A/N Im soooooooo glad everyone liked the last chapter i was really worried and because all of you were so lovely i and going to give you another!
WARNING mentions of suicide and self harm.
READ ON...
Everyone was standing outside JJ's room waiting for the doctor to finish with JJ so they could go in and see her.
Garcia, Sophie, Emily and Reid were sitting on the plastic chairs while the rest of the group were leaning against walls except for Morgan who was pacing.
"Em…" Garcia looked over to the brunette next to her.
'Here it comes…' Emily thought to herself "Yes…"
They all knew what Garcia was about to ask. Morgan stooped pacing and the others all sat forward a little.
"Erm…Well." Garcia had plenty of questions she wanted to ask her best friend but she didn't know where to start "Erm…"
"Its ok Pen you can ask." Emily looked up from the floor and gave Garcia an uncomfortable smile. She knew this was coming just didn't think it would be so soon after.
"What happened to your legs?" Garcia asked, she really didn't need to because they all knew but she wanted confirmation.
Emily thought for a minute about how she was going to answer "I got into a fight…"
"With who?" Reid asked from her other side with an extremely confused look on his face.
"…myself." Emily refused to make eye contact with anyone from the team or Peter and Sophie. Seeing this type of thing wasn't new to either councillor and if they were honest they were rather proud with the brunette for admitting it and obviously overcoming it.
"So you…" Garcia couldn't bring herself to say it. In all the years she had known Emily she never thought she had that hidden in her closet.
"Yeah Pen, I cut myself." Emily admitted and crossed her arms over her chest as a way to protect herself from her emotions.
Rossi watched Emily and could see that she was slowly locking it back in her boxes and if they wanted the information they needed to ask her quickly "Why Emily?"
"It was a way to get back at myself." Emily wished that that small statement would be enough but by the looks of Morgan, Garcia and Reid it wouldn't be although Peter, Sophie, Rossi and Hotch seemed to understand everything from those 8 little words.
"Growing up with my parents I never felt good enough. They always pushed me to be the perfect little girl to show off but no matter how hard I tried it was never good enough for them." She ran a hand through her hair and let out a shaky breath "I became extremely depressed and when I didn't get things right or I wasn't good enough I thought I needed to be punished so I turned to a razor. Then as I got older they started to…push me away, they stopped trying and ignored me always pushing me off to nannies and maids so I would do anything I could to get my parents attention wither it be good or bad." She quickly made eye contact with Rossi and he understood her unspoken words. Emily hadn't told anyone other than Rossi about the abortion when she was 15 "but they still didn't give it to me and I got so mad and scared sometimes with myself and them, I didn't know how else to deal with the feelings and emotions and cutting was the only realise sometimes." Garcia rested a hand on Emily's knee and smiled at her "It eventually became my life line, my way of surviving and it became my addiction."
There was a few moments where the whole group was quite and thinking.
"How did you stop princess?" Morgan asked gently pushing Emily to talk, he too say that she was starting to build her walls again.
"When I was 17 I'd had enough of the hurt, the hopelessness and the darkness that I OD'd on painkillers. The maid found me in my bathroom and I was taken to hospital." Garcia was sniffing back the tears, she hated that another one of her friends upset and had been broken "I woke up a few days later in a mental hospital on my own."
"Where were your parents?" Reid asked quietly.
"They were too busy working to visit me…" Emily seemed to drift off into space for a second but Garcia taking her hand and giving it a squeeze brought her back "Anyway the doctors told me I had taken enough pills to do the job if I hadn't been found but luckily I had been found in time and there was no lasting damage. So I spent the next 6 months in that place with only 4 visits from my parents. Slowly I learnt to cope and compartmentalise and to stop and I got better. I've relapsed a few times and the urges are still there but I have other ways of coping with them. Something when I think about it, when I look at the scars I feel a little proud because it's like I earned my stripes, I fought the big bad world and I survived. Its just thinking that sometime that gets me through a bad day" Emily wiped away the tears she didn't know she had in her eyes "I had to tell JJ, she needed to understand that someone knows how she's feeling at this moment in time."
"You did Emily." Morgan knelt down in front of Emily "you saved JJ and I am so proud of you baby girl. You went through all that and look at you; you're a big bad FBI agent, you're unbelievable strong."
"And completely amazing." Garcia added.
Emily let out a small chuckle "But you didn't have to hide it from us Em, I think we" Morgan continued and tipped his head towards the rest of the BAU team "Out of everyone knows the damage families and childhood can cause."
"Thankyou…" Emily whispered as a single tear trickled down her cheek.
"Anytime baby girl." The two hugged for a minute and pulled back.
"Why is none of that in your file Emily?" Hotch asked.
She chuckled a little "Because my parents were ashamed of the mess their little girl had made and paid a lot of money to a lot of people to make it all go away. In a way I'm glad because I would never have made it into the FBI with that in my medical history." Hotch just nodded and gave her a very rare Hotch smile.
"Were glad to Bella." Rossi winked at Emily causing her to blush a little.
Just as they were all getting into a comfortable silence the doctor walked out of JJ's room and was instantly met by the group of profilers and councillors.
"Agent Jareau is ok, she's awake. I told her I was going to get a physiatrist to come and talk to her but she said there was no need and she realised what she did was wrong, so I'm going to keep her in for a little while longer than first planned just to keep an eye on her mental state. Although I will still most likely call the physiatrist"
"Ok, Thank you doctor." Peter said and followed the group into the room.
"Jayje…" Garcia walked in first to see JJ staring out of the window on the other side of the room.
When she heard her name being called she looked at the door and a small smile crossed her bruised face.
"Hey…." Tears filled her eyes as everyone she cared about walked in and stood round or close to the bed "I'm so sorry for the way I treated you?"
"Its ok JJ.." Hotch said from the end of the bed.
"No its not, I heard what you said outside the room the other day and then I had a nightmare. I know none of you would hurt me but my head didn't seem to register that and I was so scared of you all."
The team started to get comfy round the room. Emily and Garcia on either side of JJ's bed by her head, Hotch and Rossi stayed at the end of the bed, Morgan by the door, Reid stood against the wall and Peter and Sophie stayed stood by the window.
"What was the nightmare about for you to become afraid of us JJ?" Hotch asked he honestly didn't want to know but if there was any way he could stop it from happening again he would listen.
"Erm…" JJ took a deep breath as her eyes filled with water "I was chained to the bed and you were all there. You had different things in your hands…erm…a belt, a knife, lighter, cattle prod…" JJ started to couch from the strain on her voice it had been a while since she had spoken so much.
"Its ok JJ you don't have to go into detail." Morgan came over to the bed and sat on the edge for comfort, he of all the other people in the room knew how scary and real her nightmares could get.
"You all stood there and told me this is what I deserved then you watched him ra…hurt me." She could say the word 'rape' in regards to a case but when it was about her own life it was like the word refused to come out "you all egged him on then used your weapons on me." Tears were streaming down her face. Morgan rested a warm hand on her leg and to his relief she didn't flinch away. Emily and Garcia held JJ tight as she cried.
After a few minutes JJ's crying stopped and Emily helped her to lie back in the bed. JJ yawned and Hotch smiled and got the internal hint.
"Were going to go JJ and let you get some sleep…" JJ's faces paled and fear filled her eyes "Hey don't worry we wont leave you on your own. Someone will stay with you as all times…"
"I'll stay first." Emily interrupted Hotch not removing her hand from JJ's. Everyone in the room let out a small laugh.
"What's so funny?" JJ's asked.
"We had to threaten Em to be thrown over Morgan's shoulder and be taken home for her to leave your bed side." Garcia smiled at the blonde.
"She wouldn't budge…" Reid also smiled.
JJ looked at the brunette.
"Emily, you should go home and get some sleep, I'll be fine here."
"Save your breath princess it's not going to happen." Morgan chuckled as Emily gave him the look "Ok then I'm off." Morgan kissed JJ on the forehead "I'll be back in a few hours baby girl, try and get some sleep."
"Thanks Derek."
Everyone said their goodbyes to JJ and left the room leaving her and Emily. She looked over that the brunette and smiled the biggest she had in a week.
"Thankyou…"
"For what?" Emily asked tucking a strand of JJ's hair behind her ear.
"What you said and…showed me must have been really hard for you and also for pulling me off the edge." JJ looked down at her lap ashamed at the lengths she had gone too.
"Don't mention it….JJ look at me." But when JJ didn't look up she put a finger under her chin and directed it towards her. When their eyes met she started again "I understand why you were going to do it but you need to realise you're not alone in this. You've got me and Pen, the BAU boys and Peter and Sophie." JJ went to open her mouth to say something but Emily stopped her "And don't say you don't want to be a burden because your not, we want to do this because we all love you so much JJ. You've been through more than I could ever image and you didn't deserve any of it. It'd kill me if anything happened to you." Emily wiped away the tears falling from JJ's eye then her own "you're going to make it through this, I know you will." Emily kissed JJ on the top of her head and gently squeezed her hand She saw a look in JJ's eye and knew she was about to ask a heavy question so Emily stepped in before JJ could "We will talk about what I showed you JJ just not now ok I want you to get better first."
JJ seemed to think about if for a second "Ok…but don't bet this is over with Prentiss" JJ smiled.
"Wouldn't even think of it Jay."
JJ's eyes were looking heavy and she was struggling to stay awake.
"Do you think they'll let me back in the BAU?" JJ whispered with her eyes half closed.
"Do you want to come back?"
JJ paused for a second then nodded "its my home".
"Then nobody, not even Strauss will get in the way. Now sleep, every time you pass out I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack."
JJ chuckled slightly, gave Emily's hand a gentle squeeze before closing her eyes.
A/N... ok now what did you think of that one? was it good? what about the Emily bit at the begining was that ok. oh i have so many questions for you! please tell me what you think!
not sure when im going to have the next chapter up but hopefully it wont be too long a wait. Also ive had a few people ask. before the story is over we will see Alice (JJ/Shelbys mum) and Strauss!
AJ xx