Becoming Chapter 21: XXI: Beneath the Wreckage, a chuck fanfic

...wherein team members cope with changes in dynamics and packages are delivered...

Canon Reference: All of Episode 109 'Imported Hard Salami' and a smidge of Episode 110 'Nemesis'

Contents: Six chapters, over 22K words (but over a thousand of that is notes, don't trust my word count!); mostly in the 3K-4K range, two are slightly shorter (2K-ish); I originally planned to cover 'Salami' and 'Nemesis' in a single installment. Shows you how well I plan. I was honestly surprised just how much is going on in both Chuck's and Sarah's heads in this episode and the word count reflects that. Any chapter break is a good stopping point in this one.

A/N: Thank you all - newcomers and old friends alike - for reading my little project, for the follows, favorites, reviews, and PMs and for any word of mouth promotion you may have engaged in. I try to respond to every review with some degree of substance but please forgive me if I ever fall off in that regard. It will only ever be in favor of focusing my recreational time on delivering the next installment because I do enjoy our discussions. Some truly epic and/or clever reviews can be found here. Honestly, my reviewers make for some pretty good reading of their own.

I didn't previously call it out as such but I consider these four episodes (Truth-Salami-Nemesis-Crown Vic) to be part of one arc; let's call it the 'Truth and Consequences' arc. ('cause that's super original). The impacts of these four episodes are tightly connected and the events transpire immediately following one another for the most part. There are ebbs and flows to every story and there is some serious 'ebb' in this one with some different feels than what came before.

'Salami' itself is a pretty robust episode with a lot of room for a lot of shifts in both Chuck's and Sarah's thinking so the treatment is somewhat more 'straight canon' than some other installments. There is one chapter here with a strange format for its majority. Please ignore the deliberate spelling and grammar errors, you'll understand when you see the context.

Disclaimers/Easter Eggs: The author has made no profit or derived any other material benefit from this work. No ownership or claim to CHUCK or Tron is asserted or implied. Additionally, no ownership or claim to Morgan's custom Subway Surf-N-Turf special (so gross), Call of Duty (COD4: Modern Warfare or otherwise), Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, a short phrase I associate with an obscure Iron Maiden song (Flash of the Blade, if any song on the Powerslave album can be considered obscure), Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (aka POC-I), Alice in Wonderland (pretty much any version), The Cat in the Hat, Force 10 from Navarone, Vanilla Sky or the possible movies for an evening out in early-mid November, 2007 (American Gangster, No Country for Old Men, Fred Claus, Love in the Time of Cholera and Lions for Lambs are the ones mentioned or alluded to) is asserted or implied.

Part XXI - Beneath the Wreckage

061: Selling It

Buy More, Burbank, CA, November 2007; two days after the fake breakup

Chuck had hoped that Morgan would be distracted enough by plans for poor-man's surf-and-turf (a half-and-half meatball, tuna salad sub) and the latest Call of Duty game that he would let it slide.

He was both a little miffed at the truth of his friend's assumption that he would never be the one to dump a girl like Sarah - because under almost any other circumstances that would have been true - and didn't want Sarah to incur Morgan's righteous yet, from her perspective likely utterly toothless, wrath.

But since Morgan had continued to pry in the way that he did, Chuck felt obligated to clarify that, as much as he had wished differently, Sarah wasn't the right girl. At least not the right girl for him no matter what he had wished for, hoped for or convinced himself might be possible. He really didn't want to elaborate on his being manipulated into thinking she was or might have been.

"The right girl? Are you out of your mind, dude? She is the hottest piece we are ever gonna get! "

"Listen, Morgan. Maybe the fact that you refer to any woman as a 'hot piece' has something to do with their lack of interest. And I didn't really see a future for Sarah and I, ultimately, and so I didn't want to waste any more time."

He didn't just not want to waste time, he couldn't. His life expectancy had dropped to nearly zero multiple times in the past few weeks. He stumbled into some hard truths about what it means to be considered a government asset, some harder truths about what it means to be handled and he was just starting to face the truth that he had no understanding whatsoever of his asset handler.

He told Sarah there was a list of things he wanted to do when he ended the farce of their cover relationship. He didn't want to be so melodramatic as to say 'before he died' but that was what he meant. Getting a better job or finishing his degree seemed insurmountable and pointless but falling in love again was possible. Even though a long-term relationship likely was not.

He had thought he already was - or was at least was well on his way to - falling in love again. He had almost left that stupid Goo Goo Dolls song on her iPod for her - and what a joke that was. Leaving certain carefully selected songs for her thinking she was just reluctant to pursue anything with him for any number of potential reasons but was at least interested and that she'd understand what he was trying to say. Or what an even bigger joke if she had understood. If she had known all along how he thought of her when he was always just a job to her.

At least now she had a sizable library of music to listen to and figure out her tastes. Maybe find a favorite band.

On her own.

If even that was true. He was such a sap. He still wanted her to shed that armor of hers and be happy - if she even was some version of the sweet girl he thought he saw underneath and not just the shell of hardened agent - but he thought he had earned a little wallowing time. Before he knew it was all a lie - even now that he knew - he heard that song every time he looked at her. The bit about being the closest to heaven that he'd ever be. At least here on Earth.

And it wasn't even just her looks. She hid everything amazing about her under that outer shell and even what shone through was amazing. Or maybe he had been as wrong about her as he had been about everything else. Even though she had her job to think about (and there were probably difficulties around that), if she had just said he wasn't completely wrong about her - or shown him somehow since that seemed to be more her style - he would have found a way to deal with all the rest.

They could have found a way to deal with all the rest.

She sure sold the hell out of their cover. She must do that kind of thing all the time and feel nothing when she does. The deadly beauty from all the spy movies. And he was fool enough to think that whatever they had underneath the cover was somehow real. That he could measure up to the Bryce Larkins of the world. That he could somehow compare with someone she had apparently shared something of herself with. The male super spies who were her equal. Or at least much closer to considering themselves her peers. She just wasn't a mystery that he was going to be allowed to unravel.

There only ever was the cover.

Lou was real. She was pretty and a little obsessed with her business. But, in her defense, she had sunk all of her money into her deli and at least the work didn't involve life or death situations. She was quick tempered but sweet and funny. And honest. Brutally honest.

Maybe it wasn't fair that he was as interested in her for all those traits as he was because she was showing a legitimate interest in him. Maybe she was just Miss Right Now but, really, what was the likelihood he was going to be able to pursue anything longer term than that?

Due to the complete falseness of his relationship with Sarah, he figured he might be the only guy in history to successfully take advantage of the quirk of the universe where women only seemed interested in you once you were spoken for. Maybe it was too fast for his heart to take but he needed to break away from this fantasy that there was something real between him and Sarah.

She was still going to be around, in her official capacity, so he couldn't continue to avoid her entirely. He just didn't want to turn down an opportunity with someone who had very clearly expressed an interest in him due to delusions about another woman who had proven what a fool he was.

All it had taken to finally get the truth out of Sarah Walker: Secret Agent was a little toxic truth serum of which all three of them had clearly been under the influence.

Of course, the object of his romantic and less innocent fantasies for the past several weeks chose just that moment to enter.

She was wearing her hair down and straight in that wiener girl outfit and she looked...well, she looked beautiful but she also looked distraught. Making the best show possible for his Buy More coworkers, he assumed. And she made a small signal to indicate that she wanted to talk privately.

"Beg for her back, Charles." Morgan suggested less than helpfully - as though that were really an option - as though he ever 'had her' in the first place - as Chuck moved toward her.

"Hey," she offered quietly when he joined her.

"Hey. What's uhh..." he looked around for Casey or any signs of danger, "What's going on?"

"I just wanted to talk for a minute. Is there somewhere we can go?"

She wouldn't meet his eyes and looked much less in control than she usually did.

Good, he thought slightly vindictively. She shouldn't be walking around as though nothing had changed...even though it hadn't...because she had never been interested...it was his own fault that he-

He shook off that spiraling thought because it was his own fault. He wanted to be angry with her but she really hadn't done anything wrong. He had known from the first night that she was a government agent and their relationship was a cover. Anything that had happened between them had to be considered in that context.

He didn't want to think too hard about the fact that she had been lying in his bed with him just a few days ago and whether whatever might have happened there would have been part of that same fiction. He knew - and had been harshly reminded of - the reality of the situation. Any mistaken interpretations from there were entirely on him.

"Yeah, sure. Follow me," he finally said. He headed toward the home theatre room and she followed.

Chuck had no idea what she could possibly want to talk about although there was a tiny ember of hope that she had reconsidered everything she had said or maybe said it for reasons that no longer made sense to her or maybe could make it make sense to him.

Then he realized what a fool he was being - again - and sighed deeply.

"Look, Chuck," came her sweet voice, softly from behind him and he turned to face her, "I've been thinking about our break up, and I'm not so sure it's the best idea."

That would have sounded mildly promising under other circumstances.

"Miss me already, huh?"

"Well...just...you know...for the cover. It makes things easier."

Of course it does. He had just been joking, trying to add a little levity to the situation, but now he was getting genuinely pissed off at being jerked around like this.

"Well, then I guess your job's gonna be a little bit harder," he snapped, surprising himself with his harshness.

"Look, I'm sorry if you thought there was something between us. It's very common in these situations to perceive a connection that isn't there."

Why did she feel it was necessary to rehash all of this? As if he didn't feel stupid enough. Better just to end this quickly.

Of course she missed him.

It had only been two days and he had come and gone from their intel reviews with a minimum of pleasantries. Two days where - after an initial discussion immediately after ending his cover relationship with her - Chuck had used his lunch breaks to convince the deli owner that it wasn't too soon since his break up with Sarah - his now ex-girlfriend Sarah - and that she should go on a date with him rather than spending his breaks people watching with her and eating really unhealthy Weinerlicious food and being so delightfully him.

But she didn't want to confront that truth - that she missed him, even if it was meant to just be a cover - and hid behind the same lie she had been telling herself. It is just a cover. He's just my asset. She needed that shield between them and reality firmly in place - for both their sakes in order to be allowed to remain and protect him - before she could further consider what they might do together or be to one another behind that shield.

But why had she said that? Implied that there was nothing between them? That the connection he so astutely perceived, despite her best efforts to conceal or downplay it, was not real? She had laid the cornerstone of her fortress with a misdirection ploy and now - free to lie as easily as she had all her life - she felt compelled to reinforce the walls with new and bigger lies, none of them technically untrue.

She was sorry that he thought 'something' was there...because it ended up hurting him, not because he was wrong. Maybe it was common for people in cover situations to perceive non-existent connections but she didn't explicitly tie that scenario to theirs even though she knew it sounded like she had.

She was raised and trained to lie. Such misdirections were almost an animalistic survival instinct now. And she had no doubt that she was struggling to survive close proximity to Charles Bartowski.

The idea of something real with this earnest man seemed terrifying beyond words and she felt like it would only be hazardous to him to get involved with someone like her but two days of cold indifference and watching him woo someone else had made her waver. She had dared to consider that maybe she could try to tell him a few truths about herself and gauge his reaction.

But she wasn't used to Chuck being combative with her and her defense - like always - consisted of going on the offensive. She put him on the other side of her shield leaving only her behind it.

Alone. Like always.

It was comfortable and safe and her default position with men. Or it used to be comfortable and safe until she knew what comfortable and safe really felt like. Now she wanted to reach out and take it back even though she still wanted to keep him safe from her and other only mortally dangerous aspects of her world.

She wished for a moment that he knew.

Knew that it had taken every ounce of her training and restraint not to blurt out the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth while under the influence of that serum. It was resisting those effects - behaving much as Ellie had when she blurted out various unrelated truths of unpredictable nature and varying importance - that had allowed her to focus on what she needed to do.

Even so, she had almost told him how devastating his smile was. How it could elate her or crush her. How sweet and kind he was. How much she enjoyed just talking to him. How much she enjoyed kissing him. How much she really enjoyed kissing him. How much she admired his bravery. How even though she didn't see any possible way anything between them was going anywhere - as he had phrased it - she wondered whether they might be able to try. At least give in to the physical attraction and see what happened.

How she had considered jumping his bones when she stayed over and how she had chickened out, not because she didn't want him but because all of those feelings were so unfamiliar and overwhelming for her. She had quickly realized that, even if she had initiated a physical intimacy that she could sell as 'enhanced cover' to her superiors, there was no way it would be 'just sex'. And that scared the hell out of her.

Because he wanted more. He wanted real. He at least thought he wanted all of her.

And she wanted him all the more for that.

But she had seen the selflessness of Chuck in action too many times. He had already discussed terminating himself if he became an unrecoverable liability. She couldn't bear the thought of him sacrificing himself in such a way, but even less sacrificing himself to save her if the situation arose. She knew the risks of her life and career - had faced and accepted them - and didn't want him sacrificing himself for her. If it came to it and only one of them lived on she knew which she wanted it to be. Protecting him from his own foolish bravery required protecting him from her own foolish desires.

So she had relied on all of her training as a spy to suppress the random truths floating though her mind due to the pentathol derivative and all her childhood training as a con artist to pull off the most elegant of lies. She lied by telling a narrow and specific truth.

It was the classic technique her father had taught her. Let other people fool themselves. Let them believe what they want to believe or allow them to avoid what they fear to face. Make them think what you want them to believe was their idea.

How many times had she heard him say 'I never lied to you' when he had been as deceitful as anyone could possibly be? Creating a false impression didn't necessarily require telling a blatant falsehood. The fact that she saw a very low likelihood that she and Chuck could get away with any type of relationship for very long without her being removed from this assignment was not directly related to the question he had really been asking.

Even so, she had hoped he might reconsider the wisdom of pursuing a civilian relationship - perhaps even selfishly hoped he might reconsider diving into something with anyone after being hurt by her - but she hadn't meant to so bluntly reinforce her deceptive implication that there was no connection between them.

He didn't deserve her hammering him over the head with it but clearly there was a connection. He could see through her every other time, surely he could see through her now despite her inability to face the truth outside of a candlelit bedroom.

As she opened her mouth to somehow try to salvage what she had blurted out he, uncharacteristically, cut her off.

"Of course. I get it. It's the old story, you know? Guy gets supercomputer in his brain, beautiful CIA agent is sent to protect him, and then she tells him, while under the spell of truth serum," he emphasized, making the reason for his certainty that he had been wrong about her crystal clear, "that she's not interested. I get it. But for me, the emotional roller coaster is a little much, so I think I'd rather find something a little less common, like, say, I don't know, a, uh, a real relationship?"

As good a liar as she was he was so much better with words. A surgical strike keying off of her assertion that perceiving false connections was common thing. Or worse, a common thing for her. As though anything about their connection was common. Or false, even though she was the one who led him to believe it to be so. That a real relationship might be a rarer thing than being lied to by someone who had once asked you to trust her.

She knew he was angry, and he had every right to be, but it was the damn truth serum that was keeping him from trusting what he thought he knew. But did she really think he would just reconsider? Turn down a woman who knew what she wanted and how to go after it in favor of someone who couldn't even admit what she wanted to herself?

Maybe she didn't choose the best way to articulate that. "And you think just running to the nearest available girl is the answer?"

"Sorry if that bruises your ego. Or hurts someone's assessment of your job performance," he answered, "but I'm not waiting around wondering what I could have done with my time the next time I have to disarm a bomb."

"I'm just saying, people know you and, well, hopping from girl to girl...Does that look realistic?"

"I don't care what looks realistic. You and I never looked realistic."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Jesus, Sarah, figure it out," like he really needed to articulate the ways that he didn't measure up to someone like Sarah. "At least I know where I stand with her."

"Where's that?"

Chuck realized he didn't really know where he stood with Lou. He had known her for just a few days. But he wasn't about to give Sarah the satisfaction of knowing that pursuing Lou may have been as much about her as it was Lou herself. "Not lying to me about how she feels for one. Saying one thing and showing another."

"I never lied to you, Chuck," she spat bitterly, cringing as she realized what she said. Her father's words out of her mouth knowing exactly what deception she had created even if nothing had been patently untrue.

She watched Chuck's face harden and knew she had messed up. Chuck thought about not just every kiss and touch they had shared, but every meaningful glance, joke and other quiet moment and how real it had all felt. And now thought about how real it had not been.

"You know what? You're right. I'm well aware. Now. Thanks. Why are we even arguing about this then? You don't have to play girlfriend any more and we're going out tonight anyway so..."

"Who's going...You're really going out with her?"

"Yeah, why not?"

She had been thinking about it for the past two days. Maybe she should have just jumped him that night in his room. Maybe she could have shown him what she couldn't say.

But now there was no way to say why she really didn't want him to go out with Lou that didn't scuttle all her carefully constructed defenses. It was clearly a lost cause now and there was nothing left to do but make their change in cover status known.

"Okay, Chuck, well, if that's what you want, then I'm gonna have to sell it."

She had been crying on cue for almost twenty years. It was yet another way to lie. She could feel it welling up even as he spoke. Both his anger at her and then, worse, his resignation. And she did need to sell it for his co-workers. The way her brow scrunched up was almost involuntary and she actually had to dial it back a little. She hadn't meant to upset Chuck but he was clearly concerned.

"You okay?" he asked in a completely different tone than the rest of their conversation to that point and his expression defied his attempts to repress whatever it was he felt for her.

Shit. Don't look at me like that, she thought. Even after saying all that, his brave front slipped at seeing her cry. He still cared. And that made it so much worse but she had to see this through for his own good. To restore the status quo. Or at least restore their roles to the clinically separated asset and protector. To leave thoughts of anything else between them behind.

She almost lost control at that point and she turned to walk out as fast as she could, hearing him call the name 'Sarah' after her that no longer seemed like it was hers.

Thankfully she caught the eye of some of Chuck's co-workers so this wasn't a wasted visit. As she walked out the door she thought about the discussion she had with Casey this morning after their intel review where Chuck had casually mentioned that he had a date tonight. If Chuck was going to insist on seeing the sandwich girl, Sarah had to breakup with him publicly. People knew him and what a good guy he was. It would invite questions. She just thought maybe she could say something to get him to reconsider.

Why had she led with talking about the cover? It just got him agitated. And she dug a deeper and deeper hole. By the time he revisited just why he was so convinced by her lie - because the most potent truth serum either her or Casey had ever encountered should have guaranteed him hearing the truth not knowing that she had been finding creative ways to lie almost as long as she had been able to speak - she was already fighting the emotional display required to sell their breakup like she had come to do.

As she unlocked the front door of the Weinerlicious she left the handwritten 'Back in 10 Minutes' sign taped to the glass of the door, locked the door behind her and realized she could stop selling their breakup anytime now. That the tears still trickling down her cheeks were still coming. She had lost control of her emotions but she could get it back.

She could regain control. Cement her spy mask firmly in place. Never feel this way again or, if she did, hide it much more effectively. From everyone around her and from herself.

She sat at one of the tables near the door and put her elbows on the table and her face in her hands. All she could think was how stupid she was to keep hiding behind the job and not tell him what she wanted. That was no way to get it.

There was no way to get it.

He had moved on to someone else. Worse, she had succeeded in fully convincing him that she had been leading him on the entire time.

The relationship that never really began was over.

She had done what she set out to do for Chuck's own good and destroyed all hope for anything between them.

She managed to control her crying after only a few rough, coughing sobs after that and became the steely-eyed Agent that she needed to be to survive this just as she had survived far worse situations. Actual lethal situations in the far corners of the world.

None of which compared at this moment to this feeling of bleeding out without the release of actually dying, sitting in the empty dining room of a fast food franchise.

062: Coffee with Casey - Tough Love

Major John Casey's Residence, Echo Park, CA, later that evening

General Beckman was bewildered by this turn of events. "I don't like the idea of this break up at all. What the hell happened?"

"She got dumped."

Casey was mercilessly succinct with his assessment while Walker tried to spin a less embarrassing story. "We decided that it would be best for Chuck to date a civilian. It will help secure his cover in the event that someone IDs me."

Casey was no help. "Yeah, because she got dumped."

Luckily Director Graham was on his way to Europe for some reason they were not privy to and could not attend this briefing leaving only General Beckman to convince. General Beckman was less concerned with Agent Walker's failure to deliver on the plan they had agreed upon and more concerned about this new variable in their equation.

"Let me get this straight," she began condescendingly, "Some woman comes in off the street and starts dating the asset, and this doesn't strike either of you as suspicious?"

Walker, predictably, leapt to Bartowski's defense. "It's not completely unfeasible. He is a reasonably charming guy."

Casey didn't miss the quirk in the General's expression. "I've heard enough. I want to know everything there is to know about this woman before she gets too close," the General said before disconnecting the video conference.

"What the -" Sarah began to target Casey for his comments about being dumped.

"Don't even, Walker." Casey interrupted, easily identifying a 'best-defense-is-a-good-offense' approach. "Seriously? Reasonably charming?"

"What? He is."

Casey just sighed and shook his head. He thought it was entirely possible that Beckman was on to them. He counted his blessings that Graham - who supposedly knew Walker much better - had not been in attendance. Honestly, who was just wandering around the greater Los Angeles area that was going to randomly identify Sarah Fucking Walker?

Bartowski was easy to understand. Walker was extremely attractive even if she was a career hard ass. But Walker surprised him. Chuck was a good guy, relatively good looking and, Casey had to admit, reasonably charming in an endearingly sincere way but he was not nearly the type of guy he would have expected Walker to be into. Especially knowing about her history with Larkin.

Casey hadn't exactly considered before that whatever Walker was thinking about Bartowski could be much more than raw chemistry. Just a mutual attraction or an itch that needed scratched. Given her reputation - or what little of the reputation he had uncovered early in their partnership that he could attribute to her - he had assumed she was in complete control. Or at least capable of keeping her emotions firmly in check.

He had assumed that someone known as Graham's Enforcer would have learned to compartmentalize their physical urges and emotional desires in very separate places.

It wasn't until he watched her from across the parking lot staring longingly at the deli the day after they recovered the antidote - after she had successfully convinced Chuck there was nothing between them - that he seriously considered whether their physical attraction could be something far more dangerous.

Casey had tried to give the two of them options if they wanted to have a tumble, keep Bartowski fat, dumb and happy and keep their sex lives out of their work but Walker made her choice and had to live with it. She would have had to convince Bartowski that it was real for him to buy in and, for whatever reason, she was either unwilling or unable to do that.

He actually respected Chuck for making that clear. For passing up something casual with someone with whom he was clearly infatuated and who was so physically attractive. He couldn't really blame Chuck for not seeing through her, Walker was good at making people believe what they wanted to believe. He wasn't sure Walker knew what she felt. She wasn't a child but Casey figured she might not have any history with healthy relationships outside of the spy game. But he wasn't her therapist and, now that she had burned that bridge, he considered how best to get her head back in the game.

When he asked before the briefing why she hadn't taken advantage of the ruse they had cleared with both the General and Director Graham, she just said she had done it for the good of the mission. Casey suspected she had done it for the good of the man.

Or at least her perception of what that might mean. She had cut him loose in such a way that he no clue of whatever she might have felt. In fact, Chuck had assumed the worst. But Casey knew someone hiding from themselves when he saw it.

If this really was something more than a physical thing she needed to put it behind her quickly. General Beckman would tolerate some manipulation tactics but she expected her agents to remain objective. In some ways she was more controlling than Graham. She generally didn't go in for some of the Director's more distasteful tactics but that also meant she didn't tolerate anything unprofessional.

If the General was the sole authority on this project she probably wouldn't even allow the same fraternization between full-status agents that Walker once had with Larkin much less an agent who actually had some sort of feelings beyond simply fooling around with an asset.

"So, there's nothing between you two. He's not interested in you and you're not interested in him," Casey stated rather than asked.

Sarah stood up far too straight and proud and confirmed - at least to him - the opposite of the words she said. "There's not. It's true."

"Wanna try that once more without feeling? You gotta sell it or the General's going to think it's a problem. I could sell the idea of you messing around with him a little bit - keeping him on a string - as long as you were still a known quantity. Being a liability? She won't overlook that."

"I'm not," she said. And at Casey's questioning look she clarified. "A liability. I'm not."

No, Casey thought his original confusion to her answer was correct, you're not a known quantity.

The woman in front of him had made a career of not being a known quantity. Suddenly, Sarah Walker was a wild card in a very different way than her anonymous piecemeal reputation.

"Keep practicing. Work on it while you pull sandwich girl's background off the CIA databases. I'll run NSA and the tax stuff. It's not a big deal to you. You couldn't give a shit that he's dating this girl. Make me believe it or I'm not putting you in front of Beckman again. Graham's your problem."

"Fine. I'll do my work from my place," Sarah said brusquely as she gathered her things and moved to the door.

"No need to check on him, I'm watching his tracker," Casey called after her and she just glared back at him before she left and slammed the door.

As Casey watched her go he considered that he may have completely misread the magnitude of this problem.

Major John Casey's Residence, Echo Park, CA; the next evening

Casey hadn't missed Walker's steely iron mask sliding into place when Chuck had referred to Lou as his 'girlfriend' at their morning briefing. Honestly, the kid had only known her for a few days, and they had been on one date. Why was he in such a rush to label things?

Casey considered that maybe it was to distance himself from Walker as much as possible. Or maybe more than a few near death experiences had pushed him to live life faster. He could understand either one.

He was reasonably sure General Beckman also had not missed Walker's stoic non-reaction to the word. Although the General's primary concern was likely that Chuck was involved with someone who had described her ex-boyfriend - the man whose name Chuck had flashed on last night, nightclub owner Stavros Demetrios - as highly dangerous and unstable even if he were not potentially involved in illicit smuggling operations.

At least tonight, now that they were using his new girlfriend's prior relationship to their advantage, Chuck was finally characterizing this as merely the fledgling relationship that it was as he lamented the fact that tonight's date would double as an intelligence gathering mission.

"We're only on our second official date and already I'm lying to her."

"Relax. It's dating in L.A. Everyone lies," Casey declared.

"Speaking of," Chuck directed at Sarah, "I heard you put Lester in his place."

"What'd he say?" she asked. Maybe Chuck shouldn't have encouraged it but he was pretty sure Sarah would dismantle Lester Patel.

"Oh, he said you said that you'd get back to him. That he had you right where he wanted you. That kind of B.S. but there was a very different story written on his face. What'd you do to him anyway?"

He was learning. Questioning everything and she was proud of him for that. And glad that Lester - although she had taken a page out of Carina's playbook and called him Larry - hadn't said anything about her aggressively wrapping her legs around him to freak him out.

He wasn't the one she wanted to be wrapping her legs around anyway.

"Just what I usually do when dealing with assholes on missions," she answered somewhat honestly. That approach had been somewhat opposite to her usual but with a similar intent.

"And you had some words of wisdom for Lou?"

"What'd she say?" Sarah asked, aware that she was getting repetitive in her questions.

"Not much. I steered her into these plans for tonight. Because, yay for spying. What did you say?"

"Just the usual hurt-him-and-I-kill-you stuff. I figure you and I are still going to have to interact for me to protect you. To work together. The psycho stalker angle works for me."

"Gee, thanks for not interfering with-"

"We're going to be tapped into the club's surveillance feed," Casey interrupted, irritated with the direction of the conversation. "All we need is the audio."

Walker produced the required device, embedded in a white, flying-V guitar pin straight off an 80's heavy metal album cover. "This has an RK-7 mini mic that works up to 20 feet. I want you to keep it as close to Stavros as possible."

"Are you kidding?" Chuck asked as Walker affixed the cheesy pin to his lapel. "Are you kidding me with this? I can't wear this. This looks ridiculous."

"The alternative is we join you on your date," Casey threatened yielding the expected petulant response.

"Fine."

"Ear wig," Walker held a case containing the miniature one-way communication device in front of Chuck.

It wasn't fair to be angry with her. She was just standing there holding the case out to him and had literally said two words to him. With those impossibly long eyelashes and an air of complete indifference, he was still irritated with her and he couldn't even figure out why.

"It never stops with you people, does it?" he asked as he grabbed the ear wig and fitted it into his ear canal.

"Aren't you forgetting something, Romeo?" Casey asked as he held out a beautiful, single red rose.

"Oh, of course. Let me guess. This is equipped with some kind of microscopic, infrared tracking device that determines her mother's communist affiliations?" Chuck raised his voice comically and Walker couldn't help but smile at his coldness and snarky sense of humor.

Until Casey chimed in.

"No, idiot. It's so you can get laid."

Spy Van, outside Club Ares, Los Angeles, CA; that night

Sarah and Casey had assumed control of the club video feeds, established their audio link, sipped their cheap take out coffee and watched as Chuck and his date Lou Palone engaged Chuck's target, Lou's ex-boyfriend Stavros Demetrios.

"Cool pin. I'd wear mine but I left it in the 80's." They heard Stavros predictably ridicule Chuck's listening-device enabled, very dated pin before inviting his ex-girlfriend and her date to the VIP area for a drink and likely more juvenile taunting.

Casey keyed the his own mic to connect with Chuck's ear wig. "Have the drink, Chuck."

"What was with that pin, Walker?" Casey asked without turning from the monitors.

"What do you mean?" she answered, equally attentive to the video monitors, with as much emotion as if he had just asked her about yesterday's baseball scores.

"You could have put an RK-7 in anything. Put it on the back of a shirt button or something."

"He likes music. It was a personal touch," she smiled smugly.

"Bullshit. We had plenty - I had a whole box of the American flag ones right there - and that was probably the dorkiest one."

"Maybe I had to offset you giving him flowers," she said angrily as she looked squarely at him for the first time. "What was with the rose, Casey?"

It was Casey's turn to grin smugly. What was with the rose was that he wanted to get a rise out of Walker. See where her head was at. Which she had tipped off with that goofy pin before he even gave Chuck the rose, not after.

"Guys got needs," he offered with a shrug as though he did it out of some sort of male solidarity. "You had your shot. I told you we gotta take what we can when we can."

"You sound like a fucking pirate," she mumbled, Casey's words reminding her of the fantastical ghost story movie she had watched with Chuck. She had loved it and there were supposedly two sequels that he said were just as good. Watching them with him was one of many things that wouldn't be happening. Both she and Casey turned their attention back to the monitors where the tedious mechanics of ordering and receiving drinks had just played out.

They both listened to talk of what a fiery Italian Lou was and a luxurious-sounding trip to Mykonos, Stavros clearly waving his money and his boorish 'been-there-done-that' comments about Lou in Chuck's face. Casey smirked at Stavros' next loaded comment, designed to make Chuck uncomfortable but having a similar effect on Walker as it came over the comms.

"The scar is from the make-up sex. She's a tiger."

Casey prompted Chuck to get back on mission, "Get on with it, Chuck!" before turning his attention back to Walker. "Pirate or not, if you wanted him, you had your shot. Now he's got his. You leadin' him on all the time wasn't helping."

"I've just been working the cover," she hid behind the story she had been hiding behind for weeks, not willing to admit that what both her partner and her former cover boyfriend now saw as leading him on was the most real relationship she had ever had.

"And now you're just peeved that he's seeing a professional at hiding the salami over the girl who just handles wieners all day?"

Walker just rolled her eyes at Casey's smirk and his attempt to bait her with his obvious and crude comment. She was surprised he had lasted this long before pulling something like that one out but wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

"Maybe we could all just be professionals, how 'bout that?" she continued. "I haven't had some overwhelming desire to go slutting around, you haven't-"

"The hell I haven't," Casey interrupted. "But then I don't have a cover girlfriend. What do you think I do when you two have a 'cover date'," he emphasized heavily, "and you say 'you got this'?"

"You haven't been monitoring me?"

He hadn't. He had gone out to a few bars near local military bases, mixed with some locals and found a couple of temporary companions whenever Walker and Bartowski were safely tucked away for the evening.

"Not all the time. Not real time anyway. I check in here and there but I've got enough to worry about during the day between him, the Buy Morons and customers without making it a round the clock job. That's why we split it, right? I don't want you compromised but I'm not trying to catch you and rat you out. Sometimes - like your botched sleepover - I just wanna see what's going on so I don't get blindsided. I was going to shut it down when you closed the deal and go out myself but you couldn't bring it home."

"Payne poisoning Ellie might have had a little bit to do with that."

That was true. Casey had been lucky to pick up the cross talk from the bug planted on Ellie but he wasn't about to let her off the hook yet. "Keep telling yourself that. What you do is your business. As long as you don't break him. Now I gotta worry about the fiery Italian 'tiger' in there breaking him."

When that failed to get a rise out of her he continued. "What are you so scared of anyway? Or is it more than just a little mutual attraction?"

"No. And I'm not scared of anything. It just wasn't going to work. He's too smart."

"Yeah, outsmarted himself all the way to deli-girl. Hey, there's that auto parts guy that's always coming to the wiener joint. There's no way he's even eating what he buys from you."

Walker knew what Casey meant. The guy's name was Rick and he was a typical LA gym rat. If he had been eating half of the corn dogs he had bought from her he wouldn't look like he looked. He was good looking, and he knew it, but she wasn't interested in Casey's suggestions that he continued to encourage. "You're available. Take him out for a spin. Blow off some steam."

"It's not about just blowing off steam." And she was surprised to hear herself saying it wasn't. She wondered if maybe she should just settle for that as she always had before. It just wasn't anywhere near as appealing as it once was. In fact, just the idea made her feel the Chuck-shaped void in her life more acutely.

They left it at that for now as both listened to Stavros and his petty intimidations hidden behind an affable air. Still clearly jealous of anyone dating Lou.

"Ooh, you got a small neck, huh?" Stavros' continued taunts could be heard over the comm link.

"Thank you very much," Chuck answered and Casey noted the concern on Walker's face.

"Like a chicken," Stavros continued.

"He does have a small neck," Casey confirmed with a chuckle as he unwrapped his simple dinner for the evening.

"Maybe I should go in," Walker suggested and Casey was about to just say 'not yet' until he saw the genuine concern etched into her face.

"Same bit with you, huh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

This was getting to be a pattern with her, feigning ignorance, or maybe she really didn't have a grasp on her own thoughts and desires.

"You need me to spell it out? Fine. You fall for the guys you work with. First Bryce, now our boy Chuck."

"Bryce was a mistake, and I haven't fallen for Chuck."

"Yeah, whatever you say. And just so we're clear, sister," Casey pointed vaguely to his own chest, "not interested."

Walker just rolled her eyes as Stavros' veiled intimidation continued.

"Have you ever snapped a chicken's neck, Chuck?"

"Can't say that I have."

"It's much easier than you would think."

"That's it. I'm going in."

Casey maintained his surveillance as Walker ignored his protests, went into the club easily allowed in by the doorman and basically made an ass of herself. Psycho stalker worked for her. Maybe he could order a big fucking neon sign that says 'compromised, please reassign' for her to wear around her neck at their next briefing. It wouldn't be much more obvious but it might save some time.

He watched Chuck torn between following his new 'girlfriend' and trying to get back to Yari and Stavros' conversation. He was stopped by security but put that stupid pin to good use flipping it onto a tray of drinks. Good boy, Chuck. Casey muttered low enough that Chuck probably didn't hear it. He was glad he hadn't lied to General Beckman about one thing: Bartowski did always do the right thing. Unfailingly.

The father and son didn't notice Chuck's move or the pin on the tray underneath the caddy and continued to speak freely as Walker rejoined Casey in the surveillance van and donned her headphones without comment from Casey and Yari Demetrios gave them what they needed.

"Four o'clock. Tomorrow afternoon. San Pedro. The package is time sensitive so if it expires we are all dead."

"Gotcha," both Casey and Walker muttered in unison.

Casey pulled up to the taxi stand where Chuck had just been abandoned by his date. Walker's compliments were dripping with sarcasm and a tone of 'I told you so'.

"Nice work, Chuck," Sarah focused solely on the mission rather than the date she had derailed. "We know when and where the package is coming. Mission accomplished."

"How was the date?" Casey teased.

"Is it me, or does our government never want me to have sex again?" Chuck asked and Casey just grunted and nodded toward the sliding door of the van while Walker just looked straight forward through the windshield.

"I thought you were kidding about the psycho stalker angle," Chuck grumbled as he closed the door and situated himself in the uncomfortable confines of the van's rear surveillance equipment area.

"Told you it would be problematic," Walker replied pragmatically. "I had to get a message to you. Think I like being the needy stalker in this scenario?"

"Well, the role suits you," realizing with some degree of confusion that she had never in fact communicated any specific message to him. She had said she wanted to make sure he was okay.

"Shut up," she snapped as she turned back and slouched in her seat.

To Casey's shock and complete surprise, he did.

063: Multiplayer

Maison 23, Burbank, CA, late that night

Sarah retrieved the barely used XBox from under her bed, plugged it in and connected it to her television. She configured the system and connected to the game server. She inserted the Stealth Underlords game she had bought out of the discount bin as instructed, logged into the waiting room and initiated a head-to-head match, the only game currently active on this game's server. She checked her watch noting that her opponent was late and went to wash her face.

They had maintained their signal of coffee purchases on their combined account to provide rough locations and Carina kept sending those stupid LOL Cats pictures to confirm she was OK. After watching Chuck and Morgan play various online games on the X-box while she and Ellie chatted about work (Ellie's real job and Sarah's cover job), Sarah had suggested this untraceable channel to Carina so they could talk occasionally.

Carina had suggested this specific game for some reason and this was only the second time they had tried this. The first had been cut short by a surveillance trigger on Carina's mission and she wondered if something like that was what was keeping her this time.

She heard a ping followed by several other varied sound effects, finished what she was doing and returned to find several messages on the screen:

StiletoWispRed has entried the arena

StiletoWispRed has machine guned you

StiletoWispRed has stabbed you

StiletoWispRed has blown you up

StiletoWispRed killed by own rocket

The other character was now pressed up against her own avatar and jumping up and down. It took a second for Sarah to realize the other avatar was essentially humping hers.

BLackLiLy...whatre you doing?...

Sarah typed her message via the onscreen keyboard and the humping thankfully stopped.

StiletoWispRed...there you are...

BLackLiLy...you know you spelled both words wrong...

StiletoWispRed...call it stylized...

BLackLiLy...prefer to call it wrong...

Sarah teased knowing that, even though some would see three words and others would have different visions of stilettos and whispers, Carina had learned her lessons well. Some lessons taught by Sarah. And there had been more than one occasion when Carina's stiletto had whispered in someone's ear. They occassionally turned to face her not knowing they were already dead.

StiletoWispRed...whatever, love your tribute to alliteration...

BLackLiLy...thought id use something youd recognize too...

StiletoWispRed...not much need, this place is d-e-a-d, sorry im late...

BLackLiLy...not interrupting something am i?...

StiletoWispRed...nope, went out but got in around 3, was killing time playing COD4 and getting owned, dude called me a noob but taught me a little about what I was doing wrong, im totally going to thrash him when I get better...

BLackLiLy...whats COD?...

Sarah was reasonably sure Carina did not mean 'Cash on Delivery'. She was a little surprised to hear Carina had gone out - clearly clubbing until three am local time - and had come home alone. It wasn't unheard of but it wasn't exactly common either.

StiletoWispRed...COD is call of duty, came with this xthingy you made me get, it's awesome...

BLackLiLy...why arent we playing that then?...

StiletoWispRed...cuz theres hundreds of active games, this game was a FLOP widely known as the crappiest online play ever, we play this dog so we're not interrupted...

StiletoWispRed...but how do you not know COD? doesn't your boyfriend WORK at a electronics store? they have those big displays, right?...

BLackLiLy...not anymore...

StiletoWispRed...he doesnt work there anymore or they don't have displays up? its almost Christmas...

BLackLiLy...no, not my boy friend anymore...

StiletoWispRed...want me to hurt him?...

Sarah smiled at that but no.

BLackLiLy...no its my own fault...

StiletoWispRed...he just dumped you?...

BLackLiLy...no, we sort of had a sleepover...

StiletoWispRed...YAY :)...

BLackLiLy...except he started asking about HANDLING assets and how to tell whats real...

StiletoWispRed...not good, before or after?...

BLackLiLy...before, there was no after...

StiletoWispRed...:( well you said he was smart, although he could have blown you off AFTER so theres that, what did you say?...

BLackLiLy...that it happens, that it would mean selling a different story to higher ups tho...

StiletoWispRed...and that you liked him, right?...

BLackLiLy...i implied it...

StiletoWispRed...but you didn't say it?...

BLackLiLy...wouldnt have changed anything...

StiletoWispRed has machine guned you

BLackLiLy...should I have?...

StiletoWispRed...you think?...

Sarah had been ignoring the gameplay itself but now started wandering the massive arena out of a habitual need to see her adversary coming. Carina was remaining silent so Sarah eventually reinitiated the conversation.

BLackLiLy...yesterday I tried to talk him back into dating me...

StiletoWispRed...HOW did you say it, howd you make your case?...

Sarah thought for a moment and tediously pecked out a response.

BLackLiLy...that he was making the cover a problem and I was sorry he read too much into us, then I turned on the water works for his coworkers...

StiletoWispRed...what am I missing?...

BLackLiLy...what do you mean?...

StiletoWispRed...hes crazy about you, howd we get from a to c?, what did you do?...

BLackLiLy...he asked a direct question and i answered...

There was a slight delay while Carina puzzled out what Sarah was saying.

StiletoWispRed...and he bought it?...

BLackLiLy...there was honesty juice involved...

Sarah figured Carina would be able to decipher that she meant truth serum where anyone else would assume she meant alcohol.

StiletoWispRed...so you lied to him, then lied to him some more, nice moves...

StiletoWispRed...i wouldve actually used the words *dating me* to get someone to go back to dating me...

StiletoWispRed...im kooky like that...

BLackLiLy...gets worse, were looking into someone associated with the new girl and i may have crashed the date...

StiletoWispRed...theres a new girl? was it that fast? whats she got that you dont?...

BLackLiLy...shes an ugly little troll...

Sarah grinned to herself, wishing it to be true.

StiletoWispRed...so is everyone compared to you, whats up really?...

BLackLiLy...shes pretty, and short, he probably has to get on his knees to kiss her...

StiletoWispRed...or pick her up hubba hubba, or maybe she likes him on his knees...

BLackLiLy...u r so helpful...

StiletoWispRed...what else?...

BLackLiLy...she met him at work but he had to introduce me as his girlfriend...

BLackLiLy...i didn't realize what was going on until i walked away...

StiletoWispRed...stepping out on you is not cool...

BLackLiLy...no, i dont think he quite realized either...

BLackLiLy...and i think he had already been thinking about what we really were...

BLackLiLy...when i told him we werent going anywhere i guess she had made it pretty clear she was available...

BLackLiLy...i crashed his date tonight because i had to talk to him...

StiletoWispRed...did you?...

BLackLiLy...did i what?...

StiletoWispRed...absolutely positively have to talk to him at that specific moment...

BLackLiLy...i was worried about him...

There was another delay while Carina processed all of that.

StiletoWispRed...back off...

BLackLiLy...what, why?...

StiletoWispRed...you need to back off, youre being crazy...

BLackLiLy...but hes just going to keep dating this other girl...

StiletoWispRed...probably, and?...

Sarah paused and considered before answering.

BLackLiLy...and i want it to go back to how it was...

StiletoWispRed...it never goes back...

BLackLiLy...i thought it was it never GROWS back...

StiletoWispRed...deflect deflect deflect...

StiletoWispRed has machine guned you

BLackLiLy...where are you finding these machine guns?...

BLackLiLy...and what's with the spelling? do I have to see that every time?...

StiletoWispRed...only if you keep sucking and getting killed, told you it was a shit game, ppl hate it cuz theres only one of each type of gun per level...

BLackLiLy...well thats stupid, how are you typing so fast?...

StiletoWispRed...youre not using the onscreen keyboard are you? get one of the auxillary controllers, I cut mine up and strapped it to my forearm...

StiletoWispRed...theres a voice thing but figured that wasn't secure enough, never know who might have a sample from one of us, maybe we could get scramblers...

BLackLiLy...whos the crazy person? why can't we just stand still and chat?...

StiletoWispRed...then you wont learn nothing, and I'm def not telling you where the rocket launcher is...

StiletoWispRed has blown you up

Excessive amounts of blood and gore rained down where Sarah's character had once been standing and she respawned at a point on the map she didn't recognize.

BLackLiLy...thats disgusting...

StiletoWispRed...and this arena is too big for two ppl, youll never find it...

StiletoWispRed...frustrating when your partner doesn't share info with you isnt it?...

BLackLiLy...whys it have to be a big deal?...

StiletoWispRed...for him? would you prefer he not think of you as a big deal, just be a sex buddy?...

BLackLiLy...i was gonna imply we could start there, chickened out...

StiletoWispRed...you kinda implied a lot already, i love you but youre an idiot, who starts there and goes anywhere?, do you think he just wants a fling with you?...

BLackLiLy...im not ready for more than that...

BLackLiLy...not sure i ever will be...

StiletoWispRed...maybe you want different things, and thats ok too, but thats why you need to back off...

StiletoWispRed...and if he falls hard for new girl you get to watch...

StiletoWispRed...and if hes done with you hes done with you...

StiletoWispRed...you have to decide if you want to be someone ur not just to be what you think he wants...

There was a brief pause before the next message.

StiletoWispRed...or you could actually TALK to him...

BLackLiLy...why do i talk to YOU?...

StiletoWispRed...cuz im smart and stuff

StiletoWispRed...and actually dated real guys back when I was a real person...

StiletoWispRed...and to bask in my glory...

StiletoWispRed...BASK IN IT...

StiletoWispRed has blown you up

StiletoWispRed...GIBS!...

BLackLiLy...what?...

StiletoWispRed...short for giblets! thats what my COD buddy told me...

BLackLiLy...fine, gross but fine, speaking of BUDDIES howd your thing go...

StiletoWispRed...low blow, shows your frustration, its unattractive...

StiletoWispRed...when did we start talking about nothing but guys anyway?...

BLackLiLy...deflect deflect deflect...

StiletoWispRed...touche...

BLackLiLy...safe topic, now spill...

StiletoWispRed...he was nice and we didnt get near a bed or any flat surface or stop trying to come up with sex positions...

BLackLiLy...whats that leave?...

StiletoWispRed...surprisingly? talking, a lot, maybe fooled around a little, like i said he was nice, but i dont have to go there and couldnt see the point...

StiletoWispRed...im worth more than that...

Sarah smiled at her friend's answer and the idea of her thinking of herself as worth anything after so many years of thinking the opposite.

BLackLiLy...so you split?...

StiletoWispRed...no, stayed for a bit, talked him through it, apologized for making him think there was a real connection there...

Sarah winced at that, seeing her words reflected back on the game screen.

StiletoWispRed...he was good about it, gonna mostly let him be as long as hes good, not that one guy makes a big dent...

Wow. It was nice to hear her friend talking about a mission like a human being and wondered what other changes she was going through. She'd have to spend more time talking to her about what was going on with her next time.

BLackLiLy...just how many greek ones are there?...

Sarah asked, knowing that Carina would know she was talking about shipping magnates.

StiletoWispRed...lots, greeks have like a quarter of the world, then scandinavians -represent!- and taiwan...

BLackLiLy...your mormor was swedish that doesnt make you scandinavian...

StiletoWispRed...your father was an asshole that doesnt, oh wait...

Sarah smiled before she typed it knowing Carina liked to win her little game and it had almost become an 'I love you' between them

BLackLiLy...fuck you...

StiletoWispRed...TAH DAH!...

StiletoWispRed has blown you up

BLackLiLy...youre impossible...

StiletoWispRed...you cant see me so just know im taking a bow, here ill moon walk for you instead...

Carina's avatar appeared from behind cover, positioned herself in front of Sarah's, turned sideways and walked backward several steps. She then turned its head toward Sarah's digital self, knelt and stood back up jerkily, repeated the action several times quickly, then spun 180 degrees and repeated the sequence. It was stupid but it made Sarah smile.

BLackLiLy...thanks I needed that...

StiletoWispRed...wish I could do more...

StiletoWispRed...hes a puppy, just try to be civil and see what happens, k?...

BLackLiLy...K, still with your coffee?...

Sarah asked to check that Carina was still in the same location as her most recent coffee purchase.

StiletoWispRed...yep, but moving on soon...

StiletoWispRed...gotta jet, watch the usuals for another game night, might be a couple months, and I know where to find you...

BLackLiLy...unfortunately...

StiletoWispRed...his loss...

The message 'StiletoWispRed has left the arena' showed at the top of the screen and an icon Sarah didn't recognize appeared in the middle of the screen. It looked a little bit like...

unknown player has killed you with a grenade

She smiled and shook her head even as she muttered it out loud.

"Bitch."

Sarah closed out the game and shut down the system, contemplating the advice her friend had given. She wasn't ready to make her intentions clear or shine the light of day on her fears and concerns. It had been comfortable existing within the bubble of a cover relationship with a man who deserved more than than she was willing or able to give.

He could have taken what she was willing to give - indulge her (and himself) in a purely physical relationship - but he wanted more. Maybe he was even foolish enough to have wanted more with her. How could she really be upset about that? If anything, she was pleased that he respected her that much. Enough that he wouldn't 'take advantage of her', as he likely saw it.

He may even have still been hers for the taking. She could easily get between him and the new girl but that would require facing her demons. Sharing truths. Being transparent in a way she had been raised and trained not to be. To be someone she is not. Or to lie about what she is. If she could bring herself to think of him as an adversary of any kind, he would be the most terrifying one she had ever faced purely because of what merely engaging with him demanded she admit about herself.

She opened her laptop and her report and considered what she had found in her very thorough background check of the young deli owner. Louise Palone had competed in gymnastics in her youth with no notable success but a lot of persistence, graduated high school with honors, earned a degree in business management and tacked on a hospitality management minor, likely when she figured out what she intended to do.

She worked multiple jobs, mostly in food service, and saved a large portion of her earnings that she had later sunk into the deli. She had a small business loan for the remainder but didn't look too overextended. She hired people with a lot of experience and this first location was so successful that she had secured a second location in Glendale that she was planning to open early next year.

Lou had dated a couple of guys in high school and a few since, with Stavros and another guy that Stavros had apparently scared off being the last two. Nothing that would indicate that she was fickle in any way or dated guys without intending to at least entertain the idea of something long-term with them. All were relatively long relationships from five months to almost two years with Stavros and there was no reason to believe that any of them had overlapped in a way that implied any infidelity.

Sarah was impressed that Lou hadn't used any money from Stavros. Surely, with his family money and need for control, he would have offered. Clearly she hadn't asked. Maybe he hadn't even known. She probably considered that he would have done it just to keep his hooks into her, completely unlike someone like Chuck who - if he had the money - would have offered it freely, probably with his only condition being 'pay me back when you can'.

Lou had every indication of being a motivated, determined entrepreneur with a relatively balanced life who had once been involved with a questionable guy and now ran a thriving, growing business. Of course Sarah was jealous. Jealous of a life unencumbered by lies and death and jealous of a freedom to take what she desired without fear of destroying it. Jealous of a normal person's ability to hold a butterfly in her hand without crushing it.

But as for Lou herself? If it weren't for her current romantic interest it would have been hard for Sarah to find anything to dislike about the woman.

There was a bible in Sarah's nightstand drawer with two pressed flowers between its pages. Coincidentally, one of them - the one she had inexplicably chosen to keep after her first date with Chuck - Sarah had noticed was a commonly appearing entry on flower deliveries from any guy who had dated the deli owner for more than a couple of months.

Anyone who hung around dating Lou for any period of time ended up sending her gerber daisies.

Buy More, Burbank, CA, the next day

Chuck was still struggling to leave one moderately coherent apology message for Lou, "If you get a sec, you can..." when he was distracted by the familiar short skirt and long, familiar but not-familiar-enough legs, "You can call me back. Okay."

Sarah heard Chuck end his voicemail as he stood to greet her, though he closed his eyes and cringed after he said "Buh-bye" and ended the call.

"Won't call you back?" she asked, knowing he and Lou had not spoken since she had interrupted their date at Club Ares last night.

"I, uh... Yeah. I think her voice-mail is broken. It's very, very common."

"I wanted to apologize for last night. I did hear some things from Demetrios that I didn't like but," she closed her eyes and sighed a little - she had told herself she wasn't going to make excuses - before opening them and continuing, "I suppose I jumped the gun a little. I didn't mean to interfere with your date."

She wasn't sure that was entirely true but she was sorry for doing it.

"Yeah, not sure it qualifies as a date when you're bugged with CIA microphones and infiltrating an arms importer, but, hey, I'm new at this," Chuck said with that adorable crooked little half-grin of his.

That was her Chuck. The one who made everything easier on everyone else. He was a little upset about not being able to talk to and salvage things with the foul-mouthed midget but this was him. Sweet and smart and easy going. He might not be perfect - no one was - but he was the closest she had ever dreamed she could meet.

"Well, it's hard to have a real relationship in this line of work," Sarah offered, as though she had any experience in real relationships.

"Apparently, it's hard to have a fake one, as well," Chuck countered, looking at her meaningfully but with an intention she couldn't decipher.

For a moment she wondered if he could tell that it had been hard to relegate whatever was going on under their cover to the description of 'fake'. He was looking right through her again in that way only he could but that he didn't trust. Like he knew her heart or at least suspected something was amiss. She remembered her promise to a dying Ellie - who had thankfully recovered - that Chuck would one day be happy.

She had never thought it would be her who was free to help make that happen. And maybe it would take more than some tiny little annoyingly normal and forthright deli owner to make him enduringly happy but neither had she thought she would have to watch it happen with someone else. At least not so soon.

"Well, if it's any consolation," she began, deciding to dare to admit that very thing - that it hadn't been fake at all - if he was listening close enough, "I never felt like our time together was work. You've been nothing but good to me."

As she turned and walked away, his one thought was, even though it wasn't going to be him, even though he wasn't up to her standard, Sarah deserved someone as amazing as she herself was.

"How could I be anything less?" he good-naturedly replied to her back with a slight shrug, as though the world were overbrimming with honest, kind men like him.

You can't, she thought as she stopped and turned to face him again, that's why you deserve to be happy.

"Oh, uh, gerber daises," she offered, clarifying when he looked at her questioningly, "Lou's favorite."

"How do you know that?"

"CIA. I had them check flower deliveries to her addresses from the last five years."

"Good tip."

She knew from the smile he offered - more at her resourcefulness than the information itself - that with a few honest words she could have him back. As if she ever had him before. If only she could just face her fears. Instead she took the easier route.

But the easier route wasn't exactly easy. Even so, she could do this. She could watch him be happy with someone else. It's not as though she was free to pursue anything, like she wouldn't be reassigned leaving him to the mercy of Casey alone or any ruthless replacement that Graham might send. As though anything between them could ever really go anywhere even if they managed to fool her superiors for a while.

She did the only thing she could do.

She reflected his smiled back at him, just as melancholy and full of regret, turned and walked away.

064: Beneath the Wreckage of Dishonesty

Trunk of Stavros Demetrios' Audi, en route to Port of Los Angeles; nearly sunset the next day

The pin. The God damn pin. Stavros had held it up, taunting Chuck, as he had their arms and feet bound and herded them into the trunk of the car where they were currently riding. She was facing away from Chuck, her back up against him as they had recently laid in his bed but with an unwelcome curtain of anger - and for her part, regret - between them.

This was all her fault because of a snarky little decision to be a tiny little thorn in Chuck's side because he decided to pursue someone who indicated pursuit was welcome. Just that one tiny act motivated by jealousy or hurt or regret or longing had caused Chuck to be discovered.

It just showed how dangerous emotions are in their unconventional lives. They had no place. She had done something that had put them both in danger and she saw no means of escape. At least not just yet.

She and Casey really had spent most of the previous night being reprimanded for the empty shipping container. And they really did suspect Lou of involvement in the smuggling operation. Sarah had tried to stay away but, when Beckman and Graham had asked about Chuck's whereabouts and then insisted that one of them ensure his security, Casey had just handed her a camera with a telephoto lens as she automatically headed for the door.

She tried not to react to Chuck's self-congratulations in the mirror this morning - really, why was he trying so hard to force this to work? He had spent as much time groveling as he had spent on dates with the woman. Sarah was no expert but even she knew that was a bad sign.

She also didn't react when Chuck, whether he realized he meant it or not, basically said he would adhere to it if they said he couldn't date for national security reasons. Most of her said that such a request was ridiculously unfair. A small part of her wanted to say that was exactly why he couldn't date anyone. Or at least anyone but her.

She was a little angry when he seemed to accuse her of fabricating the accusations against Lou - calling it pathetic and beneath her, so certain that she was acting out of jealousy - but rather than feeling victorious about the evidence itself or indignant about his accusation she wondered why she hadn't thought of sabotaging her like that and immediately felt guilty for her pettiness.

It was a little gratifying to leave the photographic evidence of Lou conspiring with her ex-boyfriend for him to review. But it would have been far more fulfilling to have not felt such jealousy when watching him kiss her goodnight at her door. Or to have not felt such relief that Chuck had left immediately after that rather than going in for the proverbial 'cup of coffee'. Or to have not sulked in her car long enough to see Lou leave her apartment and then follow her as much out of curiosity as suspicion.

She was just glad that Casey hadn't spilled the beans that she had taken the surveillance photos and she wasn't really inclined to hear Chuck out when he spoke accusingly into her ear.

"Why did you come in? I had the situation entirely under control."

"Yeah, I can see that," she snapped over her shoulder. If she hadn't come in, Chuck would still be bound in the trunk of a car, just by himself. They had taken her gun and found one knife but not the others. Even though she too was bound, he had a much better chance of survival since she did come in.

"So, I assume you have a plan to get us out of this mess?" he asked. And that pissed her off too - saying he had it all under control but assuming she could fix it - even though her mere presence meant she likely could. He was lucky she came to see what was wrong when his listening device failed and that she was here now to help him and yet he still didn't want to be around her.

"Right now Casey's tracking your GPS device in your watch. A SWAT team will be here any minute," she answered plainly - stifling all other reactions for now.

"Yeah, about the watch... I may have trashed it when Lou was confessing about smuggling uninspected deli meat."

"Seriously?" Chuck was as shocked at how quickly Sarah flipped herself around to face him in the confined space as he was unsettled by the glare she was giving him. He couldn't have turned around like that unbound without a second person in the trunk but she had done it like it was nothing. He didn't think commenting on her flexibility was very wise just then and didn't care for how indignant she was being about him trying to protect someone from a multi-agency sting operation when the woman was just skirting a few rules about cured meats.

"Lou was incriminating herself and I didn't want her getting into trouble."

She hadn't expected influencing him into separating himself from her emotionally would be a guarantee of his safety but she hadn't thought it would be so completely ineffective either. He seemed hard wired to sacrifice himself for other people. She had tried to keep him safely away from her and he still got himself into trouble by trying to protect his stupid smuggler girlfriend.

"Always the romantic, huh, Chuck?"

Damn it. He had tried being that type of selfless supporter for her but little miss spy didn't appreciate it. Or didn't appreciate it from him. Or maybe didn't appreciate him doing selfless things for other people.

"Jealous?"

Well, there was no way she was going to admit that. "It was foolish. Do you really think the CIA is interested in a deli-meat smuggler?"

Never mind that he was interested in a deli-meat smuggler. And she was interested in him. At least until this latest of many spy-related fuck ups in their very new relationship. They were the ones who had jumped the gun over a crate full of sopprasetta and...other meats he couldn't quite identify in their non-sandwich states. He didn't need reminding that he wasn't up to he standard. "Well, excuse me if I'm not Mr. Perfect-Spy. We can't all be Bryce Larkin, now can we?"

This again? No. Bryce wouldn't have stuck his neck out like that. She wouldn't have worried as much about him getting into a sticky situation. Because he was a dangerous, trained assassin in his own right, just like her instead of someone like Chuck. And Chuck thought that meant she preferred...oh that's rich from someone who had been rubbing her nose in the fact that he was dating a new girl who was all real and honest - even though she was sneaking off to meet her shady ex at the docks. Even knowing that Bryce was still a soft spot for Chuck, she was mad enough to spit out a spiteful "Oh, who's jealous now?"

Chuck was. Basically had been to some degree as long as he had known Bryce. And more since he had known about him with her though he knew it was petty and wouldn't admit it.

"Me, jealous of you and Bryce? Never."

God, she didn't want to fight with him. But she didn't want to retreat either.

"You said everything you want to say?"

No. Not by a long shot.

"More or less."

"Good. Now, shut up. You're sucking up all the air."

She whipped her body around in two quick moves to face away from him again and work on loosening the ropes around her arms. A week ago, him spooning her from behind felt like the most comfortable place she could imagine. Over these past few weeks they had come to talk about almost everything and he made her feel special. Now, pressed against her back and her bound arms wrenched behind her, even in the confines of the trunk, he couldn't have felt farther away.

And she missed him.

Chuck regretted that both she and Casey had seen him preening in the mirror this morning. He knew congratulating himself in the mirror gave the impression that more had happened last night than actually had. In truth, he had been referring to managing to turn things around with Lou. Anything more than that would have been a miracle and he suddenly - in that moment - didn't know how he felt about Sarah thinking he may have slept with Lou. He hadn't even decided if he wanted to yet, aside from the pretty-girl-interested-in-me-so-why-not desire to.

He had made up with Lou to some degree at the deli when he brought her the flowers Sarah had suggested. She made him work for it though. Making him take a number multiple times until the deli was empty of customers from the lunch rush. After an exchange on her favorite subject which roughly amounted to soft core sandwich porn she kissed him in that slightly too aggressive way he had experienced on his first date with her that inescapably left him comparing her to Sarah and how, even when she kissed aggressively, there was a soft vulnerability to her that he had always found fascinating and contradictory. Before he had been forced to wonder if it was just some advanced technique.

It was completely unfair to Lou that he had been comparing her to Sarah ever since he foolishly ran to Lou seeking some fragment of normalcy in his life. He felt terribly guilty about it so really couldn't blame her for continuing to test him as she only agreed to dinner first saying she didn't want to be out all night.

He managed to get her to relax over dinner and eventually got her to agree to a movie. He had suggested American Gangster or the new Coen Brothers movie but she had wanted to see the new Tom Cruise movie or something about cholera - which sounded kinda gross. He may have steered her a little when he joked that Tom Cruise still owed him nine dollars for seeing Vanilla Sky in the theater so she, of course, picked that one.

He would have rather sat through the Vince Vaughan Christmas movie. This one was a yawner. One that would have been improved immensely by including actual lions and possibly even lambs instead of the metaphorical lions and lambs of the title. A comment Lou didn't appreciate, which he was sure would have coaxed at least that crooked little grin from Sarah.

He also really didn't need the visual of two soldiers completely out of ammunition committing suicide by Taliban by waving empty weapons at them. Given recent operational discussions with Casey, it was just another possible worst-case-scenario tactic he added to his memory bank.

Lou had stopped him from sprinkling milk duds on his popcorn which Sarah had never done even though he had noticed her cringe and stopped doing it with her. He wondered whether Lou was being deliberately high maintenance or if it was a byproduct of the constant disruptions from his spy life that cause her to react that way.

But seeing those photos of her conspiring with her ex - even though it now turned out it was just a bit of food inspection circumvention and a philosophical disagreement with the FDA over cured meats - shattered his illusion. His biggest reason for dating Lou was that he thought she was so honest. But the very ex-boyfriend she had warned him about - the one who she warned no one wanted in their head - the one who had thrown them in this freaking car trunk at gunpoint - was the very person she was sneaking around to carry out her minor smuggling infractions with.

Maybe that wasn't an insurmountable thing on its own but, having argued with her more than he had dated her, it suddenly didn't seem like such a certainty that she was worth the effort.

And he did feel like a fool. He had drowned his GPS tracker in a glass of - whatever the hell Lou had been drinking while waiting for Stavros to deliver her crate full of goodies - to kill the listening device inside. He had really made a bad prioritization decision to prevent Lou getting in trouble for a few pounds of cured meats while the team was investigating a possible high-explosive, or even WMD, shipment.

Running to someone who was interested just because he was hurt may have been more foolish than compromising the mission by disabling his tracker.

Sarah was right. He really was a fool. No wonder she couldn't take him seriously. He certainly was not cut out for this spy life.

He was not and never would be a super spy like Bryce Larkin.

065: How We Meet Our Doom

Port of Los Angeles, unused storage area; after sunset

There was a good chance they were going to die. If his safety wasn't a priority she could probably save herself but she didn't think that way anymore. She couldn't afford to with Chuck.

It really all boiled down to her pettiness and his goodness. Stavros had noticed the pin and recognized it immediately. Chuck had wanted to avoid getting someone in trouble over a petty charge. She wasn't sure how Bryce had slipped into their argument. Clearly Chuck wasn't completely over the thought that she had once been involved with her former partner and they had fought over other people instead of formulating a plan.

They were oil and water.

She knew Stavros' father, Yari, meant business as he approached with a power drill. She knew from experience what an effective tool it was and she wasn't the one who left those experiences with holes in her. Her training kicked in as she steeled herself and clammed up.

Luckily, Chuck did the opposite of what an agent was supposed to do when Yari said he intended to torture her rather than Chuck and then handed the drill to one of his men. He had rightly guessed that it would break Chuck. It just didn't happen in the way Yari expected.

It was the threat to her that spurred Chuck into action. As Yari's thug approached her and squeezed the trigger of the drill, spinning the bit menacingly, Chuck furiously scanned the room until she saw that pinched look that meant he had found a trigger. Then another. And another. She saw more pops from the Intersect than those he said out loud, picking and choosing what he revealed in an attempt to set Yari's men against each other.

She knew the toll these chained flashes took on him. She wondered how much it hurt. How much he hurt himself to spare her from torture.

A Patek Phillipe chronograph on the wrist of the thug holding the drill gave Chuck something he could use. A wanted statement for a Margos Yeremyan, the man with the drill, and what he had done to a family in Armenia.

"You killed a whole family outside Yerevan. You stole their heirlooms, and you sold all of them on the Russian black market except for that watch," Chuck blurted out rapidly.

"How you know that?" the thug lowered the drill as he asked.

Chuck was letting the flashes flow unchecked. He had plucked Yeremyan's story from a dozen other unhelpful ones. A foolhardy glance at Sarah's stoic face while allowing the Intersect to run free caused it to find its way into his rapid-fire visions.

The hummingbird.

His defenses were down and it was followed by a somewhat unclear surveillance shot of the only features visible through a black balaclava. The shot was discarded as useless by analysts working the case but it was clear enough for him.

Those ever so slightly different almond-shaped, blue eyes and the slightly different arch to her eyebrows. He had studied them enough that he would know them anywhere even without the Intersect. But it was the Intersect that juxtaposed a glimpse of that woman carrying a gigantic sniper rifle after leaping a gap between buildings with reports of a suspect's escape from the scene of a murdered military official from some third world country whose name he didn't even recognize.

He had to abandon that chain of flashes or he could have dug deeper but the last he saw was a graphic photo of the official with a gigantic hole in his chest where his heart once was.

He moved to the other thug looming over them and a tattoo on his forearm have him the trigger he needed. Financial statements and a Europol report.

"Your name is Vladimir Snell. Last year, you were paid $40,000 to kill a man named Leo Koloff," he blurted as before.

This one hit the mark. "You told me we were paid twenty," said the man holding the drill.

Sarah had watched Chuck's face as he cringed from the strain, then watched the exchange as the two men seemed to be falling for Chuck's attempt to sow discord. She didn't know if it was a calculated move or desperation but it was brilliant either way. It might only give them a moment or two but she had worked her wrist ropes free enough to slip a small throwing knife out of the sleeve of her jacket and she was slowly slicing through the ropes that bound her arms.

Her gun was well out of reach on a table off to their right, past Chuck, but she pulled the toe triggers in her boots and a two inch blade extended from the toe of her left boot and the heel of her right. Her legs were bound around her calves and it would require some obvious squirming to get in a position to snag one blade or both to pop the rope. Luckily, the two thugs were cooperating.

"He's lying. He'll say anything to get out of trouble," said Thug Two, the one who had lied about their assassination compensation.

"He knows about Yerevan. He knows everything. And you," Thug One one raised a pistol with his non-drill hand, "owe me money."

An only mildly annoyed Yari Demetrios put an end to the argument himself by casually shooting Snell in the head before Yeremyan could even aim properly at him. "Well, that settles that."

It hadn't been quite enough to set off a donnybrook but it did buy a little time - and a distraction for Sarah to squirm her leg bindings loose - as Yari turned his attention back to his captives. "So. If you will kindly tell me who else knows about our shipment."

Just then another less burly associate of Yari's entered and announced "The package is here," giving Sarah the opportunity she needed to snag her heel blade on the rope even as she had nearly sliced through her wrist ropes. "Berth 19," the new entrant continued as he turned the tablet toward them all causing another flash from Chuck. "We've got five minutes till it expires, sir."

Sarah noticed Chuck flash on the tablet this new man was holding and the subsequent look of terror that overtook Chuck's face.

"All right, let's go," Yari ordered. "We'll just have to kill them."

Then all hell broke loose.

The thug named Yeremyan approached her and she leapt from her chair with a kick of a bladed boot that caught his jawbone, barely missing the arteries and veins just underneath. Casey burst in with likely the same SWAT team they had recruited yesterday for the container search causing a glorious distraction with a gun fight.

She pulled Chuck down and off to the side, out of the line of fire, and cut his legs free first so he could run as he announced what he had gleaned from his flash on the tablet. "There's a weapon in the shipment. I think it's some kind of chemical bomb. We have to get to it before it blows."

Casey heard him over the gunfire and offered to cover their retreat. "I'll hold the fort. You go get the bomb. Go!"

Sarah retrieved her gun from the table on the way out and cut Chuck's hands free just before they exited the building. "The bomb's at Berth 19," she reminded herself out loud in case Chuck needed to correct her, then realized he was running with her toward it.

"Chuck, I want you to get as far away from here as possible."

"I'm coming with you," he stubbornly replied.

"No, Chuck," she had barely saved him out of a combination of luck, her resourcefulness, his clever distractions and Casey's persistence. She wasn't going to lose him again. "You're not going anywhere near a live bomb."

She should have remembered what Ellie had told her about his running, or even how he had evaded both her and Casey that first night - another day, another bomb - as she rushed to catch up to him as he hauled ass to Berth 19.

She was fast. He was faster.

Berth 19, Port of Los Angeles

The crate they found was already prepped for disassembly with its top suspended by chains from the ceiling.

"Here," she tossed him a crowbar from a nearby collection of tools. "Help me out."

They pried loose and dropped one wall of the crate and were both dumbstruck by the sheer size of the weapon, the digital timer showing less than a minute remaining. Chuck spoke first as Sarah removed the cover plate under the timer to reveal a bundle of wires.

"Thaaaaaaaat's a really really big bomb... Okay. Okay, Intersect. Flash. Show me how to do this."

"Did you flash?"

"No. Nothing." He didn't know if there was just nothing in the intersect for this particular device or if he had blown his flasher out or sprained his brain trying to set Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum against each other. Either way, the intersect didn't look like it was going to save them this time. "Come on! Come on, come on, come on, baby, don't fail me now. Come on."

"Okay, Chuck, that's enough. Run. I'm going to try and stay and defuse it."

"No, I'm not leaving you."

"Go. That is an order."

Even if it crossed his mind to leave Sarah Walker here to die alone - which it hadn't - he had seen every Harrison Ford movie ever made. He wasn't going to outrun the blast wave on this thing. When Force 10 was going to blow the dam and realized they had no time left to evacuate before it blew they sat down, watched their own bomb tick down and had a smoke. He didn't have a cigarette to offer Sarah but they didn't run around in a pointless panic. And neither would he.

"No."

"I. Said. Go!" Sarah barked and, to both their surprise, she pulled her gun from the small of her back and pointed it at his head.

"Oh, I see. So you're going to shoot me to prevent me from getting blown up? That's a great plan."

"Why are you so stubborn?" was the question that burst forth from her lips but not the only one flitting through her cluttered mind. She tried to grasp the other questions: Why can't you listen? Why can't you trust me? Why do you have to push? Why did you have to come with me - to follow me - to lead me - to another God damn bomb? Why do you insist that I'm worth saving?

Why won't you live?

"Actually, I consider this a rare moment of courage. I don't know where it's coming from, I guess you just bring out the worst in me."

"And you in me," she responded out of reflex having tucked her gun away realizing this was a fight she wasn't going to win. And like many other things they had said to each other recently, neither of their comments was true. This world - her world - brought out the very best in him. Whereas it had brought out the very worst in her.

Yet he made her want to offer up the best of what was left of her.

The bomb timer began beeping and they both looked over to see that the timer was down to ten seconds. Despite all her best efforts, rather than safely soaring away from her he had rolled all the way down - tumbled from the sky - full speed, head first, into the ground.

For her.

00:00:10... 00:00:09... 00:00:08...

Chuck made a subtle move toward Sarah and thought better of it, stopping and saying only "It was nice knowing you."

He memorized every facet of her face and closed his eyes. Wondered whether it would be so fast that he wouldn't feel anything. Or if there would be a few moments of terror as his mind registered the white-hot, excruciating few moments of pain as his body and hers were incinerated alive or ripped apart by the blast or both.

He closed his eyes because he didn't know whether his dying mind and body would be able to process the last images it witnessed. He didn't want his last image of her to be one of her being burned or torn apart, or in pain of any kind.

He wanted to remember her like this - whole and beautiful and fiery and wild.

His only regret that his last few words to her were out of anger and frustration or a totally inadequate sanitized goodbye, instead of telling her how singularly special and amazing she was. That he had seen some of her worst parts and they did not define her. That if he couldn't have her it was just as well that he die here because anyone else would pale in comparison.

He waited for the crash and the sensation was not at all what he was expecting.

00:00:09... 00:00:08... 00:00:07...

Sarah watched him close his eyes for what would be the last time. Watched the calm come over his face. She wished they could have been more. Wished she hadn't lied to him. Wished she didn't have to maintain this distance between them.

And then she realized...she didn't.

She lunged forward, grabbed hold of his beautiful face with both hands, tilted her head to the left and kissed him as though it was her last act on Earth.

Because it was.

00:00:08... 00:00:07... 00:00:06...

Chuck's eyes popped open in surprise. He clutched her tightly around the waist as she tilted her head to the other side and he closed his eyes and kissed her back passionately. Her gun was in the way and it prompted him to drink in the lines of her face with his hand as he kissed her deeply, trying his best to show her everything they could have been.

00:00:07... 00:00:06... 00:00:05...

Sarah felt his left hand move up to cradle her face. So gentle yet so passionate. So perfect. A life time of lost chances poured into one last beautiful moment.

She reached around the back of his neck and ran her fingers through his hair before gripping him tightly by his hair and pulling him more tightly to her.

She never wanted to let go.

00:00:06... 00:00:05... 00:00:04...

Chuck felt her hand move to the back of his head, pulling him in tighter. Needy and desperate. And he clutched her tighter, pressing her body against his and lifting her up to his full height. No matter what happened next he was never going to let go.

00:00:05... 00:00:04... 00:00:03...

She felt the delightful squeeze of their bodies together, holding her tightly, feeling neither suffocated or otherwise desperate to flee. He had lifted her up so that only her toes were touching the ground - or maybe she was floating - maybe they were already dead. His warmth enveloped her. And she knew, for the first time in her life, and the last, what it felt like to be loved.

00:00:04... 00:00:03... 00:00:02...

He felt the passion or her kiss and knew - knew - she had lied to him. He didn't know why. He didn't know what she hoped to achieve. But this was unlike anything he had ever experienced.

She fisted his shirt with the hand trapped between them and he knew - knew - what a mistake he had made believing her she she said there was nothing between them. What a mistake it had been to break up with her and to push her into the decisions that led to it.

00:00:03... 00:00:02... 00:00:01...

She fisted his shirt and reveled in the sensation of his lips and tongue dancing with her own, both needy and desperate but neither seeking to take control of this moment. She thought of ripping his shirt off of him, she wanted nothing between them in these last precious moments - lies or clothing - if only there were time for all the words and deeds that she had been avoiding...

00:00:02... 00:00:01... 00:00:00...

Sarah was pressed firmly against him - every point of contact its own amazing sensation. She melted into him and he recognized that hidden vulnerability he had detected before. There was no reason to doubt it now.

It felt like they were built for each other and he only wished they had more time to...

...Time...

00:00:01... 00:00:00... 00:00:00...

...there was no time for that...

There shouldn't have been enough time for any of this.

She froze and he stopped kissing her an instant later his lips still closed around her lower lip and, as he reluctantly pulled away, her lip slipped from between his.

He looked into her eyes incredulously for a moment, reassuring himself that she was alive, before looking back to the bomb but she couldn't look away from his neck, his breath heaving and pulse visible. Delightfully alive. She wanted desperately to dive back in and continue.

She looked as well to confirm that the bomb had not detonated, other than obliterating the carefully constructed wall she had built between the two of them.

They looked back at each other and her eyes flicked over his face, still alive and whole and enticingly out of breath and she tried to defuse the situation.

"Well, the good news is, we're alive," she tried to slow her own breathing. "And the bad news is that this is kind of an uncomfortable moment right now," she tested with a slight sputter and hitch in her ragged breaths.

"It's completely comfortable on my end. Just saying."

She saw him studying her - putting the pieces together - discrediting her lies in his own mind. He knew. It would be so much harder now to keep him at a distance to be sure he never did something like this again.

He paused for a moment and watched her face change. If anything she was more panicked now than she was before the timer hit all zeros.

Why would someone who had kissed him like that, now look so utterly terrified?

"I don't understand..." he began as they both looked at the bomb and the flashing timer.

00:00:00... 00:00:00... 00:00:00... CLICK... 12:00:00... 11:59:59...

When they heard the click, Chuck instinctively tried to shield her body with his, subtly nudging her partly behind him with his left arm as he took a half-step in front of her. She smiled at the complete futility and immense compassion of the gesture and then frowned at the implications as the new time stopped flashing and began counting down again.

It was everything that was wrong with the idea of the two of them together. He was the most important intelligence asset in the world. And he was the most important thing in her life. He shouldn't be shielding her from massive explosions regardless of the futility of it.

"It must be a dud," she offered. "The trigger reset to try again."

"For twelve hours? No, I don't think it is a bomb. Something has... changed," there was a double-meaning in his voice and she looked up to find him looking back at her as he continued. "There was a switch of some kind. I heard it. But that's not what I mean...you said there wasn't...that we weren't-"

"What've we got?" Casey burst in - thankfully - and demanded to know what was happening.

"Time's up but no fire," was Sarah's simple response as she backed away from Chuck. "But something else is going on with it. Chuck doesn't think it's a weapon."

"Well, don't just stand there, Bartowski. Get the hell away from the giant tank of boom in case you're wrong. In fact, get out of here. Go home. We have a lot of clean up here and I don't want the tac team or the bomb squad getting a better look at you than they already have."

"Sarah. I think we really need to talk about-"

"You flashed a lot Chuck. I know it hurts," she interrupted and Chuck considered that here in front of Casey might not be the best time.

"No...I mean, yeah...but..."

"Here. Take the suburban," Casey said as he pressed the keys into his palm. "You okay to drive?" he then asked a he grabbed Chuck by both sides of his face and looked into his eyes to check his pupils. A decidedly different experience than Sarah doing the same.

By the time Chuck registered that thought and twisted away from Casey he turned to see Sarah walking quickly out the door. Casey grabbed him by the collar and marched him out to the Suburban, providing a replacement tracker watch and insisting that he get as far from the docks as possible, as quickly as possible.

Sarah had disappeared.

066: Clearing the Air / Message to No One (Day 56)

Lou's Gourmet Italian Deli, Buy More Plaza, the next morning

The door to the deli was propped open for morning deliveries and he stuck his head through with a tentative "Hey," before entering fully and continuing, "Look, I... I know that you are so sick of hearing this, but I'm really sorry if I've acted like a jerk."

"Chuck, I know who you really work for. That you're an undercover agent."

"How do you-"

"That guy Casey from the Food and Drug Administration came to see me, explained that you are an informant."

"Right. My cover has been blown. I'm an agent for the FDA."

"If you don't mind me saying, I'm not sure you're cut out for it. I don't think many cops go around apologizing to the people they investigate. Can I ask you a question?" she paused until Chuck signaled that she could. "This whole time, did you ever really like me?

"Honestly?"

"Yeah. Let's try that. For the first time since we've met."

He couldn't blame her for that. He knew what it was like to be lied to by someone you cared about. He even knew now what it was to find out that it wasn't all a lie after all.

The most honest answer was that she was great. A lot of the crazy situations had accounted for their misunderstandings and probably made the whole attempt at a relationship impossible but she had also never been the one he really wanted.

Now that the veil had been lifted and he knew that there was something between him and Sarah, more than just a duty to protect him and some compassion about his circumstances, even if it was a difficult road to travel, he couldn't see the point in pursuing someone else who, as great as she was...wasn't Sarah.

Maybe he was a little better suited to this whole agent thing than Lou thought because he could see a way to say that without making her feel second best.

"Lou, you are everything that I'm looking for. I just can't look right now."

"Well, thank you for being honest. The next time my phone breaks, I'm going to the Large Mart," she joked with a small smile.

"Oh, that...That hurts."

"And the next time that you're hungry-"

"No, no, no, no."

She just shook her head and finished her thought. "Take it to the Wienerlicious."

"I'm really going to miss the Chuck Bartowski," and he was pleased to glance up at the chalkboard and see it still there. Turkey, Munster, Egg Bread, Grilled, though it was now simply labeled 'the C.B.'

"So am I," she said with clear meaning of the man not the sandwich as she walked to the back room. She should have trusted her instincts. She had known all along that whatever was going on with Chuck and his ex, despite his assurances otherwise, he wasn't ready to be dating someone else just yet.

Chuck called after her. "Hey, Lou."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Secret agent or not that was the best kiss I've had in a long time."

And finally she offered one last, hopefully helpful thought, "She's a lucky girl."

Meanwhile...

Berth 19, Port of Los Angeles

She was numb. Absolutely numb.

Walker and Casey had waited outside, giving hourly debriefs to Beckman and Graham, while the bomb techs did their thing. It was after daybreak when they called an all clear.

The team lead informed them that the timer wasn't a fuse at all, it had been measuring an oxygen supply. Because that didn't sound ominous at all. The sound she and Chuck had heard and the reset of the counter had been the device switching over to an emergency reserve when the primary oxygen supply was depleted.

It was still unclear who had intended to take delivery of the contents but, whoever it was, had killed Yari Demetrios to prevent him talking to authorities. Stavros knew little of his father's dealings, the source of the shipment or its intended recipients but he would continue to be questioned as the government scrutinized every aspect of the Demetrios shipping business.

The team collapsed the remnants of the crate and carefully cracked open the casing of the device. Sarah and Casey stood back until the team hoisted the upper portion of the casing halfway to the ceiling and swung it clear from over their heads.

It was obvious as they stepped forward that what they thought had been a bomb casing contained a body. His face was covered with a breathing apparatus of some kind and intravenous tubes and a catheter made him look like an intensive care patient. He began to twitch and a medic cut between the two agents and the body speaking over his shoulder as he worked to remove the mask that was now preventing the man from breathing.

"Whatever they had him on slowed down his bodily functions. But the respirator stopped when we opened the hatch of the pod. It's some kind of suspended animation and all this would have to be maintained regularly but I have no idea how long he's been in here or how long he's been under."

The medic stepped to the side briefly and both agents peeked in as the man in the pod sucked in a ragged, unassisted first breath signifying his return to life.

Sarah noted the mop of hair and the once-familiar lines of his face and body first. "Oh, my god...Bryce."

While Casey noted the nearly healed bullet wound, not quite center mass, that should have been lethal but apparently had not been the kill shot he thought it had been.

"Didn't I kill him?"

She had stepped outside to get some air. Casey had followed her with a bottle of water and found her squatting with her rear against the wall of the warehouse and her head slouched forward, a curtain of golden hair obscuring her face.

Casey tapped her on the shoulder with the bottle. She looked up as she took it from him, said 'thanks' and laid it against the back of her neck for several seconds before sitting down hard, uncapping it and taking a sip.

Her phone, which Casey had retrieved for her from the makeshift torture room and returned to her earlier, rang as Casey crouched down beside her. She showed Casey the picture of Chuck on the display.

"Let's keep all this quiet for now. He doesn't need to know."

She nodded and took a few more sips as the ringing ceased but a chirp indicated that there was a voicemail.

"Better check that he's OK," she said and Casey moved to return to the warehouse where he had already ordered that Larkin be restrained prior to fully waking and a full medical team should be arriving any minute.

Sarah held the phone to her ear and heard Chuck speak. "Hi, it's Chuck. Of course, it's me. It's me. It's Chuck." she couldn't help but smile at his hesitancy and silliness.

"Look, I...I was just wondering if you wanted to go out on a date tonight," at that Sarah schooled her expression and gave Casey the thumbs up he had been waiting for and he ducked back through the warehouse door as the message continued and she listened intently.

"And by "date" I mean no GPS and no mikes and no chaperones. It'd just be us." Those last few words were laced with meaning.

Just us.

He knew. He knew she had pushed him away for a reason other than disinterest even if he didn't completely understand her motives. He knew that everything underneath their cover for the past two months hadn't been his imagination. And he wanted to see her. To go out with her like a real person.

Her walls were crumbling, her house of cards falling down.

"I'm thinking maybe we could hit up Sbarro. They just named a new pizza after Morgan, and, uh, you know, I kind of wanted to support him. So Okay. Bye."

She listened to his suggestion and the idea of Sbarro naming a pizza after Morgan for some reason was almost as absurd as her situation. She smiled and couldn't help a sputtering laugh that became a sputtering sob and finally a maniacal, sputtering laugh again.

She thought both men had moved on in very different ways. That one had betrayed her and their country and sent the other all of the nation's secrets for reasons known only to him pretty much extinguishing whatever she had once felt for him.

That the second man had given up on the idea of anything real with her. That she had effectively countered those ideas no matter how much she wanted them too and he no longer wanted her.

The first had died two months ago. She had watched as his casket was buried. Clearly just his casket. But she had mourned him. She had moved on.

The second had stayed with her so she wouldn't die alone. And the kiss they had shared had destroyed that deception, any interest in other women, apparently, and any willpower she had barely been able to gather to deny herself from him.

She rested her head against the wall and chuckled a couple more times before taking a few more sips of water.

One was back from the dead and one now knew a dangerous truth about her.

Maison 23, later that morning

She collapsed on her bed and just lay there staring up at the ceiling. Her mind a muddled mess. Visions of two men who had held her close and made her feel special at some points in her life. One who called her special for being like him, a killing machine and ruthless agent, giddily cheating death together. And that had been the basis of an almost frenzied lust between the two of them that fueled an on-off relationship over the majority of the past two years. They were the Bonnie and Clyde of the spy world.

The other man - who was more than a match for her wits - made her laugh. Made her feel special with his words or a smile. A kind gesture or a stolen touch. Or a torrid frantic last kiss, needfully clutching her close as they both prepared to be blown to bits. Together. A passionate embrace and kiss that rivaled... surpassed... anything she had ever known. When she was with him, she felt like a part of the human race again.

She thought about showering before getting a few hours of sleep but she had to get some of this out of her head. Just a week before she had confided to the video recorder of a breakup that was only fake because she sold the idea that the relationship had been fake. Now the truth - at least some of it - was out in the open and she would have to find an entirely different path forward. She pressed 'record' and confessed to the camera lens.

"Day 56: Chuck and I were defusing a bomb today and there was a moment where we were sure we were going to die. He closed his eyes... And I kissed him. I kissed him."

She scoffed at herself before continuing.

"Of course we didn't die," she formed a tight-lipped smile and raised her arms out in a small shrug. "He switched gears from the deli girl - his real relationship experiment - and wants to go out with me. 'Just us' he said. He's going to want answers and I..."

She turned more wistful as she considered her answers "I don't know what to say. That there's a reason that I pushed him away but it's not because I don't feel something too? That it's not him, it's me?"

She chuckled at herself before considering the most significant thing that happened in a day of significant things.

"He wouldn't leave me. To die alone. He wouldn't leave. Not even to save himself."

She paused as she considered that simple, amazing fact. And then whispered it to the camera.

"He stayed."

She was alone in the world. Everyone left her. And she knew everyone left him. Or it seemed that way. He had friends. Probably more than he knew. A small sliver of family. But he wouldn't let her die alone.

The other pressing issue was the last person who had left her.

"And Bryce is back. Back from the dead. In a medical facility lockdown until they can revive him. He's pulled off some great escapes before but this... I thought he was gone forever and I can't quite believe it's him."

She sat quite still for a few seconds.

"I think it would be best if I just avoid him for a while and get my head straight."

She realized she wasn't sure which one she meant she should avoid. Bryce had always had a pull on her and Chuck's was just as strong, if not stronger. Her phone rang and she sighed and turned off the recorder and checked to see Casey's sneering picture - taken by Chuck, of course - before answering.

"Walker." She couldn't be bothered to confirm her secure encryption.

"You decent?" Apparently neither could Casey.

"More or less," she answered, though she really wasn't. She would want to shower and change if he needed her to go anywhere that required keeping up appearances of retaining one's sanity.

"You might wanna get back to the lab. There's been a development." Sarah had seen Bryce into the secret underground lab in downtown LA along with Casey and a four-person CIA medical team. Bryce had not been responsive and they wondered if something had gone wrong with his drug supply in the stasis chamber or if there were any brain damage. Last she saw him they were taking him for a CAT scan.

"What is it?" she asked, apprehensively.

"Your boyfriend's waking up."

Buy More, Burbank, CA, that afternoon

It had been a busy morning.

Chuck had tried to leave another voicemail with Sarah after not hearing from her last night and the Weinerlicious being closed all day. Well, he had actually succeeded in leaving the message itself, it just consisted of some rather unflattering comments from Morgan. She knew Morgan better than most so hopefully that wasn't too catastrophic but he had been having just the worst luck with the voicemail of the women in his life lately.

He had tried to explain to Morgan - and talk through it himself - how the winds had changed with regard to Sarah and him possibly having something meaningful between them. But Morgan had been distracted by an inappropriate by any measure workplace display of PDA with Anna.

He clearly had his work cut out for him in defusing the tension between Morgan, Anna and his sister Ellie, an unwitting participant in this love triangle. But Thanksgiving dinner was a good potential back up plan for when he finally spoke with Sarah again.

He had been planning how to address the situation since last night and continued to do so throughout Big Mike's annual Black Friday de-motivational pep-talk. Big Mike had tasked the training to Morgan - which meant, by default - it would largely fall to him but Morgan pointed out what he had been waiting for - hoping for - all day.

"Hey, relax, Chuck," Morgan said with a smile. "Things are, uh... Things are looking up for you."

He gestured toward the door and said something else Chuck didn't hear.

Because she was here.

She looked a little different. A little tired, maybe. He suspected she hadn't slept much if at all. Hair teased out a little and wearing a very flattering brown tunic thingy but she looked incredibly serious. He moved to greet her in the center aisle but she stopped short so he tried to lighten the mood.

"I don't...I don't want to play Beckman here, but if you don't start answering my calls, then super secret spy resource Chuck Bartowski does kind of go to waste," he smiled.

She offered no reaction whatsoever other than asking "Did you flash on something?"

"No. No, I was... I was calling about... other stuff. You didn't happen to listen to my messages?"

"Chuck, we have to talk."

"No. Wait. Can I say something first?" If he let her speak first she was going to run and hide again. He didn't want to push - not really - but he couldn't let her just wall herself up again before he at least tried to restore what they had lost.

"No. Chuck-"

"It's the kiss, right? It is. It's got to be the kiss."

Sarah was completely unreadable.

"First of all, I know that the moment was very life-or-deathish. And, normally, I would run from a situation like that. You, on the other hand... You, um... You... You kissed me, which was just..."

He read her stoic look and realized she was not ready to talk about this so he moved quickly to his backup plan.

"But the thing... The thing is that I'd like to talk about, is... I'd like to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner, but we need a cover for that, so really, what I'm trying to ask you is, uh... Are we back together?"

He left it open for her to emphasize that it was just for the cover because he understood a little better now that was where she felt safe for now. He had considered every conceivable scenario and was prepared to find a way to get her to at least entertain the idea of something between them. If not right now, then someday.

Of all the possible answers, yes, no or maybe so, he could never have imagined the possibility of the answer she offered.

One that explained why she was so distant.

One that changed the rules he had only just sorted out.

One that destroyed all hope.

"Chuck, Bryce is alive."

END OF LINE

A/N2: Despite my avoidance of social media, I am aware of one of the most amusing things (IMHO) in Chuck fan fic which occurred on Twitter. During the initial run of quistie64's amazing 'Chuck vs the Sound of Music II' (Haven't read it? Go read it! Both SOM and SOM-II. And everything else by Q.), 'Carina Miller' created a Twitter account where she good-naturedly trolled quistie a little and engaged in some delightful, slightly racy back-and-forth banter with her in-story romantic interest, Agent Barstow on his Twitter page often incorporating SOMII story elements.

One of the best things about it was that no one knew who was responsible (I don't know if that's still the case but if I knew I'd never tell). I needed an online gamer handle and KilleRednHeels immediately came to mind so I ended up using something similar in its elements as an homage to the Carina of SOM and her 'real life' Twitter handle. Mine isn't as elegant - they say a joke you have to explain is a poor joke - but that's how I came to use a variation of StilettoWhispeRED as Carina's Stealth Underlords player name! (Yes, that's the fictional game Morgan had an advance copy of in 'Wookiee'.) I hope that section's format didn't make your eyes bleed.

Also, mormor is Swedish for 'grandmother', specifically "mother's mother". Paternal grandmother is farmor, "father's mother"; for maternal grandfather - you guessed it, flip the components 'morfar' and paternal grandfather is farfar. Swedish seems like a very sensible language... thusfar. Nyuk, nyuk. No, seriously, it does...

The Timer: When we see the 'bomb' loaded the timer is at the 73 hour mark (72:58:24 when first seen). The events of the episode could conceivably be wedged into three days but the journey to Los Angeles by sea could not. It would take a container ship approximately one month to get from Helsinki, Finland to Los Angeles, CA, USA. So...the contents of that container must have been 'maintained' multiple times en route, the loading scene was actually well before the events of the episode and those contents have been in there for about a month!

Also, it was nighttime when the timer expired (and was still daylight when they were loaded into the trunk of Stavros' car so it must have been barely after nightfall), yet the bomb techs don't crack the casing until at least after dawn the next day. That 'oxygen supply' must have had a backup and/or the timer was more of a servicing schedule. Otherwise, Bryce would have suffocated before they extracted him (an outcome some might have preferred!).

Continuity hell: This episode was really tightly written in terms of character development but has plenty of weird quirks. I'm not complaining about them per se, they are just interesting observations and I wanted you to be aware that I was aware of them even though I did not address them in-story...

I note in-story that Chuck uses the terms boyfriend and girlfriend pretty liberally for so early In a relationship but whatever, some people do that...

Yvonne's delivery is usually spot on so it always stands out to me that she says 'deli MEAT SMUGGLER' instead of 'DELI-MEAT smuggler'...

The Club Ares event (on an unspecified Friday according to the flyer), Day 56 (the Thursday before Thanksgiving, 11/15, by my count but cannot precede Club Ares) and Thanksgiving itself (11/22/07) define an unsolvable puzzle that was one reason that prompted me to declare November '07 unsalvageable in terms of assigning dates to events...

Chuck seems to say Thug 1 killed a family outside of 'Garava' but I went with Yerevan (the capital of Armenia) because what the hell is a Garava?...

And where did that glass that he dunked his watch/GPS/bug in even come from? Was Lou drinking Yoo-Hoo? From a glass? And she left a sip and a half? Just seriously, what the hell?

Jeff and Lester trade obvious Pat Benetar lyrics: "Heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker don't you mess around with Chuck" yet the subtitles (at least on my disk) - completely inexplicably - say: "Don't you miss the aroma, Chuck?"

They also transcribe Mykonos (a Greek island) as Meccano (think Erector sets). I feel for hearing impaired viewers.

And, not a mistake but most importantly, like Chuck, Tom Cruise does in fact owe me nine dollars for having seen Vanilla Sky in the theater. "Tech Suppooooooooort!" (you probably shouldn't laugh uncontrollably at the dramatic reveal of a movie, at least that's what my fellow movie goers seemed to think, maybe it's just me)

Next time: Bryce is brain dead from oxygen deprivation. Actually, sorry, he's not...