Machi scowled at the debacle before her. It was the kitchen again, messy as what had Danchou's previous kitchen had been every time Nobunaga or Phinx tried to do feed or poison everyone.
From what looked like, Phinx was kneading some dough, if that gray clay truly was a dough and if it really was edible. And Nobunaga while he's cooking generally improved by some bland taste bud standards, was still messy when it comes to tending the kitchen.
"Oh you're here!" Shalnark smiled as he handed her some beer.
"I'm here to get the food." Declining the beverage, she waved off the beer and continued.
"Something edible." She eyed both Phinx and Nobunaga.
"Nah, I'm doing bread as stocks. Nobu's doing the food for today." He pointed his flour covered finger at the samurai who's still grilling some meat, smoke emanating from it. The smell was pleasant.
"Not done yet, still raw on the inside." He shouted.
She had a feeling Nobunaga's trying to impersonate someone with that 'raw' statement but she let it slide.
"Still not wanting some beer?" Shalnark opened a bottle and sipped, along with her leaning against the wall as they watch he two men work.
"Need some ice." Feitan mumbled, as he poured the contents of his bottle to a glass.
"Ice." He repeated.
"Ya got some hands man, get it from the fridge." Phinx said as he kneaded the 'dough' rather calculatingly.
Without a word, Machi saw the diminutive man open the fridge, and remembered belatedly that due to his height he would be needing to either jump or tiptoe to reach the ice inside the freezer.
Shalnark, remembering this, offered to be the one to get some ice. "Oh I need some ice too!" he cooed.
Feitan, glared but allowed Shalnark to reach the ice container and put some on his glass.
"I want this ice cold!" The sandy haired man chirped.
Machi only rolled her eyes, and stood quietly waiting for the food to be done and what not.
"Hey I heard the kids are here too. Would they happen to plan to eat together?" Nobunaga piped as he checked the meat on the griller.
"Not sure, Danchou only asked me to fetch the food."
"Hm, maybe I'd just have it made together so you can deliver them at once."
"I only have two hands." Machi stated
"Oh! Machi, we have this thing called 'Tray'." Phinx answered for Nobunaga while wiggling both of his index and middle finger probably to imitate the 'quote' sign on the tray word.
"Oh no you didn't~!" that was Shalnark, followed by his horrified gasp.
Machi hissed, these mongrels better be thankful I haven't castrated them yet!
"Am just joking!" Phinx raised his hands in the air with flour spreading in the air by the action.
"I'll deal with you once you're done." It was a warning, and she hoped they would be praying to the gods if they have one that she'd have mercy on them.
"Didn't know you had a penchant for dying early Phinx." Feitan snickered before drinking his beer and sat at the table near Phinx.
"You better not spill some beer here!"
"Your saliva had probably been mixed on the dough at this rate."
"That's my secret recipe!"
And they started to argue. Machi rolled her eyes, this was going to be an exhausting day.
"I'm gonna help ya deliver the food Machi. Don't cha worry!" Nobunaga piped in, a little bit too enthusiastic.
"Whatever, just hurry up." Her irritation was starting to get on to the next level.
ooooXXXXooooooXXXXooooo
Kuroro was trying so hard to not openly laugh at Kurapika's naïve friend. What's his name again?
As he composed himself, breathing calmly, trying to ignore the debacle before him, slowly approached the trio and sat in front of them. Specifically in front of the dark haired kid.
"Child, what is your name?" He stated. His voice might have been serious, but the mirth in his eyes gave it away. Of which, the Zoldyck kid might have catched.
"It's Gon! You better not touch Kurapika and her child or else~!"
"Kuroro, I will deal with this." The blonde said. Exasperated.
"Yes, what is your answer to Gon then?"
"Gon, I cannot let you it's not possible."
"But why? We can always find ways!" The kid bellowed.
"Gon! You're so stupid! You don't have uterus to carry a child!" The white haired blurted out.
"Uterus?" Gon asked again.
This time the Zoldyck kid blushed, and said no more information. Kuroro can see the irritation building up, coming from Kurapika especially.
"It's an organ men don't have. Women only has it, only women can carry a child inside their bellies." Kurapika tried to explain it as simple as possible.
"Oh." Gon seemed disheartened at this and then a statement followed.
"You really are irresponsible Kurapika, why have a child now? I don't know any women who will be willing to carry your child for you." Kuroro closed his eyes and bitten his tongue just so he wouldn't really laugh this time.
He opened his eyes to see Kurapika with her palms covering her face. It seems like the woman was currently contemplating if this was a bad dream of what.
To save her some headaches the danchou offered, "Do you want me to take it from here?"
Slowly, the blonde looked up to Kuroro, not fully removing the palms covering her face but enough to see relief in her expression.
"Gon." Kuroro started.
Upon hearing his name the kid sat up straight and looked the raven haired spider in the eye. Anxious but still brave enough to face him.
"I won't allow you to take Kurapika, nor take the…child and…" Kuroro inhaled, because the statement he was about to say was hilarious even from his head. He wanted to say it evenly and continued.
"…nor to take the child and transfer it to another woman."
He looked at the boys. Gon seemed angry at this but the white haired one seemed to get the gist of it if his blushing and shocked face were any indication.
"YOU! You already took everything from her! And now the CHILD TOO?!" That was a healthy set of lungs if someone asked Kuroro. The boy would definitely challenge Ubo's range if you know what he meant.
Kuroro tries, tries hard to not laugh again and bit his lower lip this time. His smile did gave it away though, as the white haired kid, opted to stomp Gon's nearest foot.
"AWWW! KILLUA! You're being insensible! Why are you hurting me?"
"Because you are so stupid Gon! You're the one being insensible~! Gaaaaaah!"
"Silence!" This time Kuroro finally found his authoritative voice.
It did make the two boys shut-up. Kurapika this time looked impressed, apparently this was the only time the blonde witness the two to actually obey someone they don't like.
He cleared his throat. The two boys expectantly looked at him for anything at all.
"As I said, I won't allow your plans. Because…" Kuroro looked at Kurapika, and the blonde nodded, although there was apprehension on her expression.
"Because the child Kurapika is carrying," He averted his gaze at the blonde again just to make sure. The face she made was affirmative.
"Is mine too." He finished.
Gon narrowed his eyes. Processing the information a little bit slower than usual, Kuroro wouldn't be surprised if he saw smokes coming out from the boy's head.
And then the boy's face gave a confused expression, and looked at Kurapika. As Kuroro looked at Kurapika, the blonde, gazing at the boy, nodded.
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Killua was flustered. He knew where this discussion will end, he just knew, the moment the Spiderhead looked, daresay lovingly at their friend Kurapika. He knew what's up!
Gon was still silent, although Kurapika already affirmed that the child was of this spider head too. He thought the awkward silence will be that long but he was wrong.
"Why it's yours too? I thought only women can carry a child?"
Killua blanched. 'Now is not the time for explaining the birds and the bees inside the enemy's territory!'
"It's because I helped Kurapika for the child to get inside her belly."
This time Killua choked.
"Did he help you Kurapika?" Gon asked their blonde friend.
"Yes he did Gon. Yes he did."
"Did you want to have the child too?" This time he asked Lucifer.
"Yes."
Upon the spider head's quick answer. Kurapika seemed pleased to hear his answer.
"But how did you find a child? How did you help her put it insider her belly?"
He could see that Kuroro was weighing his words, and was actually looking at Kurapika for any protests and whatnots. And, from the look from Kurapika, it seemed that she let the man explain everything because, knowing Gon, it will just exasperate the blonde. Kuroro looked the type to be straightforward without being awkward so, Killua also thinks this is for the best. Awkward, but the best option.
"We didn't find a child. We made them." The man paused as he let Gon process the information.
"How?"
Killua was starting to blush again from embarrassment because the topic was, awkward. Will Kuroro really the one to educate Gon about this kind of topic? Ugh! Leorio is so useless! He's the doctor and he should've been the one to educate them! Not that Killua needed educating.
"We…" The man looked at Kurapika again. And Kurapika just nodded, did their friend really trust this man with all this shit now? Wow, that was something else.
On the side note, from the Zoldyck's observation, the Kuruta must've been spent with Gon's energy, that, or pregnancy really took its toll on her, she needed resting, but honestly, she looked hungry than tired.
Killua's musings were interrupted as the man continued.
"We slept together."
Upon hearing this, Killua were redder if he weren't a while ago.
"But I slept with my master and she's a woman! Does this mean…we have a child too?" Killua wanted to claw out Gon's tongue this time around.
"We didn't just sleep Gon." Kurapika interjected. Surprised at her own statement she blushed.
"We did some ritual before sleeping, we didn't know it at first, but it worked." Kuroro deadpanned.
Wow this Spider head was really something else. Killua was starting to see the Ryodan head in a different light, short of a hero to save the day and ironically Gon becoming the monster to defeat.
"Oh. Why him Kurapika, it could have been Leorio if you really wanted a child?" Gon asked innocuously.
For some reason Killua felt a chilling, a terribly chilling aura emanating from Kuroro.
"Leorio?" the blonde snorted. "I wouldn't want to have a child with him!"
That was…savage Kurapika. Killua thought, the chilling aura now gone.
"Why him? Why the Ryodan leader?" Gon asked, because really Killua wanted to know too, why him of all people? It didn't make any sense.
"It's because," Kurapika looked at Kuroro. The man gave him a smirk, which kind of made their blonde friend scowl.
"Because?" Gon blinked and waited.
"Because he's the only one who knows about the ritual."
"Oh." And Gon turned to face Kuroro.
"But if you told us, we could've helped you and learn what the ritual is!" Gon was dead serious. Killua would laugh if it weren't for the threatening aura started to emanate from the Spider leader again.
"I'm sorry Gon, but this ritual, is not something I could have asked of you. I didn't know it myself."
The threathening aura was gone again.
"Kid, this ritual you want to know is not something you can do with anyone who doesn't want to have a child with you."
Gon stared at Kuroro, with his eyes full of pure attempt at understanding what Kuroro was trying to say.
"And it happens that, I wanted a child too, and we decided to both have it. It was…consensual."
"Consens~"
"It was mutual."
There was silence, which was easily broken with Gon around.
"I am not sure what your reasons are for helping Kurapika have a child and wanting to have a child…" Killua was sure he heard it wrong but Gon's voice continued.
"but whatever these are, thank you for helping my friend have a child. It must have been what she wanted and we…" Killua wasn't sure but was Gon teary eyed?
"We, her friends can't help her have a child! And, you…helped her!"
Huh? Killua blinked and cursed the nen strings because he wanted to clear his hearing.
"You, you weren't the monster I thought you'd be."
"Gon, as you can see I am not a hostage here." Kurapika interrupted Gon's speech to clear what really mattered.
"I understand Kurapika. I'll contact Leorio if only you'll get these off of us."
"I'm warning you not to do anything funny." This time it was the spider leader, giving them not empty threats.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooo
Hisoka was so damned the moment he realized it was Illumi he was facing. Damned because he can't really put a fight with his first beloved friend, and Hisoka felt betrayed. Maybe a little tiny bit hurt, and he felt betrayed that Illumi chose Kuroro's side than his.
"Oya, Illumi you hurt my feelings~!" The perverted man avoided the needles from the Zoldyck, it was difficult but he managed.
"You know it's purely business, don't take it too personally." Illumi throws some needles again, not really serious of impaling or maybe he really wanted to hurt Hisoka just for once.
"Owww, I can't help it!" Hisoka somersaulted midair, a needle scratched his right arm.
"I thought we were friends~!" The pervert landed on a rock, pseudo-saddened by the scratch Illumi gave him.
"…" It seemed like there was no answer that the clown will be getting from the owlish gaze the man gave Hisoka.
"Oh! So you're not my friend now! Kuroro's your new best buds now?!" Indignant, Hisoka throws cards at Illumi.
Illumi easily dodged the cards and scoffed at the jester's statement. Friends? Is he drunk or high?
Kuroro better give me some bonus.
The Zoldyck jumped back further, much much farther away from Kuroro's location, and by the attention Hisoka is giving him. It looks like he won't get rid of Hisoka for a decade at his side.
"Illumi-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~~~~~~! I am willing to forgive you! I can't resist you! You knooooooow!"
Hisoka changed tactic. It was effective is you'd bothered to ask Illumi because this time, instead of throwing cards at him, he started throwing invisible hearts at him instead.
With arms wide open the clown started to approach Illumi.
Not while I am alive no, I won't hug that pervert.
The intention to get Hisoka distracted was a success. Not only did Illumi get the clown away from the Spider's location, Hisoka seemed to have the goal of not leaving his side any time soon.
"Let's kiss and makeup illumi-chaaaaaaaaaan~~~~~~!"
Now, how will I get rid of this plebian away from me?
And Illumi ran. He was pretty sure Hisoka will be chasing him without question not with invisible hearts starting to fly towards him.
Kuroro should really pay me to secure my retirement this time around.
Illumi is a professional, he knew what he's getting into upon signing the contract, but sometimes he thinks some business transactions aren't really worth it.
"Illumi-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!"
Illumi sighed, this is why their father specifically stated to not do anything with the Ryodan.
Xxxxxxoooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Author's note:
RUN FOR THE HILLS ILLUMI! RUUUUUUUN.
Sorry if this fic gave of the vibe like I'm high or drunk or anything. I just want to write this chappie with a lighter tone. Some slice of life something. XD And I had this nagging feeling to write the birds and the bees with Gon and Killua and so this chapter presented itself.