Chapter 20: Two-Faced
Phantom:
They leave us alone for a day. We try to entertain each other. We play a game Sardonyx calls 'Phantomime', where she gives me a prompt, I think of something specific relating to that prompt and try to act it out such that she can guess it. It's surprisingly effective as a form of escapism.
We're almost completely startled when Elbaite comes back, that day later, with a Citrine. Almost.
"So, having fun? Should we extend your stay?" She half-jokes, but it falls flat on Sardonyx and I. "I think you've had plenty of time to recover. It's time for you to continue." She addresses me, before turning to Sardonyx. "And you'll be happy to know we found something for you to do as well. My Citrine will train with you for the foreseeable future."
"Surely you know I've taken down bigger than your Citrine. No offense to you, Citrine. We've been doing this a while." She replies, smiling awkwardly at the Citrine as she apologizes. Citrine scoffs and looks away.
"Of course. But that's not the point. Like with Phantom Fluorite, our aim is to refine the skills you already have, not start over or presume you don't know. Citrine will take you to a training room for yourselves. She has three rules: No disassembling, no talking beyond training, and no gem-directed attacks. Everything else is up to you two. You may go." She dismisses Citrine, who salutes, and opens up Sardonyx's door. "And you may not attempt escape still. Behave." Sardonyx groans but nods, following the Citrine away. She waves goodbye to me with a small, almost-hopeful smile, and I wave back. Then she's gone.
Elbaite is silent for a moment, and we both sense them walk down the hall quite a ways before she fiddles with something out of sight on the wall.
"You may speak now, Phantom." She announces, coming back in front of my window.
"And what should I say?"
"A fair question. You might ask about our training."
"Very well. What are we doing today?" I roll my eyes. She speaks so dramatically and in such round-about ways.
"I believe we managed to refine your kinetic abilities as much as I can help you do so. My primary skill is not in those abilities. If you want to continue improving, you'll have to apply what tests I've given you so far in your own way, or likely find new ones. Today we will attempt to have you perform what is my specialty."
"Attempt to?" I ask.
"You struggle to project your thoughts, yes? It's a rare occurrence and you've only ever managed to project them to your partner, Sardonyx. It may not be possible for you perform a full possession, but you may at least learn to ward one off. Even your Sardonyx could do this on instinct. It is unusual that you, the psychic one, would fall victim so easily." We're silent for a moment. I suspect she wants a response. I sigh and turn away, thinking.
"Actually, I'm not too surprised." I admit.
"Why is that?"
"Sardonyx is just.. special. She's got a fire in her I don't understand. She's defiant and determined and can be oh-so-very angry."
"She's the gentlest thing I've ever come across." Elbaite sounds unsure.
"Most of the time, she is. I'd say her compassion and her anger are her two most defining traits, and they come from the same place, but you'd never know unless you were one of us." I look over my shoulder, feeling a touch dramatic myself. "You haven't seen her angry yet, have you?" She shakes her head.
"I don't think so. Perhaps an approximation of anger. Should I?" Elbaite tilts her head, half curious.
"Not if you can help it. I wouldn't be caught on the other side of it for Homeworld's signed resignation from the war. No way." I shudder despite myself. She is a fearsome monster when she needs to be, but at least I get to say she's my fearsome monster.
"Well, that explains, in a way, why she was able to resist.. me. Why weren't you?"
"I'd rather not say." I look back at the wall.
"I see. Well. I suppose that's what we can use today." I hear her say before the door opens. "Come with me." She commands. Forced to obey, I walk behind her as we head back to the domed room. We left it in quite a state last time, though.
"What do you mean 'use'?" She doesn't answer, and her silence says that I'll find out soon enough. I sigh gratingly, and cross my arms defiantly. I realize that we're walking alone. "What, no guard escort today?"
"I know that you know that if I need to I can still possess and destroy both you and Sardonyx. I trust that you won't do something so incredibly stupid that makes it necessary I do that." Elbaite replies with a bite.
"Touchy today, aren't we? The power trip from last time wore off? Do you really feel the need to assert yourself over me so soon?" I prod with a bite of my own. I may have to follow her, but she hasn't yet commanded me to be silent or nice.
"What?" She asks at first, looking at me queerly, then her eyes widen. "Oh, of course. No, I-" She shakes her head, her braids wiggling down her back. "I don't want to have to ruin our hard work, my investment, before it's due time. That's all. Please, be quiet until we arrive." It's not quite a command, not quite a compulsion, but the tone in her voice, that quiet, familiar desperation, has me decide not to fight it just to be rude. I nod, mostly to myself, and follow quietly.
An Amethyst is waiting for us. She salutes briefly and opens the door with a couple taps and a swipe. Elbaite dismisses her with a nod, and she scurries away. I catch her staring at my face, my gem, before she disappears around a corner.
"She doesn't mean to be rude." Elbaite says, almost apologizing as she ushers me inside.
"I know. It doesn't stop it from being rude, or dredging up old memories." I grouse, ducking into the domed room. It's cleaned up a bit from last time, or at least the old furniture, destroyed beyond recognition, has been replaced.
"Fair." Elbaite says. "Let's start with a test of what you learned last time. I want you to invert the air in this room, crossfading across the center line we established." She dictates as she walks to the center of the room. I close my eye and feel all the air in the room, every molecule that makes up the vague gas that is 'air', and start to move them. I pull those from the far side and 'trade' them out for those on the near side, using a dividing line somewhere in the middle, horizontally through the room, as the focus. The air converges across this line, momentarily causing a vacuum as all the gas is confined to this small space, almost visible, and then it spreads out to its new place. Elbaite said this was a test of dexterity and minute control. I never would have thought to try to manipulate air on my own, but it's certainly helped improve my overall control of matter.
"Very good. Now rearrange the molecules in this chair." She points to a chair that's little more than a glorified stool, and I lift it, feeling the overall structure of it before honing in a particular arrangement of its molecules. I can feel the bonds between them, keeping it together in this specific shape. By adding energy or taking it away, I can change the nature of those bonds, destroying them. I pluck at them, sapping their strength, and they snap, and half the chair falls away to sand.
"Good. That was easier for you this time, was it?"
"Yes." It was much easier. I can only begin to imagine the ways this could be used, both to build and destroy in the blink of an eye.
"Your control is much more accurate now. I can only guide you so much in this regard. As I said earlier, if you want to continue to improve, it's up to you to practice." I nod, but I wonder when she thinks I'll be able to 'practice'. By everyone's assumptions, we're still likely to die before I get the free time to give it a go. "So we're moving. Your mind gives in easily to my invading mind. It's pathetic. Resist me." She says, and suddenly, viciously, she's here in my mind.
Like static she billows out into my form, claiming my personage for her own, grabbing up bits of me, saying 'mine, mine'. Before I can do anything about it, she's everywhere, she's in me, she is me.
I gasp when she lets go, my form returned to me.
"Pathetic, Phantom Fluorite. I said to resist me."
"How? How am I supposed to resist?" I ask, earnest and angry, embarrassed. Elbaite enjoys teaching, and I am a student who asks questions, at least, but the way she lures them out is cruel.
"Build a wall around your mind, around your thoughts, around your you. When you feel an intrusion, you throw it up larger, bigger, stronger. What does it feel like when I invade?" She asks, curious.
"Like static. A wave of consuming static." I glare.
"Build a wall, Phantom. Resist." Elbaite says, and I feel her invading again, although slower. I can feel it spread from around my gem and down my body, but she gives me time to resist. In my mind I try to build a wall, to force it back, but the static rolls over my attempts as though I hadn't done anything at all. I can feel her mind swamping mine, but she pulls back before she takes over completely.
"Better, but not good enough. Your wall was flimsy. You must think of it as infallible. You must be infallible against me. You must act with total assurance that you will be victorious, or it will fail. Now, again." She doesn't wait to try again, though she takes over even more slowly. From what I can see, this is a struggle for her to be slow as much as it is a struggle to stop her for me. I throw up a wall and then another and another and I push them together before her. I feel the static roll against them, stopped at first, but it brings just the slightest bit more force and I crumble. I'm hers.
I reel with dizziness as she releases me.
"Alright. That's going nowhere fast. We'll start smaller." She grates, disappointed. "Resisting compulsion will be easier in some ways and harder in others. It works by projecting a field that encourages you to talk, to pass on information. It syncs with our voices. When we make a command, you cannot help but obey because of this field. It interrupts your ability to say or decide 'no'. Like with possession, you'll need to build a wall of resistance against this.
The interesting part is that Sardonyx could not fully resist this. She struggled to not talk when I gave my full command. She did, however, manage to shatter the glass divider while resisting me."
"Did she? That explains the mess when I woke up."
"Indeed. Now, you asked what I meant by 'use' earlier, in regards to your unwillingness to talk." She falls quiet, a bitter look on her face. She avoids looking me in the eye as I realize what she means.
"You wouldn't?" I ask, very fearful.
"I wouldn't.. but it's not up to me." She turns to look at me, and I can feel her command coming. "Resist me. Tell me about yourself." The air rings with a thickness and a clarity as I feel her command sink into me.
"W-well, what- what do you want to, to know?" I blurt out, managing only to dodge for the moment. There is no relief from the pressure of the command.
"Why can't you resist me?" She asks, her voice like steel in my mind.
"I- I hooooonestly don't knoow-w." I say, though I grit my teeth and try to keep my lips sealed.
"A wall, Phantom. Build a wall." She commands, and then adds, "You have an idea, don't you?" I try to focus on a wall that cuts me off at the mouth. No words, no words, no words-
"Iiiii've spent a long life-" Stop, stop! "-being brok-k-ken or held-d-d-d-down by some gemmm or another." Build a wall around my mind, then, if my mouth won't do. "I th-th-think th-th-that I-" No, stop, stop, stop- "I still th-th-thi-think of mys-s-s-self as br-br-bro-" I don't want to say it I don't want to say it I don't want to say it it's not true it's not real I don't want to say it!
S T O P
And just like that, I know how to push her back, force her out. And I do, with vigor. All of my being rejects her, and she is thrown from me.
"Aagh!" Elbaite shrieks, shrinking back. The tug to speak disappears, dissipates. She falls back clutching at her gem, a long, thin rectangle on her thigh. I try to stop my own shaking before I approach her. She seems unharmed, but she does not seem pleased with this development.
"Are you alright?" I ask her, coming near with caution. She looks up at me with her eyes only, a strange look there, not quite the cold malice I've known before, but something new.
"Congratulations." She says scathingly. I pull away from her, unsure how to react. "You passed with flying colors. Now, do it again." She hisses, and I feel her launch herself at my mind again, attempting a full possession, fast and furious and relentless. I push back, now that I know how to, but it's harder now that she's coming at me with her whole force behind her. Still, I know that I can resist her now, and I do.
It's a terrible push and pull, back and forth, a mental wrestle for supremacy. My sense of time dies as it goes back and forth so, everything in me rallying against everything in her. I am disappointed to say that I find myself losing mental ground, and those horrible words try to tumble out. Instead of letting them out, I just groan and fight back all the harder.
"Give in, Phantom." Elbaite snarls, but it's not quite a command. "Give in." This time, it is a command. But I know I can fight it. I start to push back harder than she can, my wall of self forcing away her ocean of static, back and back and back until
Until my wall of self is out of myself, my form, in and pressed against hers. It's dizzying, being outside my own body like this, half myself and half someone else. I feel her fight against me and in my shock at the new situation, the new sense of being, I let her push me out.
I reel at being all and only myself again, and I briefly fear a second attempt at possession, but it doesn't come. Elbaite sits back on the floor across from me, and suddenly she seems every ounce of small she physically, actually is. I want to reach out to her, years of comforting Sardonyx getting the better of me, but I remember her reaction last time, and I refrain.
"You did well." She says, finally. "You can expect it won't be that easy next time. There will be no holding back." She murmurs, before looking up at me seriously. "No holding back, Phantom Fluorite."
"Is it over, then? I'm certified, trained as best as you can train me? Just like that?" I ask.
"There's really no more that I can teach you. You could practice endlessly to refine this skill, but in this area, the only decent practice you could get is on the battlefield. I'm sad to say you'll be having plenty of practice soon enough." She sighs and stands. Still shaking a bit myself, I rise as well.
"May I ask a question, then?" I press my fingers together, unsure of her mood still. Will she be sympathetic? Cruel? Some terrible mix? "Please?"
"You may." She nods, avoiding my eye.
"Why are you really doing all this? I don't believe.. that is, I don't really think fighting me, fighting us is your only motivation in this. I don't understand how it could be." Here she looks at me, a bit defiant and a bit curious.
"And how do you figure this, Phantom?" She asks, daring me.
"You've been calling me by name. My given name, my chosen name." I cross my arms victoriously, smiling faintly. Elbaite tenses briefly before scoffing, shaking her head.
"Your Sardonyx kept correcting me. It was very annoying." She says flatly but I chuckle.
"We both know that isn't true, Elbaite." She sighs in response, growing sadder.
"Has Sardonyx told you her theory?" She looks up at me, tired. I shake my head. She hasn't gotten to tell me much of anything recently. "I'd hate to spoil the surprise for you, then." And we fall silent, two gems sitting awkwardly on the floor of a tattered room, soon to be enemies full and true once more.
"Would it really be so bad to tell me something, just once? You have these moments where you're almost a.. almost not an enemy, and then you hide them and your feelings away and mask them with this cruel joke. I know how masks work. They are fragile and temporary. What will you do when yours breaks?" I ask, edging closer. I can't stand the idea of not trying to know more. She does nothing, remains silent and still, thinking,
"Why, Phantom, it's almost as if you care about me." She eventually looks at me with a smile, a sad smile. It's funny how smiles are supposed to express joy, and yet here I know that there's no joy in this gem, not now, smile though there may be on her face. "If I answer your question, will you answer one of mine?"
"It's a deal." I nod solemnly. She shakes her head, looking away.
"I don't want to fight you. That's not me. But I will have to. It will not be pleasant, and it will.. likely end poorly for you. I hope not. I don't want it to. You seem decent. More than decent." She sighs. "But there's nothing I can do to stop it."
"Why?" I ask. I suddenly realize how much I tower over her. Stars, she only comes up to my thigh, the pudgy little gem. She giggles at me.
"Now, I only promised one answer, Phantom. My turn to ask a question."
"Very well."
"We both know how that sentence ends. I didn't need to ask that question of you. I.. I would like to know.. if.. if you feel differently. Now, now that.. I made you fight it." At first I don't know what she means, but it hits me like a ship crashing down on me. It's my turn to sigh.
"No. No I don't. Deep down, much deeper than it used to be, I don't think I'm.. I don't see how.. I want to be what.." I keep starting and stopping, unable to say it out, to admit it. "I know what I am capable of. I am.. strong in my own, odd way. I am useful, and I can be good and kind and caring. I know these things about myself. And yet I can't seem to make these things add up to make 'me'. I still feel that.. the most 'me' thing about me is.. is what Homeworld says I am."
"Broken." Elbaite says, but it's not an accusation or a confirmation. It resonates with her, strangely, on a personal level.
"Yes. I don't want to feel that way. I don't.. logically I know that.." I lose the words again, and just drop my hands to my sides.
"I'm sorry." She says, and I look down at her with a mild degree of shock. "I am sorry. That, that you feel this way." She looks at her hands. "And for what must come next."
"And what must come next?" I ask, unable to hide some of my bitterness at her resignation. Doesn't she hold the power here? Why must she do this?
"Let's.. practice. Practice your telekinesis." She tries to command, to compel, but she knows I don't have to obey now. Nevertheless, I realize that the longer we 'train', the longer we're guaranteed to live, so I decide to go along with it.
Thus we try to waste the better part of the day performing inane, ridiculous tests, seeing what I can do, no matter how impractical it may be. I attempt a compulsion, but Elbaite says she feels nothing, and the thought is quickly abandoned. I learn to project my thoughts more clearly, but this takes very little time as well. In the end, I am not even vaguely tired. When we can no longer think of experiments to attempt, Elbaite sighs.
"What now?" I ultimately ask. She looks deep in thought, then closes her eyes.
"We'll do this again tomorrow."
"What?"
"We will do this again tomorrow." Her voice is like a backhand.
"No, I heard you perfectly fine. What do you mean?" I ask, confused.
"It means what I said. You lack control. Your strength needs further refining. Perhaps I cannot guide you perfectly, but your skills obviously need further guidance of some kind. We will return tomorrow." She says, eyes hard. "You are disappointing in your current state." Her voice is like steel again, cutting through me. I hadn't fancied myself in her good graces, or even a subject of pride, but I feel misled and betrayed by this. She motions to the door, and I turn to look at what could possibly be related to our conversation there, only to be met with an Amethyst shoving something on my face.
I hiss as the gooey, inky mess solidifies, molding to my gem. My far sight, as Sardonyx calls it, goes blind. I can no longer feel beyond myself; I am left with only the vision of my single eye. An inhibitor.
"What- What is this?" I growl messily, turning to face her again. My mouth feels distant and unfamiliar. The world feels kilometers away from 'me'. Elbaite stands over me. I can't read her face, and I can't read her emotions anymore. She is a stranger again.
"It's an inhibitor. It's the emergency brakes for a gem like us. I can't compel you anymore. How else can we control you?" She leaves the question without an answer, leaving me to connect the dots.
"I know what an inhibitor is!" I snarl, wobbling. With just one eye and no far sight to help me navigate, my ability to balance and walk and basically function is worthless, nonexistent. "I meant- Why would you do this?" I pull at the inhibitor, the external mass solid, rubbery.
"I think I've said enough. You will be returned to your cell until I decide to resume tomorrow." She gestures to Citrine, I presume, over my shoulder. She returns to the center of the room as Citrine pulls me away by the wrist, half dragging and half leading me out of the room. My mind burns at Elbaite, furious about this strange new behavior. I try to fight the Citrine, and while there is more strength in my limbs than last time, there is less coordination, and power without direction is worse than useless, it's wasted.
I take inspiration from Sardonyx, and struggle the whole way anyway.
Elbaite Facet 9D5Q Cut 7TC:
I tell myself it's for the best. They don't know it now, but they'll thank me later. Hopefully. If this terrible plan has any merit.
I retreat to what Tourmaline calls 'the nest', a safety room that can withstand even our most powerful weapons where we spend most of our time if we're not giving out orders directly. She's holed up there with the Pyrope, who she has no doubt annoyed to tears of aggravation with her incessant need to talk. I can let her chatter on for days, but can the Pyrope?
As I enter, Tourmaline stops whatever she was saying before to ask me:
"Are they ready yet?" She whines, playfully eager.
"No. They show promise, but it's slow going." I lie, but I know it'll be alright. She wants her game, and this wait is only making it more enticing for her.
"I am cracking waiting for this! Making me promise not to spy on your sessions is making this all the more exciting! How much longer?" She gushes, gleeful. The Pyrope looks fit to scream at every inflection of Tourmaline's voice.
"At their rate.." I pause, thinking. How long can I get away with? What length of time will she believe that will still earn us enough time? "Another week or so. It will be worth it." I add as she starts to groan, the Pyrope even rising from her seat indignantly.
"It had better be!" She snaps at me. "Honestly, why did I let you talk me into this?"
"You want to prove yourself. You need worthy opponents. You gave me this task of providing them." I state with a shrug. Let her question herself.
"I suppose.." She says, losing interest. "You left the Sardonyx with a Citrine, right? Put her away and silence them both this time, let's see what they do then." She dismisses me with a wave and immediately returns to her previous conversation with Pyrope. I am gone before she can think of asking to take her with me.