Diamond in the Dirt

Warning: Rated M

Author's notes: Hi. Are you dead? That may be what you're thinking. Well, in answer to that: No, I am not. I was just inexcusably uninspired. It was the worst feeling ever, especially as when I actually forced myself to write three thousand words just came pouring out. I think I just had what's called 'laziness'. Has anybody heard of that?

About this chapter: Sasuke is, like, not in it much. Why? I don't know. He was just being really bitchy to me. So I cut him out. Also, a new and unexpected character! Who? I won't say. But I didn't even know he'd feature in this. I mean, he just popped up out of nowhere. It's also a bit of a weird chapter for me.

Finally, there are probably typos. Watch out for those. They pack a mean punch.


Chapter twenty-one
Occasional optimism

Sasuke was so angry that he didn't even notice the rain. He knew it was there, pelting him and making his clothes stick flush against his skin, but it wasn't on his mind. The streets were empty. Blissfully empty. He needed a break from people. The very infrequent car would drive past with a full-bodied hiiish on the slick black tarmac. He could tune it out so that it didn't burst his isolation.

He was suddenly so sick and tired of Naruto. It wasn't a rational feeling. It was just the overwhelming need to be away from his optimistic, hopeful selflessness.

He took long, shuddering breaths as he walked, trying to subdue the raging monster within him. He had never felt so furious, so blind with rage. He hadn't even thought he was so capable of intense emotion, so apathetic and stoic he was. And the more he thought, the more his anger was fueled until he thought he'd explode with it. He was hot despite the rain, sweat mingling with the precipitation.

He turned onto a new street. This one was more populated, obviously a haunt for businesspeople who did overtime. Even though he didn't want to be around people, he stubbornly refused to alter his route. As he walked past cafés and bistros he was offered various meal-deal vouchers and newspapers. It grated on his nerves more and more.

"Can't you see I'm not fucking interested in your shit?" his anger tore at the back of his throat. The person handing out the leaflet looked shocked, and people who had heard him had stopped to stare. He probably looked crazy. He let out a shaky laugh and carried on walking.

If he was mad, who could blame him? His parents had died. His brother had died. He'd been raped. He'd been drugged. He lived on the fucking streets. He was being hunted down like an animal. Didn't that warrant madness? It sounded like paranoia. If only it was. Then at least it'd only be his mental health he'd have to worry about. He let out another shaky laugh. Caught sight of himself in a dark windows. Wild eyes. Hair plastered to his head. Pale. Mouth gaping. He let out an involuntary strangled noise, half laughter half sob.

What was wrong with him? How long had he been out here, walking the streets without seeing them? He was so wet now he wouldn't be surprised if he was absorbing it. The sky was dark. It was night, he could tell even with the black rain clouds.

What had his mother told him about the rain that time the storms had frightened him? It was something he'd always been so scornful of. Such a trite thing to say. The tears of angels, washing away the world's pain so that not a trace remained for the daylight. When it rains at night, mother had told him, the rain is more powerful because the moon helps to make the sun happy. 'If you're ever caught in the rain, remember it's your angel taking away all your sadness. It's not scary at all! And if you look hard enough, maybe you'll see that your angel's there with you.'

He glanced around him. Where are you? Sasuke asked silently into to the relentless rainfall and darkness. He was so alone. He felt more abandoned now than he'd ever felt before. His mother had lied. He was looking.

He felt the rage drain away from him until none was left. He was tired. He could just stop here until morning. He stepped under the hanging ledges of the buildings surrounding him and sat down, watching the rain fall. He felt so empty all of a sudden. He closed his eyes to blissful darkness.

"Hey, I found you. What are the chances of that, huh?" Naruto smiled down at him, blond hair plastered to his head with rain, clothes soaked through but genuinely happy to have found him. "C'mon, let's get back to the hostel before we both get sick." He offered a hand to Sasuke who took it numbly and hauled Sasuke to his feet effortlessly.

They walked slowly to the hostel. Sasuke's pace. The rain slowed down to a steady dripping. Naruto didn't speak a word the whole way back and Sasuke was grateful. He felt fragile. Unstable.

The bright walls and heat of the hostel was an almost unbearable contrast to outdoors. The receptionist raised an eyebrow at the two of them but silently handed them their room key when Naruto asked for their door number. Sasuke closed his eyes to his surroundings. He could feel the receptionist's stare.

In their room he collapsed onto the bed, wrapping himself up in the duvet in his wet clothes. Naruto still said nothing, only turning off the main light and heading into the bathroom to dry himself and his hair. The clothes he'd left to dry were damp now, not sodden. He was forced to wear his damp boxers seeing as Gaara's clothes hadn't included underwear.

Because Sasuke had taken the duvet, he had to make do with the blankets left out in case of colder weather. They weren't the warmest, but he was more concerned with Sasuke's health than his own. Sasuke had confessed that he was very prone to sickness.

It took Naruto a long time to fall asleep. He kept thinking about the fear that had gripped him when Sasuke hadn't returned and when he couldn't find him anywhere on the alien streets of Red Hill. The hot relief he'd felt when he'd seen Sasuke hunched up with cold in the pitiful shelter of a ledge. He wanted so desperately to reach out and help him, but look at where that had got him.

An icy hand touched his arm. Sasuke had fallen asleep and had rolled over. He skin looked so pale it was almost blue in the darkness. Naruto watched him for a few seconds. What could he do? He took Sasuke's hand, warming it as he'd done for Haku the few times they'd slept out on the streets together. He'd always been more adaptable to cold than any of his friends, apart from Gaara who seemed to be made of ice and therefore immune to cold.

Despite the fact that he was only holding onto Sasuke's hand to warm him up a bit, it felt distinctly weird. He imagined what Sasuke would do if he woke up; Haku wouldn't have given it a second thought. He returned Sasuke's hand once it was warm.

He sighed into his pillow, pausing his thoughts to breath in the nice smell of laundered sheets. The hostel might be cheap and more than a little tacky but he was enjoying the small luxuries. It'd be tough to go back onto the streets.

His eyes finally closed as he turned the day's events over and over in his head and he dreamt of tomorrow and the days that lay ahead. His dreams were his nightmares: running out of money, Sasuke giving up, getting caught by Orochimaru. He awoke with a start when he was shot in his dream, a patch of skin tingling on his chest. He was sweating.

When he drifted back into sleep he dreamt different scary dreams. Nightmares he'd had about his father as a child. New ones about horrible things happening to his friends in his absence. When he awoke to daylight he felt drained and muzzy, giving up on sleep. Sasuke still hadn't woken up.

It was clear again outside. Naruto spent a good twenty minutes watching the outside world, enjoying the pleasant feeling of escape it gave him. He could take the mind of any passer-by and create his life story.

I have a wife and three kids but I'm worried I don't have enough money to pay the bills. I might lose my home.

I love my boyfriend but I love my best friend too. I keep messing them both around.

I'm rich but I feel so lonely. Sometimes I want to end it all.

Naruto stopped when he realised that all of these 'life stories' he'd created for each person had a dilemma. Why couldn't anybody – even imaginary – have a perfect life? He could have said that the man with three kids loved his job and was getting promoted. The woman who loved her boyfriend could be getting married. The rich man could be donating huge amounts to a good cause and feel immensely satisfied.

How would his perfect life be? I am a successful businessman. I work for equal opportunities for all social classes. I have enough power to make a big difference. I have a nice house and am never short of money. I donate to and help at charity events. My friends are all very happy. I am very happy and… He could go no further. He would want Sasuke in his life, but it felt so wrong to say 'I have Sasuke beside me'. He didn't know if Sasuke belonged in his life at all.

Sure, Sasuke was a big part of him now, but he didn't belong. Belonging meant fitting in. Sasuke was as much of the poverty scene as ham was a part of a vegetable. Naruto's stomach growled loudly and he stopped his musing. He flicked a look back at Sasuke. He wouldn't go to the shop again without telling him. Sasuke brow crinkled then smoothed in his sleep as if he'd read Naruto's thoughts on going to the shop and approved of his decision against it. Naruto let out a low chuckle and he resumed his observing defeatedly. He imagined it smelt damp and earthy because the pavements were still wet with rain and the occasional puddle scarred the straight walkways.

He was reminded briefly of Sasuke yesterday. His gut twisted with pity. No, pity was the wrong word. He understood Sasuke's feelings, but… he'd looked yesterday the way he should have looked the day his family died. Grieving – unbearably so. Was it good that some of it had come out or would it only serve to damage his soul more? Naruto looked at Sasuke as if to check. He slept on, giving no sign of unquietness. Of course not – why would he?

His stomach gave another loud growl and clenched emptily. Eurgh, surely he'd starve to death. He could barely remember the last time he'd eaten. It felt like years but he didn't trust his feelings on that thought: hunger affected his timing terribly. He cleared his throat in a guilty attempt to rouse Sasuke and when his stab at waking him failed he let out an exasperated sound.

"Sasuke?" he tried quietly, following it with a cough. Sasuke stirred fractionally. "Sasuke?" Naruto tried a bit louder, and cleared his throat again. Sasuke's eyes opened slowly.

"Mmnng?" Sasuke responded, yawning and closing his eyes again.

"I'm going to go to the shop, okay?" Naruto almost cried with relief. Food!

"Mmnyeh," Sasuke mumbled, burying his face in his pillow. Naruto bit his lip and prayed that Sasuke had actually taken in what he had said. He decided (again, guiltily) that it wasn't his problem if Sasuke hadn't paid attention. He wished he could leave a note or something.

Sasuke couldn't get back to sleep once he'd opened his eyes. Gradually the orangey sunlight pulled him further and further out of his slumber until he threw back the duvet and sat up. He noticed he was wet and still dressed in yesterday's clothes and was reminded embarrassingly of his, ah, 'breakdown'. He looked around the room for Naruto, and discerned that he had already left. For that he was grateful – he needed to prepare himself to deal with the aftermath. Naruto would most probably interfere or bestow some embarrassing pearls of his own wisdom upon him. And he didn't want anymore of that, thank you very much.

Naruto's story had been… interesting. But he wasn't sure he'd wanted to know. He couldn't think of anybody who had confided in him before and it felt uncomfortable to feel included in a part of somebody's life in which he had no part for the first time. An intrusion, almost. He expected that he'd feel robbed if he ever confided in anybody about anything. He'd never been able to abide the gossip, secret-sharing girls at his old school. They'd seemed so blank and simple-minded – it came as a surprise to simple-minded, secret-sharing Naruto didn't seem as detestable as those girls.

Sasuke slipped out of bed and into the bathroom – fast becoming a shrine to him: his memories of shower-less days on the street seemed increasingly horrific – peeling off his clothes with a grimace. His skin was clammy to the touch and his hair had dried slick to his head. He stepped under the hot water and prayed his immune system would come through for him. What they really didn't need right now was him being bedridden, for any amount of time. He sighed into the water, rubbing his face tiredly.

Out of the bathroom, he rummaged around in their bags for Gaara's clothes. He pulled on a dark grey woollen v-neck and dark trousers, almost pleased by Gaara's taste in clothes. Neutral but smart – exactly what Sasuke had worn at home. He curled up on the bed, resting his cheek on his pillow and watching the shadows cast on the walls. After five minutes, the door opened and Naruto grumbled something.

"Oh, you're awake! And you found our spare clothes. I forgot about them." Sasuke glanced at Naruto, who was wincing sheepishly. He quirked and eyebrow. "I've got us fruit – that will keep for a few days – and loads of tinned stuff. I just need to get a can-opener from somewhere… Do you want something?"

"Yeah, I'm kind of hungry…" Sasuke replied slowly, forcing any embarrassment whatsoever out of his voice. Yesterday was yesterday, today was today – no use in letting a memory make him any more pathetic. Naruto tossed him the carrier bag and he pulled out an apple. He stared at it bizarrely: how long had it been since he'd eaten this simple fruit? They'd ceased to exist in his mind and for some reason seeing one left him feeling oddly out of sorts.

"Oi, Sasuke," Naruto drawled, "it's not going to kill you." Sasuke frowned and took a bite. Still the bland, undecorated flavour he remembered, yet different somehow. It was a luxury.

"Thanks," he murmured inarticulately, still surveying the apple with some degree of peculiarity.

"Hey, no problem," Naruto threw back casually. After a little while he cleared his throat so that Sasuke looked at him. "Erm, actually, I was wondering if I could go out alone. To look for a job. I'd be happier if you stayed here, after… last night." Naruto told him truthfully. Sasuke immediately felt his face burn with shame and he hung his head a fraction to hide his red cheeks.

"Yeah. Do whatever. I might sleep some more." Sasuke hardly knew what he was saying. So long as they didn't discuss his behaviour he didn't really care. And having Naruto away for the day would definitely give him some time to rally his defences again. To sort himself out. His heart sunk dismally.

"O-okay," Naruto replied uncertainly, having expected an argument or a snarky response. He perched on the edge of the bed to eat a banana, politely breakfasting with Sasuke. He was anxious to get on his way, though. He wasn't about to tell Sasuke how much money they had left unless he absolutely had to. Today he would find some work.

Fifteen minutes later he waved goodbye to a curled up Sasuke and hurried out of the hostel. He didn't even know where to start. He realised he'd left the maps back in the room. Damn. Riddled with guilt he also realised that he didn't want to see Sasuke just yet. So he left the maps behind.

He wondered if he could try asking around in shops, trying to dispel his guilt back immersing himself fully in his quest to find work. They would inevitably ask for identification of some sort, but what street kid would have a birth certificate? In the city he might have been able to get a false one but how could he do that here when he barely knew his way to the shops? It irritated him so much. The bastards that made up the government, he thought with vehemence, they hated the poor so much and yet they give them no opportunities to find their own work and homes and higher social classes. It was ludicrous.

He tried one shop anyway, just to see what they said. "If I applied for a job here, or anywhere, what kind of things would I need? Résumé? ID?"

"All of those, and a valid work permit." Of course. Of course. Of course the 'real job' he'd dreamed of in Red Hill didn't exist.

Discouraged but definitely still determined, Naruto approached citizens, hotels and hostels, and even a park keeper asking if they needed a reliable handyman. He offered cleaning, gardening and every odd job on the earth. The people were incredibly polite to him, apologising profusely as they regrettably informed him that they had somebody to do it for them – a cleaner, a husband, a son or a daughter.

He tried asking the leaflet people about how they got their jobs but they all seemed to work for the company they were distributing leaflets for. He tried asking in a hair salon if they needed anyone to sweep up for them and although the hairdressers and junior staff fawned over him and his hair, they too told him they didn't need anymore staff. The female attention boosted his spirits slightly, but they came crashing back down when they turned down his offer.

He finally went walking along the beach front, trying hard to stay optimistic. There were still places he hadn't tried, and it was still early in the day. There was still hope. He tried asking a fishmonger if he needed anymore fishermen, but was laughed at. Apparently he got the fish delivered from somewhere else. Not Red Hill's very own sea. It seemed illogical to Naruto. A waste. He didn't think too much about it though.

He pondered opening his own business. A lemonade stand? He pictured the childish business with scepticism. He was not a cute six year old with bad spelling. Well, he had the bad spelling, but he was definitely not six. He'd be better off opening a male brothel, like Haku, than trying to pull off a lemonade stand. How do you make lemonade, anyway?

Naruto sat down on the sand, looking out moodily at the sea. What about a stall selling those tacky inflatable sea whatsits? Lilos and water wings and such. But where would he get them from? Somebody was bound to have already opened a store selling the things. All of these things needed money anyhow. And money was in short supply. Icy dread washed over him. This was a stupid idea. From the very beginning, Red Hill had been a stupid idea. Safe or unsafe, the city was better from them.

He rubbed his eyes hard with the heels of his hands, shouting at himself mentally. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was so stupid. Out of the fucking frying pan and into the fucking fire. Shit. He exhaled. Inhaled. Begged for calm. He could not despair right now. Absolutely not. He dug his hands into his eyes a bit harder, seeing swirly pink, green and yellow patterns in the darkness. Ouch. He removed his hands, wincing as the swirly patterns remained, marking the beach. Like some weird trip on drugs.

He tilted his head back. He'd got them into the mess and he would get them back out of it. He was brought up tougher than this.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, laddy?" Naruto jumped at the mellow voice and looked at the speaker, heart racing. He frowned at a white-haired man wearing an (?) eye patch.

"Who the hell are you? A pirate?" Naruto snapped at him, clutching his heart. "And where do you get off scaring me?" The odd man brandished a broom and stabbed at the air around Naruto, laughing. Naruto recoiled, a look akin to horror on his face at the man's antics.

"If this broom were a sword I guess I could well be a pirate, eh?" He laughed and Naruto winced. What a freak! "What are you doing out on the beach? No one comes out here until March. You a tourist?" Naruto stood up and shrugged warily.

"You could say that."

"I see. And how long are you staying here?" The man put his broom down on a trolley behind him. Naruto recognised it as one of those bin-trolleys road cleaners in the city used.

"A couple of months." He recoiled again when the man sat down heavily, one leg stretched in front of him. Naruto realised with horror that it was a false leg – hardy shiny plastic underneath the man's trousers. He tried not to make a face but the man had probably seen it all before.

"I'm a real pirate – peg-leg and eye patch. The parrot's in the bin." He pointed at his trolley. "It's nasty, isn't it? You don't want to see what's under my eye patch either, trust me." Naruto looked briefly at the eye patch and wondered what was underneath it.

"What happened?" His curiosity got the better or him.

"Got myself into a few fights when I was younger. First was my eye. Second was my leg. Stupid thing for me to do, looking for trouble in the state I was in. I guess you live and learn, kid." He shrugged helplessly, but didn't look very bothered about his past. He reminded Naruto of Jiraiya, who'd seen and done so much he was unshakable. Naruto had once said to him that he could die and all he'd do is nod his head complacently at the reaper.

"Why? I mean, why did you get into fights?"

"Ah, you wouldn't know much about it, would you?" the man sighed, looking at Naruto out of the corner of his visible. Naruto shrugged in response.

"Try me. I know quite a few things." The man intrigued him. So much like a piece of home in this strange town.

"I see. More than just a tourist, huh? I'll tell it to you, then. It's not a very long story – I used to live in a city away from old Red Hill. Well, you know how cities are. Many, many poor people. Me, I was one of them. Of course, you won't understand how poor 'poor' really is, will you?" the man gave Naruto a conspiratorial look. "I won't bore you with the details though. I got me involved with drugs and when I couldn't pay off my debts I got hunted down. I put up a fair fight the first time. I was lucky. The second time weren't so good, so I moved myself out here to get away from all that. I haven't touched a drug for… going on ten years now."

"Interesting story. I'm guessing you want to hear my one now?" Naruto raised an eyebrow but couldn't bite back a smile.

"I didn't believe you were a tourist for a minute." The man told him. "What's your name, son?"

"Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto. And, as a formality, what's yours old man?"

"Hatake Kakashi." Kakashi replied simply, offering a smile. "So are you going to tell me what your story is? I'm intrigued now." Naruto exhaled loudly, palming his face.

"Which one?" he asked comically. Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"So you've had that kind of life? It's a miracle you're in one piece." Naruto nodded in agreement.

"I know. It's all about contacts now. And I've got some good ones." He looked out at the rolling waves of the ocean, sighing lightly. "I'll tell you my most recent story, if you like. It's not a very long one either. Dates back about a month or two. I took on this rich kid when his family died – felt sorry for him – and turns out he's got a bounty of about ten thousand ryo on his head. That was at the last count anyway. So we came out here to hide out for a bit and now we've got no place to stay because our money's running out. I came here thinking we'd be able to hang out with some boozers or hookers."

"It's surprising, isn't it? That there are places in the world without people living on the streets. I came here thinking the same thing." Naruto's spirits lifted somewhat.

"And you've got a job… How did you do it without ID?" he asked excitedly.

"A fake one, my friend. You can't live without one out of the city." Naruto's heart sunk again. He hugged his knees to his chest. "I'm retiring soon. The government brought in a new law that said disable people, like myself," he tapped his plastic leg, "can retire. That's good for me. A pension and no work. If they'd told me this ten years ago I would have laughed in their faces. It's funny how life changes."

"Hear, hear," Naruto murmured.

"Don't lose faith yet, Naruto. I like you. You're that good apple in the barrel of scum." Naruto wasn't sure if that was the right expression, but went along with him.

"Oh, sure. I've already screwed up loads. What good apple does that?" he asked sarcastically, making a flippant hand gesture.

"You're being too hard on yourself. Everybody screw up. If life was straightforward it'd be boring, right?" Kakashi gave him a friendly punch on the arm, startling Naruto with his easy informality. Naruto summoned up a smile.

"Thanks. But I think I could handle boring for the rest of my life." He grinned apologetically at Kakashi, who was rolling his eye good-naturedly.

"You don't know what you're saying. I'm living the boring life and even though I endured a whole lot of bad things I miss my old life. I guess we become a little masochistic." Naruto tilted his head pensively. Kakashi was the up-beat voice of reason he needed in Red Hill. Usually Jiraiya would be that voice for him.

"You remind me a lot of a friend I left behind," he told Kakashi. Kakashi smiled.

"That's refreshing to hear after so long living the middle class life."

"Now you're just rubbing it in, Kakashi." Naruto smiled ruefully and Kakashi head up his hands.

"No, no, I swear." They both chuckled. Naruto suddenly felt heaps better. He asked Kakashi for advice on job hunting in Red Hill. Kakashi hummed thoughtfully before answering.

"I have a proposition for you. I work seven days a week from March to September and three days a week from October to February. I'll tell you that it's not easy to push this thing through the sand with my bad 'leg'. What do you say to doing those three days for me until March and then five days from March until you leave? I'll split the wage seventy-thirty. It's one thousand, eight hundred ryo per hour and you'd do six hours."

"Seventy-thirty?" Naruto scoffed incredulously. "Have a heart; I need to live on this money."

"Fine, I'll go sixty-five-thirty-five. Highest. You need a job, don't you?" Kakashi wiggled his fingers tantalizingly. "You have no ID, no résumé, no work permit…" he teased in a sing-song.

"How much will I earn?" Naruto grouched, unwilling to accept such a stingy cut but desperate for work. Kakashi did the math in his head.

"Works out to… divide by ten… multiply by three… half of ten… that's six hundred and thirty to you per hour. Multiply that by six is… three thousand, seven hundred and eighty. And when you do that three times a week, it works out to about ten thousand odd."

"That hardly pays my hostel! It's about three thousand per night!"

"Take it or leave it, kid. I doubt you'll find better." Naruto growled loudly in irritation. He'd been cornered.

"Fine, I'll take it. But if the money doesn't cover my hostel, you can find me a cheaper one or pay it yourself."

"We'll see when it happens," Kakashi teased. "Right. I'll show you where the bin is kept, hand you the keys, tell you your hours and all that lark."

Naruto opened the door as quietly as he could. Sasuke was apparently sleeping, eyes closed and under the duvet. The room smelt stuffy, like sick people, and Naruto wrinkled his nose. He tiptoed over to the bed and then leapt on top of Sasuke, who awoke with a yell. He perched on Sasuke's side and ruffled his hair playfully, grinning broadly.

"I," he puffed up, ignoring Sasuke's attacks to his legs, "have a job. C'mon Sasuke! Show me some love!" Sasuke blinked at him, so surprised he paused his punching.

"R-really?" he asked. Naruto bared his teeth in an even bigger grin and nodded proudly, putting his hand to his chest in a gallant gesture.

"Yes. I said that I would never fail you, Sasuke. I have saved you from abandoning Ayame, your beloved shower. Now, worship me!" Sasuke shoved Naruto off him but couldn't stop the simple happiness away. He managed an almost-smile.

"Thank you. Thank you, Naruto." Sasuke felt no embarrassment in thanking Naruto for what he'd done. He'd felt the best he'd felt in weeks. Well, until Naruto pissed him off…

"Jeez, Sasuke. You sound so gay…"

And then he continued cheering loudly. In song form.