Sorry for the delay in this update. I'm writing as we go along now and real life has been hard work for a few weeks. Hopefully things are back on track now and the next one should be faster.

Thanks to Ari & Erin for their beta services :o)

Chapter 21

Jake PoV

I hadn't slept well at all that night despite the sweet reunion of the previous evening. My dreams were haunted by him; his arrogant face as we'd faced one another across the bedroom, and his body pressed against Nessie's on the bed in which Nessie and I now lay.

Eventually I could stand it no longer. The sun was barely rising as I slipped out from beneath the bedclothes, pulled on my jeans, and wandered out onto the balcony.

I couldn't help wondering if I'd rushed back into things with Nessie too quickly, passions had been running high with everything that had happened and it was easy to ride the wave of victory straight back into her arms – and bed – without thinking too much about where we went from that point on.

As much as I loved her, I needed to be sure that I could trust her completely. I really didn't want to get hurt over and over; I refused to put myself through that. It was time to start looking out for myself a little more, not just laying my heart out like a 'welcome' mat for others to wipe their feet on as they passed over it on their way in and out.

On top of this, my dreams had shown me that I had a lot of healing to do. Even if Ness did manage to convince me that she was sure of her emotions, what I had witnessed – and worse still, the scenes I hadn't which my imagination had taken the liberty of filling in for me – weren't going to disappear overnight. They were etched onto my brain and I knew instinctively that there were more sleepless nights to follow because of them.

"Hey."

I kept my hands on the railing where I leaned forward, but turned my head in the direction of the sleepy voice. My breath hitched as I took her in. She looked beautiful, standing in the pale light of the dawn, my t-shirt skimming her thighs and her hair tousled from the time she'd spent in bed. That bed. Another vision of her with him flashed quickly through my mind, and I turned away before she could see me flinch.

"Hey," I mumbled, unable to inject any warmth into the greeting.

She walked over and wrapped herself around my right arm, resting her head against my shoulder and looking out across the water. I stiffened slightly, uncomfortable with how her touch completed me in the here and now, while I tormented myself mentally with images of her with someone else.

Nessie must have sensed the change because she lifted her head and looked at me. I turned my head and gazed back into the chocolate brown depths I was so familiar with, they were filled with concern.

"Jake, what's wrong?"

Her expression had changed and she looked worried now. I straightened up, twisting my arm free from hers and turning to face her, my left hand still on the railing. I sighed deeply as I looked at her face, my heart nearly breaking as I saw a glimmer of pain just below the surface.

"I'm sorry, Ness. I guess I can't just go straight back to how things were before…" I gestured back toward the bedroom with my free hand and grimaced unhappily. "I really want us to get through this, but it's going to take some work. I need to be sure. Sure that you're sure, I mean."

She inhaled sharply.

"Jake, if this whole mess has taught me anything at all, it's that I'm sure of you."

She seemed desperate, her eyes pleading with me. I could tell that she was genuinely terrified of losing me, and while part of me ached at making her feel this way, another part got some kind of satisfaction from it; it was another tiny step toward being convinced of her true feelings for me and our relationship.

Her eyes were tearing up now as she stood in front of me, her hands out and palms upward.

"What can I do? How can I convince you?"

I gave her my most honest answer, my voice faltering.

"I don't know, Ness. I have no idea what I need from you."

"Then how can you expect me to give it to you, Jake?"

Her voice had risen now and she was almost wailing with the helplessness that she obviously felt. She rocked forward on her feet and I felt a sudden surge in our connection. I simply couldn't leave her standing there upset any longer. Stepping forward, I took one of her hands and pulled her over to one of the chairs that were on the balcony. I sat down on it and pulled her down onto my lap, cradling her against me. As always, the moment she was in my arms I felt complete. Our two separate pools of love merged into one as we touched, surrounding us completely and catching all of my concerns, sending them floating toward the edges of my thoughts where they no longer seemed to matter.

After a few minutes, Ness had managed to get her tears under control and she suddenly sat up straight.

"Jake, I'll show you. I'll prove that nothing happened with Nahuel."

I watched warily as she reached upward and her hand moved toward my face. At the last moment I grabbed her wrist and held it.

"No, Ness."

I became aware that I was speaking to her in the way that a parent warns a small child that's about to do something they shouldn't. I pulled myself up sharply, knowing that she wouldn't appreciate being spoken to like that. I lowered my voice almost to a whisper.

"Please don't, I don't want to see his face anymore. I saw enough of it in my head, all last night."

She looked crushed at my admission, guilt written all over her face as her shoulders sagged.

"Oh God, Jake. I'm so sorry. What have I done to you? To us?"

I pulled her to me again and buried my face in her hair. We both knew what she'd done; that question didn't need answering between us. A more important question now was whether the damage could be repaired. I'd meant everything that I'd said to her last night when I'd said it, but I was still high on the victory of having her back while he'd had to disappear. Was it naïve of me to have thought that it would be possible to carry on with our forever after everything the last week had thrown at me?

I thought back to the days we'd spent apart and decided that no, I definitely needed her. We had to at least try, although I knew for a fact that she was going to have to work hard to regain my trust.

"Nessie, let's go home. I'm surrounded by bad memories here; I want to go where there aren't any reminders."

She nodded and looked almost relieved. Whether this was a result of feeling the same way or if she was just pleased that I wasn't pushing her away, I couldn't tell, because I know that she feared that happening. As if I could; she should understand imprinting, understand me, better than that.

"Let's go soon," she said eagerly, looking brighter than she had all morning. "Let me shower and grab my stuff and let's go."

I sighed in relief at her swift acceptance of my request.

"Sure, honey. Sounds good," I told her.

She jumped off me, pausing briefly to plant a kiss on my lips before she dashed inside.

As I watched her go, my stomach growled and I realised it was a long time since I'd eaten. I decided to go and prepare breakfast for us both while Nessie got showered and packed.

As I descended the staircase, I was faced with Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett was sitting watching TV, some sports round up program, while Rosalie sat leafing through a magazine. She stood as I reached the foot of the stairs while Emmett turned his head from the TV.

"Hey, man," he acknowledged with a brief wave before turning back to the commentary he'd been watching.

"How is she, Jake?" Rosalie asked, stepping toward me.

I didn't answer straight away; I was too busy deciding on how best to conduct myself. I was still angry as hell at her. She was the one who'd brought them here together and then played the doting aunt while God only knows what went on under her roof. I did know though, how deep her feelings for Nessie were and I knew that she'd never do anything to hurt her. As much as I hated to admit it, I was sure that this had been nothing more than a badly thought out plan on Rosalie's part that had proceeded to go terribly wrong.

I just couldn't bring myself to be any more than civil to her, but civil I would be, for Ness's sake.

"She's ok, sort of. We're not so good."

Ok, so I went for civil with a touch of 'frosty'. As I passed her, bumping her arm as I went, I saw her flinch slightly.

"Jake, I'm sorry, really I am. If I'd known—"

I spun around, the frostiness thawing abruptly in a sudden surge of hot anger.

"Save it Rosalie, we all know how you've always felt about me."

My eyes widened as Rose actually looked offended. I held back the guffaw that threatened to escape my lips at the sight.

"That's not true," she told me, sounding affronted. "All I want for Nessie is the best, and as much as you may think it pains me to say it, Jacob Black, I happen to realise that for her, that is you." She jabbed a finger in my direction. "And I told Nahuel as much too. I warned him, Jake, and explained how things were before I brought him here with her. It was never anyone's intention for any of this to end up how it did. I certainly don't agree with the way Nessie let things go, although a part of me understands why she did it."

I glared at her as I took her words in.

"She's young Jake, and she's led a privileged and protected life. We've all got some degree of blame in all of this; it's unfair to start laying it all at anyone's feet."

To my surprise I found that I agreed with almost everything she said.

"Except him," I stated as my eyes narrowed. "I'll blame him as much as I like. I knew straight away what his intentions were and he proved me right. Well, I'm not going to risk losing her again by running out. I'm fighting for her, Rose."

She regarded me for a moment, a look of satisfaction on her face.

"Good," she said simply. "It's about time."

And with that she turned and climbed the stairs with easy grace.

"Chicks," moaned Emmett, his eyes not leaving the screen.

From some distance away I heard Rose bark his name in a warning tone.

"Sorry, Babe" he chuckled and turned to me, winking before turning back to the TV.

I smirked briefly at the exchange, envying Rose and Emmett and the comfortable familiarity of their relationship. Life with Nessie had been uncomplicated once and damn-near perfect. I wondered what had gone wrong; why a visit from somebody who shouldn't have mattered had driven all these insecurities out of our inner selves and to the forefront of our relationship. I wondered if it would always have happened someday even without his visit?

I sighed deeply as I began to make breakfast. We'd never know; better now just to concentrate on making things right again.

As I stood watching the bacon cooking, I pulled my cell from my pocket, checking that I could still hear the shower running above me as I dialled. She answered quickly.

"Hey, Jake. Is she ok? We've been worried sick since Rose said—"

I should have known she'd be in a state about everything.

"Relax Bells, she's fine."

"Is she, Jake, or are you just trying to make me feel better? Because really, I'd rather know."

"I swear, she's ok."

She exhaled with relief and I jumped in quickly with my request.

"Bella, I want someone to go over there and tell him to go home. I know it'll hurt Nessie if anything happens to him, and I can't guarantee I'll be able to control myself if I'm within ten miles of him again." My free hand tightened involuntarily into a fist at the very thought of him.

"Jake, I—"

Her voice was apologetic and I knew she was going to try and avoid getting involved.

"Please, Bells," I whispered. "For me."

I'd never asked that of her, not since Nessie, but I'd always suspected that she still felt some guilt about how she'd hurt me in the past. I heard her sigh in surrender, and knew then that I was right. I'd never take advantage of it, but I was feeling pretty desperate after everything that had happened.

"Ok, Jake. I'll go myself and I'll try and persuade him."

Relief flooded me.

"Thanks, Bells. Trust me; it'll make things a lot easier all round when he's gone."

We spoke then of our arrangements for returning home and promised to stop by Carlise & Esme's house so that everybody could see for themselves that Nessie was ok. I guessed that Bella also wanted a chance to speak with Ness about our past. I hoped that her mother's reassurance would be enough to help Nessie put aside the last of her demons about it.

Nessie walked in a few minutes after I'd ended the call, just as I was dishing up breakfast. She wandered over and leaned back against the counter, hair still wet from the shower, watching me.

"Who was that?"

"Huh?" I looked up briefly from what I was doing.

"On the phone, I heard you talking to someone."

"Oh." I resumed putting the food on the plates again. "Just your Mom, I was letting her know that we were going home. She wants us to stop by Carlisle's on the way."

Nessie rolled her eyes as she pushed away from the counter and reached for the plate and cutlery I was holding out to her. I picked my own up and followed her into the dining room where we sat down opposite one another.

"Ness, just humour them, ok? The sooner we get it out of the way, the sooner we can get home."

She looked across at me despondently.

"Yeah, I guess." She picked up her fork and began picking at her food.

As soon as I'd cleared my plate, she dropped her fork down onto her own and pushed it toward me to finish her barely touched food. When I'd finished that too, I stood and picked up the plates.

"C'mon, let's clear up and get going."

****

For some reason, as I climbed onto my motorcycle my stomach tightened into a knot at the thought of going home. I felt uneasy about something, but I wasn't quite sure what. As Emmett pulled out of the driveway, Nessie, who was sitting in the back seat of the SUV looking as nervous as I felt, turned to look at me. I'd left in a hurry and didn't have the spare helmet so we were travelling back separately. With a quick wave I kicked the bike to life under me, let the throttle out and followed them. Why did I get the feeling that the next few hours would be the calm before the storm?

A/N: Was he too harsh on her or did she get off too lightly?

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