Searching for Paradise
Act Twenty One
Her chores could wait; there was a reunion that was long overdue. She could barely feel the ground beneath her feet as she took off down one of the long hallways. Turning every corner in her most clumsy manner, she felt her heart skip faster than ever before. It thumped in her ears louder with each passing moment, fueling every step and giving her giving her some sort of strange confidence. How would she tell them, what would she say? How could she possibly express herself after the last month?
Would they accept her apology and take her back with warm, open arms?
They had to.
She saw the large dojo area within range and the adrenaline in her veins pushed her to run even faster. Her heart had practically crawled into her throat and she felt on the verge of becoming ill. But she couldn't hesitate, not after she'd come this far. Realizing everything really important was right in front of her the whole time.
Her socked feet hit the dojo floor for only a brief moment before she felt the floor nearly give way beneath her. Her arms shot outward and began to move in a circular motion in a pitiful attempt to keep her balance. After her right foot shot outward on the hardwood floor, her left foot grinded as if she had stepped on the brakes. Her body came to a slow sliding stop, both her arms and legs spread wide apart.
Her eyes then scanned across the room, she had to find them, the people she loved the most. Nearly out of breath, her jaw dropped open while she gasped and panted to regain the air that had been knocked out of her. Katsuke jerked her head right and left until her eyes landed on a small group of men standing at the far end of the dojo.
The three jokers and Tetsunosuke had turned to face her after the commotion she had stirred up and stared at her with their brows arched. And just like that, all of the anger and sadness she had harbored in her heart for the last few weeks lightened. It was if the heavy weight on her heart had lifted and she was able to breathe again. Like seeing someone after years of separation, it was as if she had found her light once again.
Even if they did have the stupidest looks on their faces.
Before anyone could ask anything she sprung forward. Arms open and on the brink of tears she flung her tired body toward the largest man in the group. As soon as her chest made contact with Sanosuke's her arms closed around his back. She buried her nose in his chest and gripped to him as if she'd never see him again.
"I'm sorry!"
She wept into his broad chest without any kind of nervous hesitation. This time she would be the stupid Katsuke she was when she first walked into the Shinsengumi, she wasn't going to fake anything any longer.
"What the hell, Katsuke?" The sound of Shinpachi's voice alerted her senses.
Removing her arms and face from Sanosuke she turned to the shorter man and wrapped her arms around him. She pulled him against her chest with all her might, hanging on to the redhead in a manner she never thought possible. His arms were extended outward, most likely still in shock from the whole situation, meanwhile his muscles remained loose.
"Are you okay?" He finally stiffened and gave the younger girl a pat on the back.
She wasn't going to answer, not just yet. She pulled her body away from Shinpachi and flashed him smile among her wet facial features. Tears still streaming from her eyes she turned to the left to see a very confused Heisuke standing behind her with his lips poked outward and his brow lifted. Did he have to be so cute? Again without any words, she attached herself to the middle man, placing her arms beneath his armpits.
An exhale of air left him as her chest met his and he grunted as she tightened her grip on him. She felt her breathing hitch while holding on to him, causing her to dig her fingernails into the back of his yukata. She was probably leaving a wet mess on his shirt but did it matter? Sure, they'd tease her about this later but it was well worth it, for this moment.
She detached her hold on Heisuke and took a few weak steps backward. Through the blurry images from her tear-soaked eyes, she watched as the four boys looked at her in utter confusion. They had to be baffled, having her come sliding into the dojo, crying and panting as if she'd run a marathon then to leap onto Sanosuke? Shit, she was still confused herself!
Katsuke looked away from the three idiots long enough to plant her sights on the smallest, youngest male in the room. Tetsunosuke stood with the highest cocked brow and a curled upper lip. She took a breath through her nose as she approached the redhead with open arms. Once in range, she scooped the smaller boy into her arms and pressed his face to her collarbone. Her right hand lifted and moved up his back until they locked in his hair.
"I'm sorry."
Unlike Sanosuke, Shinpachi or Heisuke, Tetsunosuke moved his arms back until his flat palms rested on either side of her shoulders. With a single jerk he pushed himself out of her chest and shot a nasty glare up at her.
"What's wrong with you?"
Her hand fell out of his tangled hair and she loosened her grip on the youngster. Katsuke removed her arms from Tetsu and took a single step backward. She could feel a second round of tears gathering behind her eyes but she had to resist the urge to cry for as long as possible. After this, they weren't going to see her cry, ever again. They better remember this moment because they'd never see her so open again! This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for all of them.
"Nothing." She felt her heart swell.
They didn't know how much she really loved them, not yet; maybe sometime when they were older, when she was wiser but not now. For now, she would accept their affection and appreciate every day. As long as she didn't take them for granted and cherished each day then she wouldn't regret anything. But did they need to know this? Of course not. She might be a new person but some old Katsuke traits were just too engraved to erase out of her system completely.
"I take it you're feeling better!" Shinpachi moved his hands to his hips.
"Best I've felt in a while." She allowed a small smile to curl the ends of her lips.
"Good to know," Heisuke flashed his trademark grin. "We have a ton of laundry for you to do!"
"And it was getting too quiet." Sanosuke added as he folded his arms over his muscular chest. "After Tetsu developing so much, we kinda miss all the screaming and yelling between the both of ya."
She'd missed it too, oh how she'd missed it. Katsuke looked down to see Tetsunosuke with an angry pout on his face. His cheeks had highlighted with a dim shade of pink, was he embarrassed? That pout with those red cheeks, why did she almost think it was cute? No, there was no way Tetsunosuke was growing on her that much! He was just a rotten kid after all, right?
"What's all this noise?"
The sound of Saitou's deep voice shot goosebumps up her arms. She straightened her back and glanced over her shoulder. Walking side by side, Saitou and Yamanami made their way into the dojo with confused, concerned looks. So they had made that much noise? Geez, she hadn't realized it but it had to have sounded 'different' after she rushed in and hug-assaulted Sano.
The look on her former-master's face settled her beating heart. Still as handsome as ever, she approached Yamanami with a sappy smile on her face. Her arms ached as they moved up and she latched on to the four-eyed male. Gripping at his sides she pushed her forehead into his chest. The warm scent she had always recognized as her master filled her nostrils and forced her eyes to shut. A warm touch to the top of her head caused her to whimper. He began to pet her with the gentle touch she had first fallen in love with. With each slow stroke she clenched her jaw tighter. Damn, he wasn't making it easy not to cry!
"Thank you." She whispered as she pulled her face away from him.
Instead of giving her a verbal reply, he shut his eyes and allowed a sweet smile to spread over his lips. His warm hand left her head and returned to his side. Maybe they didn't end up 'together' but that was okay, wasn't it? She still cared for him in a way that she never thought possible. It went beyond the sexy grin and voice, he was a friend. Someone she could speak with when she needed an ear, someone she could depend on. What more did she need?
Katsuke ended their embrace with a sniffle and then turned her attention to the pale male to her right. He stood, slouched, with his usual peaceful expression. What he could be thinking, she had no idea but the air of mystery around him would do just fine for now. She didn't need to hug him; he knew what he had done for her. That she knew for certain. But she had to thank him somehow. She lifted her chin and allowed a wide smile take over her features. Her eyes swelled with tears but she maintained the warm smirk, they didn't need words, this was enough.
"I have to tell Souji something." She broke her eye contact with Saitou and turned back to the trio. "I'll be back and then I'll start dinner."
"Sounds fine." Yamanami's voice reassured her.
"Keep your distance," Saitou caught her attention. "He's still ill."
"Of course."
She backed away from the group of males but her eyes remained on them the entire time. What more could she ask for? She came into this place with no one, nothing and now? She had more friends, fathers, brothers and uncles then she could ask for. And for the first time in a long time she could admit to herself that she loved someone other than herself. It was something that she never wanted to lose, something that her heart would treasure forever. They were far from perfect, especially the three idiots, but that was okay. Their brotherhood was something no one could replace or understand.
To never taking you guys for granted again.
She finally pulled her chin back over her left shoulder and face forward. Things from here on out would be different, that was for sure.
XoXoX
Her curled index finger hit the wooden frame twice. She inhaled a deep breath through her nose and held it. This was it, to say thank you to the one person she considered her best friend, the person who washed when she was sick, the person who she thought the mostly highly of, Souji. He had saved her more times than she could remember and she had never once told him how she really felt. How thankful she really was. Even if she was pretending to be a man, it was no excuse to let his favors and kindness go unnoticed.
"Come in."
She exhaled. Shutting her eyes, her hand gripped at the door and slowly, she pulled it open. As the room's stale air hit her face, she reopened her eyes. Souji was seated up in his bed with a small smile on his pale face. His hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed that morning, perhaps he wasn't feeling strong enough to do it himself? She felt her heart crack as she approached the still beautiful male.
"Hi." She said as she was able to give him a small grin.
"Hi," He replied in a higher pitch then she would have expected from him. "Can I help you with something?"
"Nah," She shook her head and took a seat beside the swordsman. "I just wanted to come in and see you."
"That was sweet of you," His smile grew. "How are you feeling?"
How could he ask such a question? This moment, this conversation had nothing to do with how she was feeling or how she was doing, this was about him and he still made an effort to check in on her. How could he be so sweet? In their short time of knowing one another, he had showed her more kindness then she had ever seen and he deserved more. More of everything.
"Don't worry about me." She felt a giggle tickling at her lungs.
Souji was quick to give her his child-like pout. "Of course I worry about you."
"I'm fine." She reassured the older male with a small fanning motion of her hand. "I wanted to ask how you were doing. So, how are you?"
"Better." He gave a simple nod. "I think the medicine is working."
"Good."
Her eyes moved away from his stunning features and looked to his long purple locks. If he wasn't feeling up to brushing his own hair, then she would be happy to do it for him. He had nursed her back to health when she was sick, after all. Katsuke glanced to the ground to see a small group of personal items beside the bed, one of them being a hair brush. She reached out to the small brown brush and grabbed it. Lifting it up to Souji's head, she stretched forward and took a small amount of his hair in her hand. She then ran the object through his silky, yet tangled locks.
"You don't have to do that." Souji released a small hum as she continued.
"I want to." She answered with a smile.
"Then how can I refuse you?"
Her eyes softened as she watched the strong swords prodigy melt. So something as simple as brushing his hair made him feel better? If that was all it took, then she'd do it for him even on days when he wasn't ill. He had done far more for her than just brushing her hair; he had been there through everything. It was her small token of affection to return the feelings he had shared with her when she was sick.
"Thank you, Souji." She whispered.
"For what?" He spoke as he adjusted himself, allowing her better access to the rest of his long hair.
"Everything." Did she really need to answer him? He should know better than anyone how much he'd done for her.
Did his modesty really stretch that far? How could someone this amazing, this kind exist and better yet, how could she have possible stumbled upon someone so wonderful? It was more than luck, it had to be. Katsuke had heard people in her lifetime talk about destiny but was this destiny's true form? When two people who need each other more than anything meet and take away the pain they'd experienced before meeting? Was this how her destiny worked with Souji? With the three jokers and Susumu for that matter?
This moment, this feeling wasn't something she was ever going to forget. It was something etched in her brain and from now on she'd never reenact. Even if this moment didn't last forever, even if the feeling was never as prominent as it was now, it was something she'd never forget. Ever.
"You're welcome." A warm chuckle left his lips. "You're more than welcome."
XoXoX
Katsuke walked into the dojo with two flowers clenched between her fingers. The orange and pink hues from the setting sun and drowned the large fighting area in a beautiful color. The warmth from the summer air filled her nostrils and made all of her hairs stand up on end. She walked toward the yard that laid just beyond the dojo doors and in her silence entered the patio area. One step after the other, she lowered herself until her bare feet touched the gravel and rocks of the backyard.
She stepped through the grass until she found herself in the middle of the large outside area. She lowered herself to her knees and placed both flowers on the dirt. She then brought her hands back to her chest and placed both open palms against one another. She lowered her chin and pressed her nose against her index fingers.
In her mind she repeated a prayer for her fallen loved ones. Even if she was feeling better about everything and she learned to appreciate what she had, she wasn't going to forget about Ayumu or Hitomi. They had given their lives for the greater good and in the end suffered a fate that many would never dream of facing. They had experienced life and death, something that she, herself would someday endure. In the end, she knew she would see them again. If she went on think she wouldn't see them again, it would be too hard.
She believed she would see them again, she had faith.
"What are you doin' out here?"
Katsuke broke out of her prayer session to see Susumu standing on the patio of the dojo. Beyond her control a smile erupted on her face and she stood up straight. So he was still checking in on her, was he? Even if he denied it to her face, she knew better. Ha, she had grown on him…as he had on her. Hell, if she knew from the moment of meeting him that they would someday be this close, things might have been different.
But…
"Sometimes you can't change your fate, no matter how much believin' you do."
The sound of his shifting clothes brought her out of her thoughts. She focused her attention on him as he took a seat on the dojo patio, his legs hanging off the edge. He then hunched forward and rested his chin on his open palm. His once cold and angry stare had softened in the past few days; she could see it in him. Did it make him any less attractive? Not in the slightest.
Katsuke wasted no time and stepped toward the former Watcher. She hoisted herself on the patio and took three or four steps passed him. She then found the perfect spot for sitting. She backed up behind Susumu and took a seat behind him. She turned her nose to the right and out of the corner of her eye saw as the quiet male stared into the sunset. Her eyes for a moment darted down and saw the lone hand that supported him.
Dare she touch him? Would he turn away, pull away or yell at her? She wasn't sure of anything but what the hell, why not? She moved backward until her back made contact with his and she snaked her right hand out to his left. Shaking all along the way, her hand landed on top of his. He flinched for a moment and jerked his head over his shoulder but refused to move other than that. To her surprise he did not pull away or bite her but only released a small sigh through his nose.
"Thanks," She whispered in a tone just loud enough for him to hear. "You know, for everything."
"Don't." He grunted. "I didn't do anything."
"So you say," She replied in a hum. "But here I am…at peace."
"I don't care about your peace." He moved his back and added more weight to her. "I didn't want to hear about your complain' anymore."
"Still," She pushed her back even further against his. "Thanks."
She once again glanced down at her hand which laid atop of his. They fell silent as the sun grew smaller and smaller in the sky, what more needed to be said? Anything further would ruin the moment. Best if she kept her yap shut…for once. Besides how could she tear her eyes away from the hands they held together? His skinny, pale hand didn't look so lonely when it was connected with her.
With one solid squeeze she shut her eyes and inhaled through her nostrils. This was perfection. After this the whole world could crumble at her feet and she was pretty sure she'd be all right with it. Just as long as she was here, like this, with him.
The End.
"Ah, even if right now you're a tiny girl without any power, I hope that someday you can become strong. Ah, although right now even the smallest dreams can't be granted, surely they will in time."- Born to be a Lady (translated), SNSD.