A/N: Sorry about the delay. A mild case of writer's block mixed with a few migraines really set me behind in my writings. I hope this chapter holds up. Thanks for all the reviews and follows. They really make my day!
"Good speech, Commander. We're all behind you one hundred percent."
"This feels wrong; I feel like I'm stealing all of this from Captain Anderson – everything he fought so hard to get, everything he earned through blood and sweat." Shepard's soft, low voice was tinged with emotion – barely audible even to the pilot sitting at her side. Her bruised hand remained on the pilot's armrest, the blues and greens of her knuckles reminding both of them what she'd gone through just to get here. Her rigid right arm supported her weight as her head dropped, choppy red hair obscuring her features as she struggled to get them under control. She was too fatigued, her nerves too raw, to keep the jumble of emotions from her face, and that made her feel vulnerable; hiding was her only option at the moment – even if the only other person in the cockpit knew everything she was trying so desperately to hide.
"No, you're here because you earned it. There's a job to get done, and he thinks you're the only person capable of doing it. And I can honestly tell you the Captain's proud and honored."
Shepard shifted her weight to peek out from behind the fringe of hair without lifting her head. Her eyes searched Joker's face; his hazel green eyes held her in a reassuring gaze. He always did know when she needed that little boost of support.
She pushed herself upright with a small grunt, the movement stiff and jerky. The past few days had finally caught up with her completely. The long hours, multiple skirmishes that didn't leave her unscathed, and emotional and mental roller coasters while on the Citadel left her moving like a mech in need of oil – or possible deactivation.
She laid her puffy hand on his shoulder and squeezed a gentle, silent thanks.
"The captain gave up everything for us to have this chance. We can't fail him." She stood tall as she spoke, her spine steeled for the momentous task ahead of them, her moment of weakness pushed behind her with a little help. They were ready – they had to be. "And it's a bit presumptuous to speak on Captain Anderson's behalf, isn't it?"
"It would be if I wasn't reading his direct response." Joker grinned as he pulled up the chat display so Shepard could see it. "I streamed the whole thing for him. Huh… look at that. And now he's chewing me out for not telling you beforehand." The screen went dark with a flick of his wrist. "Oh, darn. Looks like I lost him."
"He's going to kick your ass for that, you know?"
"Meh, he owes me so many ass-kickings now we've both lost count. So where are we heading?"
Shepard sighed heavily as she fought against the mental fog. It took so long to get patched and cleaned up that she hadn't had time for anything else – no food, no rest, not even a cup of coffee. Aside from the few minutes she dozed off in the med bay, it was closing in on two straight days since she slept, and the energy bar she practically swallowed whole almost half a day ago was the last food she'd had. All of that made it nearly impossible to think clearly and her train of thought derailed if she so much as blinked.
Joker sat and watched her patiently. He knew better than anyone else on board just how far she routinely pushed herself, and he was also aware of her limits. She was obviously pumping a nearly-dry well at the moment.
"Jeez Shepard, sit down before you fall down." Joker jerked his head to the empty co-pilot's chair. "Just… don't touch anything, ok? I don't want you frying anything before we even leave the dock."
"So that's why you turned the intercom on and off for me? I'll have you know I haven't fried anything in years." Shepard put her hand over her heart in mock-offence. It was a legit concern on his part, and they both knew it. She and technology never really got along, especially when she was hurt, worked up, or tired – and she was currently all three. It was the perfect trifecta of mechanical doom.
"So you're just about due. Don't touch anything." Joker watched her carefully, making sure she followed his orders for once. He didn't speak again until she was fully seated – away from all the sparky-bits. "Now, where are we going?"
Shepard leaned back into the chair and closed her eyes; her features relaxed to the point she almost looked peaceful. She fell still almost instantly, her only movements the slow, steady rise and fall of her chest. Joker frowned. It wasn't like her to fall asleep that easily. Concern bubbled in his gut - concern that the blows to her face, evident in the swollen-shut eye and dark bruises, had caused some actual damage the doctor somehow missed. His finger shakily hovered over the call button when she finally spoke.
"Trying to find one person when he could be literally anywhere is an exercise in futility. We'll just have to keep our eyes and ears open while we go after more sure-things. Anderson said that matriarch's daughter was at a dig-site somewhere in the Artemis Tau cluster. We don't have a more precise destination than that, but there're only four systems to search through. That's the best we can get right now."
Joker leaned back, relieved, and took a deep, calming breath. An ironic smile turned up one side of his mouth. "It's funny you decided to go there."
"Why's that, Joker?" Shepard mumbled without opening her eyes.
"Well, your mom called to congratulate you; I told her you were busy so she talked to me instead – you can thank me with an obscene amount of beer on our next shore leave, by the way. She passed on something for us to look into if we were ever in that neck of the woods. Apparently there is a rear admiral looking for info on some of his men, and their last known coordinates were in that cluster."
Shepard cracked her one good eye and glanced sideways at him. Joker was so enthralled with his take-off ritual he didn't even notice; his fingers little more than a blur against the orange glow.
"Why would she know about that, and why is she passing it off to me?"
"Apparently the top brass is stone-walling him for some reason. She found out from someone in a position to know about it but whose hands are tied. Let's just say uncomfortable questions would be raised if it got out she was even aware of the situation, but nobody would think twice if you were to somehow find out and investigate on your own." Joker shot a knowing look at her. Shepard knew exactly what he was getting at.
"My dad told her, didn't he?" Shepard sighed and sat up. There's no rest for the weary. "Shit, I guess I need to call her back to get all the info I can."
"Have a little faith in me, will ya? I've got everything you need right here." Joker jerked his head towards a small OSD between them. "I wouldn't make you talk to her in the state you're in right now. I don't know why you get so worked up talking to her, though. She isn't that bad."
"Bullshit. You're terrified of her and we both know it. And you're only saying that because she always liked you better."
"Only because I was the better kid," Joker smiled broadly as he pulled the Normandy away from the dock. They both remained silent as he guided the ship through the congested traffic around the Citadel, heading towards open space. "What, no smart-ass comments on that?"
"What can I say? When you're right you're right." Shepard shrugged, and then settled back into the chair to enjoy the rapidly approaching jump.
Joker finally looked at Shepard – really looked at her – once they were through the relay. She really did look like hell. All of her features were almost unrecognizable under the bruising and swelling, yet she looked so happy despite all of that. She always did when they jumped. A small twinge of envy swept through him, and not for the first time. Jumps were one of his favorite parts of travel, especially when he was at the helm, but the relays would never sing to him as they did her. She described the sensation to him multiple times, and it was something he understood conceptually but would never fully comprehend – much like trying to explain the color blue to a being with no eyes. And that was something he would always lament.
"So… you want to talk about it?"
"About what, Joker?" she asked without opening her eyes. She wasn't ready to break the relay's spell.
"Take your pick: Sparatus, Anderson, the reason you were in that swanky neighborhood to begin with, whatever had Alenko practically vibrating with fury when he showed up with the pizzas … or anything else I missed by keeping my gimpy ass on board."
"Alenko was that pissed?" Shepard sat up completely and focused on Joker as best she could. He really got her attention with that one.
"Yeah, I've never seen him that angry, and I've known him for a few years now. He's almost impossible to rattle. Something really had him going, though. I asked and he just shook me off, but he was muttering about stringing some asshole up by the gin-soaked balls while he was slamming stuff around in his locker." Joker noticed the dead stare he was getting and smiled a little defensively in response. "I may have been eavesdropping. Just a bit."
"He didn't have a migraine?" Shepard asked, surprised her assumptions had been so off.
"Not like any I'd ever seen, and I've seen both of you have your fair share so I'm pretty confident saying that."
Shepard leaned back once more to ponder this new revelation. This cast his whole demeanor while they were in the C-Sec Academy atrium in a whole new light. She'd completely misjudged the entire situation, and that was unusual.
"So… you want to talk about any of it?"
"Hmmm?" Shepard hummed distractedly. "Oh, no; I think we can save those talks for some other time. I've got a heaping pile of stuff to get through. I suppose I better go contact this rear admiral…" she peeked at the info Joker had handed her, "Kahohu and get the full story."
"What do I have to do to get you to take a damn break?" Joker laughed. "Look, it'll take two days to get to the first system in Artemis Tau, and it's late as it is. I'm sure the call can wait until morning – after you've rested enough to be coherent. I don't know if you realize this, but you're mumbling so bad even I can barely make sense of it, and I've had years of practice of taking care of you when you're black-out drunk. It's worse than that."
"Fine, I'll get some rest. Sleep does sound amazing right now."
"Aren't you going to eat first?"
"Nah, it can wait until morning." Shepard felt Joker's pointed gaze the instant the words left her mouth.
"Hahaha, I don't think so. You're practically wasting away as it is. You go much longer without food and you'll be invisible if you turn sideways. Handy for infiltration, bad for strong winds - you'll blow away. Should we ask Dr. Chakwas what she thinks?"
"Really, you're going to tell on me? Look, I stashed a couple energy bars in my cabin. I'll eat one just to shut you up."
"Nope, not good enough. You need real food, Shepard. Do I need to get the other biotic on board to talk some sense into you?" A knowing grin spread across Joker's face, his eyes twinkled deviously in the shadows of his hat.
"Oh, you mean my fellow Alliance soldier and subordinate?" Shepard emphasized the key words, the implications coming across loud and clear.
"Yeah, whatever. Look, I'm going to make damn well sure you eat. In fact…" Joker leaned forward and activated the comm. "Hey Chase, you busy?"
"Not really; what's up?" the chipper young woman's voice responded almost immediately.
"Not much; just thought you might like a chance to man the helm…" Joker grinned and cut the comm. as a giddy hell yeah came through and turned to his old friend. "You get to take me to dinner. Help a cripple out, will ya?"
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Suddenly Mr. Independent can't get food by himself?" she quipped as he leaned into her. Resistance was futile, but that didn't mean she couldn't make a show of it. "Are you really that eager to eat the prepackaged crap?"
"We've got something better waiting for us. Can't you smell it?"
"Nope," Shepard answered as she motioned to her swollen, bruised nose. "Chakwas packed it to staunch the bleeding. Setting it didn't go as easily as we'd like."
Joker made a small face. "Gross. Thanks for getting the ol' appetite going. I guess you'll just have to wait until we're down there."
Shepard's mouth began to water as they neared the mess. Glorious smells of cooked onions and garlic mingled with the savory undertones of perfectly cooked meats, the aroma so wonderful and strong even she could smell it at close range.
"What's all this?" Shepard wondered aloud as she took in the amazing spread covering the tables and counters. Every flat surface in the mess was nearly buckling under the weight of the overflowing containers.
"Hey Commander, I hoped you'd make it before the good stuff disappeared." Williams tossed a plate to Shepard and gestured at the table. All of the crewmates, human and alien alike, crowded the table to break bread together. It was a surprisingly touching sight. Joker nodded to the gunnery chief as he slid into the vacant seat next to her with practiced ease. "I tried to set aside some of the stuff I know you like, but the place was swarmed almost immediately. I have no idea what's left."
"What… where…" Shepard looked around the room, confused. "Where did this come from?"
"We ordered take-out on our way back to the ship; it was the Lieutenant's idea – said you deserved a little celebration." Williams answered simply as she picked up and began filling a separate plate.
Shepard glanced up from the steaming trays, tongs frozen in mid-air. Something in the woman's tone caught her attention, but Williams' didn't give her so much as a second glance – she was too focused on piling a large array of foods on the plate in front of her. Her hands moved with expert precision, never spilling a drop as she hummed tunelessly to herself, a content smile on her face.
Shepard gaze shifted to the seat she'd seen the Lieutenant occupying when they entered the mess. In all her years in the Alliance her achievements were almost always ignored by her squad mates. Most of them just kept their distance to avoid comparisons, while the others resented her climb through the ranks. The few who acknowledged her did so with snide comments of brown-nosing or implications of favoritism. To have a fellow soldier even consider something so kind was unusual, but to have them go above and beyond to recognize an achievement was truly rare, and it was greatly appreciated. The least she could do was thank him for being so thoughtful.
Warmth filled her chest as she smiled as best she could under the circumstance, but her heart sank as she realized the seat was vacant – he'd vanished from the table. She frowned slightly in frustration, and a small amount of disappointment, and instantly regretted it as the small movement pulled at the freshly-tended wounds on her face.
A small movement by the med bay, little more than the flit of a shadow, caught her attention. The tall marine slid past the crew, trying to slip away unnoticed. He paused and looked over his shoulder for a brief moment before disappearing farther into the ship, his amber eyes finding hers instantly as if guided by an unseen force. A small, crooked smile spread across his lips as he nodded once, then he disappeared from sight.
A private grin tugged unbidden at the corners of Shepard's mouth as bowed her head over the trays in front of her. Warmth pooled in her chest and spread outward for a beat, until she realized what she was doing. She was grinning like a fool for all to see. A cool chill shot through her, chasing away the warmth as panic pulled her back to her senses. This was a fellow soldier, nothing more, and she was acting like a fool. She bit her inner cheek as she cast about nervously, desperately hoping nobody noticed.
Nobody was watching her. She'd actually lucked out for once. She did, however, catch something unexpected: Williams slid the now-full plate she was preparing in front of Joker. He positively beamed back at her as the dark-haired woman slid down next to him and began picking at the food too. It was a small, private moment that was gone almost instantly. And she got to witness it. Shepard choked back a small chuckle.
Hunger pangs shot through Shepard's stomach as a loud growl called out to her – reminding her how long it'd been since she'd eaten a full meal, and chastising her for being so torturously close to food without actually eating. It was time she started listening to her body a bit better. She finished loading up her plate, the mishmash of colors and textures at once beautiful and tantalizing, and completely appetizing, and turned back to the table. The young quarian patted the empty seat to her left, and Shepard slid in with a gracious smile. She paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and grinned at the strange fortune she'd stumbled into. She took a moment to soak it in and appreciate it for all it was.
From the corner of her eye Shepard noticed Williams shoot a sly, knowing smile to the pilot and jerk her dark head in Shepard's direction. Clearly those two were in cahoots about something, and the mere thought made Shepard uneasy. Ignorance was bliss in this case, so she disregarded it and began stuffing her face.
"It was awfully nice of Alenko to go through all this trouble, don't you think, Shepard?" Joker wasn't nearly as subtle as he liked to think.
All eyes turned expectantly on her. Shepard was uncomfortable at all the attention that question garnered, as well as the not-so-subtle implications, so she did the best thing she could think of – change the subject. Joker expected such a tactic from her and would easily shake it off, but Williams was a different story – she was an easy target; especially when it could be such an effortless transition.
"So, how was the reception for humanity's newest star? And by that I mean Udina, of course."
Williams curled her lip, set her drink down, and reared back for what was sure to be a long diatribe based on the guttural sigh at the mere mention of the ambassador's name. Joker gave Shepard a pointed look, completely aware that his leading questions had been firmly sidestepped. She responded with an innocent smile before shoving an obscene amount of food into her mouth and motioning for him to pay attention to the descriptive and slightly profane story that was just beginning. Then she sat back and enjoyed the show.