Flinging myself into my dancing, I allowed my concentration to distract me from my heartbreak. The weeks ticked by and I avoided Christine's eye as much as she avoided mine. We did not speak, however when we happened to be close to one another, we would ignore one another.
Her singing improved with every rehearsal, if that were possible, until finally it was the open night. Meg was practically all healed by this time but was still not allowed to perform, so she did my hair for me as I sat gazing sightlessly at the mirror.
I could hardly stand it here. Not anymore. He constantly shadowed me, keeping close but never reaching out to me and that was the only thing I was glad for. I knew he was biding his time and I did not have much longer, however with both Erik and Christine nearby, things were becoming unmanageable. "Lianne? I know you've been hiding something from me." Meg prodded me with a pin before sliding it into my hair, making me jump slightly. "Please tell me." Deciding that I could no longer keep things to myself, I nodded my head.
"I will Meg, or at least as much as I can. After the performance. I can't…can't hold it inside me any longer." Seeing that I was on the verge of tears, Meg slid her arms around me.
"I'm here Lianne, right here. Just remember that. No matter how much things seem to fall apart, how much the walls seem to crumble around you, I'm still here and I will not go. I promise." She whispered softly, resting her lips against my cheek in a sisterly kiss before leaning her head against mine and I drew in her comfort greedily, glad to find that it did in fact make an improvement. "You do not smile anymore, Lianne, so I know that someone as hurt you. I don't care who it is, but they will soon feel my wrath." I chuckled at the thought.
"You may have your turn once I am done with them." I assured her, gripping her hand then kissed it gently. "Come, or we'll be late." Nodding her head Meg gripped my hand back and together we ran to take our places, Meg with her mother and myself on the stage. When the music started and the curtains rose, I lost myself in the performance.
My smile, however, remained lifeless and I could not find it in my heart to enjoy this as much as I used to. I performed the steps with as much skill and grace as I had done before, but there was something missing. That energy that had seemed to come to life whenever I performed, it was dead inside me and I could not find the desire to spark it back into existence again.
Glancing up to box five I knew that he would be there. He never missed a performance and tonight would be no exception. The friend who betrayed my heart. I was foolish to think that he could be mine, when Christine has stolen him completely. How could I contend with a beauty like her? No doubt tonight he will once again fall for her angelic voice and go straight to her. It made me sick to think so.
I was glad when the performance ended, for the moment the curtains were drawn I slipped away, going straight to Meg and she quickly took my hands. "Hurry, they will all be celebrating both above and below, we can slip away and not be overheard." She whispered to me and I nodded my head.
"Let me get changed first." I said and she gave me a smiling nod. "I shall meet you on the balcony, alright?"
"I'll be waiting." She assured me then went to congratulate the dancers and Dubois, keeping her duties as a Prima Ballerina and I hurried to change out of my costume. The light chiffon caught the light and shone a luminous mint green as I hurried, taking off my shoes to go barefoot. The other dancers kept their dresses on as they were much finer than anything else we had, but I did not want to spill anything on the precious material and also, it became very cold very quickly if you were not dancing.
Slipping into the costume room I hid myself behind a screen and slipped out of the dress before pulling on my own, which felt rough and rather drab compared. It sagged in all the wrong places and was a faded grey, completely washed out and horrible to look at, however I preferred it that way. It drew less attention.
Leaving the screen I hung up the dress, gazing at it longingly and let my hand stroke the soft folds before I exhaled and drew back, turning around to head for the door however a dark shape cut into my view, instantly making me freeze in place. I was frozen for only a moment, staring at Erik before I bolted for the door but he was faster than I, slamming a hand into the wood then with another swift movement, turned the key in the lock.
Panic tore at me as I retreated, his overpowering figure now turning slowly towards me and I could see the hard set of his face. Not wishing to be captured by him, I darted behind a rack of clothes and ran the length of the room, hiding myself away as his slow steps followed.
He walked past me and his quiet footsteps began to subside before he stopped, looking around for me. I sank lower into the shadows, my hand clapped over my mouth to silence my heavy breaths as my heart hammered wildly in my chest, blood roaring in my ears. Erik turned and walked closer to me again, stopping once more when he was only a few feet away.
He was perfectly silent, menacing as a shadow and through the costumes that hung in front of me, I could only see his booted feet and the sweep of his cloak as he turned and went further towards the back of the large costume closet.
With his back turned, I began to slide out from hiding, glancing left and right but could not see him, so with my heart pushing me forwards with its swift beat and I flew for the door once again. I reached out for it, intending to turn the key and free myself but then strong arms latched around my middle, causing me to cry out. "No! Let me go! Let go of me! No!" I screeched, kicking and struggling as Erik growled, drawing me back away from my only escape route then clamped a hand down over my mouth.
"Quiet, before you bring the entire cast running." That was exactly what I wanted. To remove his hand from my mouth, I sank my teeth into his flesh cause him to curse loudly in my ear and drop me upon instinct, allowing me to begin crawling away from him quickly but he gripped my ankle tightly and yanked me back.
"No!" I yelled, rage flaring in my eyes as I turned onto my back and lashed out at him but he caught this one as well and dragged me even closer to then quickly pin down my fists before I could strike out him. I writhed and spat like a snake, hissing between clenched teeth as he growled back at me, struggling to keep me restrained before finally he snapped.
"ENOGUH!" I went perfectly still but did not stop glowering up at him. He seethed in equal anger, glaring down at me before exhaling unsteadily. "Will you not allow me to explain?"
"No! Why should I?" I demanded to know as his fingers tightened their grip on my wrists. "You almost killed her, Erik, you wanted to kill her! You know how I feel about you hurting others, yet you let your anger get the better of you! Why should I let you near me when I could so easily be your next target?!" I gave another tug to see if he would let me go but he didn't, so I went still again, my hair now free from its bun and haloing my head as Erik loomed over me.
"You are lucky that my temper has thus far held strong." He growled down at me and I snarled, giving another pull but then his face dropped down to my ear in a deathly whisper. "Fight against me any further and I shall not hesitate to do things to your body that no lover will ever think to even imagine." I froze in place at his clear warning and he slowly pulled back though not too far, his face hovering so close to mine that his nose brushed against mine as I breathed deeply, slightly afraid. "Anne…I did not mean for her to take control that way. I am sorry you saw me in my weakness."
Turning my head to the side I refused to look at him but this only made him angrier as he quickly gripped my chin and forced me to face him, so I closed my eyes. "Look at me damn you!" He ordered in a quiet roar but I shook my head.
"No."
"You test my patience."
"And you have exhausted mine." I answered before striking. With my free hand I balled a fist and slammed my knuckles into his jaw, causing to rip back and with the space he inadvertently allowed, I drew back a leg and kicked him firmly off me with a snarl to then leap to my feet and quickly duck between the racks of costumes and placed them firmly between us.
Erik bellowed in rage and I squeaked as he lunged after me, crashing through the costumes and I quickly danced out of his grasp, spinning away then flung my arms up into the air in a twist so that his hand snagged at open air before I then darted behind more costumes. "You cannot run from me forever!" He raged, eyes flashing wildly as I caught sight of him before disappearing.
"You cannot contain me, or control me!" I yelled back at him in anger, struggling to bite back tears though they were swiftly falling.
"I said I was sorry!" He bellowed, tossing more costumes aside in his pursuit. "What more do you want? How have I hurt you? I said it meant NOTHING!"
"But you still gave in! You were going to, weren't you?" I bellowed back, feeling hot tears drip down my face as I danced out of his reach again, the two of us racing circles around one another. "Had I not appeared, you would have done it!"
"Why do you care so much?" He demanded to know, his temper raising the temperature in the room a thousand fold. As I raced the length of the room, I could hear the swish of his cloak, the inhale of his breath as he hunted me down like a predator, making me shudder slightly. "I never meant to hurt you Anne." He called out as I paused slightly. "Demons are as much a part of me as they are of hell."
"I gave you back your life." I whispered, gripping onto the smooth metal of a rack tightly as I hugged it to me, my knuckles burning white as he slowly approached me from behind. "I showed you what it meant to have someone who cared, I filled your heart with music again. You told me so yourself." His hand reached out and gently touched my hair, lightly brushing it with his fingers as I remained stiff and unyielding.
"Yes." He answered, his voice shockingly calm and mellow. "You did." Pressing my eyes shut I whirled around, flinging his hand away from me as I suddenly let everything go in one final shout, pouring all my hurt, grief, anger and sorrow into my voice as tears streamed down my face freely.
"Why do you love her?!" I practically screamed in his face and he stiffened in place, looking down at me passively. A silence began to stretch before us as I gasped for breath, struggling to keep myself together until I finally realised that I could not. I'd pulled too much at my seams and now they had unravelled. My mother had always been a better seamstress than I. "Why? Why do you love her so passionately, so completely to the brink of insanity?" I turned to face him completely, gripping his shirt with desperation as his face remained stoic. "Why do you love her and not me?" My frail voice shivered before him as he looked down at him but still, he said nothing.
Nothing. There was just nothing. I cried out with a tormented agony, banging my fists against his chest whilst sobbing as he just stood there, accepting the blows. I did not know what to say, I did not know what to do but I did know that I wanted him to feel my pain, so I hammered my feeble blows against his chest as they grew weaker and weaker with each infliction, until finally I could only weep into his jacket which was now stained with my tears.
Finally, there was silence. A greater silence than before as he continued to just stare down at me as if I were mad. Perhaps I am, maybe I have driven myself over the edge of insanity because I loved him so much. In any case, the silence echoed around us whilst I remained plastered to his chest, looking sightlessly to the side. "I gave you everything I could." I whispered to him after a lifetime of empty sound. "But tell me, what did she give you that I didn't? What makes her the one thing you crave most instead of me? Her beauty? Her voice? I have neither of those things but I do have something, something that she could never give you." Turning my face up to his, I saw a slight degree of pain in his expression as I lifted my hand and stroked his cheek, yearning for his touch but he did not return it. "My love." And with that, I pushed him away, which hurt him more than any of my words as I turned and drifted like a ghost to the door.
I unlocked it without even registering its cold rustiness, the tears blinding me as the door then swung open and I left, not even bothering to listen if he would come after me. I felt as if I were a tree turning to winter, its cold snatch breaking away every leaf I had until I was bare, cold and dying. Each thud my heart gave hurt and there was nothing I could do to quench the pain.
As I walked in a daze to the balcony overlooking the stables, where Meg still waited for me, she took one look at my distraught face before gasping, realising that something was wrong beyond measure. Before I had even reached her I had dropped down to my hands and knees and started to sob, collapsing on my side but she ran to me, lifting me awkwardly up into her arms but then held me close as I sobbed, constantly drying my face before repeating the process as my tears fell relentlessly.
Once I had no tears left, I curled up into a shell and hid myself away, going completely silent as the last of my walls crumbled. After that, I related my entire tale to Meg.