Chapter Twenty

The first few days after the kiss were a little strange. Severus made sure to keep a safe distance from Harry, who found it all very funny, but by the end of the week they were back to friendly terms. If the boy had thought it through, he would've seen how dangerous his move had been; it could've been considered a betrayal of his trust and thrown them right back at square one. On the other hand, he knew he'd never get anywhere just waiting: the Potions Master would never take the first step.

"I honestly didn't think you'd talk to me again after what I told you." Severus said one night. pouring himself a glass of wine.

"I know you didn't mean to get anyone killed. You weren't the one who betrayed my parents, Wormtail was. And I know you regret it. It's enough for me."

"Had to be a kid to be so simplistic." He rolled his eyes, sitting by the fire.

"You're the one who overcomplicates things." He smiled. "What happened to that boy who made potions easier?" He teased.

"Life isn't a potion, Potter."

"Doesn't mean it has to be so complicated."

"How did you even get your hands in my book?"

"Professor Slughorn. When I thought you were the one teaching, I couldn't get into your class, so I never bothered buying a textbook. When I discovered I'd take the class after all, he had Ron and I pick the books from an old cabinet."

"And what did you do with it?"

Harry blushed. "After the incident with Draco in the bathroom, we all agreed it was too dangerous, so Ginny hid it in the Room of Hidden Things."

"You lost my book?" Severus raised an eyebrow, making the boy's cheeks assume a darker shade of pink. "Didn't you think about the damage it could do in the wrong person's hands?"

"Not really. But if it helps, neither did Hermione, so-"

"Don't you dare use her as an excuse, Potter."

"I'm sorry. Maybe it is true I should've kept it. But I didn't even know it was yours back then."

"You didn't know whose book it was and yet you used the spells on a fellow student? How irresponsible can you be?"

"I said I'm sorry, okay?" He got up, annoyed.

"You do know I'm not actually angry, don't you, Potter?" He raised an eyebrow.

"What, all that and you're not mad?"

"You should really learn to control your temper. You shouldn't let people have fun at your cost."

Harry's jaw dropped. That was his idea of having fun? "You're almost as bad as my dad and Sirius." He said, sitting back down.

"You didn't seriously think I took all that in silence, did you? And for your information, that spell you saw your father use on me on your fifth year is also one of my creations."

"Really?" He said surprised. "How do you even create spells?"

"Talent." His lips curled up slightly.

"Arrogant." Harry smiled back. "It never even occurred to me it could be done."

"Expectedly." Harry narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't know how it works for other people. But it's nothing anybody ever taught me. It's like improving potions. Sometimes I just know what to do. Others it's trial and error. But it's all very intuitive."

"Amazing." Harry couldn't help but smile. It wasn't too often he saw that kind of passion in Severus.

"Those spells I taught you for the potion? Also mine." He bragged a little, casually looking to the fire. The boy couldn't help laughing. "Did I say something funny?" He looked severely at Harry, who didn't bother hiding his reaction. It felt too much like his school days for him to be comfortable.

"Actually, you did. I've never seen you show off like that." He took a few deep breaths, getting himself under control.

"The idea of being a spy is staying under the radar, you know." His expression softened. "When you laugh like that." He said quietly after a few minutes. "It's exactly like Lily."

"You made her laugh?"

"Don't look so surprised."

"I'm not. But I know even less about her than about my dad."

"She was a much better person than him."

"So I've heard." He smiled. "You spent a lot of time together?"

"Especially before Lucius. After that... Our ideas began differing too much."

"Did you love her?" He asked quietly. He knew he was treading on dangerous waters, but couldn't help it.

Severus took a few minutes to reply. "Yes. And I still do."

"Are you in love with her?" There was an urgency in his voice, and his heart was beating faster.

"No." He replied almost instantly. "Never was. I don't know why they all always thought I was. They used to say I fought with Potter because I was jealous of them. I just knew he wasn't a good influence on her." Harry breathed out a sigh of relief, catching the other man's attention. "That relieved?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Harry blushed and looked away. "It doesn't mean I have feelings for you, Potter."

"But it means you could have." He murmured with a smile, making Severus roll his eyes.

"How come you keep dragging our conversations to this?"

"I know one of these days it'll work."

"Enough for today, then." He said standing up.

"No! Come on. We're having fun here!" Harry got up and walked after Severus, who left his glass on a table and closed the wine bottle.

"We can continue this tomorrow, then. There's plenty to be done in the morning." He turned around to be faced with a smiling Harry cornering him against the table. He rolled his eyes. "No, Potter. Not this time." He flew the boy back to the couch with a nonverbal spell, where he landed laughing. "Good night, Potter." There was a light tone of amusement in his voice as he walked to his room. Harry was still smiling when he left Severus's chambers.

Time passed fast with everything they had to do, and all the people helping with the reconstruction collectively decided to throw a big Christmas Party to celebrate. Most of the main castle was ready, and they had already moved on to the bridges and greenhouses. They would have to pass an inspection from the Ministry in early April - which would give them time to fix any eventual problems -, and if they managed to keep their pace, it would certainly be done in time.

When the day arrived, the elves prepared a great banquet - which they were invited to join -, the Professors magically decorated the Great Hall and friends they hadn't seen in a long time showed up to join the celebration. Harry had insisted Severus joined them, but the Potions Master categorically refused. The best the boy could do was have Dobby take him some food from the feast, and almost regretted his decision when he saw the house elf return on the verge of tears.

He was in too good a mood to have Dobby cry on his shoulder, so instead he turned around and saw Remus and Draco talking to some other faculty members on one corner. He had an idea he wanted to discuss with them, and decided to seize his opportunity. Quickly sneaking past the other guests, most of whom he had already at least exchanged a few words with, he reached the other end of the room just as the conversation ended.

"Harry! It's great to see you!" Remus embraced him tightly, getting Draco to raise a playful brow. "How are you?"

"Good, I'm good. And the two of you?"

"Never better." The werewolf smiled.

"Enjoying the party?"

"As much as possible." Draco tried to sound bored, but he was evidently having a good time. "Where is Snape? I haven't seen him anywhere."

"Where do you think? Hiding in his chambers." They smiled. "Maybe you could go there to say hi later? I think he'd like it."

"What, you're that close already?" The blond joked.

"I wish. But I've had an idea I'd like to discuss with the two of you."

"Spill it, Potter. How dangerous is it going to be?" He said excitedly, receiving a not very satisfied look from Remus.

"Well, considering it's about Severus, very."

"So he finally let you call him by his first name?" The detail didn't go unnoticed by the boy.

"Not really. I only call him that when he's not listening." He smiled. "But here's the thing. You know his birthday is coming, right?"

"Potter, don't throw a surprise party for him, for Merlin's sake." He shook his head and looked at Harry like he belonged nowhere less than St. Mungo's psychiatric wing. "You won't live past the first five seconds."

"It's not a party. I was thinking just a dinner, something quiet. I wanted to invite his friends or something, but only you came to mind."

Draco made a face. "I guess his circle of friends is pretty restricted."

"So I though, dinner, just the four of us. You don't think he'll freak out too much, do you?"

"Harry, if you want to do something like that for him, you should probably talk to Severus first. I know it would ruin the surprise, but really, he's not the type who appreciates such things." Remus pondered, and Draco agreed.

"But I want to make something special! I know it's risky. I'll take the blame if things don't work out."

"Do what you think it's best, Potter. Just don't come crying to us in the middle of the night when he kicks you out." Harry smiled at him.

"Just tell us when and we'll be there."

They spent a while longer discussing the work on the castle and the headlines from the Daily Prophet before they all sat down to eat. It was a fairly agitated meal, and it was already very late when everybody left. Harry was tired, but there was one more thing he wanted to do. On his way to his bedroom, he noticed with a smile that the lights on Severus's chambers were still on and knocked a couple of times before coming in.

"Still awake?" He asked from the door, being ignored over a book. "What are you reading?"

"What do you want, Potter?"

"I wanted for you to have joined us. It was fun."

"We have different concepts of fun." He said closing his book and standing up.

"Draco came. He would've liked to see you."

"Then tell him to come help more often."

"I will." He smiled, walking closer to the other man, who was bending over his desk taking some notes. "I like this view."

"Potter, what-" He looked over his shoulder and understood what he meant. Hiding his embarrassment, he turned and stood upright, his arms crossed over his chest. "What do you want? Isn't it a little late for visits?"

"I just wanted to give you your Christmas gift."

"No, thank you."

"It's a gift, Professor. Just accept it." He offered the package.

"You are aware that I'm not giving you anything in return, right?" He asked before taking it.

"Don't worry. I just wanted to give you something. So, Merry Christmas."

"That's a stupid muggle holiday, Potter. It surprises me how eager wizards always are to celebrate it." He complained, holding the gift unwrapped in one hand and staring at the boy in front of him.

"Well, aren't you going to open it?" He asked anxiously.

"It's a book. And if it's anything like the last books you bought me, you're wasting your money. I already told you that manager from Flourish and Blotts-"

"It's not from there. And I think you'll like this one. I don't remember seeing it anywhere at your house."

"Fine. Let's see." He ripped the paper open. "Potter, you can't give me my own book as a present." He said reprovingly, but his eyes lit up when he recognized it. It was his own copy of Advanced Potion Making. "How did you find it?"

"Long nights looking for it. What you said, it got me thinking. It's your book, and it belongs with you."

"Or were you just afraid I was actually angry that you lost it?" He raised an eyebrow, one of the corners of his mouth going up as well.

"No, I just... I wanted to give it to you." He mumbled, looking down.

"Is there anything else?"

Harry smiled at the floor, and didn't dare lift his eyes until he'd finished speaking. "I know what you could give me for Christmas."

"I said I wouldn't give you anything. And if you're done, please leave."

"Oh, come on! Just one little kiss. One! And I could pretend you never backed up in your decision. A little Christmas miracle."

"Potter, no means no. Now get out." He wasn't going to make the same mistake again and kept safe distance.

"Right. No means no. I'm not leaving until you kiss me." He said resolutely, causing the other man to sneer at him.

"Then stand there all night, Potter. I'm going to bed." He turned and left the room.

Not too long after, Severus heard a chair being dragged around, and assumed the boy had carried it to where he was supposed to stand. He couldn't help being entertained by his stubbornness. When he woke up early the following morning, he found Harry sleeping on the chair and, shaking his head, he levitated him to the couch so he'd be more comfortable before moving on with his morning routine. What a troublesome boy, he thought with a smile.

Harry woke up surprised to be lying down, and even more surprised it was already well into the morning. It took him a few seconds for the memories of the previous night to return, and he couldn't help smiling when he realized Severus had cared enough not to leave him in the chair. Maybe he was making some progress after all.

The New Year passed with a much smaller buzz than Christmas had. A strong snow storm had forced them to suspend their work that day, and they had to spend the following day taking out the snow before they could continue their work. It may have just been two days, but it had everybody worried about their deadline.

Also approaching was the day of Harry's surprised. They got used to rather early dinners, and he made sure the guests would arrive in time, so instead of just him showing up, all three could arrive together. Severus was indeed surprised to see them there, and sent a fierce look to him before politely telling them to get in. Maybe because it had only been Remus and Draco, the Potions Master didn't make a scandal - not that it was very much like him either way -, but talk took ten or fifteen minutes to start flowing. Once the wine began sinking in, making them more relaxed, they almost behaved like old friends. Anyone watching would've had them admitted to a mental facility, but the truth was they had more in common than they thought.

When they finally decided to call it a night, Harry walked the guests to the Main Entrance, from where they would apparate home. Most of the protective spells still hadn't been cast over the school, so it was still possible to travel that way. Satisfied with how the night went, the boy was smiling when he returned to Severus's chambers, intending to help cleaning up, but found him instead reading by the fire.

"Happy birthday, Professor." Harry smiled from the door, watching the other man for a few moments before coming in.

"Don't you think we've talked plenty for one night?" He asked without raising his eyes from the book.

"I suppose." He lazily approached the other man. "I know socializing isn't you thing."

"Then what are you still doing here?"

"I thought I'd help you clean up. But it seems you've got that done already."

"Nothing a little magic can't solve." He said like who states the obvious. "Was that all?"

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, leaning against Severus's armchair, causing him to retreat as far as he could.

"What are you doing, Potter?" He asked without raising his eyes.

"Are you?" He insisted.

"I'll be if you don't move away."

"Not about this." He effectively sat on the arm of the chair. "About the surprise."

"I think I can stand two guests for a few hours." He looked at him. "Don't do it again." He closed the book and stood up, meaning to go to his room, but as he walked past Harry, the boy grabbed his arm. "Let me go, Potter." He said without looking at him and trying to pull away.

"You don't have to go."

"I'm tired, Potter. Great for you if you're not, but I am." He tried to pull his arm again unsuccessfully. "Let go, Potter. I don't want to have to hex you."

"Why do you always have to be so distant?" Harry asked quietly, letting his head drop.

"You're the one who thinks we're closer than we really are." He stopped trying to get away.

"I want to be close. It was fun teasing you. But it was only fun because I thought you also wanted me to."

"What, now I'm a game?" He asked, his voice sounding less severe than he would've liked.

"I thought it was a little game of ours. I try to get you and you run away. But if you don't want me to, if you're just going to ignore me, then I don't want to play anymore."

"I didn't realize it was a game, Potter. I thought we both agreed it was just you being foolish believing you could change my mind."

"If you really didn't want me to do any of it, you could've stopped me. But you kissed me back. You let me hold you like this, and don't really try to get away."

"We're not children, Potter. I shouldn't have to force you away from me every time to reassure you of my decision. You should know your place."

Harry got up, letting go of Severus. "Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me. Tell me, and I'll never try anything again."

He didn't turn around. "Potter, stop-"

"Do it." His tone wasn't aggressive but it was very firm. He could feel the tears wanting to emerge in response to the words he feared would come.

Severus turned around decided to tell the boy exactly what he was asking. Somewhere inside him, he knew it was a lie, but how many times had he done similar things? Not doing it wasn't even an option. But when he turned, he met green eyes so determined, and working so hard to push back the tears that his voice got caught in his throat.

"You can't say, can you?" Harry asked, his voice trembling slightly.

The Potions Master opened his mouth, yet no sound came out. The boy couldn't stand it anymore, and threw himself against the other man, holding him as strongly as he could and finally letting the tears fall. Severus didn't know what to do. His first impulse had been to throw Harry against the furthest wall, but instead he clumsily let his arms rest around the boy.

They just stood there for long minutes, trying to make sense of what had happened, what was happening. Harry finally looked up with a weak smile, eager to say something, say the right thing, but no words came to mind. Instead, he got on the tip of his toes and gently kissed Severus's lips. It was such a soft touch he doubted for a moment it was real. But he also doubted any of that wasn't just a dream, and quickly pushed those thoughts away from his mind. He pushed all thoughts away; he didn't want to think, he wanted to feel.

Severus corresponded the kiss as softly as he could at first, but suddenly everything that had been repressed inside him for so long pushed its way to the surface, and he became hungrier and hungrier for the boy's taste. He explored that mouth carefully, but avidly, biting and sucking his lips until they were bright red. And Harry matched his passion, pulling him closer, as if any inch between them was too much to bear.

It took them quite a few minutes to be satisfied, and when they parted, they were both completely breathless. Severus rested his forehead on Harry's shoulder, who smiled from ear to ear, not wanting to find out if it was a dream or reality. Once their heartbeats had returned to normal, the Potions Master took a step back, looking into his green eyes.

"What now, Potter?" He asked quietly.

"Now you can call me Harry." He smiled.