Chapter 21: Dirty Talk and Silence.
February, 2014
She's been awake for about an hour approximately, simply contemplating about the state she is in. She couldn't help not to smile. The previous Sunday, she had awaken at the same hour, but was feeling the opposite to what she is feeling at the current time. She opened her eyes to find her friend by her side last Sunday morning. Both of them lacked clothes and she lacked memories of the previous night, unlike her state at the moment. She's able to remember with specific details what she had uttered and what she had done post her return from the bar. She recalled what she had said to Sara and what Sara had answered her, and even though it coloured her cheeks to remember such things, she was still determined and curious about the matter of tasting Sara.
Sara was asleep, however. Peacefully drowning in her wildest slumber. The way Sara slept looked as if she had been sleeping for centuries, it was always a delight for Tegan to wake up to her sleeping beauty. Sara took so much space within her slumber, pushing her student to the edge of the mattress while she spread her arms and legs in her sleep, unlike Tegan who curled in a small ball when she slept.
She pushed the older woman gently. "Sara." She wanted to wake her up, she wanted her company in the morning. Her professor groaned without opening her eyes. "Sara, wake up." Deliberately, she tangled her cold left foot with her professor's warm right one, smirking wickedly when the older woman flinched away and groaned once again.
She crawled beneath the quilt and took a peek at their exposed bodies. Her hand moved swiftly to her professor's abdomen, resting it there. Sara huffed at her attempts. "Let me sleep." She whined. "It's Sunday for God's sake, go back to sleep." Tegan was already seated between her lover's legs, which were gracefully spread before her.
When her stubborn fingers traveled to her lover's crotch, her lover flinched once again, squeezing Tegan's fingers between her thighs. This reminded the younger woman of herself when she was first touched by Sara. It was irritating, now she sees what Sara had to deal with. "You're not wet." Her whisper came out in a pitch of guilt and coyness, it's as if she wanted nobody to hear it but herself and her excited mind.
Sara heard her and groaned for the third time. She pushed her head inside the quilt in order to look at her partner sitting between her legs. "I was dreaming of my parents, I'd honestly be worried if I woke up wet." Her fresh face and her hoarse voice left Tegan smiling into space. Exhausted eyes and swollen lids barely exposing honey irises. "What the fuck are you doing, Tegan?" Clearly annoyed with Tegan's position and the movement of her digits on the crotch of her underwear, she asked once again, "Don't you have a hangover or something?" Surprisingly, she didn't.
Sara pushed her head back on the pillow, Tegan wasn't sure if it was the result of her massaging and touching her professor's covered sex or Sara was simply tired and wanted to go back to sleep. She decided to inspect by herself, forcing the meaty thighs apart, not that Sara minded much, she allowed her to do so with ease, pushing the thin fabric to the side and dipping her index between her lover's slit. She wasn't wet, she wasn't dry either, she was getting there, but not as drenched as Tegan herself was. "You're still not wet." She said louder this time, curling her lips in a pout.
Sara shifted and turned to the side, sleeping on one side and depriving Tegan from fulfilling her morning wishes. "Try to get me wet."
"Is that a dare?" She gained no response, but she could feel Sara devilishly grinning while burying her head on the soft pillow. If it was a dare, she was willing to do it, and she was going to make Sara wet, and taste Sara, and make Sara scream for her lips. She was nervous but not scared.
She discarded the quilt off their bodies and to the ground it was sent flying. She earned what she expected, Sara shuddering as the chilliness of the room hit her skin, awakening the tiny goosebumps on every exposed part. In usual circumstances, if Sara had been the one doing such things, she would be suffering the heat of her flushed skin, the heat of teenage youth, and the heat of vibrating embarrassment. But the circumstances were different, and she was the one in charge. When she felt that she is in charge, she was able to regain her lost confidence for the time being, she's able to do what she usually wouldn't do. Sara allowed her to experience with the dominant side within her, especially in bed, and she adored that. Nobody ever had allowed her to step out of her comfort zone and try things she wouldn't usually try. In her classes, she wouldn't usually speak up unless she was fully sure of her opinion, otherwise she would be quiet and only hear what her classmates utter. Even with her friends, she would usually be the quiet one, the one who waits before she speaks or does anything, the careful one. With her family, she is looked at as the insecure one, which she was, and she was belittled and underestimated in many aspects by her cousins or her peers. Only Sara, who was much more experienced and much older, allowed her to shine and look into the darkest corners of her mind. Subtly and not much explicitly, she challenged her in searching for who she is, what she wanted to do, and what she wanted to say. If it wasn't Sara, she wouldn't be willing to get whoever shall be there wet and please them in the early hours of the morning, she'd in fact be very daunted in feeling that she might err and not do what shall be done correctly. With Sara, there was a place for her to make mistakes and to laugh at them, even though the woman owned such frightening eyes and such cold tendencies, when she unzipped her iron woman costume, she was a land of ecstasy and a place one would want to dwell in for the rest of eternity.
She caressed the soft skin of Sara's thighs, slowly directing the older woman to lay on her back once again, and Sara with ease followed her student's guiding hands. Her eyes weren't shut, they were open in slits and looking down at Tegan, nothing apparent on her face, no emotion. Tegan parted her legs, and on her part, Sara spread them as wide as she could, giving Tegan the required scenery she asked for.
Her milky thighs were as inviting as the aroma seeping out of her cunt. Tegan was aware she had already and quickly aroused the woman without any further touching, but she wanted to tease more and more, she wanted to discover her lover's body by her mouth and by the length of her tongue. She took a hold of the meat on her thighs, pinched a bit and looked up at her lover, who had her lips slightly apart. She smiled, lowering her mouth on the pale skin, gently kissing her right thigh, and gently kissing the other, softly biting the right thigh, then softly biting the other. She traced the flesh with her tongue, a kiss, a bite and a suck, Sara's breaths were beginning to be audible as she inhaled, her eyes were closed and her lips were distant from one another. She smiled again and slid down the drenched underwear, the wet spot as visible as everything else in the brightly sunlight-lit room.
If she could push Sara's legs farther apart, she would have, but she didn't want her lover to feel any discomfort or pain. The sight in front of her was just marvelous, her lovers juices were dripping, and she hadn't touched her there yet. She had turned her on and made her wet simply by touching her skin, her legs, her thighs. But Sara too, she managed to turn her on many times by speaking solely, or just by being there, present in class, ranting about things that Tegan had no care for.
Her clit was engorged and her mouth was eager to take it in, but she didn't do so, she touched the button with her index, very lightly placing the pad of her finger on the hood, making Sara pop her eyes open and for them to look into each other's hungry orbs. She didn't press, she didn't rotate her finger, she moved it to the side, also very lightly, circling the tips, very lightly that her touch was almost nonexistent, not vigorous. Sara's breaths were very heavy and her lower lip was bitten, it's as if she was insisting not to release a sound. She stroked the growing hair on her mound, barely there, but still can be seen with naked eyes, she stroked the puffiness of her lips, not willing to take a dip beneath her pink awaiting slit.
She had mustered the confidence to touch with no hesitancy, but the cost was sweating exceedingly, drops of perspiration collected on her brow, as her very flushed face was filled with the heat of lust, thrill, and love, all of them.
Sara finally let out a sound, a tiny whimper, and when she looked up, she saw how tightly her lover's eyes were closed, she saw the grip she had taken on the sheets beneath them, she saw how hardly she had bitten her lip, she wanted to hear her voice. She lowered her face to Sara's cunt, she breathed in the scent of her lust, she closed her eyes and spoke while her mouth was only an inch away from Sara's clit, "When was the last time somebody ate you out?" She wasn't even sure where did that confidence of speech spring out from, she didn't even stutter and didn't falter.
Sara's beet red ears were her muse, they were so red she wanted to bite them harshly, she wanted to kiss her flushed face, she wanted to kiss the abused lips on her mouth. Sara took a tighter grip on the sheet, and placed a palm on top of her forehead, she was beginning to sweat. She opened her eyes and moved her lips, "A long time ago." Her voice was very thick, very thick and very low, her arousal and deprivation of penetration caused her to sound as manly as possible while still owning a feminine timbre to her lisp. "Six or seven years, I...I don't remember." Six or seven years ago Tegan didn't even know what cunnilingus was, but now she does and she was going to perform it for the first time in her life on her lover, on her much experienced lover. She sweated more.
With the tip of her tongue, and while her eyes were still focused on Sara's ones, she wet the swollen clit, causing Sara to break their intense eye contact and close her eyes once again. She moved her tongue slowly, rotating it this way and that, moving it just the way she learned to do with her fingers, to the left and then to the right, up and down, hearing the faint gasps which are beginning to become audible whenever she put in some speed. She moved the length of her tongue between the ocean of her slit, the wetness that met her taste buds overwhelmed her, she wanted more and more.
Sara let out her first moan, her first ever audible desire for more when Tegan's lips sucked the button. She began to squirm and slightly shake. Tegan's lips sucked, and her tongue often went past her lips and took more of the taste that she longed for, and whenever Sara let out more voices, she would hide her tongue beneath her lips. She also pinched the flesh of her thighs each now and then while still sucking and licking her lover's clit, until one of her hands were taken with harsh strength and directed to her lover's breast. She cupped it as Sara cupped her own hand, squeezing it and pushing it harder on her own breast. She stopped her action and took a look at the sight before her. Her professor had abused the sheets beneath them, ridding them out of the mattress, sweat ran between the valley of her breasts, above her forehead, and atop of her chest, much like Tegan herself. Sara had her eyes opened with not only confusion, but warm fuzzy love swimming on the brink of her lids. They smiled at each other, a loving smile, a tender one, which made Tegan for the first time this morning blush as hard as she could, as hard as she used to.
However, that didn't stop her from returning to give Sara the pleasure she deserves. A wet patch had formed on the purple sheets between her lover's leg, she loved that patch and didn't want it to be erased, she wanted it to grow bigger, thus she dipped her tongue again in her lover's slit, and with her free hand she parted her lips in order to get a better chance to stiffen her tongue and push it inside Sara's slick opening, gaining many reactions all at once from her lover.
Sara's back is now arched, and her hand that was abusing the inanimate sheets once, now they are pulling on Tegan's hair pushing her face forward. Silent Sara became louder and more audible, grunting and as well bucking her hips forward, almost riding Tegan's face, almost.
As Sara's hips were a bit raised of the mattress, her legs wrapped around Tegan's head, she palmed one ass cheek by her free hand while the other was in a tight hold with Sara, who was still pushing her palm to her breast, which probably ached, but Sara didn't seem to mind.
Her own mouth relished the rolling of bones inside Sara's skin and the confidence of muscle. Her tongue reveled at the sweetness of taste and the wetness of Sara's fluids as her tongue moved in and out, the brim of her nose touching Sara's clit as the woman pushed her more and more to her cunt, obstructing the ability to take a good breath.
Sara came on her face, and she came very hard, once again with a scream that filled the silence of the apartment, a scream that most probably reached the neighbors in its high-pitched feminine jubilation. And on her part, Tegan grinned big after raising her head up, watching Sara's legs shake and wobble on the mattress, watching her lips quiver and hearing her wheeze and pant for air. She felt triumphant and she felt happy. She licked the remains of Sara's juices that collected on her lips, not able to reach the dampness of her lover's orgasm that tainted her cheeks, she was a damp mess, mixed with come and sweat, if she could look more into her lover's warm eyes, she would mash tears into the equation. But Sara didn't let her, she took her by the same hand cupping her breast and led her back on top. Sara's left breast was filled with her own nail marks, she hadn't realized she was pushing her short nails on the soft flesh while her lover was pushing her face more and more between her legs.
Before she could kiss Sara's lips, she kissed every mark she caused on her breast, but Sara didn't wait longer, she cupped her chin in the middle of the action and guided her to her face, kissed her with more ravishing appetence than ever, held her waist tightly with her hands and kissed more and more, moaned while their lips collided, moaned again when she licked her lips, which caused Tegan to moan and to faintly grind her clothed crotch on her lover's naked one, they both moaned together.
It left Tegan astonished when the older woman moved her tongue across her face, adding more to the wet mixture, licking and kissing while her hand swiftly rid Tegan of her uncomfortable boxers, she kicked them out of her legs while the older woman took a hold of one breast, squeezing much like she was doing to herself earlier, digging her nails on the mound, causing Tegan to let out a soft cry. "You like how I taste?" Sara began to tease, she looked in her lover's eyes as she kneaded her breast, Tegan rocked her crotch on Sara's, she was very close. "I taste good, don't I?" Sara's cockiness drove her mad, she moaned and rocked harder, but Sara was not willing to help, she was not willing to rock with her and join their bodies together so she could reach her orgasm. "Naughty little Tegan. And I thought you were shy." She tsked with a smirk, Tegan buried her face in Sara's neck. "Your pussy is so wet you can't even speak, can you?" The dirty talking was making her need become animalistic, she wanted friction, she wanted a touch, she wanted what she had just given Sara. She stood up, stood between Sara's body. Sara looked up at her with big fascinated orbs.
She walked on the mattress until she stood above her lover's head. She looked down at Sara's wide-eyed gaze, she couldn't believe what she was doing. Sara stared at her, but most importantly, she wasn't able to remove her gaze from the sight atop of her face. "You shaved." She stated while looking at Tegan's bare mound. "Even though I can take a better look now, I really did love your bush." At that, the younger woman gasped, she didn't know what the hell she was doing, or where she was standing, and the way Sara spoke to her and stared at her private area discarded every piece of confidence she once owned. A push from Sara what she needed to continue without collapsing in sheepish giggles at herself, and a push from Sara she earned when the woman took a hold of her hips, guiding her body down, down, down until her knees were on the mattress, and her pussy was barely an inch away from Sara's opened mouth.
She held on the headboard for leverage as Sara performed exactly the same actions she had just done but without any teasing at the beginning. But Sara's mouth was more experienced, or so she thought. Her tongue didn't stay at one place, it kept moving, licking her clit in a way that it caused sounds to arise in the room, sounds other than her guttural moans and heavy grunts, she lapped at her button and smirked each time she left it and caused her to groan. She ran her tongue along her slit and moved it up and down very quickly that Tegan could not manage but start rocking her hips.
If Sara wasn't teasing at the beginning she began to do so now, taking all her time and enjoying watching her student shake and squirm and bounce up and down as she held her hips. She would often pause her action to take a look at Tegan's swaying breasts, she would reach out for one and palm it, she would press at the nipple and tweak it. Their eyes would meet, she would smile and Tegan would attempt to do so too but she would return to her mouth action as quickly as possible, their eyes still connected, and that smirk in Sara's ones would drive her over the edge once again until she would let go and repeat her delay to Tegan's climax.
Sara built her up to the state she couldn't wait no longer. She closed the gap that was barely between her lover and herself and started riding out Sara's face. Especially when Sara's tongue pushed inside her, especially when her clit was pressed on the brim of Sara's nose. That's how Sara had felt when she did the same to her, she immediately forgave her lover for taking her ability to breathe away, because at that moment, she was doing it too to her lover, whose tongue didn't stop for a second, but was finally taking her higher to the orgasm she strove for.
She let out the loudest scream of the day when Sara took one of her lips between her teeth and pulled at the sensitive flesh, she almost hit her head with headboard as she leaned on it, she was so close she would cry, she felt her hole tightening to the degree of explosion. Her lower abdomen contracting, and her cunt in a state of euphoria she had never thought was possible. Her vision fuzzed and she was sure she could see no more but tiny white and block dots as she closed her eyes as tightly as she could. Her orgasm started out slow and then all of a sudden she shook with the feeling of pure bliss, clutching the headboard tightly as her head ached and her fluids flew out of her hole.
She moved herself and fell off on the mattress, resting her exhausted body upside down. Her eyes still closed as she tried to calm down, her legs spread and her hand on her chest, she was gasping for air.
Before she could even come off from her high, Sara was there again between her legs, her nimble digits fiddling with her folds, touching this and that, massaging her lips, collecting a bit of her juices, and massaging the very sensitive clit.
She screeched in return, closing her legs out of pain when Sara pressed on the sensitive bud. "No, Sara." She complained, her voice whiny and filled with innocent youth.
Sara didn't stop. She forced her legs apart and easily pushed one finger inside of her. "That's punishment for waking me up in the morning." Sara wickedly grinned, Tegan once again was aroused as if she hadn't had her strongest orgasm ever just a bit earlier.
"Don't act like you didn't like it." She managed to get the words out while beaming. Sara was pumping in and out of her, and she wanted to be filled more. She was already close and she wanted more.
"I thought you were shy." Sara kissed her belly. "You fooled me." She moved her tongue inside her bellybutton and then licked around it. "Was that all an act?" She licked till she reached between her breasts, she was very sweaty and Sara wasn't minding taking a taste of her skin filled with sweat.
Tegan whimpered and cried for more. "Sara," Her calling came out in a husky voice, in a needy voice. Sara looked up at her. "two fingers." She wanted more. Sara grinned and pulled out, quickly pushing in again but with another digit, Tegan moaned at the feeling.
Sara took the time to shower her breasts with kisses as her fingers curled inside her wet walls. She took a breast in her mouth and sucked on it until it fell out leaving her lips attached to the erect nipple.
Tegan arched her back and started pushing her hips towards Sara, she was so close but too tired as well, she wanted her second orgasm to happen quickly. Sara must have felt it, her thrusts became stronger and much faster, driving Tegan's eyes to roll at the back of her head, her short nails to scratch at Sara's back and hold her head down to where it was, above her breasts, her tongue wetting every spot on her chest.
She chanted Sara's name as she came for the second time, but it wasn't as strong as the first time, it was very great, however. She hoped Sara would give her a break because in all honesty, she didn't think she could take it anymore.
She closed her eyes and closed her legs tightly, banning Sara from any reach to her cunt. She felt a peck on her lips, and kissed back when Sara put pressure to it. "Open your mouth." She opened her eyes, though, not knowing what Sara wanted to do. She saw Sara's glistening fingers in the air, her own juices covering them. Now she has an idea of Sara's intentions, yet she scrupled about performing such a thing, it finally caused her cheeks to redden and her confidence to shy away, or perhaps it was the post coital effect that snatched the thrill of the moment out of her body, leaving her to feel as ordinary and sheepish as she did everyday, lust shaped her into a wild animal who couldn't control its instinct, but after her desire was fulfilled, after she hunted her prey and was fed with pleasure, she returned to her usual state of lip biting and hesitancy.
Sara let out a sound that could be said is a giggle, but it wasn't really, nor was it a chuckle, it was something in between. "Come on baby, open your mouth." It's as if she knew the keyword to her submissiveness, calling her that made her yield and part her lips. Sara inserted her two digits inside. She blushed more upon tasting her own self, she didn't taste that much different from Sara, but it was still a different taste, slightly sweeter, but it wasn't exactly sweet, it was a distinct taste, one she hadn't tasted before, Sara's juices were too, they were distinct and addictive. "You like how you taste?" Sara's dirty talking always caused her heart to beat quicker than it did, it fired more needs in her. She nodded even though she wanted to bury her face elsewhere and not face her lover's big honey eyes. "Suck on it." Sara finally ordered, with a voice so low it made Tegan just do what her lover had ordered right away.
It felt funny to her, she wanted to laugh at it, Sara was basically fingering her mouth, pushing her digits in and out of it and Sara seemed to be aroused at the scene, her eyes were in slits staring at Tegan's mouth, it made Tegan burst in laughter in the middle of doing it, causing her lover to take her finger away from the younger woman and raise an eyebrow at her sudden laughter. "This is funny."
Sara lied down beside her, both in the opposite side of the bed, "You don't know how to have fun in sex." Sara murmured with a faint giggle. "That was amazing, though." She breathed, her pale hands on her bruised chest. "Your tongue is amazing." Tegan loved staring at her, she adored watching her in such a state of emotional serenity, post sex Sara seemed free of all burdens and hard-hearted tendencies.
"I want..." She stuttered, "I want to have fun while having sex with you. Teach me how to have fun in sex." Her cheeks burned at her request, Sara smiled and looked at her, she was pecked on her cheek tenderly.
"We will fuck in every corner of this bloody apartment, I will make you sore if you let me." Yes she would let her, even though she wasn't into the idea of being sore and unable to walk, she would let Sara do it, she would let Sara do anything that would grant satisfaction to both of them, she was willing to experiment anything with Sara, any aspect, any dark corner, any sexual fantasy or kink, if Sara had any, and she seemed to like sex rough, and fun. She wanted their sex to be as fun as Sara wanted it to be.
She nuzzled her nose onto Sara's neck, and slowly they both drifted back to sleep, the sleep both of them, and especially Sara, needed.
...
May 3rd, 2043
That's when Sundays became purely sexual from morning till we went to bed for these two months. We would have sex each chance we found. Waking up, we would have sex. Taking a shower would involve sex. Our breakfasts, our sittings, when we're reading, when we're talking to each other, when we're doing nothing or anything. We wouldn't go to bed on Sundays unless exhausted, tired and our bodies emptied of every poisonous thought since sex made us relax and washed away every negative feeling we had...unless I ruined it with my throbbing immaturity, which happened sometimes, but mostly, we would collapse with a cloud hovering above our heads, high from the amount of climaxes we had, high from the love we shared. Our skin like a map dotted and marked, purple and red, different shapes and different colours. Our most sensitive body parts would ache and hurt, our bones cramped and full of fatigue. It was the best feeling I have felt and will ever feel.
No lover had ever caused me to feel that way, no lover can ever make me feel that way...not that any will. Look at me, I'm forty-nine in twenty days. Nobody wants this decaying body anymore, much less a decaying mind that cannot escape its teenage secret love. How much longer can I mourn till this life gives me mercy? How much can a person mourn till they are mourned about? It didn't take Sara much, so why am I still here? What am I doing here?
...
That was not the only time they had had sex that day.
Post waking up, doing the daily rituals of breakfast and speaking with her mother and friends on the phone, Tegan dived into her homework right away. Sara too, she did her own homework. They both did their own studying or preparing. Tegan had a test the following day, she was finding difficulty in keeping up with the topics required for she hadn't been paying much attention the previous week, the week she and Sara became lovers after their endless chasing game. The wild week that flourished and blossomed into an intense relationship, one she had never thought of obtaining with anybody possible, let alone her own professor. She hadn't been paying much attention in her classes, nor even studying in the sufficient required amount, she hadn't been given the time for preparing or reading, she hadn't been wasting her time nor running away from her life by drowning herself in academic work, she didn't want to run away anymore, she wanted to hold onto life and grip at it with her feral claws, she wanted to take a hold of it, to pause it, to keep it and maintain the pleasure it generated in her way. College did not matter anymore, her friends did not matter anymore, her mother did not matter anymore, only Sara did.
A tick within her mind, a worm, a buzzing sound. The way one feels a constant stir when the clock on the wall is ticking in a quiet room. It comes gradually and it rises within time, it melts through your thoughts until you feel every tick getting closer and becoming louder, it agitates your senses and it makes your heart drum at the same rhythm, it's as if something is bound to happen, something inevitable and unavoidable, it nerves your brain and it gets your blood running, it warms you up and it crawls inside you, like a vicious worm seeking vengeance within your insides. That's how Tegan was feeling during the time she was studying, these thoughts of the love they had made that morning insisted on interrupting her thoughts as if they are a clock on idle walls, these thoughts ticked till they thickened within her until she stopped thinking of anything but how much she needed to touch Sara's ivory skin once again, to feel the soft flesh once again, to bite it, caress it, tease it, and squeeze it. Her hunger arose and it kicked in her core, sending her vivid fluids pooling more inside her already wet underwear.
She thought about it, she unduly thought about it. Sara was in her room, their room...her room. She was doing whatever it is she did when Tegan wasn't around. Tegan was alone in the living room, supposedly studying. She thought about fulfilling her growing need, to touch, to touch and feel. Would Sara mind? Would she push her away? Would she declare sex in the morning was enough? Not fair, Sara made her orgasm twice while she made Sara orgasm only once. She wanted to feel Sara's slick walls wrapped around her long thin digits. Sara said she wanted to make sex fun after all. She wouldn't mind.
Tegan's mind reached a decision. She stood up leaving her book abandoned where her bum left a spot on the couch, pushing the soft cushion slightly down. Her pale legs wobbled as she walked slowly. Nothing to cover her bony knees, red from pressing her arms on them while she sat. Her legs were silky and soft and they were exceedingly thin for someone her age, her calves barely supplied with meat. It contrasted with the width of hips and the expansion of her breasts. Not even her thighs were as full as Sara's. Her legs gave her the appearance of a prepubescent girl, but her torso had the right amount of voluptuous feminine curves, the one that made her male classmates in high school drool and stare in ways far from appropriate or comfortable.
She wanted to curse her vagina for pooling in her underwear, she felt the fluids seep out of her, she wanted a justification for her over arousal. She was never one of those who were easily aroused as a teenager. While her friends and peers were stained and covered with hormonal effects, oily faces, terrible acne, sweaty under arms which reeked in gym class, while they scanned and examined one another with their teenage hungry eyes, while one flipped her hair to the guy whose hand explicitly scratched his balls, while they gossiped and muffled shy giggles, speaking about who made out with who, who groped who, and who fucked who...she was away from all this scenery, simply watching, sometimes hoping to be one of them, sometimes wrinkling her nose at the picture, feeling left out, feeling odd, feeling different.
There were these distinct moments of vivid arousal, she remembers as a fourteen year old when her friend accidentally brushed her newly growing breasts by mistake, it sent a kick down there, a kick she never understood at that time, a kick she pushed at the back of her mind until she came to realize that the soft touch of a woman could do such things to her body, and not the immature jokes, vexing laughter, and the muscular chests of the boys her friends blushed and squirmed at.
With Jenn, she had always been aroused whenever the older woman kneaded her mound or kissed her with hungry lips, she never did act on fulfilling her desires with that woman, however. They were just never enough, not that much of a distraction, they didn't provide the ache she's feeling at this moment, they didn't shake her into a trembling figure rocking back and forth while sitting, thinking about what could she perform with her mouth or fingers.
Now that she's nineteen, in less than four months turning twenty, her teenage years soon are over, but her teenage hormones had just begun to kick with raging clout inside her system, directing her actions and making her priorities seem unclear, scattering her thoughts and tasks, throwing them away, kicking them out of her mental list, converting them to dust sprinkled on the shelves of her mind, where only one important thought remained, it widened and it expanded the more she peeked at it, until it took most of the space, making her only task was to seek the unavoidable powerful need for release, dragging her legs to Sara's room. Like a controlled robot she followed the orders released from not her mind, not her heart, but her clit, her sex, the way it throbbed, the way her fluids ran. It was hard to shut these voices that accompanied the action that was happening inside her underwear, she could smell her own arousal if she focused more, her eyes were bound to turn beastly black if she concentrated more on that purpose...and she did.
Sara was typing, facing her computer screen, seated on a chair with back arched. It's the first time she'd seen Sara in glasses, and even from the corner of her eyes, somehow the scene caused her arousal to increase, she didn't think it was possible, but it was. She stood behind her lover, hands clutching the back of the chair as tightly as possible, as if she was begging everything within her to calm a little. Sara looked behind and sent a weak smile her way. She was breathtakingly beautiful. She looked youthful in glasses, her sleepy eyes still evident and clear, her hair still in the same mess it was in when they both woke up, Tegan's hair was forced into a tiny ponytail to keep it away from her eyes. She smiled back and Sara turned her head again, returning to her work.
Sara was typing the instructions for their midterm paper, she read the first few sentences and Sara had embarrassing grammar mistakes. It was a bit ironic, because Sara abhorred syntactical mistakes, yet the first ever sentence had one, and the third one actually had two. Sara was as well distracted as herself, and she wondered if they shared the same reason of distraction, but soon enough rejected the thought as it climbed inside her head. Sara was a grown up, not a teenager with a rise of sexual desire as she was.
She started off with soft and faint kisses on the back of Sara's neck. Sara shifted in her seat, she released a low giggle, shrugging Tegan's head away when her lips met Sara's exposed shoulder. Tegan was positive the t-shirt Sara was wearing was her own, the black one she had left at Sara's, along with many other clothing she didn't bother to return. Slowly, she was moving her closet, her clothes mingling with Sara's. She wasn't even sure if the wife beater she was wearing was hers or Sara's, she didn't care that much. Her top fell off Sara's bony shoulder from one side, just the way it did to her, exposing her chest, painted with the marks of Tegan's love.
Her kisses thickened and prospered, soon turning into gentle bites and playful licks behind her ear. "Tegan, no." Her lover's words were choked by a sudden gasp, her favourite gasp, Sara's gasp of surprise when her mouth touched her tender skin. "I am typing, no." She was still typing.
That did not stop Tegan, however. Her need blinded her, and Sara was not putting much resistance, Sara didn't push her away or ask her to stop one more time.
This time their sex was quick and intense. Tegan didn't linger too long before guiding her hands between her lover's thighs, cupping her mound, feeling the heat radiating to her palm. She didn't hesitate, because Sara, while typing, she humped her palm, asking for friction, and so Tegan eagerly provided it.
A river of thick soggy fluids met her two digits when they pushed past her sweatpants and her underwear, Sara was aroused and this wetness eased the way for her to push inside her professor, who on her part, was whimpering and insisting on typing, making more mistakes on the way. Her clit was swollen when Tegan rubbed on it, the slightest touch caused her professor to jump and take the flesh of her puffy lower lip between her teeth, closing her eyes for a second when the circling began to increase, opening them again to resume her tedious work.
Due to Sara's position, Tegan felt a resistance when she entered her with two fingers. The way she sat made her walls tighter, much tighter than the first time she entered her. She held her lover's shoulder to steady her movement and quickly thrust in and out of her.
Sara insisted on typing until Tegan's in and out movement became too much, too fast, and too hard for her to focus. Her breath caught and her back arched, she clutched the edge of the wooden desk, her knuckles turning white due to the force. She parted her legs and leaned back, her eyes closed and her glasses still there, sitting at the bridge of her nose, her head leaning way back, giving Tegan a full view of the fabulous jaw and the parted lips, closed eyes and arched brow. "Fuck, Tegan." That was the first time her lover said her name during sex. It encouraged her and made her increase the speed, which she was sure if Sara had done it to her, she wouldn't be able to bear it, but Sara was much more flexible than herself, Sara enjoyed the tad pain with the pleasure, she sought for the roughness beneath the tenderness.
Sara's breast was peeking out of her top, Tegan had lowered the part where it fell off her shoulder to reveal the perky mound, she cupped it in her hand, it was the other breast, the twin of the one she cupped and scratched just this morning. She wanted to do the same to that one.
Sara began rocking her hips when she finally curled he two digits inside, reaching deeper and farther, feeling the spongy spot and rubbing on it. Sara let out a moan, one like the ones Tegan would constantly cry when being touched by her lover. "I'm there, fuck, fuck, I'm coming." Sara had never been as vocal, but now she was and Tegan fucking loved it, God she adored it. Perhaps Sara was shy, perhaps her previous giving wasn't as good as this one, perhaps Sara wasn't paying much attention whether she voiced her sexual exaltation or not. Sara's walls imprisoned her fingers again, as one of her lover's hands hurried to cover her opened mouth, muffling the scream her ears became very used to hear in each state of utter nirvana Sara would reach when her orgasm would approach.
That was not even the end of their sexual interactions that day. When Sara calmed down and came back to her senses, when Tegan pulled out of her, they smiled at one another for a while. Sara held the hand that cupped her breast to her mouth and kissed its palm, she squeezed it gently and let it go.
Tegan also thought about it as she returned back to studying, her underwear still drenched, but the crawling need to touch Sara's body had died down, making her concentrate just a bit more.
Sara did not allow that, however. She gave Tegan only few minutes to regain her ability to delve back inside her book before amorous kisses were planted all over her face, wet and mushy, making her guffaw and giggle as her body was pressed down on the couch, her head hitting the arm. "Sara," She squealed. "Sara, no. Sara, stop." She cackled with tears of mirth escaping her lids. Her legs kicked before they were pushed apart and pinned down by Sara's arms.
And then she felt it, and she jumped. She felt the soft vibration at the seam of her shorts, which caused her to sit up and look between her legs. Sara held a small toy to her crotch, it was a vibrating ring which Sara wore on her index and directed where her covered clit was, the vibration was soft and it stirred her insides. "Sara," She breathed. "what's that?" She knew what it was...or maybe she didn't, she wasn't very positive, but she certainly knew the feeling it caused in there and so the image was clear inside her head. Her cheeks rosy and heated when her lover threw her famous sweet giggle.
Sara kissed the puffiness of her lips, her own tongue wet the silver stud on the bottom. Her free hand pulled Tegan's wife beater upward till her breasts were exposed. The working hand changed it's direction to where her nipples were, adding pressure on one with the soft vibration while the other was taken between hungry lips, sucked and pulled till moans began to escape her throat. "This is for distracting me from my work." Sara's teasing smirk followed, for just a second until the vibration was added to the wet nipple and her mouth wrapped around the dry one. Her core ached and pleaded.
Quickly and swiftly, her shorts and underwear were taken off by one smart hand. Legs spread as far as her position allowed them to be. "I have an exam tomorrow." Tegan cried. "My book, my book." She gasped when Sara ignored her. The papers of her book were sitting between her legs, her core dripping on them uncontrollably.
Sara removed the book from where it was. "Oh, look at what you did." She tauntingly tsked, wetting her lips. "Such a naughty girl, couldn't stop your pussy from wetting your book, and now," She directed her ring hand between her legs again. "you're making my couch dirty." Hurriedly, she pushed the vibrating part on Tegan's clit, but with more speed, higher vibration, and rougher.
The stimulation did not last for long. Tegan was already close when her professor emerged in the room. And the vibration was too much to handle due to her sensitivity. Soon her head was buried inside her lover's chest, Sara had one protective arm rubbing her back. Those smooth downward and upward movements reminded her of the times Sara first touched her, in a class full of people, soothing palms pressed to her stiff back. Those were the times she started growing feelings towards the older woman, the times of complete confusion. The times when she asked herself millions of troubled questions at night till her temples throbbed and her eyes stung. How far she had come, how far they had come in just one week, less to be specific.
And that act alone made her relax in her lover's guarding arm. She felt the swimming affection, like a calm river engulfing her. Everything in her body ached. She was stretched too much today, her pelvic bones ached, her back did too, her nipples as well, and her neck. Despite the lack of comfort she was experiencing, there was this melody of love ringing around them, encircling their embrace, perhaps it's the warmth of Sara's hand. A revolution happened in her lower body, while her upper half remained peaceful, and that contrast worked her up to tears, tears she didn't know how and why they were shed, but they stained her cheeks and she was glad Sara couldn't see them.
She held onto Sara for dear life as she came on her palm, the tenderness of the other palm and the gentleness of the kisses planted on her head kept her eyes closed for minutes after. The vibration eventually came to a stop, the rhythm of her heart gained its regularity back. She no longer saw stars or dots in black and white as she did a few minutes ago, when her climax approached, now she saw darkness, blackness.
"Hey, hey." She heard the worried tone of her lover, forcing her lids to part, forcing the copper of her irises to meet the brazen ones of her lover "What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Oh my God." Sara cupped her own mouth, but she smiled right away to let her know she was far from feeling any kind of physical pain that reached the level of inescapable irritation.
"I'm fine." With a huskier octave, she responded. "It was just all too much. I mean, this is all so new." She hoped her cheeks weren't as crimson as she felt them. They probably were.
Sara smiled in return, a relieved smile. "I'm sorry I surprised you like that." Sara paused. She was thinking. "Did you like it?" Red ears, they quickly reddened. It made the grin appear on the younger woman's face.
She nodded. "Ya, a lot." She too paused, only because she hesitated to ask what roamed inside her skull.
But she wanted to ask.
"Do you like toys?" And so she did.
Bitten lips and a sheepish smile, she tucked the stray hair behind her ears, the act of bashfulness she regularly performed. "I do." She whispered. "I like stuff used on me, and me using them on others, I like everything I guess." She spoke quickly, almost the way Tegan did when she was enormously embarrassed, it's as if the tables were turned that day. It's as if they were both wasted, perhaps asleep and it's all a dream.
But then again, Sara did her fair share of dirty talking and that alone shook her student's entrails and caused her heart to leap and crash with invasive thumps that threatened to stop it.
It is safe to say the rest of the day went smoothly, no more distractions but the dreamy stares the couple sent to one another when Sara offered to tutor Tegan. At first it wasn't such a great idea, Tegan wouldn't stop staring at her eloquent lover, the way she spoke gave her butterflies of the kind she gets in class when the charming lady stood before her. She couldn't comprehend that this woman was now her lover, it made her emotions rave within her.
Thankfully, she was obliged to concentrate after some time. Sara gave her tips on what to write and how to analyze the characters, Sara helped her discover and justify the reasons behind the actions of these characters. She showed her how to find out the themes of each tale. Gothic tales were her and Sara's least favourite. Both didn't like Edgar Allen Poe, both adored the story "A Rose for Emily", however. They disagreed on the short story "The Law of Life". While Sara found it relatable and naturalistic, Tegan found it monotonous and pessimistic, but at the end, both couldn't agree that the predestined law of life is death.
Before they went to sleep, they showered together. They were both sweaty and tired, but that didn't stop them from adding more sweat to their bodies in the shower, that didn't stop them from, once again, making passionate but aggressive love, if that's a way to put it.
Gladly, they didn't fall down this time. But their backs did hurt from the uncomfortable positions they practiced the entire day.
When they finally rested on their pillows, they both sighed in sync, both giggled, both looked into each other's dimmed orbs in the unilluminated room.
Before they slept, they shared a hushed blithe conversation about simply nothing, or anything.
Yawns flew in the room and quiet laughter that barely made a sound. They were far too somnolent with their pleasured souls to make a sound.
"You know," Sara whispered all of a sudden. Tegan thought she had fallen asleep, she herself was near the opening of a meaningless dream. "this is why I call you Thunder Girl." Sara looked at her, she looked at Sara as well. "You surprised me today." Tegan was simply listening, her eyes could shut at any moment. "You are very calm and content and all of a sudden you turn into a volcano. You are shy and quiet and all of a sudden you rage and ravish. You seem cold and distant and all of a sudden you're a warm island of affection and love. I try so hard to understand you, to read what you are thinking, I fail most of the times, because often you surprise me. Kind of like the thunder. You know how the lightning comes before it and you're expecting to hear the loud bang next?" Tegan nodded, she just didn't want to cry, she really didn't want to cry. "Yes, but then it comes and you jump, it shocks you, it's as if you've never expected it to happen."
Sara described her the same way she felt Sara is. She had been shocked multiple times in her life, none tasted or echoed the way Sara's sentences just did. None resonated and reverberated the way Sara's words just did. Cold and distant, that was her reinforced Sara description. Nobody could alter it or omit it from her brain, no argument in that. Yet, Sara described her that same way.
She hadn't looked much into it, but maybe she and Sara were much alike. Too much alike, perhaps. Yet, none of them saw it before. But now, she did, she could see it. An image of her future self rested next to her. A picture perfect sculpture, one that breathed and functioned, she was looking at her, staring at her mirror-like eyes and hearing her debilitated voice. They say opposites attract, but perhaps she was attracted to whom she wanted to see as herself in the future, she was pulled into the bigger magnet, the older magnet. But even though they were both the same, they were still attracted to each other, they hadn't repelled from one another. Unlike all the odds that stuck together, they were the likes that didn't avert from one another.
"That's...that's beautiful." It was all she could say, and maybe that's why her lover found her cold and distant, she often didn't know how to respond, but that was a habit, she never knew how to respond, to anyone, not only to Sara. Sara might have looked at it in a different way.
"Tell me what you're thinking." It seemed as if Sara was fishing for more conversation, she didn't want the night to die down, she didn't want to be defeated by her exhausted eyes.
"Can I bring my teddy in here?" She cringed at what had left her mouth, she didn't want to let this thought out, but somehow her mind tricked her.
"Is that really what you're thinking about?" From Sara's tone, she sounded amused.
Tegan rubbed her eyes and grinned. "I guess."
"Well yes, sure."
She didn't want to let the conversation die down too, not when Sara didn't want it to. "What about you? What are you thinking about?"
"The way you ate me out this morning." She raised an eyebrow, Sara giggled. "It has been too long, I forgot how good it felt." There was a pause. "My body is hurting me, my hips, my back. I'm too old." Sara chuckled.
"It's not just you. It's the bathroom sex, I think I'll walk funny tomorrow."
"Maybe we should have sex while just lying down on the bed, like grandpas and grandmas."
"I don't think grandpas and grandmas have sex, Sara."
"I'm gonna still be having sex when I'm a grandma. When I'm eighty, I will still be having sex. But maybe not while lifting you up while standing in the shower, don't wanna get a heart attack. They will write on my tombstone that I died while having sex. You will be the reason of my death."
Sara was rambling, saying whatever her mind came up with, and she was speaking exactly like Tegan, the way Tegan thought and spoke, these thoughts she let out easily while Sara never let out, now they were out in the open when Sara's consciousness was slowly dying down. "We'll be together when you're eighty?"
"If you want to. Unless you're planning to cheat on me with a man and decide you're not a lesbian anymore."
"Or your love could expire."
Silence.
Maybe she shouldn't have said that.
"Ya." Sara whispered.
"Ya." She swallowed, turning to the other side, not facing her lover anymore.
If the conversation continued, they wouldn't end up in a good place, they needed sleep.
It was all her, she had interfered with her tongue to ruin the happy day they had, oh how she wished she thought before she spoke. How she wished she was just a bit smarter or more careful, but she wasn't, and she was going to overthink her faux pas, till she settled into a restless sleep. If her mouth hadn't chopped Sara's cheery thoughts of the future, the temperature wouldn't have risen in the room, the heaviness wouldn't have hovered above them, the unsolicited silence wouldn't have blanketed them to a solicitous slumber.
...
May 3rd, 2043
What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
How do you feel about this? This poem? I hated it. I found it in Sara's list of favourite poems. I suppose I hated most of her choices back then...until I grew up, and another Sara I became.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
That's my favourite part. It reminds me of Sara, that is why. I know you are wondering right now, how did the fall happen? And who is really responsible for it? I seem to lie a lot, don't I? I seem to blame it all on her, am I right?
Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
Living nor dead, and I know nothing,
Looking into the heart of the light, the silence.
That was Sara's favourite part. I don't know why. But it sounded like Sara. It feels like Sara. It even tastes like Sara when I recite it. Sara and her immortal silence.