Chapter 21:
Sunday afternoon, Kurt came home from a very empowering yoga class to once again find that Finn had taken up residency on his bed. He wasn't under the covers this time, he was sitting with his knees up in front of his face. He looked up when he heard Kurt come into the room, and Kurt's mouth fell open a little. His eyes were bright red and his face was streaked with tears. Kurt hadn't thought it was possible, but he looked even worse then he had the last time.
"Finn?" Kurt asked softly.
"Do you ever- does it ever just feel like it's too much?" Finn asked.
Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed, the emptiness in his step-brother's voice beginning to scare him.
He put his hand on Finn's shoulder, and Finn looked him in the eye. "I don't want to do this anymore, Kurt." He said weakly. "I can't."
"Sam! Sam you're cell phone is ringing!" Sam heard his mother call from downstairs. "It's playing 'Can't take my eyes off of you!'"
Sam bolted down the stairs, skipping the last two steps and fumbling at the bottom. He grabbed onto the banister to regain his balance, before heading into the living room where his Mom was peering at something out the window.
He grabbed the phone from the coffee table, slightly out of breath. "Hey, Kurt."
"Hi." Kurt said.
"You alright?" Sam asked, worried. Kurt sounded...not sad, exactly. But quiet.
"Yeah I'm fine." He said, and then lowered his voice. "But Finn's not."
So? Good. Finn deserves to not be fine. Good. "Oh? That's uh, too bad." He said, hoping his tone of voice wasn't screaming LIE LIE LIE. "What's wrong?"
Kurt sighed, and Sam could practically see him tilting his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know exactly. He's not totally coherent right now. It's something to do with-" Kurt paused, which only meant one thing.
"Quinn." Sam finished. He bit his lip, hoping this conversation wasn't going where it was probably going.
"Yeah, Quinn." Kurt said. "So, look I mean he's doing really badly right and I just think-" No no no. "I think I should probably stay with him right now, you know?" Fuuuuuuck. "Sam?"
"Yeah, no of course you should. Totally." LIE LIE LIE.
"Really? I mean you're not mad?" Kurt asked, sounding relieved. "Because I mean, we had plans-"
"No it's fine." Sam said, pretending to smash his head against the wall. "He's your step-brother, right?"
"Right, exactly." Kurt said. He sounded distracted now. "Oh, Sam I've got to go- he's on another crying jag. I'll talk to you later, alright? No- Finn not the sheets! They're egyption cott-"
And then he hung up, before Sam could say another word.
"That same car has driven past here like three times." His mom mumbled, finally dragging herself away from the window. "Prince Charming cancel on you, Rosey dear?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Prince Phillip." Sam mumbled, staring at his cellphone. "And he didn't cancel, he just- his step-brother needs him."
"He the big dumb step-brother you hate?" She asked, sitting down on the couch next to him.
Sam sighed. "I don't hate him, he's just stupid. And kind of selfish. And I don't like that."
"Well, can I hate him for you? I'm much pettier then you." She said, smiling widely.
Sam nodded. "Sure. Why not."
This was not good.
After Kurt had gently convinced Finn not to rip of up his very expensive (not to mention cozy) sheets, he'd sat back down on the bed and put his arm around him. Finn had immediately put his head in his lap, sobbing into it.
On the one hand, Kurt was thrilled at how far they'd come as brothers and as friends. On the other hand...this was worrisome.
"Finn, please." Kurt said, not really sure what to do. "What happened?"
"It's just- I've been so miserable. And I know, I know I deserve it for what I did but you gotta believe me, I really hate myself for it. I've been really- just really." He paused here, and whiped the tears off his face. "And I was scared about how Quinn would react when I finnaly told her, I mean duh, Quinn is freakin' terryfing- but I thought 'well at least once I do it, it will be over.'" He shook his head, begining to cry again.
"Did you tell her? Is that what happened?" Kurt asked gently. What could Quinn have done to make Finn react like this? He wondered if he should call Rachel and make sure she was ok- and alive.
Finn sat up now, nodding. "Yeah, I told her yesterday." He swallowed. "She screamed, and cried and I swear to god I wished I was dead. I mean I really, I really wished I was dead." He said quietly. Kurt believed him. "But then...then she got real quiet. And she told me- she told me she didn't care. And we weren't breaking up. Not until after she w-wins prom queen."
He buried his face back in his hands, dissolving into tears.
He didn't blow me off to spend time with the guy that was cheating on the girl he stole from me. That is not what happened. He post-poned our plans because his step-brother was upset about something, and he knew I would understand. That's what happened.
Sam lay on the floor in his living room, throwing a baseball up in the air and catching it, and repeating this to himself over and over. He was pretty sure if he kept saying it long enough, he would start to feel a bit better. He glanced at the time on his cell-phone, and saw it had barely been a half an hour since he'd spoken to Kurt. Just was he was wondering if that was a long enough time to wait before he could call back to reschedule, his phone began playing it's default ring-tone, the theme from "Gremlins."
He looked at the caller ID, then flipped the phone open. "Hey Matt."
"Hi, Sam." Matt said, sounding uncharacterically cheerful. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. We haven't hung out in a while. Just you and me, I me." He laughed nervously.
"Uh, sure." Sam said. "What'd you have in mind?"
"Oh well do you think I could just come over? I sort of have something I wanted to talk to you about." He said.
Sam sat up. "What is it? Are you alright? It's not your uncle again is it? Do you need-"
"No, no." Matt said, cutting him off. "It's nothing like that. It's something good. Well, I mean I think it's good. You might n- I'll tell you about it when I see you, alright?"
"Alright." Sam said. They hung up, and an hour later Matt was at his door, looking just as nervous as he'd sounded on the phone.
"Is your Mom here?" He asked, walking into Sam's from hallway.
Sam shook his head. "She left about 20 minutes ago. I think she went to like Costco or something."
Matt nodded. "Cool. I like Costco...I went there once with Kate's family when I was staying with them. They had free samples of cheese-cake."
Sam smiled. "Yeah, Costco's pretty sweet."
Matt was sort of standing around by his couch now, his hands jammed into that over-sized grey hoodie he always wore. Sam wondered if he knew it made him look about 10 times smaller and more fragile then he really was.
"So, you said you had something to talk about-?"
Matt nodded slowly. "Right- yeah, I did say that." He swallowed, and looked around some more, as though expecting to find what he'd wanted to say written somewhere in Sam's living room. When he didn't, he cleared his throat and told Sam to take a seat on his couch.
Sam complied, and Matt sat down on the coffee table in front of it, facing Sam. He rested his forearms on his knees, which were jittering nervously up and down.
"Alright, so...here's the thing." Matt said, looking Sam in the eye. "I've done a lot of things, these past few years, that I'm really not proud of. Things I wish I could take back."
"Am I one of those things?" He asked quietly.
"No!" Matt said quickly. "Not at all. You're actually one of the few things I don't regret. I'm glad I met you, Sam. And I'm glad were friends." He smiled, and Sam smiled back. Good. "But other things- other people-" He glanced away, shaking his head. "I mean, I think I've basically fooled around with just about every gay, bi or even remotely curious guy in this town and guess I really wish I could take some of that back." He looked back at him, a rueful smile on his face. "But I can't, and that's life. I made my choices, and I can live with them, that's fine. But...I mean, as you could imagine, there not really things that would be so easy for say, someone else to live with."
"Whaddya mean?"
"Well, I mean like say you were dating someone, and you found out they had a...a past like mine." Matt said, biting his lip.
"I wouldn't care." Sam said immediately. "It wouldn't matter."
Matt smiled. "No, right not to you it wouldn't. I can see that...but ok, someone who wasn't you. Most people would care. They wouldn't be ok with it."
Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Matt gave him a look and he closed it. He supposed it was true- Matt was a lot more experienced then most people, and he knew that would bug a lot of guys. They'd be jealous, or feel inferior or something stupid. He nodded.
"So, here's the thing-" Matt said. Sam noted that this was the second time he'd said that. He wondered what he had to say that was making him so nervous. "The thing is, I have found someone. And they know all about me." He smiled. "And they don't care. They don't care about my past, or what I've done." He swallowed. "Or who. And- and that's a big thing, right?"
Sam scratched his head. "Yeah I mean I guess- but wait, you're dating someone? I mean like dating them?" Matt nodded, and Sam grinned at him. "That's great Matt! I'm really happy for you."
Matt smiled weakly. "Thanks- but just, just wait for a minute." Sam nodded, and Matt continued. "So, they don't care about my past because they know that's not who I am anymore. Or, it's not who I want to be. I want to be someone better. And, they do to. So he doesn't care about who I was, and in turn, I don't care about who he was. I mean, it' not that I don't care it's just I get that he doesn't want to be that person anymore. He wants to change, and be better."
Sam nodded again. "Um, ok."
Matt sighed, and closed his eyes. "It's Dave."
Sam blinked. "Dave who?"
Matt opened his eyes slowly. "Dave- Dave Karofsky."
"Dave Karofsky who?" Sam said numbly. Not that Dave Karofsky. Matt just looked at him. Yes, that Karofsky, his look said. "Karofsky." He repeated. Matt nodded, and Sam felt his eye twitch a bit. "Karofsky?" He said again, his voice growing louder. "You're fucking Karofsky!"
Matt looked like he'd been slapped. He stood up, and stormed away into Sam's kitchen.
Sam got up and went after him, feeling immediately terrible. Shit. "No, Matt I didn't mean that." Sam apologized, grabbing Matt's arm. "Please-"
"I'm not-" He said angrily.
"No, no of course not." Sam said. "I mean if you care about him-"
"No, you asshole, I mean I'm not having sex with him." He yelled. "We're taking things slow- he thinks I'm good for more then just sex."
Sam stood there, afraid to say anything. He felt awful. "I did too." He said quietly.
Matt snorted. "Please. I wasn't anything more then someone willing to you. Someone you could experiment with."
"That's not true. You know it's not." Sam said firmly. "Matt, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- it was a shitty thing to say. I just, I don't know. I was shocked, and like stupid. I was stupid, I'm sorry. "
Matt sighed. "It's fine. I forgive you." He said haughtily. He went over to the counter, and pulled himself up, taking a seat on it and looking at Sam.
Sam leaned against the counter across from him, something very important dawning on him. "Wait a sec...does this mean Dave's gay?"
"It's not so bad, Finn." Kurt said again. He wondered if there was some magic number he had to hit with that phrase before Finn started believing him. Maybe after his 394th time Finn would start to see that it could be a lot worse.
"Yes, it is. It's so bad." Finn mumbled.
Kurt decided to offer a sympathetic pat on the back this time. Honestly, he had to admit he'd been a bit relieved when Finn had told him why he was so upset. From the way he was acting, he'd started to prepare himself for the possibility that Quinn had gone on a mass-killing spree, carving the words "Vote Quinn Fabray for Prom Queen" into the chests of her victims.
"Prom's in less then a month." Kurt reminded him. "All you have to do is get through the next three weeks, handing out pencils and pretending everything is fine and then you and Rachel can be together without feeling like you're going to hell for it."
Finn shook his head. "I can't do it anymore, Kurt. I won't."
He'd been saying things like that on and off for the past hour, and everytime he did Kurt felt a knot twist itself inside his gut. "You have to. What other option do you have?"
Finn lifted his head up out of his knees, and looked Kurt in the eye. Well, Kurt looked into Finn's eyes...he couldn't be sure if Finn was looking back into his. The eyes Kurt saw were dead and lifeless, tired beyond belief. It was horrible.
"Finn, sweetie." Kurt began softly. "Please realize that what I am about to do is because I love you, and want the best for you."
Before Finn could ask what he meant, Kurt had reached his hand back and smacked him smartly across the face.
Finn gasped, more in shock then in pain, and rubbed his cheek. "What the hell was that for?"
"Finn, you've got to stop this right this instant." Kurt said, getting up off the bed. He stood with his hands placed firmly on his hips. "Because you're freaking me out. Look, for the 20, 000th time: it's not that bad. It's not great, but it's survivable. You will get threw it. Want to know why? Because this is your fault. You messed up, and now you can either drown in said mess, or you can start cleaning up." Finn looked at him, slightly hurt that he was yelling at him, but seeming signifigantly less dead then he had a few minutes ago. "What's it going to be?"
Finn frowned. "Can I have a few minutes to think about it?"
"Life waits for no one, Finn!" Kurt bellowed.
"How long have you been dating for?" Sam asked, still trying to get his head around the whole Dave being gay thing. That was so weird...Did Kurt know? He needed to tell Kurt. Shit this made the whole Dave bullying him so much more disturbing. And yet, it explained a lot.
"A couple weeks." Matt said, smiling a little to himself. "Feels like longer- in a good way."
Sam nodded. Alright, he definitely wanted to be happy for Matt, because Matt was obviously happy. But...but Dave. It was just- weird.
"That's good. That you're happy. I'm happy. For you, I mean." He said, trying to put a bit of enthusiasm in his voice. It didn't work.
"Yeah? I mean, obviously you're not really happy about Dave, but if you're lying to spare my feelings that means you want to be ok with it, right?"
"Uh- I guess."
Matt beamed. "Great. That's all I ask, that you give Dave a chance. Because really, he's really sorry. I mean, so sorry. And he likes me, Sam. He really does." He bit his lip, blushing. Matt was blushing. The world was upside down. "And I like him. A lot."
"Eeeh- good? I mean, really it's good. It's just weird for me to grasp right now, but yeah I do really want to be ok with it. And I really am happy that you're happy. I want you to be happy. And if Dave makes you happy..." He trailed off, trying to keep from cringing. Luckily, Matt didn't seem to notice.
Matt nodded. "Yeah, he makes me happy. I don't know, it's weird...like I mean, we don't have a lot in common." He smiled, and scratched his head a bit. "At first it didn't seem like we had anything in common. He's into sports, and the outdoors and movies about guys that get so drunk they don't remember anything the next morning- that's acutally the plot of a lot of movies, by the way."
Sam grinned. "I know."
Matt looked perplexed. "Why is that interesting? I mean, why is a group of guys trying to figure out what they did the night before a compelling plot? I don't get it. And Dave won't explain it to me, he just laughs and kisses me and tells me I'm funny or cute or something." He shook his head. "But I'm getting side tracked. My point is, even though he's not into things like art, or films that examine the existential crisis forced upon residents of suburbia, it doesn't matter. Because I don't know, he just...gets me or something." He smiled, looking embarrassed. "That sounds so stupid, but it's true."
Sam nodded. "I know what you mean, don't worry. Sometimes Kurt talks about like fashion, and I just have no idea what he's saying, but it doesn't matter 'cause he looks so happy when he's talking about it that I could listen forever. And I don't know, I just feel like he understands me, which is totally unfair because he's always such a mystery to me. I'm not even sure what colour his eyes are, to be honest."
"Glasz." Matt said.
"What?"
Matt smiled. "His eyes, they're like a not quite blue, not really grey colour right? That's called 'glasze.' I use it a lot when I'm painting stormy skies, or the ocean. It's a great colour."
Sam smiled and nodded. "Right. Glasz."
Matt left Sam's house around 6:00, and began walking down his street, humming to himself. After a few blocks he began singing.
"Going out of my head over you, out of my head over you," He sang quietly, thinking of Dave.
Of course.
"Out of my head- day and night, night and day and night, wrong or right..."
As he sang, he became aware that he was being followed. Someone had been behind him for at least two blocks now. He glanced quickly over his shoulder, at the large figure behind him, and quickened his pace.
So did the person behind him.
He was by the woods now, not too far from Dave's house and he considered turning into them as the person behind him began to run. He began to run too, but they were faster.
He knew he couldn't outrun him, and he slowed to a jog as they caught up. He'd expected him to grab him, but instead he found himself being tackled to the ground and then rolling down into the woods beside them.
Conveniently, his attacker had wrapped his arms around him as they fell, and as such he wasn't hurt in the least.
"Help! I'm being attacked!" He screamed. "Help I'm-"
"Would you shut up?" Dave hissed, clamping a hand over his mouth. He grinned at him. "Someone's going to hear you, and I'm going to get arrested!"
Matt giggled, as Dave propped himself up on his elbow, hovering over him a bit. "You did attack me."
"Only because someone was being an idiot." He teased, picking a leaf out of Matt's hair. "Why'd you speed up?"
Matt shrugged. "I have no idea. I'm sick?"
Dave shook his head, leaning in to kiss him. "Damn right you are."
Matt tilted his chin up, kissing him back. He breathed in, taking in the familiar smell of Dave (his shampoo, his aftershave) as well as the scent of the forrest around them. Matt could have lain there forever, kissing Dave on the ground in the woods. He wished he could.
Dave pulled back slowly, grinning apologetically. "If we stay like this, I'm going to crush you." He said, rolling off of him and sitting up.
Matt sat up as well, and leaned against Dave's arm. "To die by your side is such a beautiful way to die." He said quietly.
Dave sighed. "I really don't like that song."
"S'beautiful." Matt insisted, as Dave wrapped his arm over his shoulder.
"I really don't like that you think that." Dave looked down at him with raised eyebrows, and Matt shrugged. "Alright, moving on...how'd it go with Sam?"
"Well, I think. He wasn't too happy about it at first, but I think deep down he can tell you're different. Happier, calmer etc etc."
"Yeah, I wonder why that is." Dave mused. He grinned at him, and leaned down to give him a quick kiss.
Matt smiled and licked his lips before he continued. "It was only after he calmed down that he realized this meant you were gay. Now that was hard for him to digest. He just kept asking me if I was sure or not."
Dave laughed. "What'd you tell him?"
"That I was pretty sure, but I'd get you to give me another blow job, just to be %100."
"Get out." Dave said, giving him a playful shove.
Matt giggled, and lay back down on the leaves around them. "You'll never know."
Dave lay down on his side, next to Matt. "But he's ok with this? Sam, I mean."
"Mmm-hmm. I think he's happy I finally found my very own Prince Charming."
Dave snorted, turning and lying down on his back.
"What's so funny?" Matt asked, switching positions with Dave and propping himself up on his elbow now.
"Um, I don't think anyone is looking at me and thinking 'Prince Charming.'" He said, shaking his head.
"I am." Matt whispered, resting his head against Dave's shoulder.
"The one from 'Beauty and the Beast' maybe." Dave mumbled.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Well, for starters, he was a beast."
Matt shook his head. "No, he wasn't. He seemed like a beast, because of the way he acted, but in the end it turns out he was really a prince in disguise." Matt kissed him on the cheek, his eyes twinkling a bit. "Besides, he was by far the most interesting. He got to be an actual character in his story, not just some cookie-cutter shmuck who comes along in the end so the Princess can live happily ever after. He wasn't perfect, and he had a lot of issues to over come which is why at the end when he's revealed to be the real Prince that he was, he's more amazing then any of the others ever were."
"Still, in the end it's a girl he's with, and who wants that?" Dave joked, pulling Matt onto his chest. He brushed a peice of his hair off his face, and Matt leaned in to kiss him.
"Well we'll just have to write our own ending, won't we?" He said, settling his chin on Dave's chest and looking at him. "So instead, in the end when Belle says she loves him and he turns back into a prince, instead of kissing her he gives her a hug."
"And says, 'Gee, thanks Belle! I love you too, you've been such a good friend.'" Dave added.
"And then he goes and runs off with his boyfriend, who had been spending his time in the the enchanted castle living as a mop. But the spell's broken now, and they can be together." Matt smiled brightly. "And I present to you, 'The Beast and the Mop.'"
Dave laughed, and wrapped his arms over Matt. "'The Beast and the Mop?'" He laughed again, ruffling Matt's hair. "That's friggin' perfect."
Matt nodded, still smiling as he pressed his lips against Dave's.
A/N: Uh, I don't know if anyone reading this doesn't know what Costco is, but just in case- it's this huge superstore where they sell EVERYTHING and in like bulk. Like you can get giant boxes of cereal, for awesome prices. They usually have free-samples of the food they sell. It's cool.