A/n:

Dib finally owns up.. but how will Zim react? Read on to find out.

This is my final update for tonight... I've done a lot today.

Chapter 21

Dib's P.O.V

I still couldn't work out what had gone wrong.

One minute we'd been sitting and having fun, then Zim got up to go to the restroom and when he'd come back he yelled in my face about me making him feel weird.

That had confirmed to me that he didn't understand affection or love... but it did hurt. I couldn't help it. I was falling in love with him and he didn't understand why.

So that was why he had taken it out on me. Because he didn't understand.

I sighed, and wiped away a few tears in the corner of my eyes. As I stepped out of Bloaty's, I felt rain hit me. Rain... shit!

Zim!

I hoped he was okay... wherever he'd run off to. I figured he must have gone back to his base. I pulled my umbrella from my backpack and opened it, holding it up over my head. I started for his base, but then it occurred to me. Of course that was the most obvious place he'd go, but he was smart. I had a feeling it would be a waste of a trip going there as Zim probably already knew that would be the first place I'd look and went someplace else. Defeated and sad, I trudged home. The rain pelted down even harder. By now all the stupid kids out for Halloween had run home, or under shelter. I was glad. The screaming was annoying. Fate really had it in for me today.

My heart felt heavy as I opened up the door, and pulled off my wet coat. I threw the umbrella down and went into the living room to find Gaz watching TV. She turned and grinned at me.

"Hey... you don't look too happy." She commented. "Bad day?"

"Shit day."

"Not surprised," she replied. "People can only stand you for so long."

I hissed at her. "What would you know."

"More than you."

I clenched my fists, trying not to get angry with her. She really knew how to flare my nerves.

"I saw that commotion with Zim... after skool," she continued. "What was that about?"

"Not like you'd care."

"I don't... I just thought it would be interesting to see how you'd cope with Zim dying and all."

I whipped my head up and gave her the worst glare I could muster.

"ZIM ISN'T DEAD!"

She laughed a little. "No, I know... you saved him... right? Big superhero Dib. Do you feel proud?"

I snarled. She was starting to get to me.

"Seems odd the way you've been lately... you like him, don't you? You're turning queer. I always knew you would..."

"S-SHUT UP!"

"I think you love him... an alien. You're in love with him. You're becoming a fag, heh."

I tried not to let her get to me, but she did. After all that happened with Zim today... my feelings... my lust... my emotions... she was getting to me... she was breaking me.

"SHUT UP! WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY? NOT LIKE YOU GIVE TWO SHITS!"

She looked a little shocked. Probably because I'd never yelled back at her before. She was so used to treating me like shit that she thought I'd never retaliate. For years I'd been her punching sack. Fuck that.

I slammed my fist into a nearby wall in anger, before storming upstairs to my bedroom.

The first thing I was greeted with after the door slammed was another beeping message on my computer. Wiping away frustrated tears, I calmed myself a little and went over to check it.

Agent Mothman,

I am writing to inform you that the Eyeballs have revoked your membership. There was been limited to no activity or response from you. There is rumour that you are keeping footage from the network. Actions will be made if you do not present your promised/archived footage. The Eyeball Network does not tolerate incompetence.

Agent Darkbooty.

"FUCK! GOD DAMN IT!" I roared, kicking at my desk. Those bastards!

I no longer had an interest in that stupid organization! I loved Zim... I didn't want him dead. These greedy bastards were going to try and get that footage! That's all they gave a damn about! Some accomplice Darkbooty had been! Screw him! Screw them all!

I sat down at my computer and wrote back to them.

Dear Eyeballs,

I hereby resign from the Swollen Eyeball Network. I have no promised footage, and any footage I have has been deleted. There was never an alien.

Mothman.

I sniveled angrily as I hit send. I was going to have to get rid of any footage I had.

I pulled up the archives I had of every single video I had ever recorded of Zim over the past five years. There were two hundred and six videos. A lot... too much. I hit ctrl A and selected them all and was about to hit delete when my hand slipped and I ended up accidentally opening the last video. It was the one of Zim on the couch with the pig. I felt my heart wrench. No... no, I couldn't keep this... I had to delete it for Zim's safety. If those bastards got their hands on any of this footage, they'd track down Zim and capture him... kill him.

My heart wrenched painfully. I selected all of the videos again and hit delete. The confirmation box showed. Yes.

I hit the ok button and the videos disappeared. I opened up the recycle bin and emptied it. Gone.

Five years of work gone.

I stared for a moment, having slight regrets, but what was done was done. Zim was too important to me. I couldn't lose him... not now... not after five years.

I closed the message and turned off my email screen. The screen behind it showed my camera feed in the garage. The one I used to monitor Tak's ship stashed away in my garage. It was dark in there because of the rain and the low amount of light. I stared at it for a moment before sitting down on my bed, pushing my head into my hands.

What a horrible day.

I had felt so good before, but now I just felt like crap. It had started out so good... and then Zim had accused me like that... and now this shit from the Eyeballs... and on top of that my own sexual frustration and feelings...

I felt so stressed out.

But one thing bothered me the most. Zim.

What if he didn't like me in the way I liked him? What if he only saw me as a friend and nothing more than that? I lusted him. I wanted him... as something more than a friend. Hell... I couldn't deny myself of it anymore.

I loved him. I was falling for him! I'd loved him for the past three months! I'd been juggling my feelings for him around and telling myself that I didn't love him... I didn't like him. But it was just me lying to myself. For at least three years I'd told myself I was straight. That I liked girls... and it had only taken not even two minutes for me to admit to myself that I was gay and that I was falling in love with Zim. Man, I was so screwed up. But I couldn't hide my feelings anymore. It was just too much to bottle up. If I kept it inside of me, it would destroy me.

Zim seemed like the only thing that mattered to me anymore. Gaz didn't. My dad certainly didn't. Zim. Just Zim.

He made my life worth living... and if he rejected me... I...

I sighed. I felt no point in being here if he rejected me. I'd devoted five years of my life to him. I would devote many more. Zim was my all. He was everything to me.

Zim was like a Godsend after mom had gone.

I needed him. I needed him so much.

I was jolted out of my thoughts for a moment or so when a bolt of lightning flashed and illuminated my bedroom. It had also illuminated the garage on the CCTV feed on my computer. And during that brief moment, I had spotted something lying in the cockpit of Tak's ship!

What the fuck?

I leapt off my bed, claiming my baseball bat. The last thing I needed was an intruder. I bolted down stairs, ignoring Gaz as I rushed out into the rain and around to the garage. Creeping in slowly, I approached the ship. Another flash of lighting and I saw that there was definitely something in there. I raised the bat, ready to strike.

"HEY! GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!" I roared.

The figure bolted upright and leapt out of the cockpit. It bolted for the garage entrance, but I blocked its path. Curse this weather! It was hard to see what it was. It was no help that the stupid garage light had blown up a few weeks back. I had been working on the ship and it had blown. Of course, there hadn't been any spares and I hadn't had the time to purchase another. I bottled down my frustration and slammed my hand onto the door release. The garage door shut before the intruder had a chance to get out. I raised the bat a little higher and approached the intruder, ready to beat the living daylights out of them for trespassing and discovering MY alien spaceship. They tried to get around me, but I blocked them at every turn.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" I roared. "TRESPASSER!"

I felt my anger flare up. I backed the trespasser into a corner between the door and the wall and was just about ready to swing when another flash of lightning illuminated the garage. I raised the bat right back and was in the middle of starting to swing when the trespasser cried out.

"DIB! NO!"

That voice... it couldn't be...

I dropped the bat. Another flash of lighting lit up the garage.

Oh God...

I'd just been about to hit Zim. The trespasser was Zim.

I shook. I felt guilt flood though me... I should have looked. Oh God...

"I'm so sorry Zim..." I cried out, running to him and pulling him into a hug. I could feel him quivering badly. All my fault.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know it was you... I'm sorry..."

I could feel him sigh under me. "It is fine, Dib-friend."

"No, no it's not. I was just about to bash you up!"

"I shouldn't have come in here... but... Zim... was running... I didn't know it was your garage, Dib! It was raining too heavy to leave and I haven't bathed in paste! Zim is sorry!"

"Don't apologize... it's my fault... I-I didn't explain. I know why you're angry..."

He pulled back from me and in the dim light I could just barely make out his gaze.

"Why Zim is angry? Zim is not angry Dib... just, very confused. At this weirdness. At the pain... in my belly. I get it around you, and I do not know why..."

"You ran off before I could explain..." I said softly.

He was quiet.

"Come on Zim... you can come inside..."

I took off my coat and threw it over him, opening up the garage. I ran with him back into the house, and completely ignored Gaz as I brought the alien up to my bedroom. Once inside, I locked the door behind us and took the coat away from him before any of the water drops burned his skin. He looked at me.

Still in that costume... only now he didn't look like the badass devil I'd seen step into the classroom this morning. He looked scared... hurt.

Lost.

"Zim..."

He sat down on my carpet, before looking up at me.

"Why... why do you make Zim feel this way?" he spoke a moment or so later. His tone wasn't one of demand, but instead was soft, with a hint of curiosity.

"Because Zim... I... I think... you might feel the same way about me as I do you."

"Do you... refer to the 'more than' thing?"

More than? Oh. More than a friend. Right.

I nodded.

"Zim... I... I'm falling in love with you. I..." I sighed, swallowing a little. "I love you, Zim."

He was quiet for a moment. I shook, dreading his reaction. What if he rejected me... what if...

"Eh?"

I'd never wanted to hit my forehead so hard in my life. Instead, I drew in a deep breath.

"Zim... you mean a lot to me. The world, possibly. I... I can't live without you... not anymore, anyway. Love is a bond... between two people. It means they want to be together. They care about each other... the bond is special and cannot be broken... two halves become whole..." my voice was so shaky as I said this. Honestly, I was terrified of how he'd react.

He frowned and I felt my heart drop down into my stomach. Was that good? Or was it bad?

"Love... so, is love this hurty feeling Zim has been feeling in his squeedily-spooch?"

I shrugged. I really had no answer to that. Only he could tell me, but he still didn't understand. I tried to make him understand the feeling in the way I did. Perhaps that would help, if slightly.

"Well... my heart hurts around you. I feel like... I need you. All the time. Is that how you feel?"

It seemed like forever before he answered me.

"Zim... thought it was friendship. But perhaps... it is this love after all."

I felt my heart leap. "Zim... I... I know I said we should be friends... but, I can't hold back anymore. It's just too much... it's been eating at me for the past three months."

His eyes widened. "Three months?"

I nodded, before going over to him. "I love you Zim..."

I stared into his eyes, waiting for a response. He closed his eyes. I held my breath.

"I... Zim... is still confused, Dib... I... I need to think."

What? What the... what the fuck?

"W-what ? Still?"

He nodded. "I am sorry, Dib-friend. Just... a little more time." he gave me a small smile, while I felt my insides shatter like glass.

He stood up. I couldn't look at him.

"Dib-friend?"

"..."

"I will see you tomorrow, okay? I... can Zim, use your un-brelly-ya?"

I couldn't answer him.

"...Bye Dib-friend..."

I hardly noticed as he left the bedroom. I didn't even hear the door shut downstairs.

I still didn't know. I wouldn't till tomorrow. There was a possibility I wouldn't ever know. Perhaps I was just getting my hopes up and wasting my time.

But I remembered my mother's words.

'Never stop trying until you know can say the answer yourself.'

Her sentence had always confused me. But now, I understood it. As clear as the remanents of shattered glass inside of me.

Zim hadn't given me an answer. All he needed was a little more time. I wasn't sure how long... or when he'd have an answer, but all I could do was give him that time.

After all, that answer would be the one that would either make us.

Or break us.