Christine stared at the ceiling. She was thinking hard, but not really getting anywhere.
She had let a few weeks pass since she had told Erik she needed some time, and she was beginning to think it had been long enough.
She really thought she might love him. She thought about everything she knew about him, and it all made her smile.
Erik was kind. He never tried to hurt anyone, though he sometimes did by accident. He might have been inconsiderate at times, but he tried to fix it when she called attention to it.
Erik was smart. He was so very smart. He was a musical genius, and his thought process was so elegant. He always came to such a delicate and balanced solution to any question.
Erik was completely dedicated. He gave everything his complete attention when he was working on it and he never half-did anything.
Erik was considerate. Not necessarily of everyone's feelings, as he usually didn't really think about what others would think about his actions, but he always tried to do what Christine would be happiest with. She had asked for time, and he hadn't brought it up since then, though she could tell he wanted to. He didn't act coldly to her for anything she said, and that was a refreshing contrast to Raoul.
Christine knew she was blushing at the thought of him, but she didn't worry too much about it since she was alone.
Lastly, Christine knew that he loved her. She might not have known it, except for the kiss. Just from the kiss she knew he truly did love her, and he had admitted it to her himself after the fact. Erik loved her, and Christine was beginning to think she loved him in return.
Christine's cheeks hurt from smiling so much to herself.
But why the mask?
The thought hit her like a plane crash.
She had never found out why he wore the mask. She had assumed it was for a similar reason as other blind people wear dark sunglasses, but the longer she thought about it, the less it made sense. Surely he didn't need an entire mask just to cover his eyes.
Christine sat up in her bed and frowned. She knew she should have thought about this before, but she really did think she should know why he wore the mask. At least before she let herself completely fall for him.
Glancing out the window, Christine saw it was just about dark outside. She resolved to ask Erik about it, and went to bed.
"Does Lottie like people, or kittens, or dogs?" her father asked.
Christine furrowed her brow in concentration. Her father had been using the game to teach her how to spell, and it was still hard for her sometimes.
"Oh! Kittens! It's kittens!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly.
Her father smiled at her.
"How about butterflies, candy, or birds?"
"Ooh! It's butterflies! I know that!" Christine giggled.
"But lottie loves best when she's asleep," her father began.
"And the angel of music sings to make her sleep deep," Christine finished cleverly.
Her father laughed, scooping her up in his arms.
"Very good, little Lottie. Who taught you to think to quickly?"
Christine laughed, throwing her arms wide as she was swung through the air.
"Papa, the game is too easy. Everyone knows the answers."
"Huh, is that so? Perhaps we should find a more difficult game to play."
Christine frowned.
"Will the angel of music still be part of it?" she asked, concerned.
Her father put her down on the ground and rubbed his chin in thought. He smiled at her and shook his head.
"Why all this fuss over the angel?" he asked, crouching down to look her in the eye.
"You said the angel is real," Christine said.
"So I did, but why does that mean he should be in our games?"
"Well, don't you think he would be sad if he's not a part of our game anymore? He must be very lonely."
Nodding thoughtfully, her father smiled.
"I suppose you must be right. That settles it then, the angel will still be part of the game."
"Yay!"
"Now, What else have I told you about the angel of music?"
Christine skipped alongside her father as he began walking again.
"No one knows what he looks like, but he comes to teach people who were born with music. If you listen to him, you will be a great musician."
Christine recited it all from memory, having been told these things from the moment she had opened her eyes. Her father was nodding along to everything she said as they walked.
"Lottie, do you want to be a great musician?" her father asked when she was done.
Christine nodded vigorously.
"Yes, just like you, Papa. I don't want to play violin, but I want to be as good as you at something with music."
Her father smiled.
"You will be better than me, especially if you find the angel of music and listen to him. Would you like to play an instrument, or will you sing?"
Christine looked up at her father with awe.
"The angel of music works with singing?" she asked earnestly.
"Of course, my dear, singing is one of the purest forms of music. People are born with their voice, so it is music given to us from god when we sing. Unfortunately, I was not given the gift of a good singing voice."
"I want to sing! I want to sing the most beautiful music in the world!" Christine said, spinning and jumping.
Her father laughed and agreed with her.
"You will."
Christine woke up in the morning and frowned at the ceiling.
She normally didn't have dreams that were so directly memories as this one had been.
Trying to get back to sleep, the dream played through Christine's mind on repeat as if it were trying to embed itself into her skull.
Christine groaned and turned onto her side. She stared at the clock for a moment. It was too early. She wanted to lay in bed for the entire day and do nothing, even if she couldn't get back to sleep.
She sighed and resigned herself to wakefulness. She sat up in her bed and pulled a handful of hair away from her face.
Christine padded out to the kitchen in her socks and started some tea for herself. As it was heating up, she pulled her hair back and out of her face in a sloppy ponytail that she would have to fix later.
She sat at the table and sipped her tea, casually thinking about the day she had before her.
Erik grumbled his way to work. He hadn't been sleeping well because his stupid dreams came whenever he lay in bed. The dreams always left a sour taste in his mouth, but usually only came once a month at most. Having had them constantly for almost a week made Erik be in a particularly bad mood.
Erik unlocked the front door of the store and closed it quietly behind him. He tried to calm himself down, but his lack of sleep would be a problem when he needed to keep his mood in check. He knew he didn't have the energy to pretend he was in a better mood.
He walked back to his office and unlocked it as well.
Erik had a peculiar sense of deja vu at the familiar circumstance. It had been a while, but for years he had come into the store, early in the morning, with a dark and unfriendly mood.
The realization that he had at one point been regularly unhappy and upset didn't help his emotions to lighten.
Erik had never bothered to turn on the lights when he entered the store before, but today he found himself flicking the switches up and he heard the electric hum as the lights all slowly clicked on.
He had decided to break the habit for the day at the thought of Christine. It seemed like the kind of thing she would do. Just a small thing that would likely be unnoticed, but would bring a bit of light to someone else's day.
He had a heavy feeling in his chest, letting him know she would never love him and he didn't deserve it anyway, but he wanted her to be happy anyway.
Erik chuckled to himself.
He was thinking about someone other than himself. Daroga would be proud. He had always berated Erik for how he was quicker to be selfish than not.
Erik thought bitterly that he might just be trying to be nice so Christine would like him more. He knew Daroga would have offered the same comment if he were there. Nothing Erik did would ever be good enough to redeem himself.
He trudged around his office for a while, reorganizing things that didn't need to be reorganized and just generally not even trying to help his mood.
The door to the store opened and Erik could hear someone taking their position at the counter. He knew Christine wasn't supposed to come in that day until around noon, so he paid little attention to whoever was out there that morning.
The two worked in mutual silence for a while, they both seemed to be ignoring the presence of the other. Erik restrung a bow he had lying on his desk and applied rosin. He didn't want to drive himself to boredom, so he picked up the bow's companion and began to play.
He was playing the most impressive song he could think of, because for some reason, he wanted the cashier at the counter to know that he was a fantastic musician. He wanted whoever the person was to be jealous of his talent.
It was entirely selfish and self-serving, Erik knew. He couldn't quite justify his desire to be an object of jealousy, but it burned in him nonetheless.
He played and poured his soul into the music, making sure it was as intricate and difficult as possible.
Half way through the song, Erik heard the cashier make a call, but he ignored it. He continued to play until he heard it.
"Yeah, Christine?" the cashier asked, "Yeah. I'm feeling sick and I need someone to come in and cover for me. I really need to get home."
Erik stopped playing and listened. He wanted to know if Christine would actually be coming in early that day.
The cashier talked with Christine for another minute before Erik heard him thank her and end the call. That meant she would be coming in to cover for him.
Erik ran his hand around the collar of his shirt to make sure it wasn't twisted or folded anywhere and he brushed at the shoulder of his blazer, knowing some rosin powder had probably fallen there.
Erik listened as the cashier packed up his things and prepared to leave. A few minutes later, the door opened with the familiar sound of the bell and Christine's voice greeted him. The two exchanged a few words before the cashier left and Christine took his place.
Christine hummed softly to herself as she worked. Erik reached to open the door of his office, but his bad mood snatched at him as he did.
She didn't want to see him. Why would she? They were nothing but coworkers now. Perhaps even worse than that, he was just her teacher now and nothing more.
He hated the thought of Christine seeing his lessons as something professional and so cold. He wanted them to be comfortable and friendly.
But he had made them more professional. Every note he played or word he said during their lessons now was simply work.
Why would Christine want to see him if she didn't have to?
Madeleine was right, Erik thought, he was the worst thing that could happen to someone. Being in anyone's life was the worst thing he could do to them. No one wanted that.
He resolved that, if he truly cared about her, he would stay away from Christine. That was the best thing he could do for her.
He retracted his hand and stepped back to his desk. He was not going to open that door while she was there unless necessary.
He picked up the violin again and began to play, but this time it was much softer and gentler. He played one of the simpler melodies that he knew and tried to think of nothing but work.
Christine had heard Erik walking around behind the door to his office. It had sounded like he was going to come out at one point, when his steps came near the door, but he never did. He had started playing the violin, and Christine didn't want to interrupt him, but she was upset he hadn't come to say hello to her that day.
He always knew when it was her. He somehow always knew that she had come in. She had liked trying to figure out what had given it away each time, but today he didn't give any indication that he had recognized her that day.
Christine walked to the door of his office and knocked quietly.
"Do you need something, Christine?" Erik answered.
Christine swallowed. So he had recognized her.
"I just wanted to say hi,"
"Good morning,"
Christine waited to see if he would say anything else.
"Are you very busy today?" She asked.
"Not terribly. If you need anything, just let me know. I only have a few things to work on."
"Oh. Okay. Well, if you get done and want to come hang out out here, I'm working a double shift, so I'll be here all day."
"Thank you."
Christine walked back to the counter. She wondered if there was something wrong. Erik had not acted like he was upset with her, just more like they weren't even friends in the first place.
If he didn't want to talk to her that day, she would have to wait until her next lesson to ask him about the mask, but she would be extremely bored during work that day.
She inwardly groaned at the thought of the hours she would have to herself in the store.
Christine was just about to go crazy with boredom. Erik had stayed in his office and seemed to purposefully not play anything for hours. She knew that days class had ended a few minutes ago without her having attended, but she could use the extra hours.
The door opened and Christine turned at the sound.
There was Raoul, standing in front of the door and looking around at the store. Christine stood up to greet him and he smiled.
"What brings you to this corner of the neighborhood again?" Christine asked playfully.
Raoul rolled his eyes.
"I was told a guy who works here knows a lot about instruments, and I need some advice."
Christine's smile faltered. He wanted Erik? She didn't really want to bother him at the time, but he did say she could if she needed something.
"I know who you need," she assured him, "I'll get him for you. Wait here."
Raoul nodded, seemingly unaware of Christine's discomfort.
Christine took a breath and headed to Erik's office. She paused for a moment before knocking firmly on the door.
"A customer needs you," Christine said and chewed on her lip nervously.
The door opened and Christine found herself looking up at Erik. He had his thin lips relaxed in a frown and Christine noticed his blazer had and indentation from a violin, along with a few flecks of rosin dust on his lapel.
Christine cleared her throat and stepped back.
"He's uh, he's in the waiting area. Do you want me to bring him here or do you want to go there?" Christine asked.
Erik shrugged and started walking out to the waiting area. Christine followed behind him, having to hurry to keep up with his long strides.
Raoul raised an eyebrow at Christine when he saw Erik. Christine could only shrug hopelessly.
Erik stopped at the edge of the waiting area and Christine came around him to introduce them to each other.
"Uh, Raoul, this is Erik, you have actually met briefly if you remember, he's the string instrument expert for the store."
Raoul scanned Erik as if sizing him up. He was frowning, and Christine couldn't help feeling incredibly awkward with the entire situation.
Erik's face betrayed no emotion through the introduction, and he simply nodded at Christine's words.
Raoul shrugged and tried to offer his hand to Erik in greeting.
"Well, you sound like the person I need," he said, his outstretched hand remaining unanswered.
Christine felt her face growing hot. She wasn't sure if she was embarrassed, frustrated, or what.
Raoul should have known better, she thought, even if Erik wasn't blind, the mask covered his eyes and would be blocking his vision. What was Raoul thinking?
With a smirk so slight Christine almost missed it, Raoul let his hand fall back to his side.
"Well, I should let you know I have virtually no musical knowledge at all, so most of this is going to be on you,"
"That will be fine. What exactly is the problem?"
Raoul gave Christine a sideways look before responding.
"I have received a violin as a gift, and I think I may have damaged it," he said a bit guiltily. He raised the violin case in his left hand as if to emphasise his point.
Erik nodded and extended his hand.
"I can repair it. After the repair is complete, I will instruct you on how to avoid damaging it in the future."
Raoul plopped the case into Eriks hand and Christine saw Erik visibly flinch at the careless handling of the instrument. They discussed fees and timelines before Erik took the instrument into his office and closed the door behind him.
Christine took her place behind the counter and tried to busy herself, but Raoul hadn't left the store, and she had the feeling he wanted to talk to her.
Christine jumped at the sound of Raoul laughing. She looked up at him with her eyebrows raised.
"He's blind!" Raoul laughed, "I thought he was just some sort of freak. Oh man, Christine, did you like my handshake thing? I thought it was brilliant. Oh man. I hope he has a fun time repairing my violin, because it's a pretty serious break."
Christine's face was growing warm again, but she knew it was from anger.
"What?"
Raoul waved off her question.
"I can't believe you actually spend time with that guy. Not only here at wark, but you're letting him give you lessons as well? Wow. I doubt he's good for anything more than a pity friendship. How much are you paying him? It's not worth it, however much you are."
Christine was done.
"Why are you doing this? Why do you hate him so much? You don't even know him!" She interrupted.
Raoul laughed again.
"I thought he was an actual threat to me before, but now I see. It's so clear now. I don't hate him, I'm relieved, don't you see? I don't have to worry that this guy will take you from me. He's pathetic."
Christine shook her head. She was on the verge of crying, but her anger was stronger than her sadness.
"Raoul. I am not yours to be taken. What do you think that would even mean? I thought you understood that. You are a cruel person and I can't believe I didn't see it before. Go away Raoul. I can't even talk to you right now."
Raoul was stunned. He stood in silence for a moment before he turned and left, with angry mumbling under his breath.
Christine felt tears filling her eyes and a sob climbing up her throat. She grabbed a handful of candy from the bowl on the counter and sat on the floor behind the counter. She let herself cry and she felt completely helpless.
She would have normally been able to look to Raoul for comfort, but he was the one person she didn't want to see just then. Erik was being distant for some reason and might be upset with her. She had no one.
Christine briefly worried about if a customer came, but the sound of heavy rain began suddenly and she knew it was not likely.
Through her sobs, Christine heard music. It reminded her of her father. It was the last song she had ever heard him play. She couldn't tell if Erik was playing it or if she was just imagining the song, but it gave her a warm feeling. She shook with silent sobs for a few more minutes before she wiped her eyes and stood back up.
Erik had heard everything. Raoul had apparently been playing some sort of prank on him and he felt terribly clever for it. Raoul had called him pathetic, and thought he was a freak. He treated blindness as some sort of obscenity, like no one would want to be associated with it.
Erik ran his hand over Raoul's violin. The boy had somehow cracked the neck so severely it was barely staying in one piece. There was also a deep crack through the belly and the chin rest had almost fallen off. Erik had only ever seen damage this serious when an instrument had been given to a child.
Erik found some solace in the thought that Raoul would be paying for all the repairs, though he clearly had plenty of money for it if he could afford to have a violin, destroy it, and repair it, all without even knowing how to play it.
This project was going to take him a while, but he dreaded even beginning.
He had heard Raoul say that Christine would only have a pity friendship with him. Despite knowing Raoul was a complete idiot, this was particularly painful for Erik, because he already had thoughts along those lines himself. He didn't want Christine to feel obligated to be kind to him.
Erik could hear Christine sobbing and he felt a strong mixture of guilt and anger. He knew Raoul was to blame for why Christine was crying, but he was probably the last person she wanted to have comfort her. He was the reason Raoul had acted that way.
Erik pulled out his own violin, thinking he could try to do something, anything, to make her feel at least a bit better.
As he tried to think of a song that might help, one song kept coming to mind. He wasn't sure why this particular song caught his interest, but he began to play it.
As he played, it was as if he no longer possessed his own body and hands. He heard the music swell and take shape, but he was not in control. It was as if someone else were guiding him through the song.
Author's Note: Hey, thanks for reading! I just wanted to let anyone who's interested know that I may be pretty slow coming with the next chapters, but they will come. I will do my best to keep bringing you my best work, but you might need to wait longer between chapters. Thanks again and see you next time!