A/N: Hey guys! So this is what I hope will be a super angsty piece. I hope Greg doesn't appear too OOC but this has been on my mind for a little while. So I know a while ago I talked about the times Greg had been angry and I thought maybe some close analysis of those times was needed so, I hope this look into Greg's thoughts is a moving one.

Warning: contains minor spoilers from a bunch of episodes, but none from the latest season.

Summary – Greg takes a look at how he's changed over the years and worries about how much his level of aggression seems to have increased.

Angry

Greg Sanders was angry, mad, pissed and every other synonym under the sun as he left the un-communicating suspect. He was so pissed it scared him.

The CSI had first realised his anger was getting worse when he snapped at Catherine and Nick for trying to send him to that God forsaken crime scene in the middle of nowhere, even though Ray was the trainee at the time. The ex-lab tech felt guilty after of course, Catherine and Nick were his superiors and he'd had no right to talk to them like that. But he had felt it was about God damn time they realised he was just that, an ex- lab tech and he felt he deserved more respect and his opinions should be more valid, if not because of professional status then because he was their friend.

He wanted to prove that he had earned the right by then to work the big cases, but he soon realised Catherine was only trying to give him the independence he'd so desperately wanted, even if it was a crap case. Greg wondered when he had become so demanding; working in the DNA lab he was so use to being the one demanded. When he'd first decided to be a CSI Greg had had very little self-esteem and failing his first test by making such a stupid mistake didn't help matters. At that point he'd felt the lowest of the low, felt like quitting in fact, but then Grissom had given him a second chance, and all the others had done was mentor him and give great advice. At the time it had felt like babysitting, but now he realised he'd only just thrown Nick and Catherine's help back in their face. Am I getting too full of myself? The CSI would often wonder now a day.

He didn't want that to happen, that's not who he was. Greg was mellow, calm; he didn't even lose his temper with suspects how could he even think about losing it with his friends? He couldn't thank them enough for all the support they gave him when he decided to be a CSI and how much encouragement they'd given him ever since. Greg was the most grateful person in the world for that; they were his family… so why had he suddenly cracked? What was it that had pushed him so far that he finally argued with Catherine and Nick like that, both of whom, he might add, could be rather intimidating in a fight.

Greg's role had always been peacemaker, between Sara and Catherine when they clashed heads, Warrick and Nick when they were arguing over cases. Why was he suddenly the one to start the battle?

The second time Greg displayed a physical act of aggression, was when he had stopped those two suspects in the crematorium by hitting them with the plank of wood. At first the stunned look on Nick's face after he did so had amused him, but he soon realised this was a look of shock as it was never expected for Greg to do such a thing. He also wondered if it had worried Nick a little to see him act that way. Maybe Nick feared the old Greg was gone, the man himself feared that also. He just had to look at his flattened hair in the mirror every morning to see that.

Physical aggression was not Greg's style. If it was then he would have fought back when that gang of punks was beating the crap out of him. But he didn't, he let it happen. And he had killed Demetrius James with his car…but it was an accident and he did it because he was scared, not because he was angry. But he had been scared the time with the plank of wood too. He was worried about Nick and the detective they were with after he heard the crash from the other room.

If those jerks have hurt them…. he remembered thinking as he subconsciously grabbed the wood there will be hell to pay. He may not carry a gun, but he didn't need one, Greg had seen enough mayhem in his career to know anything can be a weapon.

He remembered hearing the two suspect's running back towards him. "Oh know you don't" he remembered whispering to himself as he aggressively swung the plank of wood round and knocking the pair to the floor. It made him feel sick now; the slight feeling of thrill the action had given him. Hurting someone… it wasn't supposed to feel that way. He was supposed to regret it. He did now, but not then. Maybe he'd just taken enough shit from enough suspects to not even care anymore.

And again the look of awe on Nick's face when he came running. Probably thought he'd have to save my ass again Greg remembered thinking Well this proved him wrong. That was wrong of him too, he shouldn't be thinking of Nick's protection in a spiteful way, or that fact he felt he constantly needed to prove himself…that shouldn't still be important after 3 years of being a level 3 CSI. But it still was. And well, being Mister nice guy hadn't been working, so may be Mr Hard ass would.

Greg desperately wanted an explanation for this behaviour. Maybe it was because after Sara left he felt alone and without a best friend. Maybe it was because after Warrick died, Nick wouldn't even talk to him and Warrick had been killed by someone the team were supposed to be able to trust. Maybe it was because after Grissom left, Greg was without a mentor. Maybe it was because after Riley left, Greg was once again without someone he was starting to have feelings for… And maybe all these maybes were just excuses and Greg was just starting to become a bad and angry person.

I don't want that Greg thought I don't want to become mad all the time. I use to be so happy. I use to dance around the lab, I use to play air guitar and not give a damn who saw... but then things happened.

Greg had to grow up a when he became a CSI. He had to tone himself down a lot. But he wasn't sure it was worth it because now, with the anger, he didn't like the person he was becoming, and it had progressively been getting worse, up until the point he had to be restrained and called that woman a bitch because she knew about Morgan's kidnapping. That was the worst. He'd been seething that day, he cared about Morgan a lot and…well he'd never lost it like that before, especially not to the extent he had to be restrained, by two officers…

"Greg?" a quiet voice broke his thoughts. It was Sara, he turned round to see she and Nick stood in the doorway. The expressions on their faces were… somewhat terrified.

Why are they looking at me like that? Greg thought rather agitated, but he soon realised.

He noticed how heavily he was breathing through his gritted teeth, his eyes were narrowed and his fists were tightly clenched. He stopped at the look on his friends faces and looked around the room. He went wide eyed in shock.

He wasn't sure when during his thought's he'd gone back to his office. But he saw that his chair had been kicked over and his books and papers swiped off the table, paper now all over the room. He saw how his coffee mug had been thrown against the wall and been smashed to pieces, and he saw how his mirror was also shattered and had drops of blood running from it. He slowly looked down at his bleeding fist. All destroyed in a stint of his own aggression… and he didn't' even notice.

He looked back to Nick and Sara. He was trembling all over, but not from anger anymore but from fear. Tears were welling in his eyes "I- I don't want to be this person" he stuttered as the tears finally began to fall "I d-don't like who I've become, please don't let me be this person" and he broke down into heart wrenching sobs.

Sara hurried over and hugged him tight and Nick placed a comforting hand on his back. "It's ok Greggo" the Texan soothed. "Sara and I, we've known you the longest, we know this isn't you."

"It's ok to get angry sometimes" Sara told him "This job has changed us all"

"But that's the very thing I feared" Greg whispered through the tears "What if it's changed me for the worst?"

So was it ok? I know the ending is a little ambiguous but I kind of wanted it to be that way. Also, I know I didn't choose some of the most obvious points when Greg got angry to talk about, but that's what I wanted because I wanted to look deeper into the minor details. Again I apologise for any OOCness

Haven't got many prompts in a while but keep them coming, I am getting to them I promise!

Reviews are also great :) x