21. F-Bomb

I see you driving 'round Town

With the girl I love

And I'm like

Fuck you…

"Frost, wait-"

He doesn't even turn around as he hurries past Jane. She's been waiting in the school parking lot all morning for him.

After that stupid phone faux-pas, she went over to his house the next day, but his Mom told her he didn't wanna talk to her. Her texts were ignored. Her calls were blocked. Blocked! The next best thing would have been to carry a fucking boom-box and blast it outside his house to get him to come out, but instead Jane follows him into the school calling out his name.

"Can we at least talk about this? Frost-"

She runs up to him and tries to grab his shoulder, but his next reaction is the last thing she expected. So much so that she isn't able to brace herself when he whips around and shoves her hard into the nearest locker, shouting, "Stay away from me!"

She's stunned into silence and just stands there with her mouth hanging open. Surely he must have been angry when he hung up on her that night, but to see him like this, he may as well have kicked her in the gut.

She almost wishes he would.

The hallway of students around them start chattering in hushed tones and she doesn't even care, because at that moment, watching him storm away, she realizes she just lost her best-friend.

"Yo, Rizzo, you okay?"

Jane shakes her head at Riley's question when she walks in front of her to get her attention. Jane doesn't even blink for several seconds and when Riley looks down the hall to where her attention is focused, she makes a good guess.

"Shit. He found out, didn't he?"

No trusting her own voice to answer, Jane takes a deep breath and goes into the bathroom to fortify herself.

Maura isn't in class.

Actually, when Jane gives it a proper search, it seems Maura isn't at school at all. She looks for her at the cafeteria during lunch and then at the library, but there's no sign of her. She even checks all the girls' bathrooms and some of their secret make-out spots - but nothing.

They haven't spoken since their falling out and making up on Saturday, parting ways quite abruptly, but when Jane sends a text asking where she is and if she's sick, Maura doesn't reply. When Jane tries calling, she goes straight to voicemail.

For the first couple of days she almost hopes Maura's just come down with something to explain the disappearing act, but at the forefront of her mind she knows she's being avoided. Jane knows when she's being avoided all too well.

At lunch, Frost sits at another table with his basketball mates, looking really down but forcing a cheerful façade, and Jane feels likes the biggest piece of shit that ever lived. Because she did that.

Someone bumps her shoulder lightly as she pretends to enjoy her sandwich. "Where's your girlfriend?"

Jane sighs and shrugs at her own team-mate's question. "I dunno."

Riley takes note of the absent partner-in-crime as well. "Where's your boyfriend?" she asks.

Jane snorts, "Wherever I'm not."

Riley plops herself in Frost's seat across from Jane, wondering how the whole thing unfolded between them. Wondering how she would react in Frost's situation and what she would do in Jane's. Quite a pickle. "On a scale of Taylor Swift to Adele, how bad was the break-up?"

Jane drops her half-sandwich with a soft thud before folding her arms on the table. "Try Rihanna and Chris Brown."

Riley hisses. "Ouch."

This goes on for a couple more days and before she knows it, it's been a week. A week of death glares from Frost; of silence from Maura. When she goes over to Maura's place after practice once, nobody even opens the door for her anymore. When she tries the back entrance, the door is shut in her face.

If she didn't have so much homework and projects and practice and a game to look forward to, Jane would be going stir kray-kray.

Her head is leaning on her hand as the other taps the rubber-end of her pencil against the top of her writing pad, not really thinking about the English essay she's supposed to fill the next few pages with before class today. She woke up early to attempt a hail Mary, but all she has is a title… called Untitled.

Finally she just huffs and runs her hand down her face, "I suck."

"Watch it. That's my daughter you're talking about," warns her Ma, who just woke up to start to morning routine.

"I mean it, Ma." She clears her throat, hating the way it gets in the mornings. "I totally screwed everything up."

Glancing down at the blank page in front of her, Angela knows she's lying when she says, "Oh, I think you're exaggerating."

"I'm not. Believe me."

The far away look Jane gets when she says it tells Angela her daughter isn't just talking about her writing assignment. She makes some coffee and goes over to sit next her eldest at the breakfast bar. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"Okay…" she says. Where should she start? Where is the beginning? The part where she first met Maura, or the part where she made that bet? The part where Frost called dibs, or the part where she and Maura almost 'did it' at her party, or the part where Frost asked Maura on a date, or when Jane and Maura started doing tongue-fu? Was it when feelings started being felt? Where should she start?

"Frost is mad at me."

Angela nods sagely, "Remember when you thought you and Becky Zisti wouldn't be friends anymore?"

"Yeah, and I was right about that."

"Okay, bad example."

"Really bad example. And I didn't kiss the girl Becky likes."

"You did what!"

"I'm saying that I didn't- Forget it. Remember that girl Frost was on a date with when I played my first game?"

The recollection is instant as is her expression of delight. "Maura? Of course I remember her. She was lovely."

Jane looks down, talking fast into her empty coffee mug to muffle the sound. "We've been seeing each other behind Frost's back but he found out and now I don't think he'll ever talk to me."

When the words register their full impact shocks Angela. "There's a smack over here if you want it."

"Thanks, but no thanks, Ma."

Angela shakes her head, genuinely disappointed in her daughter. As someone who has been on the wrong end of an affair, she sympathizes with poor Barry. She could be exaggerating, but Angela never thought any of her children would be capable of such deceit after the way it nearly tore their own family apart. "What on earth would possess you to do such a thing, Janie?"

"It just… happened," she answers defensively, "And then it kept happening. But Ma, I like her. A lot."

"Oh, Janie. Have you spoken to Barry?"

"I've been trying. I wanna just give him his space, but it sucks. I suck."

This time Angela doesn't correct her and Jane doesn't expect her to. "Is Maura your tutor?"

"Yep," nods Jane.

"I knew there was something going on there. And the way she was eye-balling you during her date…" she thinks out loud.

"Congratulations, Nancy Drew. Now how do I fix this?"

"You need to talk to him."

"Yeah, but how do I make him listen?"

"Maybe you should just let him do the talking first."

"You and Maura, huh?"

Jane is silent, not sure what to say. She snuck into Frost's car and waited for him after school, refusing to get out until he said something. He just started driving and turned the music up, but after the fifth time she shut it off, he gave in with a sneer.

"I didn't see that one coming."

"It kinda…"

"Happened?" he laughs.

"I know it sounds stupid."

"That's because it really is."

"I- I tried to prevent anything from a happening."

Frost presses his lips together tightly, his expression unreadable. It feels weird confiding to her best friend about a girl they both like.

"And here I was, trying to get things to happen. And you knew."

"Frost-"

"Tell me, when did you stop hating each others' guts and started swapping spit?" he accuses.

Jane clears her throat, but doesn't get a word out.

"Did something happen at her party? When you spent the night?"

"No! No, uh, nothing at all," she declares, never so glad that it was true.

"Then when?"

Then all of a sudden she doesn't know if the truth is worse. "The day after you had your date."

"Oh-hoh-hoh!" Frost exclaims, laughing mirthlessly. "Nice, Jane. Real nice. Tell me something, how does that just happen? You weren't at school, so you must have met up somewhere. Did you bump into each other at the grocery store, tripped and fell on her mouth?"

How does she explain it to him? How does she explain that if it were absolutely any other girl in the world, she probably would have won the bet. She could have, would have stayed away. But it just had to be Maura. It had to be. Those were her odds. How does she explain that even though it all started as a means to an end, that now she realizes bigger forces were at play.

"I'm falling for her, Frost."

For a moment he just looks at her wide-eyed while her eyes stay on the red traffic light. She can't look at him because she's afraid of what she might see. She's never said those words about a girl before. She's never felt that way about anyone, ever. She hasn't been able to even tell Maura those words, but Frost is her best-friend and the truth is all he deserves at this point.

"I don't think-" Frost swallows thickly as his next words pour out like tar. "I don't think I wanna hear that right now."

"It's the truth."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

She thinks about it, even though it's probably a rhetorical question. "Actually, yeah."

"Well, it's not working. My goodness, Jane. I fell for her too!"

Fuck. Shit. Dammit. Jane didn't think he was that far gone. "Frost-"

"That was supposed to be me!"

"Don't you think I know that? Of course you deserve to have a great girl like Maura, and she deserves a great guy like you. I didn't ask for this."

"It doesn't work like that, Jane. As much as I want to be happy for you that you finally got some sense into you and found a girl who makes you want to be a better person and all that clichéd bullshit, you don't get to decide that- Argh! You're so selfish. And I knew it all along but this just takes the cake, man. I can't stand you right now." He can't decide whether he's hurt or angry and neither can Jane.

"I didn't decide anything. It just-"

"God! You're like a broken record! It just happened. It kinda just woops! Now I'm in love with Suzie!"

Had Frost's hand moved any quicker to cover his own mouth, he would have knocked himself unconscious. "I- I mean Maura."

A car honks behind them and Frost lays his forehead against the steering wheel, breathing deeply.

"We aren't talking about Maura, are we?" asks Jane.

"Freudian slip," he mumbles the first thing that crosses his screaming mind.

"Yeah, exactly. You're still mad about that."

Sigh. "I'm over it."

"It's okay if you still have feelings for Chang. She likes you too."

"And how would you know that?" he stares daggers at her.

"Trust me-"

Frost laughs and says, "Trust you? Now's not the time to play my wingman. Please get out of my car." He leans across her to open the door. "I've heard enough."

Well, she got what she wanted so what more could she ask for? He talked. She listened. It did not equal a happy ending, but she hopes they'll get there.

But first she must figure out where 'here' is.

After calling her Ma to come pick her up and take her to the next school over, Jane plays a game and even though she didn't tell Maura about it and it's an away game, she can't stop looking over into the stands, searching for that head of beautiful honey-brunette hair. Every time she feels a flutter of something in her stomach at the sight of what could be her, it's replaced by a pang of emptiness when she realizes that 'Of course it isn't.'

Coach Korsak benches her for most of the game, sensing she's too distracted. Their win is by a mere two points. Cutting it close.

When she gets home, she skips dinner to take a shower and lays back on her bed with her phone in the hand that's not supporting her head. She scrolls through her call log and presses Send.

She doesn't expect it to ring but there's always that hope. She leaves another message, as has been her routine all week, before falling asleep with an aching in her chest.

"You. Have. Seven. New. Messages," chimes the simulated voice as she holds the mobile phone to her ear.

Jane's voice comes out slow and confused, as if she's talking to herself. "Okay… Since when don't you answer texts or pick up calls?"

Beep.

"Hey. Are you okay? Didn't see you at school today. Text me or something."

Beep.

"Uh, hey Maur. Didn't see you again today… I, uh - ahem - really wanted to see you."

Beep.

"Shit- Tommy! Get out of my room…" A door slams. There's a rustling of some kind then a long sigh. "I miss you."

Beep.

"I think I left my hard drive there. Mind if I come pick it up? Or we could… just chill and watch another movie or whatever. We don't- have to do anything. Just hang out. Alright, text me."

Beep.

"I'm right outside your house. They won't let me in, so I guess I'll just go home. I really wanted to see you. But I guess you don't."

Beep.

"I spoke to Frost today. He's as pissed as you can imagine. I don't think he'll be talking to me for a while." Sigh. "Which is why I wish you'd just pick up the phone. You can't both hate me at the same time. Karma overload. Uh… bye."

Beep.

A manicured thumb presses a combination of buttons prompted by that simulated before it chimes again.

"To. Delete. Messages. Press-"

Beep.

"… All. Messages. Deleted."

"Mm… Jean-Luc has outdone himself tonight, hasn't he?"

Silence.

"Your father is flying in tomorrow. We must do something, all three of us."

"Well, we had so much fun the last time…" grumbles the teenager. "Two years ago."

The sound of her mother's cutlery stop moving lets Maura know she hit a nerve. Good.

"Well… things are about to change around here," says Constance. "I know we have been absent as parents, but I'm going to make a better effort, honey, I promise," she says earnestly.

After a few long moments of pushing her food around her plate, Maura sighs. "What if I prefer things that way?"

Swallowing a bite, Constance tries to connect the conversational dots. "I beg your pardon?"

"What if I don't want to spend more family time? What if I just want to go back to school and get away from this house and this poor excuse for a family?"

Constance knows she deserves it but there's no way she's putting Maura back in that school after what she found out at the installation. It's out of the question.

"This is what's best, dear. Don't be so down."

"Taking my phone away is a bit extreme though, don't you think?"

"I'm upgrading it. You'll have a new one by tomorrow." She smiles.

Maura gives her mother a placating smile. "How thoughtful. May I be excused?"

"You haven't even had a bite to eat."

Maura cuts a bite-sized piece of her meal and chews it quickly. "Now may I be excused?"

Constance sighs in defeat.

When Maura makes it to her room, she locks the door and plops face-down on her bed.

She cries and cries until her duvet is wet and gross from tears and a runny nose.

After a shower, she puts on Jane's shirt and snuggles on her bed with her Macbook to watch a movie from Jane's hard drive. That's been her ritual all week and she wishes she knew what Jane was doing right now.

If she was thinking about her. If she's tried to call or visit. And how things are going with Frost.

Although there's pain in my chest

I still wish you the best, with a-

Fuck you!

A/N: This chapter was brought to you courtesy of Fuck You by CEELO.

Irrelevant A/N: Is this not the longest song-fic you've ever read?