Chapter 21: Endings and Beginnings
Willow spent nearly a full week in the hospital before she got the green light to go home. Giles had spent every available moment at her bedside to the point where the hospital staff threatened to charge him rent. As Willow filled out the release forms, she felt an all-too-familiar dread forming in the pit of her stomach. The last time she had seen Buffy and everyone else, all of Willow's secrets had been laid bare, casting her in a rather unflattering light. Would Buffy even want to see her?
When she had flown back from England, she had feared rejection then too, but a large part of her felt that she would have deserved it. Although she was delighted to discover that her friends still cared for her and welcomed her back, she knew that she had done things that merited expulsion from their lives.
This time, however, she wasn't sure what she felt. She had kept secrets, but in many ways, they had been her secrets to keep. Even so, she knew that she had hurt Buffy on a number of levels and she had no idea what to expect when she returned home that evening. She hadn't seen Buffy at the hospital, but she wasn't sure if that was because the Slayer hadn't come to see her or because Willow hadn't been awake often enough to catch her visits. Signing her name on the last page of the release form, Willow returned the clipboard to the nurse and allowed Giles to wheel her outside.
For his part, Giles' recovery had been impressive. Despite still getting regular headaches and finding he needed more sleep than usual, his focus and his tolerance of light and sound were both nearly back to normal. He had hoped to get the all-clear to drive by the time Willow was released, but for now he was relegated to taxis. He helped Willow into the back of one now, then closed her door, loaded her wheelchair into the trunk, and went around the other side to get in beside her.
As they wound through Sunnydale towards Buffy's house, Willow said, "I can't tell if I want my anxiety to distract me from the physical pain or if I want it the other way around."
Giles squeezed Willow's hand reassuringly. "It's going to be okay, Willow. You'll see."
Willow wished she had his confidence. She turned to stare out the window as the buildings' glass facades glinted in the setting sun.
As the taxi pulled up to the curb outside Buffy's house, Willow closed her eyes and tried to prepare herself for whatever might be coming. At least she had Giles there with her. It would be okay if Giles was with her.
At the sound of her door opening, Willow opened her eyes to see Giles standing on the curb with her wheelchair ready. He helped her into the chair, the shut the door and paid the cab driver through the driver's side window. Then, getting behind the wheelchair, he spun Willow around to face the house.
A ramp had been installed atop the center of the front steps. Willow blinked in disbelief. Someone had put a wheelchair ramp on Buffy's house. Okay, not someone. Xander.
Giles grinned and wheeled Willow up onto the porch. He rang the doorbell and waited.
The door opened but no one appeared to be inside. Giles pushed Willow through the doorway and into the empty living room. Willow's brow crinkled.
"SURPRISE!" yelled Buffy, Xander, Dawn, and Anya. They popped out from everywhere, it seemed, with Dawn even throwing a handful of confetti in the air. Anya was holding a sign that read "Welcome Home" and then, in small letters at the bottom, "Even though this is technically Buffy's house, but for the purposes of this sign, the word 'home' seems appropriate."
Willow, dazed but delighted, cried, "You guys!" She wanted to get up and hug everyone, but she wasn't even rated for crutches yet, much less getting up to mingle.
Dawn got to Willow first, leaning down and hugging her way too tightly.
"Ah! Dawnie! Go easy on me," Willow groaned, wishing she had taken an extra pain pill before leaving the hospital.
"Sorry Willow, I just got excited," Dawn said. "There's cake! Do you want cake?"
"Maybe in a bit, okay?" Willow replied, and Dawn nodded, scooting out of the way so others could greet Willow.
Xander came over next, his left arm in a bright pink cast. Willow caught sight of it and made a pitiful face.
"Oh, don't feel too bad for me, Willow," he assured her. "I'll be fine."
"Oh yes," Anya piped in from across the room. "He does everything right handed. Right, Xander?"
Xander closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, affixing his smile to his face with considerable effort.
Willow, attempting to bypass the moment, asked, "Why'd you go for pink?"
Xander opened his eyes and looked down at his arm. "So, funny story," he began, "apparently a sarcastic request for a fuchsia cast is taken very seriously in the medical community."
"I think it looks lovely on you," Willow grinned.
"Yeah, well you get to have the normal one," Xander jibed, pointing at Willow's encased lower right leg. "You might not be so pleased if it were you with the silly color on your limb for a month."
Willow shrugged. "They were out of pink."
Xander smiled and hugged Willow gently, then went to find himself the biggest piece of cake available. Willow glanced over at Buffy, who stood aloof off to the side, her arms crossed over her chest. Giles, still standing behind Willow, laid his hand delicately on Willow's shoulder. After a moment, he kissed the top of Willow's head and walked into the other room.
Buffy glanced over at Willow and saw that Giles had moved away. Exhaling decisively, Buffy uncrossed her arms and pulled a chair over to sit next to the witch. Willow looked down at her hands.
"Hey, Buffy," Willow said, her voice unsteady.
"Willow," Buffy sighed, "I'm just going to say everything, and I need you to not talk, okay?"
Willow met Buffy's gaze for just a moment, then nodded and cast her eyes down.
Buffy breathed deeply, then began speaking. "I felt really, really hurt when I found out about everything. I know you did what you felt you needed to do, but being the last one to find out about you and Giles hurt. You're my best friend. And you kept this from me."
Pausing, Buffy looked down at her hands, clearly struggling with her emotions. "I was so angry and upset, but when I dug you out from under that shelf and I saw you lying there…" Buffy's voice broke and she swallowed. "…I saw you there and I knew it didn't matter. Who you love, what choices you make for your life, it doesn't matter to me. I love you no matter what." She lowered her head to catch Willow's downcast eyes. The pair shared a small but genuine smile.
"I mean," Buffy continued, her voice surer now, "am I totally grossed out about you and Giles? Yes. One hundred percent disgusted." She and Willow both laughed. "But I'll deal. Because I love you. And Giles. You guys are my family and nothing's going to change that."
Willow smiled, but her expression quickly clouded over. "Buffy, about Spike – "
"Ugh, I will give you every cent in my bank account if we never have to talk about that."
"Conversation buried," Willow agreed quickly. "No charge."
Buffy leaned forward and hugged Willow as firmly as she could without putting the witch back in the hospital. Wiping a tear from her cheek, Buffy stood up and walked quickly toward the kitchen to investigate a crashing sound, anxiously calling Dawn's name.
Anya came over to stand in front of Willow, bending over at the waist and smiling too enthusiastically. "Hello, Willow!" she exclaimed, her tone that of a person talking to a small child. "I'm very glad that you are sufficiently healed to return to your home."
"Thanks, Anya," Willow replied, amused at Anya's discomfort in such social situations.
Anya's smile faded and her tone shifted to a conspiratorial one. "Have I sufficiently wished you well? Am I permitted to leave now without incurring the ire of our mutual friends?"
Willow grinned broadly. "Anya, I think you're safe to go. Thanks for coming."
Before Willow had even finished speaking, Anya had disappeared. Xander came back over, a smudge of frosting on his lip as he devoured the cake.
"People come and go so quickly here," he commented.
Buffy stood at the kitchen island pouring a cup of soda. A gentle tapping on the back door got her attention. She opened the door and stepped out on to the back porch.
"Hi Spike," she sighed, walking over to stand next to the vampire as he gazed up at the waxing moon.
"Hey, Buffy," he said, his deep baritone vibrating in his chest. He flicked ashes off the end of his cigarette.
"Willow's back."
"Yeah, I saw. She seems better."
"Yup. Doctors say she's going to be alright. In a while, anyway. You coming in to say hi?" Something in her voice suggested that the correct answer was no.
"Oh, no thanks, I'm not dealing with that kettle of fish." He paused, then asked tenderly, "How've you been holding up?
"I'm just fine." Buffy didn't bother to conceal the coolness in her voice.
Spike turned to face her. "Buffy, we haven't spoken since the hospital. We haven't talked about what happened. We haven't talked about…us."
Buffy turned and walked back towards the house. "There is no us."
When Buffy reentered the kitchen, she found Giles cleaning his glasses in the kitchen. From the sound of it, Dawn and Xander had decided to test the volume limit on the stereo.
"Hi Giles," she greeted him. In this, like every other interaction they'd had since the fight at the school, Buffy was supremely formal and polite.
Giles sighed. "Buffy, we need to talk." As he looked at her, he noted that she wasn't wearing the necklace he had given her when he returned from England.
"Are you ready to go back to training?" Buffy asked, distant and prim.
Knitting his brows, Giles replied, "What? Oh, no, that's not what I'm talking about."
"Well," Buffy responded, breezing past Giles towards the living room, "let me know when you are and we'll get to work."
"Buffy, wait." Giles' voice was loaded with emotion.
The Slayer stood at the doorway to the kitchen, her back to her Watcher. The tension in her shoulders was evident.
"Please," Giles added softly. "We can't keep doing this."
Buffy turned halfway around, staring at the door jamb rather than Giles. "Doing what?"
"Pretending that things are fine. You know they're not. We have to talk or things are never going to be okay between us."
Slowly, Buffy strode back into the kitchen and walked over to the counter furthest from Giles, leaning against it. "Okay," she said. "So talk."
Giles looked down and smiled joylessly. "Buffy, when I – "
He paused, already uncertain about how to phrase things. "When Willow and I began our relationship, it wasn't something we had planned or intended on doing. And there certainly wasn't any malicious intent in keeping it hidden. We didn't even know what our relationship was, and we weren't ready to share it."
"Xander knew. Even Spike knew." Buffy was trying to keep her voice even, but her pain was not well concealed.
"Xander figured it out on his own. You know how annoyingly observant he can be when he feels like it. As for Spike, Willow…for whatever reason, Willow chose to disclose our relationship to him. Perhaps she felt it would be easier to talk to someone who wasn't a close friend."
Buffy made the choice then and there not to talk about Willow's rendezvous with Spike. Glossing over the subject, she said, "Giles, I know we don't always talk about personal stuff, but Willow's my best friend. Whether you meant to or not, the two of you were sneaking around behind my back."
"Buffy, I hate to point it out to you, but you've done a fair amount of sneaking in the past yourself. When Angel came back from Hell, when you started dating Riley and found out about the Initiative, when you were seeing Spike…need I go on?"
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest petulantly. "This is different."
"How so?" Giles took a few steps towards the Slayer but kept a bit of distance between them. He didn't want to push too hard.
"Angel and Riley and Spike weren't your best friends. And besides, Giles, you're like…you're practically…" Buffy wrestled with her feelings. Giles kept his gaze fixed on her, saying nothing.
"You're like a father to me, Giles. And you fell in love with my best friend." The pain in her voice shattered Giles' heart. He began to understand.
Buffy sniffled and continued. "I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like I'm getting replaced. I feel like you chose her over me."
Giles approached the Slayer and placed his hands on her upper arms, gently squeezing. "Buffy, that's not crazy."
Swallowing and wiping her face, Buffy looked into Giles' eyes. "It's not?"
Giles smirked warmly and brought Buffy into his arms. "No, it's not. For years, you were the one woman in my life, even when you were just a girl. You were almost always the center of my world. And now that I'm in love with Willow, it's different. You feel jealous. Not because you want to date me, but because you're used to being the focus of my life."
In this moment, Buffy felt small in his arms. She could break him in half in an instant, but for right now, she needed his strength.
"Buffy, no one could ever, ever replace you in my life. You will always be my Slayer, and I will always be your Watcher."
A long moment passed as Giles held her in his arms. Inhaling deeply, Buffy asked, "Promise?"
Giles pulled away a little and looked into Buffy's pink face. "I solemnly swear on Queen and Country."
Buffy smiled, wiping her eyes and looked a little abashed. She nodded, sliding her usual tough exterior back on. The booming music from the living room was somehow even louder now. "Want to go yell at some people with me?"
"I would like nothing more," Giles replied.
For the next hour, Buffy, Dawn, and Willow chatted just like old times. Dawn was incredulous that Buffy had had no clue about Willow and Giles.
"Come on, Buffy," she cried, "did you seriously not see how they were looking at each other when they got back? I swear, sometimes you are so dense."
Across the room, Xander and Giles sat on the couch picking at their respective pieces of cake. Xander had tried and failed to engage each person at the party in a conversation about the design elements of the wheelchair ramp and what the build had been like, but he found little purchase in trying to discuss it with anyone. Even Giles, who sometimes feigned interested in such things out of pity for Xander, could not bear to hear about the choice of wood for the base versus the rails.
"You know it's going to be weird for, like, ever, right? The two of you being together?" Xander asked Giles.
"Yes, I suppose it will be," Giles answered impassively.
"But hey, I get some of the credit for getting you two together, right? I mean, I kind of kicked your ass, figuratively speaking."
Giles smiled and put his cake down on the coffee table. "Yes, Xander, you can take some credit for my reconciliation with Willow. In fact, I think I owe you a debt of gratitude for…'kicking my ass' and helping me get sorted out."
Xander bopped his head in a manner that indicated he was very pleased with himself.
"Oh, and Xander," Giles added, calmly, "if you ever talk to me again the way you did at my house, I'll put you in the ground." Giles stood and brought his half-eaten cake to the kitchen.
Xander chuckled, then a look of worry clouded his face. "Wait, Giles, are you being serious? Giles?"
As the evening wound down and Willow began yawning more and more obviously, it became clear that it was time to shut down the little welcoming event. Giles sat next to Willow and said goodnight.
"You'll come by tomorrow, right?" Willow asked.
"First thing in the morning," he promised. He leaned in and kissed her lovingly.
In unison, Buffy, Xander, and Dawn all made various sounds of disgust.
"Oh, God, make it stop," Xander pleaded, his eyes aimed at the ceiling.
Willow smiled, a hint of embarrassment on her face. "Fine, if you don't want to see it, then don't." She waved her hand in the air, enveloping her and Giles in an opaque bubble. It had the effect of essentially drawing a curtain around the pair of lovers.
"Now," she said, turning back to Giles, "where were we?"