SO, since the last time I've updated:
#1: Germany never happened, we missed our flight due to a nightmare bus adventure - it was actually the worst travel experience I've ever had.
#2: I did absolutely nothing this past weekend except for running (I'm trying to run the Boston Marathon next year) and writing!
#3: I'm headed to Scotland tomorrow for the weekend - I'm excited! And no, I'm not going to eat haggis, that looks super unappealing.
#4: As always, you can find me on twitter fearLIZness17
#5: Here's Chapter 21, please don't hesitate to leave a review! :)
It was day number four in the hospital and things were starting to look up for Olivia. Her doctor had mentioned that she could be hopefully discharged within the next couple of days. She was still on pretty heavy doses of painkillers but bits and pieces of her personality were beginning to come back up to the surface. Her appetite was the only thing that was really lacking, the medication made her incredibly nauseous not to mention that Olivia thought hospital food was unappetizing.
Today was also the day that the squad of the 1-6 was going to bring Kat in for another visit. They knew that it was a sensitive topic to Liv but they couldn't stand by and watch her push the teenager away. Olivia was only doing it out of love as well as an attempt to protect her daughter and although she would never admit it, her daughter's presence brought back memories of Olivia's time with Lewis.
She was sprawled out on the hospital bed, the only thing drowning out the dull beeping of the IV machine was the mumble of the TV. She had been flipping channels earlier that morning when she saw her picture plastered on one of the news stations. She had been on TV a few times before but nothing really prepared her to see "VICTIM" precariously placed under her own name. Now, the TV was playing some talk show that Olivia didn't really care about – it was more of a distraction to prevent her mind from wandering back to the beach house.
A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts as Amanda and Kat walked into the room. Kat was hesitant to walk in, she didn't know how her mother was going to react until Olivia eased her fears by saying, "Hi, baby."
Amanda ushered the nervous teenager into the room, "You up for visitors this morning?"
The brunette Detective smiled slightly and replied, "Yeah, it's a bit lonely in here sometimes."
"We brought you this," Kat said as she was holding a brown paper bag, "We picked you up a bagel from Lenny's down on 41st, I know it's your favorite."
Amanda chuckled, "It's probably better than whatever they've been feeding you here, right?"
Olivia reached out for the bag that Kat was holding out to her, "Thank you, really." She had started to put a few dabs of cream cheese on the warm bagel, Kat had sat down in the chair next to Olivia's bed while Amanda was sitting on the rolling chair that Meredith was always using.
"How are you feeling?" Kat asked as she watched her mother take a few tiny bites of the bagel.
Olivia shrugged as she leaned back on her bed, her hair sprawled against her cheek. She brushed it behind her ear, only to have it fall in front of her face once again, "I've been better."
Amanda saw how Liv was picking at the bagel, "If you're not hungry, don't force it."
It was quiet for a few minutes in the room before Kat spoke again, "Your doctor said you could be out of here soon, that's good news, right?"
The brunette Detective nodded, "I'm ready to go home, I feel like an invalid in here."
Little did Olivia know, CSU had finished canvassing the Benson apartment and it was all properly documented for the investigation that was being led by the NYPD and IAB. The members of the 1-6 had all taken turns going over to the apartment and cleaning it up for both Kat and Olivia, even buying new furniture since most of it had been destroyed by Lewis.
"Mom, you're not an invalid – you're injured, that's two different things." Kat had tried to reason with her mother but she didn't want to start a fight or risk Olivia telling the teenager to leave. The only thing Kat wanted to do was be near her mother, nothing else. The squad of the 1-6 had all talked with Kat about how her mother would be feeling and some of the things she might say. Honestly, Kat was just waiting for Olivia to freak out, she had every right to after the things she endured but somehow, she was calm, cool and collected throughout the short visit.
Later that afternoon, Olivia's doctor had come in the room while Cragen was visiting. Her captain had only came to visit once before but Olivia had trouble remembering because of the blinding pain she was in – the first few days in the hospital after her ordeal was a tad bit cloudy.
Dr. Wilson was a middle-aged man who had been a doctor for quite some time. From what Meredith had told Olivia, he had gone to Harvard and did his residency at Johns Hopkins so he knew what he was doing. Olivia hadn't seen much of Dr. Wilson since she first came into the ER that day she was found, she just assumed he was more of a behind the scenes guy who only made appearances when necessary and this must have been one of those times.
"Ms. Benson, how are we doing today?" He asked, his voice confident but relaxed.
Cragen stepped out of the way as Dr. Wilson made his way over to Olivia's bedside. She tiredly responded, "Okay, considering." Things fell silent before she asked, "When am I able to go home?"
"Well, from what Meredith tells me, you've been quite the model patient." He smiled, "But, in order for you to get discharged, you'll have to speak with one of our psychiatrists."
She shook her head while pleading with Dr. Wilson, "Please, no. I-I can't – I'm fine, really."
"Liv," Cragen began to reassure her, "Why don't I call Huang in, you've known him for years. Would you be okay with that?"
Her eyes were glassy, filled with unshed tears that were waiting to spill over. The truth is, she didn't want to talk to anyone – she wanted to forget this ever happened. If she was forced to talk to someone, she sure as hell wasn't going to open up to a random person that she didn't know or trust. Most of all, she didn't want to relive her entire experience with Lewis while she was still contained in the hospital – she was terrified of the things that would come flooding back into her mind while her emotions were totally exposed to the world. When she finally responded, she mumbled, "Fine."
Cragen glanced at Dr. Wilson who nodded his approval, he had worked with Dr. Huang on many occasions as a consultant on a few trials. He was a reputable psychiatrist and one who Olivia might be more willing to confide in. "We'll work on getting him in here to see you, as soon as possible."
Luckily, Dr. Huang had been in the city on FBI business for a few weeks. He had spent the last few months in Los Angeles on an assignment that only Cragen knew about but had to keep confidential. George had been sitting at his desk at the Bureau with a case file in his hands, Olivia Benson. He hadn't even opened it before the nauseous feeling crept into his body – it made him ill to think that someone he deeply cared about could endure something as horrific as she did. Huang had heard bits and pieces from news reports but when he finally did open the file, reading the police reports, witness statements and CSU findings, it was incredibly hard for him to believe. By the time he had gotten to the medical report, it was one of the longer ones he had seen while working on the job and it didn't make it any easier with Olivia's name on it. Bruises, lacerations, broken eye socket, sprained ankle, broken/fractured ribs. One thing that stuck out the most on the medical report was that four letter word no one ever wanted to see next to Olivia's name: rape.
He had arrived at the hospital at around 5 that night, just around dinner time. Fin was the first to greet Huang when he almost walked past the waiting room. "Long time no see, man."
George laughed, Fin had always been the joker, "It's good to see you too, Fin." He had said his hellos to the rest of the squad before Cragen ultimately was the one to lead him to Olivia's hospital room. She was laying on her back, her head turned towards the window as she looked out at the tall NYC skyscrapers that seemed to touch the clouds.
Cragen was the one to bring Olivia back to reality, "Liv." He waited until she turned her head which seemed like an eternity, she didn't want to face the fact that everything she went through would soon be out in the open. Huang gave her a warm smile, he had seen pictures of her injuries so it wasn't as much of a shock to him when she finally turned her head. "It's good to see you," He said as he sat down in the rolling chair next to her bed.
"She gave a small smile back to Huang before she sadly said, "I wish it was under different circumstances." Her captain had began to walk away from her bed, towards the door before she stopped him, "You can stay, you need my statement."
"Liv, what do you remember?" Huang delicately asked, knowing that this wouldn't be an easy conversation for all involved.
She hesitated, her eyes immediately becoming watery as she spoke, "Everything."
"Start from the beginning."
Olivia looked at Cragen who gave her a reassuring nod. "When I got home, he was already in my apartment. It had been locked, I'm not sure how he even got in. I thought I heard a noise so I went to check it out. When I turned the corner, he was there with a gun pointed at my head. He must have hit me with his gun because when I woke up, I was tied to a chair."
She paused, taking a few breaths to try to calm her nerves before she continued, "He was standing over by the stove, heating up a wire coat hanger. When he heard me shuffling in the chair, that's when he came at me with the vodka bottle and some pills. He ripped the duck tape off of my mouth and forced me to take them both."
Her eyes became incredibly teary as she was fighting so hard to keep them held in, "He came back a few minutes later, the wire hanger in his hands. I tried to fight him but he – he pressed it to my chest." She had brought her good hand up to her chest, slowly feeling the phantom pain of her now bandaged burns. Her gaze had been at the wall, she couldn't even bear to make eye contact with either Huang or Cragen.
"Liv, you're okay." Cragen softly assured her, "He can't hurt you anymore."
She shook her head as thoughts clouded her speech. Huang had his poker face on so Olivia couldn't read into what he was thinking. She knew he was used to all of this, he dealt with traumatized people all the time, this was just another case file to him. "When he got rid of the wire hanger, he lit cigarettes and held them to my skin. Once the pills and alcohol had taken effect, my mind was fuzzy and I must have passed out again because I woke up on the floor."
Huang, who had been silent the entire time finally spoke, "If you need a break – we can continue this later."
Her eyes were staring down at her hands, her voice pleading with George, "Please, I just want to get this over with." With that in the open, she continued on, "When I finally woke up again, he repeated the same pattern with the wire hanger and the cigarettes. My phone rang, I think it was Kat." She paused, trying to regain whatever control over her emotions she had, "He played her voice-mail, saying that she was staying at Maggie's to finish a school project. I – I was, holding out for her, waiting for her to walk through the door with Nick." She took a deep breath and she finally made eye contact with Huang, "When I heard she wasn't coming, I told Lewis to kill me."
She remembered the phrase that Lewis had said throughout their time together, That's the end game, sweetheart. It constantly played in the back of her mind but this time, she could have sworn Lewis was behind her, whispering that same phrase in her ear. Olivia's eyes had been closed but when she finally opened them, tears had already started to spill down her cheeks.
George offered her an escape, "Why don't we pause here for today?"
The brunette Detective shook her head adamantly, "George, please. I just want to go home, they said I couldn't until I talked to you."
He offered her a compromise, "If I sign your discharge papers, will you agree to follow-up sessions on a regular basis?"
Olivia nodded, grateful for the short lived relief that she wouldn't have to divulge into the ordeal tonight. Her experience with the Beast would come out eventually even though everyone probably already knew, they just weren't saying anything in order not to send her in a downward spiral. She was lucky to have such fantastic co-workers and friends she considered family, she really couldn't imagine what she would have done without them. From having her back time and time again to helping her raise Kat after Mark left her, and now, to helping her come to terms with what happened during those four days she was held captive.
Please review, they always make my day and I love hearing that people are actually reading as well as enjoying this story. I'll update sometime next week! :)