Chapter 20: Writers' and Editors' Celebration (part 3)
Goda was sobbing in an empty office space a few halls away from the party. He could not bear the words that Mio sung…the words kept repeating and swirling in his head like bees in a warring swarm. His hands held his ears from hearing the words…but no matter what he did, he still heard the words about mixed nuts:
Twisted, warped, and swirling desire…
Malice and anger brims in the pot of mixed nuts.
So many people say they trust one love is enough,
But who can truly say that three can be workable?
This is how it is possible…
The third nut is completely unexpected,
For his mind and desires are hard to determine…
He begs for one thing but yearns for another.
What makes this nut tick?
This question is twisted in both the first two nuts.
For they do not know why they allowed a third nut into their relationship…
But all three now know,
These mixed nuts have…
Will this last?
Will one break from the other?
Can trust, sex, kissing, or jealous win over one nut or two?
What will happen in this brew of desire?
For I have a few ideas to divulge about the mixed nuts…
The first and strongest idea is…
Parting of one nut from the three…
The mixed nuts will not last,
Since these men are not matching on soul or love wave lengths,
One wants sex,
Two wants passion and lasting trust,
Three wants…freedom from pain endured from so much torture.
How can three nuts stay together with so much…
The third idea is the worse but…
This must be stated,
What if the mixed nuts give up completely on love and move away?
Like the third did in the beginning?
The second nut will run away…
As the first nut stays behind…
Sobbing, longing, and watching the others run away from him.
How can this be stopped when…
But this relationship will not last long,
With the fears and mistrust on each nut's face,
What can be done to make sure that none of my ideas come to fruition …
For I have this final gift of my knowledge to save the mixed nuts…
Trust is not built on sex,
Romance is not forced by kisses,
A lasting relationship is not given to silly mixed nuts…
But how, you ask me, can I know these secrets…
For I know this…
The way to save this relationship is continuous trials-and-errors,
Each nut will have a day that the end sounds so pleasurable…
Do not allow these feelings to happen.
Try finding a reason to love each other…
The simple mental, emotional, and physical attraction is not enough…
A need, want, desire, and a deep trust need to bloom in the middle of the pot of mixed nuts.
For I have a small feeling that the mixed nuts could live happily if…
These feelings need to be addressed daily,
For once-in-a-while is not enough,
Love shall bloom,
I will say this if…
All remain united…
Not divided.
Goda paced the room as he kept racking his hair and mumbling, "A teenager….A FUCKING TEENAGER cannot…CANNOT SEE ALL OF THIS! Mio is only fifteen and had one lover…WHO DIED! How…can he see…my insecurities, my issues, and our pain? Of course, living in the same house helps but….how? How does he know that…I am having issues with adaptation with these men?"
He moaned and rubbed his tears away. The tears kept coming…like they have been for the past couple of weeks. Goda hoped living and being near Akihiko and Misaki would stop the hurt that he faced after the Uke Trade-Off…it was worse. Akihiko was resisting both men and glared at Mio. Mio kept silent and watched. Misaki just moaned and went to class…Goda did nothing to change anyone. Even Akihiko asked him why did he delay the sex or kissing Misaki again…Goda just said, "I…need time to adapt."
Akihiko rolled his eyes and said, "You are not making an effort. You are just sitting around, eating our food, and making Misaki uncomfortable around me. I have not received a kiss or had sex since your silly promise!" He growled, "I miss everything…"
Goda said, "Before me?" He glared at Akihiko and continued, "Do not blame me! I wanted to run! You fucking lover asked me to stay!"
"Do not blame Misaki! If it was not for your eyes and your…personality, I would have kicked you out weeks ago." Akihiko snarled.
"Then do it. Kick me out as you wish to do so." Goda said.
Akihiko snarled and sighed, "I cannot…."
"Why? Why do you keep me if I bring so much discomfort for you and Misaki?" Goda asked.
Akihiko looked at him and said, "Misaki likes you…as do I. I just want to know why you resist. Let me take you, so Misaki would ease up and we can return to normal." He advanced Goda as Goda dodged him.
Goda shrieked, "You have to wear a condom if you have sex with me!"
Akihiko stalled and growled, "why? Do you have something to hide?"
Goda opened and closed his mouth. He said, "I never had sex with anyone unless…they wore a condom either male or female…I never allow people to touch me without a condom on."
Akihiko stared at him and said, "I had sex with Misaki dozens of times without condoms. Besides, how many times have you had sex?"
Goda flushed and said, "Four…times."
Akihiko blinked and said, "You had six lovers…and only done it four times?"
Goda stiffened and yelled, "I did not have sex with every lover, okay? Is that an issue with you?"
Akihiko smirked and said, "I thought, with your consistent telling of all your lovers, you had more experience. You sound like a virgin to me."
Goda turned cold and snarled, "I do have more experience than you."
Akihiko crossed his arms and looked at Goda. He said, "How so?"
Goda said, "at least my lover does not snarl, beg me to change, or asks for another issue into the relationship? Misaki is not respecting either of us…and you allow me to stay. If you want him, take him! Show me your talent for pushing your lover away more!"
Akihiko froze and growled, "Misaki loves me!"
Goda rolled his eyes and said, "Here we go again! Look, maybe Misaki is slightly delusional when it comes to your sexual powers…but when it comes to waiting for him to open up to you. You might as well talk to a dog! Misaki is still defensive! You need to trust him and let him show you love…than you shoving love or sex down his throat. That is why I made the Uke Trade-Off, remember? Do you…remember anything?"
Akihiko said with a tense tone, "I remember everything about that darn game…the book is being published as we speak. What have I missed, oh great teacher?"
Goda groaned and threw his hands in the air. He said, "Never mind! You still do not get it and never will! Blame me! I will die and go to hell for you, okay. I get it." He walked away, but Akihiko shoved him into the wall.
Both men panted heavily with anger and glared at each other. Akihiko snarled, "I was supposed to learn love, trust, and honesty, correct?"
Goda snarled, "You missed one."
Akihiko moaned and said, "what?"
"Compassion."
Akihiko stalled as Goda continued, "compassion for your fellow homosexuals, compassion for dying teenagers, compassion…for your lover. Compassion, Akihiko…you still do not understand compassion."
Goda was released as Akihiko said, "Have you learned compassion for me or Misaki?" He stiffened and looked away from Akihiko.
Akihiko went to his office and said, "Goda…I will not wear a condom for your comfort. I will penetrate you my way or not at all." He slammed the office door as Goda slumped to the floor sobbing.
Goda stopped pacing and felt his middle. Akihiko…do you know if you get me on the right day…you could make a family? I was ovulating that day! I could have…made you a father if you had sex with me. Of course since then, we have not forced the issue. But silence and a tense air has been the norm…no one spoke or made a new move since then…it has been about a month since that discussion. I can tell Akihiko meant his word and wants to touch Misaki again…but I am in the way…I am in the way…
Goda groaned, "I AM ALWAYS IN THE WAY!"
"No you are not." A male voice said at the door.
Goda froze as he slowly turned to…Conto. Conto leaned on the door frame and stared at Goda with flushed cheeks…Conto was drunk? He rarely gets that drunk…something must be wrong.
Conto stumbled in the room as he said, "I need…to talk to you…" He stumbled his words, but his eyes were determined with a force that Goda never seen in Conto before.
Goda stood very still as Conto leaned onto the waist-height desk for support, and they looked at each other. Conto repeated, "I need…to talk to you…"
Conto tried to stand straight, but the drink made him very wobbly. He sat on the desk and swayed. His hands reached for Goda's as Goda took his hands.
Goda said, "Conto just say it. I am—"
"I love you…Hetzumi Taka…I always have and always will…" Conto said very clearly but his body still swayed slightly.
Goda blushed instantly, even in the dark room, Conto could see the blush. Conto smiled and continued, "Do you remember when we met?" Goda nodded and watched Conto very closely.
Conto said, "we were kids…just tiny things…barely out of elementary school and told to be married as soon as we went into high school…I remember your blushing face…like now…you were semi glad and scared…of me…"
Goda continued, "We were always placed together after that…playing, becoming friends, and…I asked for your freedom. Remember? I told my father that we were—" He stalled when Conto shook his head.
Conto moaned and said, "I only went along with the breaking of our engagement because…you did not want to marry me…I sort of…do. And I still do! Hetzumi…you have no idea how much I love you…I hate the fact you keep searching for someone to hold you…to love you…to respect and honor your differences…look at me. Look at me! I never judged you from the moment I saw you or when you changed…why do you keep walking away from me? When I love you so much…it breaks my heart every time I see you with a new guy or girl…why, Hetzumi? Why?"
Goda reddened more and said, "you…never told me any of this…why did you hide this from me?"
Conto looked into Goda's eyes and said, "I…was afraid to…since I felt…you would compare my feelings to the betrothal than my true feelings…"
Goda opened and closed his mouth. He gasped for breath and tried to think…Conto loves him? This…made some sense. Conto would instantly help, protect or even give blood for Goda…but why did he wait so long? Goda…was not free to choose or…
Conto leaned forward and kissed Goda's forehead. He said, "For one night…let me be the leader. Let me touch you…please…I cannot bear these feelings any more…" He led Goda's hand to his hardening member and continued, "I want to show you everything unlike when we dated as teens…I was afraid to touch or kiss you then…but now…I think I will go mad if I do not touch you."
Goda gasped and moaned, "Conto…listen to yourself…you sound so…" He was silenced with a kiss…mouth to mouth…as their mouths roamed each other.
Conto wrapped Goda closer as Goda wrapped his arms around Conto's neck. They moaned and kept kissing…since this was their first kiss. The emotions, strange sensations, and movements felt so comforting to Goda…Goda could not stop yearning and touching for more.
They parted for a moment as Conto stood and lowered Goda onto the desk. Conto said, "I will be gentle…just feel…me and my love…my beloved Hetzumi…"
Goda stiffened when Conto started to undress his pants…he gasped and tried to push Conto away. Conto was still stronger than Goda as he removed the pants and looked at Goda's lower parts…
Conto smiled. Goda felt feverish at the gesture as Conto said, "you do not look that different under there…an enlarged clitoris but…" He felt Goda's middle hole as Goda shrieked and stiffened at the touch. Conto said, "You look beautiful…inside and out…up and down…sexually and…manly. Can we continue?"
Goda moaned, "Yes…"
Conto removed his pants and bent his head down to lick Goda's lower parts. Goda gasped but opened his legs more for the touch. Conto licked and rubbed gently the clitoris, vagina and anus with his hands and mouth.
The sensation…Goda never felt so feverish, scared, and wanton in every sexual relationship she had…Goda shivered at the thought. He called himself a woman…he was technically a she…Hetzumi…he never did like that name except when Aikawa and…Conto called her that…she moaned as Conto stood up and rubbed his member around Goda's opening.
Goda gulped and looked at Conto. He looked at her with a gentle and patient smile; his eyes were wanton as hers, but he waited for her to be prepared for the continuation of this wild frenzy. She gulped and nodded…
Hetzumi shudder and sucked in air quickly when Conto's member slowly entered her…she held onto the desk's edges as Conto pushed his member in and out…a slow rhythm for both of them to get used to…Conto leaned forward a little more to get better penetration, and he lifted Hetzumi's legs over his shoulders to get a bigger opening.
Conto's member…Hetzumi gasped and breathed rapidly as her body just gave into pleasure and the new intrusion coming inside of her. Conto's penis was…becoming slowly harder within her as she gasped and twisted. Conto kept close to her to stop her from removing her body from the heated action, but Hetzumi could not leave even she wanted to…she yearned for sex for a while now…even thought she stopped Akihiko from touching her, she wanted sex with condoms…
Hetzumi gasped and moaned, "Conto…did you…" She shrieked at Conto's member getting even more erect…she leaned back as Conto kept pushing into her…
Conto moaned and stopped, "what…."
Hetzumi groaned, "Go on…more…more…oh damn, Ayame…keep going…"
Conto blushed as Hetzumi looked at him. He smiled happily and released her legs as he came to her face. He said, "I love you…Hetzumi…" He kissed her as she wrapped her arms around him.
Hetzumi said, "I…always liked you…Ayame…but…AHHHH." Conto shoved his member more into Hetzumi as the pace quickened…
Conto looked at Hetzumi's face as she tried to hide her blushing face and wanton eyes…she could not hold onto the desk and hide her face. The desk was slightly slippery, so Hetzumi held on as Conto kept pushing on. He just breathed faster and moaned deeply as his member kept spiking deeper into Hetzumi.
Hetzumi gasped and shuddered…her entire body felt like fire could not get this hot…her hands felt numb from holding onto the desk, but her legs opened more…she needed more! Hetzumi leaned her head back gasping for breath as her peak was slowly coming…she felt the penis and her emotions giving into the orgasm…she moaned and twisted as the moment came. She shrieked as Conto slowly stopped. Hetzumi stalled and gasped for breath…Conto was fully inside of her…as they looked at each other. Conto's sweat slowly fell down his face as her own did the same. He lowered to kiss her again as she wrapped her arms around him for a long oral sexual touch.
Conto was so passionate…his mouth rubbed and his tongue made Hetzumi hangs onto him for all her might. They rubbed, gasped, and licked very hard as their lower ends did not release from each other. Hetzumi gasped when Conto's liquid permeate her…he recaptured her lips and continued to kiss her so deeply. She rubbed his body and started to remove his shirt. Their lips remained locked as they both remove their clothing. Conto's hands rubbed Hetzumi's chest, breasts, and sides. Hetzumi's hands scratched and rubbed Conto's back as their mouths kept sucking and rubbing endlessly.
They groaned as more liquid from their lower ends released as their mouths reconnected. Their hands, mouths and bodies just burned for more as they continued. Hetzumi kept moaning and gasping for breath…she stole every breath from Conto's lips. Conto kept groaning and leaning more into Hetzumi…they wrapped each other closer and closer…their untied bodies kept reacting as Conto's penis emitted more liquid into her.
Hetzumi hardly noticed any more…she gasped when Conto let her mouth go. They looked at each other in the dim light…their flushed faces, their red mouths, and their eyes just searched the other's face. Conto moaned and slumped forward…unconscious.
She stalled and breathed, "Conto…Conto? Conto?" Hetzumi slowly pushed Conto off and removed him from her. She looked him over as he looked…drugged.
His face was completely out of it as he slowly closed his eyes and slept. He moaned and turned his head to the side towards Hetzumi.
Hetzumi looked over Conto's glorious body…trained from childhood to be a ninja…muscles, lean stomach, and a powerful penis were his gifts…but the man never dated much. Hetzumi knew that as he slowly stood and covered both breasts and lower parts. He found himself slowly turning to his former Goda's mental state of things than a wanton woman.
Goda took a few deep breaths and looked over Conto's mouth. He smelled it and found that familiar smell…thick, husky, flowery scent of…an aphrodisiac. This was a manufactured sexual intercourse…Conto took an aphrodisiac to be honest and loose around Goda!
Conto slept with a peaceful look on his face as Goda raised his fists above Conto's face. Goda felt a great urge to kick his ass for forcing Goda into this! Conto faked it! Conto was a liar, abuser and…
Goda's tears came back, but this time, more fierce and emotional tears streamed down his face. He quickly got dressed and stared at the sleeping Conto. In the entire time Goda knew Conto, this was the first time…Goda wished Conto would leave him alone and never come back.
Goda ran away from the party and Conto as he went into the elevator. He slammed the ground button and ran through the ground floor to the busy streets of Tokyo. His heart, body and everything was bruised…he felt Conto was the only person he could ever trust…
But now…he did not know who or what to trust. He hailed a cab and asked for Akihiko's condo. He just wanted to be alone…he had a long enough day that no one could stop these tears or pain…he just wanted to be alone.
TBC
A/N: slight note: Goda will have these sexual changes…for example, he started to think like a woman…well, that will happen more often. I wanted to make Goda a thinker, discusser and technological genius (as a masculine side). (please do not say I am sexist! This is a character…not my view on gender!) Any ways, Goda's feminine side is connected to sex, kissing and romance…so, that is why that part I changed Goda's thinking and description from "he" to "she." Since Goda is mostly female, but he does revert back to being masculine.
Just in case anyone was confused….this is why Goda's pronouns changed and name changed…sex changes people XD