Iron Gray Chapter 21 Guilt

Jet and Droy stood there, staring at the dragon slayer in stunned silence. Both of them were letting the three simple words he had just responded with sink in, as if they just couldn't believe that he had actually uttered them. Neither one of the two mages had expected Gajeel to go along with their demands. No if anything, they had expected more backtalk or threats from the disgruntled dragon slayer. Or at least something along those lines, but Gajeel seemed to be done arguing with them altogether, which also meant that he was done defying them as well.

Instead he just settled for sitting on the bed without another word, his expression haggard from the lack of sleep. His head was shifted in the other direction, away from Jet and Droy; his eyes looked dazed as he stared off into nothing.

Gajeel was using the moment of peace as a chance to close his eyes. He was glad the other two mages in the room had finally shut their mouths and appeared to be done berating him. He had, had no intention of saying anything else to them, as he didn't care too. He had lost all interest in arguing with them now that he knew it wouldn't change anything. They weren't about to let him leave and he wasn't about to start a fight with them over it. And if either of the two idiots did decide to speak to him again, his plan was to just ignore them, because he had already agreed with them. Nothing more needed to be said about Levy as far as Gajeel was concerned. He had already since, planned on doing what they had demanded of him on his own accord anyways, and now the only difference was that he had let them know it.

The two loyal dog's words did have at least one strange impact; they had managed to gain at least an ounce more of Gajeel's respect with the way they had stood up to him, bravely on Levy's behalf. It didn't change the fact that he still disliked the both of them, but he certainly had no intention of hurting either of them again, despite his indifferent attitude towards the two. After all, they too were now his comrades just as Levy was, even if he didn't much care for them. This wasn't the Phantom Lord guild anymore; this was Fairy Tail and Gajeel hadn't any plans on treating the members of this guild, in the manner that he had treated the members of his previous one.

The two guilds were hardly comparable anyways. Nobody in Fairy Tail seemed to fear Gajeel, like the members of Phantom had. Sure they hated him, but they didn't cower. If anything they all looked about ready to jump him, every time he so much as walked into the room. Not only that, but Gajeel was just done being a menace to Fairy Tail, after everything he had inflicted; what with all of the chaos it had caused in his own life. All he really wanted now was to work. If he let himself be honest, he knew he'd probably never be able to get away with acting as he had in Phantom anyways.

In Phantom Gajeel had been on top, but in Fairy Tail there were many wizards he had heard a great deal about, but had yet to even stumble across; their names famous and known throughout Fiore for good reason. It would be foolish to deny these other members strength, when Gajeel had yet to even lay eyes on them. Not to mention mages such as Titania, Queen of the Fairies. Who had beaten Arya of the Element Four, in one blow and done battle with Master Jose and held her own. And then there was still Salamander and Juvia's little Ice Mage to account for. Both Gajeel and Juvia had fallen to the two respected mages in Phantom's war against Fairy Tail. No if anything, Gajeel was at least smart enough to know when he might be outmatched. It was part of being a good wizard, knowing when to back down or when to keep fighting.

He had been ready to fight Jet and Droy a few minutes ago, if they had tried to attack him like they had the day before. For Gajeel had no more plans of being a punching bag and the two mages didn't intimidate him in the slightest. He knew he could beat them easily. Hell, their history was proof of that, but he also knew it was, because of that very same history, why he would need to hold back greatly should the two ever try to engage him in combat again.

His mind had been made up; from now on any fighting Gajeel partook in, would be for sparring purposes only and not to cause any real harm, just as everyone else in the guild seemed to do. He couldn't afford to risk what little trust he had already gained with Master Makarov over something as foolish as pride and so this decision was very much necessary. Gajeel wanted to stay in the guild, he wanted to keep working and honestly… He didn't want to hurt anyone in his guild anymore, not like he had in his Phantom days.

Subconsciously Gajeel was picturing Levy's face and the way it had looked just before she walked out of that room. He couldn't help, but feel like she had left him there with her teammates on purpose, for that very same reason. Almost like she had been testing him, just to see if he would revert back to old ways, to see if Jet and Droy would push him to the point of hurting them again.

She wouldn't forgive me a second time… Gajeel's thoughts echoed from the black void that was his confused mind. His eyes opened at the words, forgive him? Had she forgiven him? He really hadn't any idea if she had, but she had been very nice and overly kind to him for some reason. She had gone out of her way to help him with his injuries, insisted on it actually, even when he wanted to leave.

Then there had been the way she had gotten upset when he vaguely hinted at their past. That had been the strangest part of it all and it made Gajeel wonder… Did he maybe want her forgiveness? Had he maybe been hoping for it, this whole time without realizing it?

Gajeel wasn't sure, but in all reality, even if it was true, it really didn't matter what he wanted anyways, now did it? His feelings were of no importance to her and really why was he wasting time worrying over it? The only real important matter now was that Gajeel had managed to keep his nose clean when put to the test. He hadn't caused any harm to Jet and Droy, despite how irritating he found them to be.

What a strange pair those two were too. The last thing he had expected from this whole situation was for the two of them to fall onto their knees and thank him suddenly when he knew their dislike for him was mutual.

They really must be suckers fer her, because she's clearly got them wrapped around her finger without even tryin'.

Gajeel's stomach was lurching uncomfortably as he continued to contemplate them and their… What he found to be borderline creepy, devotion to Levy. A bad taste was beginning to form in Gajeel's mouth. It was weird, he felt himself wanting to glower at the two members of team shadow gear before him suddenly while the three of them continued to wait for Levy's return in silence.

It only lasted for a few seconds though, because just then Gajeel's ears picked up the sound of tiny running footsteps. He looked up to the door; he knew it was Levy, because of how light her steps were and by the way they sounded as she bounded down the hall. Not only that, but the scent. It almost felt like his nose had been lying in wait for her smell to return within clear range. It was so very easy to lose in the mass of other scents throughout the building, because of how small the girl was, but now he could sense it returning as she neared them.

Jet and Droy noticed him look up at the door and they looked at it confused. They couldn't hear her coming through the wall as Gajeel could with his more sensitive ears, her steps were far too light.

"I'm back!" Levy cheered as she opened the door.

"Levy!" Jet and Droy shouted simultaneously in greeting.

She looked at the three of them as they watched her… they're all in one piece, that's a good sign, she thought. The more she looked around the more she realized it didn't seem like anything had even happen within the short time she was gone at all. Gajeel was still sitting on the bed and he was quiet. She had half expected to walk in on him standing and trying to leave or picking a fight in order too…. Because she somehow just knew Jet and Droy would give him a hard time on her behalf.

"Bout time." Gajeel murmured earning himself an annoyed glare from the tiny script mage. She folded her arms as best as she could while still holding a small bag of ice in her one hand.

"So impatient…" She mumbled clearly annoyed in Gajeel's direction, but he said nothing of course and just looked away from her. She ignored him right back and then turned towards Jet and Droy with a proud smile. "Thank you boys! Hopefully he didn't give you guys any trouble." Levy chimed, her tone sounding something like a parent speaking to their babysitter after just coming home. She did this on purpose just as another way to annoy Gajeel further and he knew it. The dragon slayer let out a cold grunt and then kept quiet as Levy glanced at him with a sly smirk. Jet and Droy found her odd exchange with Gajeel a bit off-putting, but they ignored it and Jet spoke first.

"No not really."

"I think we've reached an understanding." Droy added as his eyes shifted over to Gajeel who ignored all of them. He was sitting bored-like, with his head rested in his hand and his elbow resting on his knee.

Levy tilted her head in curiosity at Droy's words. She could tell by the way they looked back at her though, that they would be unwilling to say anymore about it. She blinked and glanced over to the basically pouting dragon slayer who was scowling at the wall. What could that possibly mean? I wonder if Gajeel… But she stopped the thought from going any further. It was clear that the three men had no plans of letting her in on whatever had happened while she had been gone. It made her wonder if it involved her. She looked to the ground as if burdened and she found herself praying that it didn't and that it was nothing bad… whatever it was.

Levy's body heaved as she let out a long drawn out sigh. Jet and Droy were watching her with concerned faces and Gajeel took a moment to glance over at her when he was sure nobody would notice him doing it.

"Everything okay Levy?" Jet asked making the girl look up at him, she smiled at him with a crossed brow to show her resolve.

"Don't worry about me." Her head went back to Gajeel, who she had caught looking at her; she was still smiling the same way when she started to approach him. "Let me finish this." She said as Gajeel's eyes followed her over to him. She stopped right before him at arms length; she faced him and matched eyes with him now that they were level again. Jet and Droy continued to watch Levy uneasily as her and Gajeel stared at each other from only about a foot apart.

Gajeel seemed to forget the other two were even there now, as Levy stood there right across from him. His senses were disturbing his thought process due to her scent returning as anticipated. He felt like his head was beginning to swirl, because of them and it was annoying. After a few seconds of eye contact with her, he found that he needed to close his eyes like he had before. She was going to come very close to him again, he knew this and he was starting to feel the same physical reactions he had earlier when her body had been in such close proximity with his. His mind was calm, clearing of all thoughts, but the sensation of her scent almost as if he could taste it and yet… His heart pumping fast. He heard her take a step closer and he felt his breath stop once again. But… why? The logical part of his brain was screaming, calling from deep within a fog of instinct and questioning why he should act such a way. What was the deal here? She made him feel so weird and he didn't like it. He wanted it to stop.

Gajeel's eyes snapped open and he could now see Levy starting to come towards him. Maybe she's just TOO close… he wondered, because it was the only explanation he could come up with for the moment. Her scent was just too overpowering to him for some reason. And it almost seemed like it was making a bigger impact with each time she got close again and again. And Gajeel just couldn't understand why, not until another thought struck him like something cold.

Maybe… Maybe it was, because it made him think about the night he had attacked her? That had been the first time he had breathed in her scent after all... That had been the night when it had made its imprint on his nose; among all the other scents he had encountered in his life and laid there in wait only to harass him now on this day.

Obviously that night had left Gajeel with a lot of pent up issues after all the havoc it had wreaked on his life. He didn't like to deal with them either, because of the feelings they brought on. He hated going through the motions, so maybe it was just his own frustrations with his lack of dealing with his internal problems, coming out in different ways to attack his mind when brought back to the memory of her scent…?

As Gajeel thought about this, he could feel his mind reeling back despite how he tried to stop it. The guilt was weighing on him so heavily that he started to cringe and Levy paused in question after seeing him make the odd face.

It was the one thing he had tried to forget, but just could not. It was the real reason why he felt so guilty. That night the first thing he had done was grab her… Grab was actually a mild word for what he had really done to her, it had been closer to a tackle. He had been so angry… Angry that destroying the Fairy's guild hadn't made them attack and then to see her and her two dogs just carry on as they did… Walking at ease, almost unburdened by the damage he had done, no weight.

Damn her for not being weighed down! For not being scared, saddened or worried by what he had set in motion! Damn her for seeming so hopeful and carrying on with such buoyancy during the beginning stages of a war!

They should have been more aware of the actual danger they were in, they were wizards after all…! So maybe in the end, it was their own faults that they had ended up pinned to that tree… Didn't they know that the Phantom Lord guild was not meant to be taken lightly?! That he, Black Steel Gajeel was to be feared when he was gunning for you?!

He had been so spiteful towards all of them, all of the damn Fairys. How could they be worthy rivals to his guild? They were just destructive and oblivious. They didn't take themselves seriously let alone Phantom, not even bothering to strike back after he had single handedly decimated their guild.

She was just another Fairy and he had made her his personal project that night. She was going to know fear and he was going to break that hopeful spirit of hers in two; splinter it into pieces just like each wooden board that made up their ridiculous guildhall.

Fairy Tail wouldn't be able to ignore him after this…

That first moment when his hands had made contact with her, had been very rough for the both of them... He had come at her so fast. His speed was top notch after all and she had just had time to turn and see him, once he was already on top of her... Her body had been so soft and light, it was like hitting a pillow…. There had been absolutely nothing to protect her against his overbearing muscular frame as it engulfed her and took her down to the concrete with it.

Presently Gajeel was cringing so hard that his body quaked a little as he had lost himself in the memory of that night. Levy was looking at him now alarmed and Jet and Droy were just staring at the two with confusion.

She hadn't screamed, but she had let out a sound of pain just as they slammed to the ground and that had been the moment it happened...

Gajeel could feel his shame peaking as he pictured it perfectly, the first time he had tasted her scent. It hadn't just hit him; it had filled him, because of the way his body had overwhelmed hers.

He had breathed it in right as she had been exhaling that beautiful sound of pure agony from the harsh impact.

One of her eyes was closed while the other was wincing as they looked into the glow of red. His red eyes and then something in him snapped.

Pure instinct reigned supreme and he had allowed himself to completely revel in it as he grinned down at her beneath him. Not just any grin, but a toothy fang-revealing one that would have sparked fear into anyone just by the sheer overwhelming darkness of it. His crimson eyes were gleaming as they drunk her in and her scent fueled him to new heights. The feeling she brought out of him in that moment could only best be descried as a high… One only comparable to how he felt whenever he was able to achieve the look of complete terror in a person's eye, but even better still, because this was different…

Levy's eyes hadn't betrayed that terror… Not to say that she hadn't been scared, but she didn't look like death was staring her in the face. It was possible that she may have been in too much pain at the time to show it… Or perhaps she had just been trying to stay level headed throughout the whole thing…

In truth Gajeel had never known why, but at the time it hadn't mattered to him even though he had indeed noticed it…. He had been to busy enjoying himself in the midst of whatever it was that was happening to him during it all… That was until; Jet and Droy had stepped in.

Gajeel had found them to be annoying; he hadn't liked being interrupted by them while in his wild state of mind over Levy. That was when he had taken her up with him, to use as leverage against them once they tried to attack. He had been… brutal… His onslaught unforgiving… He couldn't help it though; he had been so heated and completely lost on instinct… And then when it was all over, all three of them had been battered, bruised and beaten, out cold before him on the ground before his feet…

Gajeel could feel a cold sweat on his forehead and he opened his mouth as if to breath in the air. It had felt like something in him broke that night for a short time... And when it was all said and done, it felt like he had shattered something white with darkness, like he had committed a sin.

While he had been in Phantom Gajeel had justified his actions, allowing them to be okay, because it had all just been part of his mission… He was just doing his part in Phantom's war on Fairy Tail. Back then he had welcomed the darkness. He had let it consume him so that he could revel in the power it gave him, but in the end it hadn't really done anything for him.

It hadn't made him stronger as he had once thought it did, because then, he had lost in his fight against Salamander… And in the wake of losing the war, he had been left with nothing, but what he had done to her… And everyone else he had hurt during… Having accomplished nothing for himself, but to gain the unholy guilt that he was now forced to harbor. Burdened by the sin he had committed, even when he tried his damn hardest to ignore it. This allowing the darkness to finally consume him in a much different fashion then it had originally…

Gajeel felt something cold touch his face, making his winding thoughts slowly begin to fade away. His red eyes that had been stuck watching memories were now refocusing on the present as he could suddenly make sense of Levy's face. Her one hand was pressing the ice against his cheek and he hadn't even noticed her close the distance between them this time. How had he not seen her do it or felt her come near? Had he really been that lost in his head?

Her face was looking at him with eyes narrowed in concern and eyebrows pushed together with worry. Gajeel felt like he was just coming up from being under water for much too long as the room was slowly being pieced back together around him. Her other hand was reaching up towards his face now and she rested it gently against his cheek. Her skin felt very cool for some reason, like maybe his face was hot. Her body was leaning into his more as she adjusted the ice on the injured side of his face slightly. Her free hand pushed itself up slightly higher on his face, her fingers sliding over his temple until her fingertips graced the hairline of his brow. Her touch was very slow and gentle and her hands were cool and soothing on his warm and clammy skin.

His head was finally starting to clear up as the coldness of the ice started to really sink in, he could feel beads of sweat on the back of his neck. Is this all from the memory? He wondered…. It had to be… he hadn't let himself relive that part of it until now, because he had been afraid… Afraid he might react like this… And he hadn't wanted to deal with it. He had completely lost himself there for a minute, completely forgetting where he was until she had pulled him back with the cold sensation of the ice.

"Gajeel…?" Levy's voice broke into his head. He still felt like he was getting his bearings, but at least he heard her. His eyes went to her and he blinked slowly and it was almost like she knew he wasn't going to say anything. "Are you… okay? You feel warm and… you… broke into a sweat?" Her voice was very cautious and worried as she questioned him and it pained him.

Gajeel closed his eyes and brought a hand up to hers, the one that was holding the ice to his face. He lightly and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist. Levy's other hand moved off of his face as he did this and he moved her hand along with the ice away from his cheek. Jet and Droy tensed up at his actions, but didn't actually budge yet. He was still holding her wrist lightly and he brought it over and away from his head, only to put it down between them.

He finally opened his eyes and he couldn't seem to help it… He gave her that same piercing stare… The one she had demanded he not give her anymore. She met his eyes with a hurt and confused expression.

"I think you've done enough." Gajeel stated and his voice sounded cold. Not in the normal rude way, but in a dark way. Levy's eyebrows pushed together harder and her eyes went from confused to angry, but she still looked hurt.

"No, The swelling hasn't-"

"I don't need yer help. Just give me the ice and go." Gajeel stated his voice rising above hers and cutting her off. His tone still sounded so cold and Levy could feel herself growing very upset by his sudden new demeanor towards her.

She wrenched her arm free from his grasp so violently that she stumbled back a bit, but caught herself. Jet and Droy were standing on edge as they watched the two of them.

"No!" She snapped back defiantly. "I won't, because I know you won't actually use it! Just like the burns you let go all night! You obviously half ass all of this stuff, I could tell by what a shitty job you did cleaning those wounds!" She shouted passionately. Jet and Droy were gaping at Levy, they had never seen her so pissed off before. Gajeel had already lost his patience with her.

"You don't know me." He seethed in a low voice.

"I know enough!" Levy snapped back. Gajeel was glaring at her menacingly almost like he stared down his foes, but Levy wasn't backing down under his gaze. Her eyes were blazing right back into his and she was biting down angrily. Jet and Droy both just stood there completely frozen, unsure of what to do as the whole situation was making them nervous wrecks.

It was right then that the door to the room opened up slowly making everyone glance over to it and thankfully interrupting the extreme tension.