into battle; your chances of going anywhere right now are pretty slim.
"So where is it you are taking her again?" Salam inquired as he rather protectively pulled me toward him.
"She will be safe. I have no interest in her fertility." Paroon reassured Salam.
"Fertility?!" Salam suddenly became quite alarmed as he stepped between Paroon and myself. "What are you talking about fertility?" He growled rather angrily while Paroon only looked a bit confused.
"You can't smell her?" He gave Salam a confounded look.
"What?" Salam exclaimed as he glanced at me and took an indignant step toward Paroon. Paroon backed up a minute and held his hands before him in a gesture of submission.
"I do suppose my sensitivities are not also a human trait." Paroon endeavored to interpret as I grabbed Salam's arm and pulled him back a step or two. Paroon put his hands to his side and bowed to Salam in what appeared to be a sign of honor in Paroon's culture. "We of the Fonk species can smell when others are ready to conceive." Paroon explained. "I am sorry though." He stated with his face to the floor. "I've only ever worked with one other human and did not know that you are not as aware of these ... scents as we are." Paroon straitened back up and looked at Salam. "She is ready for you." He nodded very respectfully.
Salam just stood there; seemingly not knowing what to say, or even do. Should he thank Paroon for this... odd 'gift' his species seems to have; or should he deck him? Either way, this could turn out to be a very intriguing evening. Finally, Salam's attention drifted to me.
"I will return at the end of four hours." Paroon nodded again as Salam swung back around and glared at our mysterious associate. "Unless of course you need a longer duration sir." Paroon bowed one last time as Salam just stood staring.
"Children are a blessing." Paroon grinned at Salam. "May you give her many." He nodded as he quickly reversed direction and walked down the loading dock into the rapidly descending evening.
Salam turned toward me again. He stood for a very long time as he seemingly was not only speechless; but didn't know what to do next. The wheels in his head looked to be turning in befuddled consternation. Should I or shouldn't I? He appeared to be lost in indecision. "Uh?" He held his hand in the air as if he was about to ask me something, when he suddenly stopped and his arm dropped to his side.
"What's the matter?" I snickered.
"Uuhh." Was all Salam could manage to vocalize, as he stood there still dumbfounded.
I let out a little titter as I watched him trying to put his thoughts, questions, intentions, emotions, longings, desires, and what ever back in check. He looked so sweet and genuine; nervously tottering there in his vulnerable innocence. I giggled again; as I could see the whirl of his conscience honestly trying to turn this struggle over to Some One who was so much stronger than he. 'She is ready for you.' Such gentle prodding I'd never heard spoken in such beautiful truth before. Yeah, she is ready for you. She quietly whined as she wrung her hands and smiled at him.
Salam intertwined his fingers behind his back as he crept closer to me. We both gazed at the other and giggled and smiled some more. Salam tried to talk, but couldn't seem to do much more than make silly little noises. That was OK though, because; neither could I. Without ever laying a hand on me; he leaned over and pressed his forehead against mine. He started to laugh as he closed his eyes and puckered up for a nice juicy smoochie. To that we both just started cracking up, as we tumbled to the deck and lay there holding our sides until our incessant howls made them ache.
After we'd sufficiently tired ourselves of giggling; we both sat up and watched the other in a quiet sort of serene contentment. A few attempts at words were made, but neither could seem to get the thoughts organized enough to engage the remainder of the body to speech. So with hands clenched together and eyes wide open, we watched the responses of the other as we leaned over and experimented in tasting each other. It was kind of odd, but not frightening or revolting.
"EEEEE!" I squealed as I flapped my hands in the air and than quickly clamped them over my mouth. At first Salam did absolutely nothing, but offer me a peculiar facial expression. Than all the sudden:
"EEEEE!" He did the same thing! I only sat and looked at him with equally as peculiar of a facial expression.
"Are you mocking me?" I inquired with a semi-serious snicker.
"No." Salam tentatively whimpered as I could see he was either trying to come up with a good clarification; (or good apology) as to why he'd acted as thus.
"EEEEE! - is just a very fitting exclamation!" He finally attempted at a convincing nod, before he covered his face and started to giggle all over again. "I'm so embarrassed." He muttered.
We both just sat there for several minutes as our faces ran the changing spectrum of reds.
"So?" I inquired through my own titters of nervous laughter. "Should we?" I started to tremble. "I...I..I'm ready for you..." I nearly choked on my own anticipation, as I preoccupied my fingers with more fidgety wringing. "You know." I sighed, nearly wordlessly as I hid my quivering hands behind my back.
"Yeah, I know!" Salam whispered as he endeavored to contain his wanting limbs by sitting on them. "Uhh!" was the only other thing he could manage to say in that moment before his arms broke free and he flung himself at me in one clenching bear hug. We toppled over and he let out one very long contented sigh as he loosed his grip and lay his head on my shoulder. He cuddled his arms around me, while gingerly entangling his legs among mine. He snuggled up as close as it was possible for two suits of clone armor to get.
"Uuuh!" I groaned half in enticement and half in amusement. I wonder what kinds of creative clamor we can elicit out of Beskar? I thought to myself when I suddenly got an idea. Should I? Shouldn't I? I pondered for a minute as my imagination ran the gambit of suggestive hubbub we could per-chance attain to. Than I couldn't hold it in any longer!
"Creek! Creek! Creek!" I started to giggle. Salam just picked up his head and peered at me a minute before a smirk overtook him and he commenced with gesticulations that harmonized with my sound effects.
"Wahhh! You Naughty Clone!" I howled as Salam too put his head down and gasped a few times. It's tough to breathe when you're laughing so hard. Salam sat up after he'd managed to contain his amusement a bit. I really didn't want him to, as I was rather enjoying the closeness.
"Yeah, I do declare." He snickered. "Not the most dignified deed I've ever done!"
He let out a long sigh and rubbed his face while I propped myself up on my elbows.
"What's the matter?" I asked as I sat up the rest of the way and gave his knee a reassuring pat and than a squeeze.
"I just don't want to do this out of fear." He repeated.
"Fear of what?" I questioned as I let go of his leg. "I mean, I understand thinking - Oh, I really want to do this because I'm afraid I'm going to die before I ever get the chance." I paused a moment. "Yet on the other hand? Do you not do something for the same fear?"
Salam looked curiously at me a moment.
"Well, I just don't want to leave you with a child I'm not here to help with." He finally answered. "It's not suppose to be like that. It's not fair to you, or the child and am I really loving you, if I put you in that situation?" He sniffled.
"But haven't you ever considered that if something did happen to you; what greater gift could you leave me than a living breathing part of you?" I posed as I crept back toward him.
Salam straitened up and just looked at me. I paused a moment.
"You really mean that?" He inquired, sounding rather unsettled about all of this.
"Yeah, I do." I looked at him with honest surety. How is it that strong Salam, so solid in faith and steady in feelings is actually doubting someone could find him so dear? I gazed at his face, as he seemed to be on the verge of tears again.
"You really do love me; don't you?" He uttered in quiet reflection.
"Yeah I do." I shyly confirmed, as a few soothing giggles escaped.
"And that is because?" Salam started to smile expectantly.
"Because I can!" I answered with an ironic chuckle. Wonder where you've ever heard that before? I grinned.
"Because you choose too." He started to giggle.
"Yup" I giggled in return, as I reached out and wrapped my arms around him.
I thought intensely about what love really was. What it meant to be so dedicated to someone's well being that if required, you'd give the ultimate sacrifice for them; your own life. What dear dedication that is and how many people are there really, who'd have the courage to do this. Does it take courage though, as much as commitment? I pondered as I looked at Salam; Salam who had commitment and courage! How hopeful it was to be so near someone of such endearing attributes. I could just hold and love you till my dying breath. I smiled joyously at him. He started to giggle.
"Thank You Lord." He sighed.
Ahh yes, and than there's God! The thoughts wandered through my mind, as Salam's simple praise hung in my ears. How is it that He'd be so devoted to any of us, when half the time, (if not most of the time); we pay Him no attention at all. Oh God help me. I prayed. And forgive me if I mess things up. I groaned as a kindly warmth filled my soul.
"Oooh." I whined happily as I could feel my whole being quiver with anticipation. Rapture of what was to come? I wasn't really sure? I was just excited that's all. It felt so good to see Salam happy. He giggled and snickered through a whole wonderful realm of life that neither of us really knew much about. Love in all it's varying and colorful aspects is an astonishing thing to stumble upon. I thought to myself as I beheld this one, just like me; just another clone. A disposable being, standing with his out-stretched arms waiting to be scooped up and swept away. Swept away into the sea that refuses no river. Little had I ever expected; this odyssey was turning into a intensely spiritual one.
I thought about Salam and what was going on in his heart. He'd ripened to a placid ball of fiery emotions, with whom the truth of his honest feelings was laid bare before me. It was a rather remarkable thing to witness, as I had so plentifully encouraged him every step of the way. He had tried desperately to reach out, take hold of me and pull me in nice and close; but alas, his affections had gotten away from him a bit.
He'd just put his head down a while, before he began to flood over with all that he'd feared to unleash moments prior. He spoke openly about his hopes and fears, his dreams, his doubts and the God who he earnestly endeavored to please. He prayed for understanding, wisdom and courage. He prayed for enduring honesty, love and dignity toward me.
"I don't want to mess this up." He implored with purity of heart and loving care. "Please let me know if I've gone astray down some strange road I shouldn't." He sighed. "I want to be a creature of true love; not one that deceives it's-self and others." He closed his eyes and rested a bit. I just silently watched him.
"Me too!" I whispered with a little giggled. "A creature of true love."
Salam quietly snuggled up again; getting as close as he could manage to dare for the moment. I let out a long tranquil sigh, as my mind began to drift. I thought about Alexandria, Shiloh, Babylon, Rex, Ashoka and everyone else, held up in anxious questioning back at the trooper encampment. I prayed all were safe and things were going well.
My meditations of peace and goodwill were suddenly interrupted by mysterious sensations. They ran from my toes, up my legs, strait into my back and out the top of my head. They were of such profound stirring, that there literally was no room for any other contemplations.
"Oh God help us all!" I suddenly cried out as I closed my eyes and my body jumped.
Salam started to giggle. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He just grinned.
As I watched Salam a moment or so; for what ever reason - thoughts of Paroon began to seep into my mind. I wonder what his children look like? I giggled happily. I could almost see their little brick brown spotted faces smiling back at me and their waves of curly montails looping down their backs. The Fonk were really elegant and noble creatures with slender limbs and graceful hands. I'd noticed that, as I watched Paroon's gestures upon his interactions with Salam and how he swept across our rock ledge back into the crags. He moved almost like a dancer. A dancer of a song who's melody we couldn't hear. She's ready for you. His words still rang in my ears.
Salam seemed to be lost in intense concentration. He'd watch with great interest in every little sensitivity I felt. When I gladly relinquished all I had; this delighted him to no end. He cuddled even closer and I clung tightly, as chills ran up my spine at this presence that filled me; body and soul.
"Oh God!" Was all either of us could manage to utter.
I observed in sheer amazement, the depth of profound sentiments that emerged from his soul and flashed across his face. It took a few minutes for Salam's self-consciousness to subside before he'd let me enjoy him as much as he was enjoying me. It was entrancing to watch. He was just as innocent and vulnerable in this big unknown as I was. Oh how deeply satisfying that is to see. What a beautiful comfort to know you're not alone.
I giggled and squirmed and cried out, as a deluge of fiercely potent emotions overtook me. "AAAh!." I screeched in one momentary surge, as my whole body shuddered. Oh God what was that? I gasped as I went on trembling incessantly. Was I completely riveted, or about to loose my mind? No! I was OK! I think? I realized, as Salam came to my rescue in an attempt to squeeze me back to safety. He'd paused momentarily and judging from the expressions of awe that swept through his being; this same storm had wholly taken him too.
We lay there and stared at the other, as it seemed we were both trying to figure out what had just happened to us? Both drenched now, cold and wet; having been swept away by this... gale? We looked at each other and just started to giggle. Having been thrown in the river; I think we made it to the sea?
"I...I feel so...small." I stammered as I sucked in a big breath.
"Th..th...that's OK." Salam also stumbled over his words. "I..I small too." He confessed as he folded his arms around me. "Bu..but God is big." He shivered. "He'll take care of us...and..and love us." Salam smiled. I smiled back at him.
"I..it feels good to be l.l..loved." I stuttered.
"It s..sure does!" Salam quivered.
"Thank You God." I whispered. "Thank You for loving us."
"Yes, Thank You!" Salam sighed.
10:30 PM Paroon made his reappearance precisely as he'd promised; nearly to the minute too. We were finishing readying me for my journey back to the unit, when he appeared at the foot of the loading ramp. Salam waved him up and he ascended platform into the shuttle. He paused a moment, looked at the two of us and smiled knowingly. I only put my head down and let out a little chuckle, as I turned back to the computer console. We've been caught; was the only thing that kept going through my mind.
Paroon and Salam were chatting a bit, as Salam was finishing packing me a few things. Paroon was busy pulling out the items he wanted Salam to give to me to put on. Salam was quite talkative this evening and I think Paroon brought out in him a sense of pride in what he'd finally "accomplished". They talked about children, Paroon's great love for his own and Salam's euphoria over the distinct possibility that he may have genesised one himself. I found it sadly ironic that Salam, a man who'd been, of all things - cloned; found the mere thought of impregnating me so utterly and absolutely arousing. But than again; I (the clone chick) found the mere thought of him impregnating me utterly and absolutely arousing too. Generically replicated beings, given by God; (of all things) the power to generate - life! It gave me chills. I giggled to myself. Oh God; I hope we survive this mess to enjoy it! I sighed.
Paroon had moved on to explaining the weapons lab, while I was still stuck on the baby idea. Was I going to have one? Was there one in me right now and if there was; what would it look like? I'm not an expert on genetics; but would I pop out a child that was essentially a clone of one of us? What an irony that would be. I started to quietly snicker. Than again; I suppose there's a possibility that it may not look like either of us? Hum, I don't know; but it certainly aint gonna look like Shiloh! I started to chuckle as my thoughts shifted in a different direction.
I wonder why they sterilized their army? I pondered a minute. Talk about issues of the rights of sentient beings? Yet Shiloh never said to me that he'd ever considered himself 'oppressed'; at least not oppressed for that reason. Than to say his army has it's own bill of rights and constitution? Just the simple notion that you wouldn't be put to death because you're considered 'defective' in some way! Basic right to life; what a novel idea. I muttered. Right to not be sold into slavery. Right to equal treatment in a court of law. Right to not be used as laboratory test subjects. All those types of things! Clone's rights! Probably something we'll never see! I sighed.
Salam had finished talking to Paroon when he came over with some sort of robe for me to put on. Paroon was threading a quick needle to baste up the bottom if need be. I took this garment out of the package and held it up. It was colorful; quite pretty. I giggled to myself as I slipped it over my head and put my helmet on. Salam just looked at me and shook his head.
"You're such a shinny!" He laughed. Paroon let out a chuckle too.
Within moments though; I'd been handed a whole bag of packages that contained the remaining elements of this outfit. I was instructed to go into the refresher and remove all my clone apparel and redress myself in this new garb. When I emerged; Salam told me I looked beautiful. I just felt weird though. Paroon showed me how to arrange the pieces as they would normally be worn. Still, I felt weird. I went and looked in the mirror after I'd gotten dressed. Salam was right. It was a beautiful attire and it did look nice on me. I still felt weird though.
We finished packing the few items I was to bring, before Paroon and myself set out for the weapon's lab. We stopped a minute or so to pray for the mission, ourselves and this planet. before we left the shuttle.
"Be careful and be safe." Salam said as he threw his arms around me. We hugged and kissed with a fervent passion for life. The life of him, the life of me, the possible life in me and of course the life all around us. May we make it through one more night! We both let out a sigh, as I turned toward Paroon.
"Let's roll." I said.
"OK" He nodded as we descended down the loading platform into the night.