It was finally Friday and school was out for break. I was still worried about everyone especially Jake, but like I predicted Quil dropped me as a friend. I had given Billy a week so now it's my time to bother him, again. I placed the cold phone to my ear, holding my breath, praying that Billy didn't answer.
"Hello." Billy's voice grumbled into the phone.
"Hey Billy is Jake better?" I tried to hide the distain in my voice.
"No. He has mono. You can't visit him. I'm sorry." Billy sounded remorseful when he said sorry, but I could tell it was out of pity.
"Have you taken him to the doctor?" I suggested.
"Yes, Bella I'll tell him you called." The dial tone was prominent in my ear. I was shocked to say the least, that Billy would be so rude to me.
I slammed down the phone upset by the conversation. I looked over at Jared who had a twisted expression on his face. Jared was great company, but I knew it was only because of the fact I didn't have a truck, he still picked me up every morning and dropped me off after school.
"I can't believe that Billy would act this way towards me! He is like a second father to me!" I was almost to the point of not being able to contain my anger. I started shaking, I could feel the anger trying to consume me, but I didn't allow myself to be weak. I took calming breaths while I felt the hole in my chest expand further than it had when he left. Jared placed a reassuring arm around my shoulders leading me to the kitchen.
"Sit." Was all Jared said when we entered the kitchen. I quickly sat down while Jared pulled the chair out from the other side of the table.
"I know it's hard. You have to let them go for now. They will come around, and until then you have to forget about them. I know I'm going on vacation but I'll still only be a phone call away." Jared reached for my hands that were resting on the table. He rubbed small circles on the back of my hand trying to calm me down.
"It hurts, being rejected. I don't understand how anyone wants to go on…." I felt warm tears sliding down my cheek. Jared reached up and wiped them away with his thumbs.
"I'm not whole, damaged goods is all I am. I can't keep hurting Charlie because I'm numb. He hurts for me. I can't just exist, when the people around me are in pain because of what I'm going through, it selfish." Jared started trembling lightly.
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" Jared yelled as I flinched. I don't even know exactly what I'm saying. I just know that it isn't healthy to go back the way I was with Charlie here. I don't like to see him upset because of me.
"I don't know Jared. I guess I'm saying that I think I might go visit Renee this summer. She wants me to visit, and getting away from here would be good. It has too many memories." I don't want to leave, but at the same time I do. I don't want to be here because of the memory of Edward. I also do want to be here in case he changes his mind. STOP! He left you, and he doesn't want you. I need to forget about him but it hurts so bad…
"I don't like the thought of you leaving. I will support you but I don't want you to go." I looked up at Jared. I started to sob, because it is so hard. I don't want to start over in Florida because I'm afraid of the unknown. I don't want to leave because I don't want to leave my friend, Jared or Dad. I felt warm arms picking me up, and soon we were in the living room. I sat in Jared's lap as I cried. I can't keep doing this to him he is my friend and I don't need to cry all the time. I looked up at him through my tears, and he was shedding tears of his own. I immediately stopped crying, and wiped his away, trying my best to console him.
"Jared don't, I can't hurt you too. I make such a mess of everything. I'm so sorry." Jared composed himself, and took deep breaths.
"I have so much I need to tell you." Jared stopped talking; it was almost like he was choking on his words. I felt him shaking underneath me. I placed a hand on his chest to calm him.
"Bella, please don't leave, for now. It will take me a little while but I can fix everything, and if you have to leave please tell me." I nodded. It was the least I could do, and if I did leave I would tell him. After my debate I nodded. Jared sighed into my hair.
"Charlie is almost here, so I'm going to go." I jumped up and flew into the kitchen. I needed to still put the pies into the oven, and now we will be late going to dinner. Jared chuckled from the living room.
"That was the fastest I've ever seen you move." Jared walked into the kitchen, giving me a hug after I sat the pies into the oven.
"Think about what I said. Bye Bella see you Saturday!" Jared said before he turned to leave.
Charlie and I gathered all of our things out of the cruiser when we reached the Clearwater's house. I followed Charlie up the stony walkway into the faintly familiar house. We were greeted by Sue Clearwater as soon as we entered the threshold.
"Hello, Charlie. It's always great to see you." She embraced him gently as I slowly peeked out from behind him.
"And you must be Bella! It's been too long since I've last seen you!" I nodded extending the pies. I heard pounding footsteps bellowing down the stairs. I watched as a tall lanky guy jumped off the last step of the stairs. Sue tapped her foot sending a glare his way, she forcefully placed an arm on her hip and extended her finger in his direction.
"Seth Clearwater! How many times have I told you not to do that?" She waited for his response when he slowly looked in my direction.
He hung his head giving me a sheepish smile "Sorry, mom."
Sue looked over at me giving me a half wink before continuing "Bella this is my son Seth." I smiled over at Seth. Sue turned to take the pies into the kitchen.
"Hey do you want to see my room?" He enthused.
"Sure…" I have heartedly agreed. We walked up the winding staircase, almost to Seth's room when we were stopped.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Bella Swan." I smiled awkwardly at the stunningly beautiful girl standing in front of me. Her eyes were red and puffy most likely from crying. I looked away trying not to stare for too long or offend her in any way.
"Are you Charlie's daughter?" I nodded as she pushed her way back to her room.
"Tell mom I'm not hungry."She said before she slammed her door.
"Sorry about Leah. She hasn't been herself since her breakup." I nodded understanding the pain she was in.
We walked into Seth's undersized bedroom, taking in the woodsy feel. Seth pointed out various things in his room, that he thought I'd be interested.
"What kind of music do you like?" Seth pointed at his collection.
I didn't move "I don't listen to music." I didn't want to see the look that Seth was giving me. I know it's obscure not to like music, but it brings back memories.
We stood for a long time as Seth stared at me while I looked around his room. I decided to make light conversation to break the awkward silence in the room.
"How old are you Seth?" I asked looking up at his tall frame.
Seth looked at the ground tapping his foot on the leg of his bed.
"14, you?" My mouth instantly dropped. He is only fourteen he looks, maybe twenty at the youngest. I can't believe how old all of the La Push boys are, when they all look extremely older.
"18" I took another look around the room. I heard more people downstairs, but I thought it was just going to be us and dad. I looked over at Seth, who shook his head.
"Paul is here, and just so you know he is kind of a hot head. He gets mad really easy." My eyes grew wide, could this be the same Paul that was friends with Jake, before he turned? I remember the story Jake told me in his garage where he told Jake 'you'll learn soon enough.'
"Do you know Paul?" I shook my head. I don't know quite how to react. I'm mad at that gang, but everyone is a part of it. I miss my friends, and I just wish things went back to normal. I felt someone place a warm hand on my shoulder.
"Don't worry, if Paul says anything mean I'll deal with him." I nodded. I've always been so much stronger than this, and now I'm having a 14 year old giant fight my battles. I need to get a grip. I'll be ok. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, and relieve the shaking.
"Are you sure you're ok?" I nodded once more. I'm going to be ok. I kept chanting to myself until I heard Sue call our names.
"We're coming!" Seth shouted next to me.
"Ready" Seth whispered next to me. We exited the room, making our way down the tiny hallway toward the dining room.
I glanced around the table noting the people I already know, until my eyes landed on who I assumed was Paul. He was lean, as his body was hard with muscles, and his hard eyes glaring in my direction, while his body shook lightly. I glared back in his direction, silently telling him I wasn't going to back down. Seth pulled on my hand guiding me to sit next to him. I watched Seth give him a hard glare, and sit protectively in-between us. I watched as Paul started to take deep vivid breaths, while his whole body erupted in tremors.
"Paul." Harry Clearwater gave Paul a quick look. I hadn't noticed the conversation the adults were having, until I was asked a direct question.
"Bella, I was telling them about the project you had to do, with that baby." Charlie stated.
"What is Jared's last name? I think since he lives on La Push they might know him." I didn't want to tell them Jared's last name in fear that the gang might try to take him from me as well, but they are all staring at me, so I answered.
"Tinsel" Charlie nodded.
"Jared is such a sweet boy. We have known him since he was little." Sue said as she laid the last of dinner on the table.
"Jared is really nice." I said as everyone nodded in agreement. I whispered to myself "even when all my other friends left me." I felt the ripple of pain erupt in my chest. I wrapped my arms around my torso, trying not to let Charlie notice. I looked over at Paul who was still glaring at me.
Seth leaned over to whisper in my ear "Sorry about Paul."
I heard a low growl come from Paul's direction.
We ate, made small talk, and Seth kept giving me side glances. The adults stayed and talked at the table after dinner was finished. Seth and I excused ourselves, to go for a walk outside.
"I thought you didn't know Paul?" Seth finally broke the silence, as we made our way to the beach.
"I don't know him, I've just heard of him." Seth didn't look at me but nodded.
"I know he has a bad temper, but what he was doing to you at dinner was just mean." I heard leaves, and the pounding of footsteps heading for us. I hurriedly turned around as I watched Paul moving quickly in our direction.
"What are you doing here?" he sneered at me. Seth stepped in front of me to block Paul's evil stares from boring into my body.
"My family invited her to dinner. What is your problem Paul?" Seth yelled.
"NOT YOU TOO, I'M TIRED OF EVERYONE DEFENDING HER!" Paul growled.
I didn't like that Paul was yelling at Seth, so I stepped in. "What do you mean? I've lost all of my friends to your gang! Jared is the only one who hasn't left me yet. You can't take him either!" Paul's throaty laugh echoed off of the cold night air.
"There is so much you don't know little girl." Paul snapped.
"Don't talk to her like that Paul!" Seth roared as he started to shake violently. No! This can't happen to him too! I placed my hand on his chest, and a hand gently on his face.
Paul's eyes widen "Get away from him! You don't know what's happening!" I shot him a glare.
"Seth, honey look at me, I'm ok. Paul is being rude but it's tolerable, I've been hurt way worse than having someone yell at me." I whispered staring into his eyes. I began to shush and coo him until his shaking stopped.
"How have you been hurt worse?" Seth sad eyes stared intently at me.
"Let's just say the people I love the most always leave in the end." I turned to look at Paul who was completely stunned.
"I didn't know you would be here, or I wouldn't have come!" I stepped closer to Paul. "You have already taken all of my friends, please just leave Jared and Seth alone. Please." My voice broke as tears began pouring out of my eyes.
"Like I said before there is a lot you don't know. Don't ever come back to La Push. You have already chose sides in all of this, and look where it got you." I didn't understand anything he meant by that but I couldn't stand any longer.
I fell to the ground sobbing. I looked at Paul, whose hard face was beginning to soften. I whispered "Tell them I miss them. I understand I'm too broken to ask them to help put the pieces back together." Paul nodded taking a step back as I felt two warm hands lifting me off the ground. Paul was watching me as I heard Seth scoff at him "Leave."
A loud howl echoed off in the distance that made all of us stop in our tracks. Chills made my hair stand as the piercing cry stopped. Paul ran in the direction of the howl, as Seth carried me back to his house. When we arrived at his porch he stopped.
"Let me stand up. I can walk." I rasped. I stood wiping off my clothes, fixing my hair, and straightening my outfit.
"Sorry, you had to see me like that." I murmured to Seth.
"I don't care about that, are you ok?" His voice laced with concern. The front door swiftly opened as Charlie stood in the doorway.
"There you are I thought I was going to have to search for you. Are you ready to go?" Charlie asked as he made his way to his cruiser. I waved goodbye to everyone. I gave Seth a small hug, whispering 'Thanks'. I pulled away as he mouthed 'welcome'. I faintly smiled as I made my way back to Charlie's car. The whole ride was quiet until we made our way into the house.
"Did you know Paul?" Charlie asked while hanging his coat on the hook.
"No." I said.
"Apparently he lost both of his parents at a young age; so every Friday he eats with them." Charlie explained. Charlie went to his chair turning on the TV to the sports channel. I went upstairs, preparing myself for the long week of existing, without any friends.
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