April 21, 1968
"Is something wrong?" Susanna repeated.
The girl was looking at her like she was a ghost. Perhaps she was: the ghost of Westchester. When she'd woken up Erik had told her that that's where she was. He'd whispered gentle explanations to her, a quick version of what had happened. He'd promised to tell her every detail when things were settled, but they would be evacuating the school soon because of an outside threat.
She'd been on edge because of that statement, but he'd kept telling her that they had it under control. He'd carried her to the lounge, even though Susanna knew she could walk now. Her legs felt a little weak, and she was very cold, but she was getting better gradually. He'd dug out her winter clothes when she got dressed, all of her things had been safely stored.
The amount of care he'd taken, the preparations for her to wake up even though she'd been gone for six years, it made her weep. Erik had held her, told of their daughters' strength and determination. She'd never heard his voice crack quite like that.
When everything was ready Erik had told her to wait next door while he gathered the rest of her things. She'd been fine and patient until she'd heard a raised voice. Susanna had tentatively left the lounge and looked next door.
She'd seen a young girl, not much older than Lorna when she'd last seen her, sobbing and rocking back and forth. So she'd done what came naturally to her: gone to help. In a world of people who could bend metal and read minds, this was one thing she could do.
It had gone so well until the girl had seen her.
"I didn't mean to startle you," said Susanna.
The girl swallowed.
"I...you're Susanna, right?" she asked.
"Yes," Susanna said, "I'm surprised you know who I am though."
The girl licked her lips. The fear was leeching from her face and turning into amazement.
"Do you know who I am?" she asked.
"I'm afraid I don't," Susanna said, "I haven't been..."
She looked down briefly.
"I've only really been here since late last night," she said.
The girl's eyes widened even more. Her mouth twisted into a smile, her tearstained lips and cheeks turning towards cheer.
"Oh," she said, "I um...I see. That's, nice. I mean, I know who you are, and it's good that you, yeah."
Susanna smiled as the girl stumbled over her words..
"Thank you," she said, "But, well, what is your name? You seem to know so much about me."
Some of the fear came back, but the girl didn't move away.
"My name's Wanda," she said.
"Wanda," Susanna repeated, "Pleased to meet you."
She put out her hand. Wanda stared at it for a moment before shaking it.
"Are you a mutant too?" Susanna asked.
"Um, yeah," said Wanda, "I uh, I can change things sometimes. Just things around. Alter reality a bit."
Susanna blinked. She really did feel out of place in her husband and daughter's world sometimes.
"And you mentioned siblings?"
The girl looked a little more scared.
"I have an older sister, a twin brother, and a little sister," she said.
"Are they all here?"
"Some of them are out," Wanda said, licking her lips, "My brother and older sister. They're mutants too. But um, my little sister isn't. Not sure why."
Susanna nodded. At least this she understood.
"Well, I have two daughters," she said, "One of them is a mutant like her father and the other isn't. Well, we don't know for sure, but we don't think she is. I'm not sure I understand that either."
Wanda licked her lips. She looked almost as though she were about to burst at every one of Susanna's words. Something she was doing was making the girl uncomfortable, and she wished she knew what it was. Wanda had already had a trying enough time with her mother: she didn't need some strange woman scaring her.
She had to figure out what was making her act this way, but she didn't have anything to go on. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't just leave her like this.
"But I think that Lorna, that's my daughter, she has a friend that-" Susanna said.
"Susanna."
She turned around. Her husband was standing in the doorway, looking at her with wide and helpless eyes. Wanda scrambled to her feet.
"We were just talking," she said, sounding defensive.
"I'm surprised you know who she is," Erik said.
His voice was quiet, and a little lost. Susanna looked from him to Wanda. She felt as though there was something that was going over her head.
"I um, Lorna, and Anya," Wanda spluttered.
"You know my daughters?" asked Susanna.
Erik looked at her, and the lost look was becoming resigned. He walked over to her and took her hands in his.
"Susanna, I need to talk to Wanda for a moment," he said, "And then I'll be right back."
Susanna nodded, feeling out of place. Erik gestured over to Wanda. She walked outside of the room and Susanna felt her heart begin to beat a little faster. What was going on? She had a feeling that she wouldn't like the answer.
Erik walked out of the room, scratching the back of his neck. He motioned for Wanda to come over to the other end of the hallway with him and to shut the door. She did so, her eyes downcast.
The minute she reached him, Wanda began speaking.
"Please, I didn't know she didn't know," she said, "I was just, my mom called and I started crying and she-"
"Wanda," Erik said, putting up a hand, "I understand."
She fell silent and Erik sighed. God, this was his fault. This whole mess was his fault, and not just because he'd had a foolish liaison with a liar nearly eighteen years ago. If he'd been more open and honest with his new children, more welcoming, then Wanda wouldn't be so frightened now.
He'd still have difficulty explaining it to his wife, but Wanda wouldn't be looking at him like this. He should have said something this morning really, but Susanna had just come back to him after all these years. He'd been too absorbed in her presence, in the soft sound of her voice, the feel of her skin.
However, it was time to deal with the harsher aspects of her return.
"She's very easy to talk to," he said, "I don't blame you for what's happened. Any of it. If anything I'm glad you got to meet Susanna sooner rather than later. Who knows when you would've been able to meet her considering all of..."
He shook his head, trying to find a word that described the man from the future, Lorna, Raven, and Peter going off to save Alex, and the impending doom of their race.
"All of this," he said, unsure of how else to finish.
Wanda blinked at him, still looking as though she was about to cry. What was wrong with him?
"Wanda, I know that I haven't been a good father to you and Peter," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I felt as though I'd failed you, and in a way I did. But I can't fix that, no matter how much I wish I could."
He smiled.
"Of course, I can make things better from here on out," said Erik, "And I will. When all of this is sorted, we're going to be a family. All of us."
The tears in Wanda's eyes welled even more. What had he said now? There was a reason why he had leaned on Susanna so much for this in the past. She knew what he was doing. He didn't.
"If you still want to, of course," he said.
Wanda moved forward and gripped him in a tight hug. Her tears were flowing freely. For a moment he stared at the air in front of him, and then he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She was his daughter, every bit as much as Lorna and Anya. He had to acknowledge that, had to make good on an unspoken, unknown promise made by blood.
She was his, and he was going to take care of her.
"I want to," Wanda whispered, "I really want to."
"Thank you," said Erik.
He held her for a little while more, and then let go. He jerked his head towards the door.
"I need to speak to my wife about this," he said.
Wanda looked at the floor.
"I kind of wish you wouldn't," she said, "I mean, she likes me right now."
Erik laughed quietly.
"You don't know Susanna if you think that something I did will prejudice her against you," he said, "I married a woman that was much too good for me. She may need a little time, of course, but she won't hate you."
Wanda put her hands in front of her mouth.
"No one's given me that kind of-" she said.
"Then it's about time they did," Erik said.
Wanda looked up at him and smiled. He forced a smile back. He didn't know what the next few minutes held for him, but at least things with Wanda were settled.
"Now," he said, "you need to go out. They're going to be doing roll call in a few minutes."
She nodded.
"Bye...dad," she said.
He smiled. For some reason it sounded good to hear her call him that. Maybe he hadn't failed too badly.
"Goodbye," he said, "I'll see you in a bit."
Wanda turned and hurried down the hall. He watched her until she disappeared from sight. Erik sighed and walked to the door. He paused there, caught between not wanting to tell his wife about the children who bore his blood but not his name and fulfilling a promise he'd made long ago.
In the end, he opened the door.
Susanna stared at Erik. He had children. Children that weren't her children.
"I...I don't..." she said.
"It was almost eighteen years ago," Erik said quietly, "I was looking for information about Shaw and that's when I met their mother."
She struggled to speak, to tell him her mind. It was so difficult.
"You never mentioned her," she managed.
Erik closed his eyes.
"I didn't mention her because it didn't mean anything," he said, "I was foolish. For a week. That was all it took."
She looked down, and then at the ceiling. Something deep inside her was crying out, but she couldn't find the strength to voice it.
"I swear to God I didn't know there had been any children."
There was a deep pause.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said, "Please, speak to me."
Pain seemed to be branching out everywhere, her eyes stinging, but she found her voice.
"No wife likes to find out that her husband had children with another woman," she said, "But-"
"Please, it's not their fault," Erik said.
"I know it's not their fault," said Susanna.
Her voice came out snappish, matching the brittle cold she felt within her.
"Erik, when you came back, you told me you'd left because you couldn't stand seeing me caught up in all of that," she said, the words gushing out, "And now I find out that not even five years passed before you-"
He moved quickly, catching her face in his hands. Susanna looked away, unable to look her husband in the eye or stop her tears.
"When you'd come back," she said, "I was just getting ready to try to move on from that. It had meant so much to me, and to find out that it didn't mean that to you-"
"No! It wasn't love," he said, "Not like what we'd had. It was...it meant nothing. It was a foolish thing and I..."
She opened her eyes and saw her own pain reflected in his.
"I didn't think Susanna," he said, "I had buried you so deeply along with every good thing that had ever happened to me and..."
He gritted his teeth.
"And being near her reminded me that you weren't there," Erik said, "It was why I rushed through everything. And then I found out she was married and I, well."
He gave a helpless shrug, one of his hands wiping away her tears with his thumbs.
"It made me remember you, and I hated her for that," he said, "Because I thought I couldn't have you, and wanting to go back was a pain I didn't want to feel. And then I found you again and I...I remembered everything. And I couldn't let it go again."
She closed her eyes. There was still pain there, but she couldn't fault his answers.
"Please, forgive me."
Susanna took a deep breath, exhaling her pain along with it. She couldn't hold onto this pain, not with her husband's eyes screaming his devotion.
"I forgive you," she whispered.
His arms wrapped around her, pulling her to him. Susanna rested her head on his chest, letting him stroke her hair. As much as he said he couldn't let go of her, she knew that the same was true of her. She could never seem to let go of him. Not when she understood him so well.
"Tell me about them," she murmured.
He stopped stroking her hair for a moment.
"I...I didn't...when I found out," he said, "About them, I didn't do my best. But they're my children Susanna."
"They'll forgive you," Susanna said, "Just give them time."
"Wanda already has. She's so eager to be a part of...she's eager to meet everyone," he said, "Peter is difficult to deal with, but he's, well, I suppose he's no different than I was at that age. Just less angry."
Susanna managed to smile. She looked up at Erik and he smiled back, before suddenly going rigid.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Charles is calling me," he said, "He said that he's getting a message from the Blackbird- that's our plane. He says it's still fuzzy, but it seems urgent."
He gave her a worried look before glancing at the door.
"I can get downstairs myself," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked, "I-"
Susanna kissed him on the cheek.
"I can make it," she said.
Erik leaned in and kissed her gently before getting up.
"I'll see you before you go," he said.
"I know," Susanna said.
He smiled and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Susanna waited until she heard his footsteps die before she took another shuddering breath. Then she burst into tears, trying to keep as quiet as possible.
No matter how irrational the pain was, it was still there. And she had to get as much of it out as possible before she saw the rest of her family. It was just something else in life she had to let go of if she was to move on.