Five months later

It was snowing in New York, and the city for once had a peaceful and glowing feel to it as people went about their last minute shopping and ice skated at Rockefeller plaza. Ryan came through the front door the afternoon of Christmas Eve. He was wearing a heavy black pea coat and struggled to swing the door fully open while carrying at least seven different bags. Lisa, who was in the kitchen laughed watching him before wiping her hands on her apron and walked over.

"Let me help you."

Lisa had been a big help to Ryan the last couple of months. She was a married mother of two boys who had just started high school. She had worked as a nanny and housekeeper ever since she had her own children. She now came over four times a week and had been helping out extra as the holiday approached. Ryan got along with her fine and liked the fact Ginger had taken to her so quickly.

"Thanks."

Ryan handed her the bags.

"Mind taking them to my room, I don't want Ginger to see."

"You're going to spoil that little girl Ryan, you know that right?"

Ryan smiled as he took his coat off.

"Yeah, but she's my little princess…how can you say no?"

Lisa laughed as she hurried down the hallway. Ryan cupped his hands together and blew warm air into them. Outside was freezing and it was beginning to snow again. He was glad to be in the warmth of his home and away from all the madness of the stores.

"She asleep?"

"Yeah, took her awhile…she's all excited."

Lisa called from down the hall. Ryan smiled and went into Ginger's room. Just a month or so before Ginger's third birthday he had moved her out of her crib and now into a small little bed. Peaking in, he saw she was fast asleep and surrounded my her stuffed animals. Smiling he went down the hall just as Lisa was putting the bags down on his bed.

"Wow got enough wrapping paper?"

Ryan grinned.

"I'm hoping I can get it all finished while she's asleep tonight."

"Please, she'll be sneaking out every five minutes to see if Santa came or not."

Ryan laughed before looking out his window. The city looked beautiful as the snow slowly dwindled down.

"So how did the Christmas party go?"

Corporate had thrown their famous Christmas party yesterday, in which everyone from the New York office got trashed and made complete fools of themselves. Ryan had stopped by for an hour or so and only had a few drinks. He had been making more friends there…friends that weren't into the night life or into the party scene. Just clean healthy guys who enjoyed sports, their families, and work. Ryan had began hanging out with a couple of them after they got out of work. His newest friend Jeff was a thirty something business major who hung out and would shoot some pool with Ryan on Friday nights. Much like him he was divorced, but his wife had gotten the kids…two little boys.

Ryan had enjoyed the party and got a few laughs, but all the while he stood back remembering all those stupid memories of Michael's parties and really how much fun they were. Remembering the I-pod Ryan had laughed to himself and shook his head.

Then the memory came back of how Pam and him decided on Christmas eve to keep the their baby…which ended up being Ginger. Ryan remembered sitting in front of the fire and kissing her. Pushing it away Ryan smiled.

"It went good, had some laughs."

"What about that girl that seems interested in you…the one that keeps calling here? Jen? Was she there?"

Jen was a very attractive twenty-four year old who worked at the head offices. Ryan had met her a few times and ever since his divorce to Pam was made final she seemed to be coming around more. Ryan worked full time at the apartment, but stopped by the office a few times a week. Every time he did so she was always there wearing a very revealing blouse and asking him when he would take her out for dinner. Ryan liked to flirt, but thought it was too soon. He didn't have time for dating, he was raising a three year old alone and still trying his hardest to keep clean. Another woman was the last thing he wanted.

"Yeah she was there…"

"And?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Same old, same."

Lisa smiled.

"Well I better get going, my husband wants to take the boys out to dinner. Do you need any help with anything?"

Ryan waved his hand.

"No go, have a good night with your family and wish them merry Christmas."

Lisa smiled as the two of them headed back down the hall.

"Thanks Ryan, give Ginger a kiss for me."

"I will, be safe."

"Merry Christmas Ryan."

Letting her out, Ryan stood in the apartment all alone. A tiny Christmas tree was beside the sofa. Lisa had decorated it with Ginger a week ago. Sighing, Ryan ran his hand though his hair and sighed. Just then his cell rang, picking up he knew who it would be.

"Hello?"

An hour later Ryan opened the door, Pam stood there in a puffy white jacket with fake fur around the hood. Standing there holding two different bags, she looked freezing and half scared. Ryan stood in the doorway and both locked eyes not saying a word.

The last time they saw each other was last month. The judge had called them back in and really it depended on what Ryan thought was best for his daughter. Ryan remembered how Pam wouldn't even look him in the eye as they discussed things across the table. Finally they came to an agreement. Pam could see Ginger three times out of the year. It was all ready planned that Pam would see her Christmas eve, Easter, and then her birthday. The rest of the holidays were up to Ryan. Pam was allowed to visit Ginger, but until the next meeting with the judge not alone. Ryan would always have to be there. Ryan knew this wasn't what Pam wanted, that three times out of the year wasn't enough…but it was still something. Ryan knew he could of fought it, and maybe even win…but looking at Pam's drained and pathetic face he decided to be that fair. She was still Ginger's mother and even though he never wanted her to see Ginger again, he only wanted what was best for her. So he allowed these three visits. If anytime came up Pam wouldn't get a second chance. These visits would all take place in New York, and he would always be there. He also made it a point not to her never and he meant never to bring Jim. If she did this once he would make sure her custody rights would be taken away. When Pam asked about phone calls, the judge talked it over with Ryan and Pam was told to wait, that they would start with how the visits went and go from there. If Pam bothered Ryan with phone calls, he had every right not to put them through. Ginger was still a baby, and it was up to him who talked to his daughter.

He knew Pam wasn't happy…but she would have to be.

She had called him that week, asking what would be a good time. They agreed she would come to the apartment around three and stay a few hours. Over the phone both sounded weird and distant, it was as though two dead people were speaking together without any emotion. Pam called an hour before, telling him how bad the traffic and snow was getting and that she would be a little late. Ryan told her if she came in before five she could forget about it and hung up on her. He didn't care if he was mean or not…he was really doing her the favor.

Now she stood there, face to face with him.

"Come in."

Ryan said dropping his eyes. Turning, he put his back to her and walked in. Pam followed, shutting the door behind her.

"Is she here?"

"She'll be getting up from her nap in another few minutes, she kinda had a fever earlier this week."

Pam walked in, feeling awkward and like a stranger.

"Oh? Did she see the doctor?"

"Yeah, he said it's just a bug but she's been really cranky…I'm suspired she slept through her entire nap."

"She's been fussy?"

"Yeah…I'm looking into preschools for her this Spring but she's gotten so attached to me it's crazy. She throws traumas whenever I leave the apartment, gives the nanny a hard time."

Pam listened and felt jealous. Of course Ginger would be attached to Ryan, he was her everything. Pam wouldn't be suspired if Ginger didn't even remember her.

Ryan walked into the kitchen, not offering her anything or saying another word. Pam set down the bags and looked around.

"Wow, I like what you've done with the place."

He didn't say anything. Gulping, Pam sighed before unzipping her coat. She felt horrible. Her nerves had been twisted ever since she rode in. Jim had called her before she walked up and told her there was nothing to be worried about, Ginger was her daughter.

Ryan came back in, hands in his pockets just as Pam slipped her coat off and laid it on the sofa. Somehow she felt so strange in a place she once called home.

"I'll wake her up…"

Ryan mumbled and left the room. Pam stood there shifting her feet and holding back from crying. She hated herself.

Ginger woke up from her nap still puffy eyed and half asleep. Being carried out by Ryan, Pam almost died, it seemed as though it had been years since she last laid eyes on her. Right away she was shocked at how much she had grown in the last few months. Ginger's hair was a fine red and beautiful. Her eyes were sparking and she had a cute chubby little face. She got carried in by Ryan and Pam couldn't help but feel tears blur her vision for a moment.

"What have I done?"

Her mind asked her.

For the last few months she was back to living the same dull life she had hated so much, each night tossing and turning and asking herself why she did the things she did? Why didn't she just admit to Ryan she was unhappy instead of lying. Looking at Ginger all good memories came back and she felt a comfort she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever.

"Oh Ginger!"

She laughed through her tears. Ginger looked at Pam slightly confused before burying her head in Ryan's shirt. Ryan smiled.

"She's just shy…hey Ginger?"

Ginger didn't say anything. Ryan looked at Pam as she slowly stepped forward. Ryan hated seeing the look in Pam's eyes, yet he somehow couldn't help but like the fact Ginger was having a hard time with her.

"Ginger look who it is? It's mommy."

Ginger still wouldn't look, but Pam didn't seem bothered. Instead she stood there with a big smile on her face. Her hands laced together.

"That's okay…it's okay honey…let me just look at you."

Pam stepped forward, her hand gently touching the back of Ginger's hair. Smiling through her tears, Pam looked at her before Ginger slightly turned, her eyes confused and scared. Pam smiled before touching her face.

"My what a pretty little girl you are."

Ginger turned her face back into Ryan's shirt. Pam smiled before quickly wiping her eyes. Ryan felt uncomfortable seeing her like this. For the last few months he had thought of nothing but hurting her. Telling the judge he didn't want Pam ever to see their daughter again. Making her hurt, grabbing her, hitting her, making her feel the pain she made him feel. Making him know what it was like to be heartbroken. Instead, he now looked at her and saw how alone she really was.

"Let me get her something to eat, she'll come around then…"

Ryan went into the kitchen with Ginger while Pam stood there frozen, tears falling down her face.

A half an hour later Ginger did come around. She let Pam hold her and let her sit on her lap. Pam gave Ginger the seven different wrapped gifts, one of them from her parents. Ginger unwrapped all of them and played with the boys, enthralled and beyond happy at everything she got. Pam watched, taking photos with her camera and holding her. Ryan watched from across the room as he sipped wine, he hated her yet liked seeing Ginger so happy. Pam kept playing with her hair, brushing it out of her face and kissing her.

Ginger and her played a game together on the floor and Pam finally brought out a tin of cookies.

"Can she have some?"

"Yeah a couple won't hurt her."

Ryan said coldly as he sat back watching. Pam nodded and gave them to Ginger who made her laugh and showed her how to eat a candy cane.

"Dada! Play with me and mommy!"

Ryan and Pam eyed each other before Ryan set his wine glass down and sat on the carpet. Ginger sat between them and showed them her newest toy which was a dress up doll set. Pam kneeled beside her, helping her with all the tiny little dresses and play shoes. Ryan pretended to be interested and smiled whenever Ginger showed her something. Midway through Ryan finally gave in and asked Pam if she wanted some wine.

Pam looked unsure but said yes. Ryan came back with half a glass and Pam thanked him, quickly not looking him in the eye. For the next hour Ryan and Pam sat on the floor not saying anything as Ginger played with the dress up and babbled on and on about things at didn't make sense.

"I like her jumper…that new?"

Pam asked, finally the first thing directed to Ryan in what seemed like an hour.

Ryan nodded.

"Yeah, she likes them…puts a lot of wear in them."

"She's excited for tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's all she's been talking about…did you see the fridge?"

"No why?"

Pam asked smiling.

"She's drawn a bunch of scribbles, I think their supposed to be Christmas trees and Santa or something."

Pam laughed as Ginger kept playing before them. After that the two of them helped set a plate of cookies and a glass of milk out, explaining it was for Santa. An hour later Ryan had allowed Pam to help put Ginger to bed. Dressing her in her one piece night suit, the two of them tucked her in, before they even left the room Ginger had nodded off, clutching her stuffed dog. Pam watched her for a few minutes before closing the door, her heart sinking.

She wouldn't see her again for months, she wouldn't get to see her face when she woke up tomorrow. Instead she would be back home, waking up beside Jim and having coffee with her parents. Sighing she walked back out as Ryan was cleaning up.

"Want a cookie?"

Pam snapped out of her thoughts as Ryan threw the wrapping paper away.

"Huh?"

"The cookies, want a few bites so she'll think he was here."

Pam smiled.

"Oh yeah…"

Pam went over and took two bites out of the cookies before sipping the milk. Setting down the glass she looked out the window and saw it was still snowing.

"Wow it's beautiful out there."

"Yeah it sure is."

Pam sighed and saw the clock, it was time to go…also she felt award here.

"Well I better get going."

Pam went over to the sofa to get her purse and coat.

"You park in the garage?"

"Yeah."

Ryan walked back over, his hands on his hips.

"Listen…the traffic is going to be horrible, you should wait a little while before it clears out."

Pam shrugged.

"I don't think it will be too bad with the snow."

"Well…you should still wait, I mean…I'm going to be wrapping Ginger's gifts and I would put money down the highway is going to clear before ten, if not you're spending the holiday stuck at the turnpike."

Pam laughed, something about Ryan's voice didn't seem so hard, so horrible.

"Okay…need some help?"

So the two of them sat beside by side on the sofa with all the rolls of wrapping paper and tape in front of them. Piles of Ginger's gifts were around them as they worked not saying a word. The lights of the Christmas tree glowed as the two of them silently drank their wine and kept wrapping. Pam would say a few things about the gifts, saying how neat they were and where Ryan found them? She knew Ryan was all ready spoiling her and couldn't help but smile that Ginger would more then likely be a daddy's girl. Ryan said little to nothing and kept wrapping. Once he asked how the Christmas party went and Pam made a face saying that Andy, Kevin. Dwight, and Creed all began playing Christmas songs while Meredith tried to dance topless in front of everyone. This brought a smile to Ryan's face, which was something she never thought she would see again.

Before ten everything was wrapped and put under the tree. Pam and Ryan cleaned up not saying a word.

"Wow she's going to go nuts."

Ryan threw out the last of the left over paper.

"Yeah…I'll email you photos tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yeah…sure."

Pam couldn't believe how nice he was being. Nodding, she decided to get out of there before things got to weird. Grabbing her coat and purse she thanked him again and asked if he could give Ginger a kiss for her. Ryan said of course and told her he would email her the photos and then he would message her a week before her next visit which was in the spring. Pam thought it seemed years away. Sighing, she thanked him again and got everything together.

"Be careful driving…"

Ryan said as he walked her to the door. Pam nodded, her stomach felt funny.

"Yeah…"

Before leaving Pam stopped, she felt it in her pocket.

"Oh I almost forgot…here."

Pam dropped her sparking wedding ring into Ryan's hand. Ryan looked surprised.

"What's this?"

Pam shifted her feet, she didn't want to look at him.

"I didn't think it was right for me to wear it anymore. It's yours anyways…"

Ryan stared down at the ring before shaking his head and handing it back to her.

"No, it's yours…I gave it to you Pam."

Pam held the ring, slightly confused before Ryan opened the door for her.

"Bye Pam."

Pam kept looking at the ring before looking up at him, she felt horrible.

"Merry Christmas Ryan."

"Same to you."

Pam looked up at Ryan, his stubble now back to it's normal length. His hair slightly sticking up and his blue eyes very direct. She remembered the man he used to be…and the love they shared. Knowing things would never be the same between them again Pam nodded, she knew he was trying as much as he hated her for what she had done.

Turning away she left.

Shutting the door, Ryan let out a deep breath. He wished he could take a hit more then anything right then. Quickly finishing his wine, Ryan rubbed his face. It felt so strange having her here. Going into Ginger's room, he looked in at her and felt his heart sink.

That was their baby…the reason they fell in love in the first place.

Why couldn't they still be in love now?