Author's Note: I love how this chapter turned out. Let me know what you think! :)

Chapter 21 - Letting Go

She moaned as he kissed her & all of her hesitation disappeared as she felt him press his hips down into hers. One of his hands slid up her shirt, across her stomach, to firmly squeeze one of her breasts. His thumb moved in a circle over her nipple, causing a delicious shiver of pleasure to ripple through her. She felt him smirk against her lips, which made her smile breathlessly in return. He moved his mouth to her neck & trailed kisses mixed with gentle, but insistent, nips with his sharp teeth. He was being gentler than she imagined he'd be, but the way he held her, touched her, kissed her… it felt possessive, like he wasn't going to let her go for anything, no matter what. It infuriated her that he thought he had that much power, but at the same time she craved it. She wanted him to want her like this, to want to keep her.

She felt him whisper against her neck. "I'm going to keep you safe."

She felt his teeth graze her collarbone. She shuddered & dug her fingernails into his back, not wanting him to stop. This time she felt him gasp in pleasure. She could feel him hard, pressing between her legs through their clothes. The sensation excited her even more. To her dismay, he removed his lips from her neck & moved so his intense, red eyes were looking directly into her blue eyes.

"You're mine," he stated matter-of-factly, before initiating a kiss so fierce that every other thought disappeared. All that mattered was him.

"Hi...ei…" she gasped as she felt his fingers unbuttoning her shorts. Her entire body ached for him to touch her.

"J-Jenny?!" She heard a quiet, accusatory voice interrupt her pleasure. Her eyes snapped open. She felt like she couldn't breath. Standing next to the bed she saw Jin. He was watching them with a mixture of hurt & anger swirling in his eyes.

She sat up in bed, frantic, hands clutching her chest as her heart raced. Her eyes flew around the room, searching.

Another dream…?

She sat up in bed, momentarily unable to think, as she waited for her pulse & breathing to slow down. She finally let out a deep breath & let herself lay back onto the bed again. She ran a hand through her hair, which she was surprised to find drenched in sweat.

Jeez… that dream really got to me. It felt so real. And what Hiei said…

Her face flushed red when she realized just how much the dream had affected her. Her nipples clearly stood out under her shirt & she could tell she was wet between her legs. Her body was clearly responding to everything she'd experienced in the dream. She closed her eyes & grimaced in embarrassment.

Ugh… how can I face Hiei, now?

Another memory from the dream flashed in her mind.

Jin…. A pang of sorrow & fear shot through her. He saw…! She shook her head, trying to erase the memory. No. No, it was a dream. Just a dream….

She tried to get her mind off of the dream, hoping her body would forget it as easily. Morning sunlight streamed in through the curtains in the familiar room.

She sighed as she thought about the previous day, when her & Kurama had returned to their house. That still felt a little strange for her to process. This was her house now, too. Her home. They'd gotten up early the previous morning, packed up their things, & said their goodbyes to everyone. Really, she'd only been saying goodbye to Yukina & Genkai, since everyone else decided to head back home, too.

She quickly realized that Genkai had already talked to Hiei about helping her get her leg back to normal, because he actually said a few words to her. Something along the lines of, "Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're still healing," before he disappeared. She assumed he was going back home, too, but he hadn't said anything else about it.

The fact that he'd been so cold to her was upsetting, but she also didn't know how to act around him anymore… especially now. They'd been so close until… She closed her eyes, deciding not to let the memories of Kai interrupt her thoughts.

Instead, she was interrupted by a knock at the door. She sat up, running her fingers through her hair, trying to tame the frazzled mane, as the door slowly opened. To her surprise, it was Hiei who stood in the doorway. He wore a pair of loose black pants with boots & a black tank top. The sight of him, after that dream, made her draw in a quick breath. She hoped he hadn't heard.

"Still in bed?" His red eyes glided over the room, eventually resting on her.

His gaze made her uncomfortable. She blushed slightly as she remembered that she wore a thin, white tank top. The fact that she wasn't wearing a bra made her feel completely exposed to him at that moment. She tried to slide the blanket up to cover her without making it obvious, but when his gaze flickered to the movement she felt her cheeks burn even more. He quickly averted his eyes to the window, but she thought she saw him tense as realization flashed across his face.

Why now? And after that dream…. Ugh.

"Um, yeah…," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. "I just woke up. What time is it?"

"Well past time for you to be up," Hiei responded. He turned to leave. "Get dressed. We're going to start your leg rehab this morning" Before she could respond, he was gone. The door closed silently behind him.

She let out the breath she hadn't noticed she was holding.

Well this should be interesting….

After another glance at the door, she slipped out of bed & began getting dressed.

They'd walked in awkward silence to the park. Jenny had changed into a pair of black running shorts & a red racer-back tank top. She wore a black brace on her knee to help steady her, along with her cane.

When they arrived at the park, Hiei had talked her through some exercises & stretches she could use to help strengthen the muscles in her leg & help her get some of her balance back. Although he seemed entirely focused on his methods, Jenny noticed he wouldn't touch her. He'd show her what to do using his own body & she'd mimic what he was doing. Hiei also didn't speak to her more than necessary for the training. After doing this for about an hour, Jenny began to get more & more agitated with him.

As she walked across the park, working on her balance without leaning on the cane, she thought, What the hell is wrong with him?! He's acting like I have a disease or something. We used to train together all the time & he had no issue getting physical with me then… The words her mind had chosen made her blush, causing her to lose her balance for a split second. She put her hands out to steady herself before continuing. ... I mean, he never used to have an issue touching me for training. And now he won't even talk to me as we train! He used to shit talk me the entire time!

She was startled out of her thoughts when a rush of air flew past her & Hiei appeared in front of her.

"What are you doing, idiot?!" His palm was stretched out between them as if to stop her, but he still didn't touch her.

Jenny glanced around & was startled to see that she was a few feet away from walking right out into the street. She'd been so focused on her thoughts of Hiei that she hadn't realized she'd walked all the way across the park. She'd have walked right out into the road if Hiei hadn't stopped her.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I guess I got lost in my thoughts…"

"How stupid can you be to almost walk out into traffic?" His voice had a hard edge to it that made her own anger boil right back out to the surface.

She thrust out a hand & pushed his shoulder as hard as she could without making herself fall over, which of course didn't do much of anything to him.

"Well maybe if you weren't being such an annoying, confusing, asshole I wouldn't be so caught up in my own thoughts! Maybe if you weren't acting so weird I'd be more focused!"

The emotion in her own voice caught her off guard, but she didn't back down. She continued to glare at him with an intensity that apparently surprised Hiei. She saw confusion flicker across his face before his own gaze hardened into a glare to match hers.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You sure as shit do, Hiei!" Her voice was stronger now as she moved toward him. Anger & emotion pulsed through her. She knew she couldn't hold back anymore. "You've been acting strange ever since you caught me when I fell & I freaked. You know very well what I went through. You saw it. You know I didn't freak out because of you. It was because of what happened with Kai. But you took it personal. And you've been avoiding me ever since! You didn't used to act like this with me. You won't talk to me. You won't even so much as lay a finger on me! It's like you're afraid!" She stopped, her chest heaving angrily. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt & moved toward him. He made no effort to stop her. "What's wrong with you?! Are you that bothered by what happened to me that you don't want anything to do with me anymore?!"

She'd finally said out loud the thought that had been nagging at the back of her mind for the last week… the thought that she'd been scared to put words to…. the thought she hadn't even fully realized was her actual fear.

Her breath came in ragged gasps as she glared into his eyes. She tried to fight it off, but she felt hot tears coming unbidden to her eyes. She loosened the grip she had on his shirt & took a step back, tearing her gaze away from him to try to hide the emotion in her eyes. He watched her with an unreadable expression on his face.

She released his shirt finally, letting her hand begin to fall back to her side, but she felt an unexpected, tight grip on her wrist that startled her. Her eyes flew to her wrist & saw Hiei's hand wrapped tightly around it. She couldn't bring herself to look up at Hiei's face, so she continued to stare at his hand.

"I don't think you can comprehend how much what happened to you bothered me." His voice came out as a low growl.

His statement brought her anger & frustration bursting out again. "Then why do you even bother being out here with me?! I don't need you to-"

"Shut up!"

His turbulent voice stopped her cold. She forced herself to raise her eyes to meet his. In his eyes she saw a lot of unexpected emotions. Anger. Hurt. Fear. Rage. Annoyance. She could feel the heat of his anger radiating from his skin, especially where he still gripped her wrist. The thought that he was a fire demon seemed more obvious than ever now.

They locked eyes, their glares battling each other silently. She felt his grip on her wrist tighten even more.

"Why don't you just let me protect you? Why does it matter if I don't touch you? Just let me do what I need to do, stupid woman." He broke the eye contact & looked down at the wrist he held in his hand. "I'll hurt you & I don't want to see you hurt again."

"Then why-!"

The shock of his words hadn't even sunk in yet when he cut her off again. This time, though, he pulled her to him by her wrist, which caused her to stumble forward into him. He wrapped his other arm around her waist & he clutched her tight against him. Her eyes were wide in shock as she felt him press his warm lips roughly against hers. She could feel every inch of his body against hers. Embarrassment about how large her belly must feel against him briefly fluttered through her mind, but those thoughts were quickly erased by other emotions that flooded in. She could feel his hand grasping her wrist so tight it hurt. She couldn't help but have memories of the dream she'd had that morning flash through her mind. The intensity of the kiss made her feel weak & she surprised herself when she realized she was kissing him back with just as much intensity. The heat of him made her feel light-headed. The need that she'd felt that morning re-awakened in her as she felt him pressing her harder into him.

Other memories, though, began flashing through her mind. Hiei's tight grip on her wrist made her think of Kai. Images of Kai holding her down, forcing himself on her, overtook the other memories of her dream. Suddenly she felt as if she were drowning. She tried to pull her wrist away from Hiei's grasp, but failed as he pulled her even closer. Memories of Kai pressed against her made her head spin. Her breathing quickened as anxiety took over.

A sob escaped her lips & when Hiei felt it, he abruptly released her, causing her to become even more off balance. She saw a look of horror & realization spreading across his face as she felt herself crumple to the ground. At the last second, she felt his arms catch her & stop her fall. He helped lower her to the ground, where she sat gasping for air & trying to calm her racing heart. She closed her eyes & all she could see was Kai's haunting face, smiling down at her with glazed eyes.

"See?" Hiei said coldly. Jenny turned to look at him & saw that, even though his voice was cold, his eyes held a wild mix of emotions. "Even now Kai hurts you, but this time it was my fault."

"Hiei-"

"Don't." His voice held the edge to it again that he'd had before their kiss. There was a long silence before he spoke again. "I'll escort you back to Kurama's. We won't speak of this again. Kurama is fully capable of helping you with your leg from this point on."

Why? Why does he keep shutting me out? Doesn't he get that I don't want him to leave me alone? All I want is for me & Hiei to go back to the way we were before...

"But-!" His glare cut her off. She stared at him for several moments before simply nodding.

He held out a hand to help her up, but it was obvious he didn't want to reinitiate physical contact with her. She cautiously accepted the hand & stood with the help of the cane. She felt hurt by his words & cold demeanor, but she also couldn't help but feel that she'd hurt him, too, somehow.

Damn him….

They walked back to Kurama's in yet another awkward silence. Hiei wouldn't even look at her.

When they'd arrived at Kurama's, Hiei left her at the door without a word. She didn't look back at him as he left. She was too afraid to. As she entered the house, Kurama had greeted her & asked how her training had gone. She had muttered something about how it was fine & said she was going to bed because she was exhausted from it all. In reality, she just wanted to be alone. She'd escaped into the bedroom before Kurama even had a chance to respond.

When she closed the door she stripped off her training gear, slipped into pajamas again, & crawled into bed. It was true that she was exhausted, but it was more of a mental exhaustion than a physical one. She felt like everything was falling apart all over again. Exhaustion finally took over & she drifted off into a fitful sleep.

She was standing in the middle of a clearing in the forest. Candles glittered all around her in the darkness. A warm breeze tickled her skin. It was beautiful.

I recognize this place.

"This was prob'ly one of my favorite memories of ya," a voice said quietly from behind her. "Ya were so beautiful. I was thinkin' it's when we made the lil' one ya got there now."

The accent made her breath catch in her throat & she spun to face it. The sight of his red hair & his infectious smile made her ache with joy.

"Jin?" She reached up to touch his face, still not quite believing what she was seeing. Almost instantaneously, though, she pulled her hand back, remembering the last time she'd thought she'd seen Jin. His hand reached out & stopped her from moving farther away. For some reason, the action reminded her of the way Hiei had grabbed her wrist earlier.

"'s okay, Jenny," Jin gave her a sad smile. "'Tis really me this time."

"You know?" Her heart ached even more to think that he knew about what happened with Kai. "How?"

"First, let me hold ya… just fer a minute." She could see a sadness in his eyes that she'd never seen before when he was alive.

The thought that he wasn't really here, that this was just a dream, made her reach out & hold onto him tighter. Her arms wrapped around his waist & she nuzzled her face against his chest, tears falling freely. She felt him pull her closer & lean his head against the top of hers. They held each other for what seemed like an eternity, just basking in the warmth of each other's embrace. Finally, he lifted his head to look down at her. She felt one of his hands slip under her chin to lift her gaze to meet his.

"I'm so sorry, Jenny. If only I'd been there ta protect ya…." She saw a tear in the corner of his eye & it broke her heart.

"It wasn't your fault," she whispered to him. "How…?"

"I was watchin' over ya," Jin began. "I saw everythin'." She felt him tense slightly. One of his hands clenched into a fist.

A wave of embarrassment & shame washed over her & she looked down at the ground. "Everything? You saw what… what Kai… what he…" She couldn't get the words out.

Jin pulled her chin back up so she was looking at him. "You have nothin' ta be 'shamed 'bout." His eyes blazed intensely. "What he did ta ya… well, he'll pay for that. Trust me on that one. He's dead, just like me, y'know… He's where I can… deal wit' 'im…." He trailed off, leaving the rest of his explanation unsaid. "But that's not why I came ta ya."

"Came to me?" Jenny asked as she ran a hand over his upper arm, marveling that she was touching him. God, he's still so perfect. "This is a dream, right? You can do that? Visit? Why haven't you done it before?" It certainly felt like a dream to have him back in her arms at that moment.

"'Tis not somethin' we can really do easily. It took a lot fer me ta get here, but I felt like I needed ta talk ta ya now, with everythin' goin' on." His voice was quieter & more withdrawn that it had been a moment before.

"With everything going on..?" she repeated. Then it hit her. "Hiei?" She felt another wave of shame run through her as she forced herself to look up at him. "That's what you mean, right?"

Jin winced. "Ya, that's right." He brushed her hair back behind her ear & she leaned into his hand, enjoying the sensation. "That's what I wanted ta talk ta ya 'bout."

It all came out at once. "Jin, I'm so sorry. I just… I don't know… Hiei & I got close & now… He has feelings for me &... & I guess I feel something for him…" Frustration caused her to rake her own fingers through her hair as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. "I don't even know what's going on. I'm so confused. And I still love you.. But you're gone." Her voice broke. "I-I want to move on.. I need to… for our baby.. But how do I move on without you?! And with what I'm feeling for Hiei… And he's being a complete ass… And-"

Jin laughed & grabbed her by the shoulders, trying to calm her. "Woah…. It's a'right!" He looked into her eyes for a few moments before pulling her close to him again. He held her against his chest, letting his hand slide up & down along her back tenderly. He spoke softly into her hair. "I've been watchin' remember?"

She tensed. He saw everything with Hiei, too.

"I know how yer feelin' & I know how Hiei's feelin'. As much as it kills me ta see someone else wit' ya, I get it," Jin continued. "Do ya really think I'd want ya pining after me yer entire life when I'm dead an' gone? I want ya ta be happy, Jenny. No matter what…."

"What are you saying….?" Part of her dreaded what she knew he was about to say & part of her desperately wanted to hear it.

"Hiei has feelings for ya & while, yes, he can be a bit o' a jerk sometimes, he protects what he cares 'bout. That's what I want fer ya. That's what I want fer this lil' one."

Jin placed a hand on her stomach & smiled down at their baby. Warmth washed over Jenny as she watched his joy at being able to feel the life they created. She placed her hand on his. "They'll know who you are, Jin…."

"I still can't believe I helped create this…. A lil' one…" He smiled down at the baby & then up at her. "I'm a lucky one."

"Jin…." She felt tears in her eyes again, as much as she didn't want to cry right in that moment.

"Jenny, listen ta me… I want ya ta be happy. No matter what. No matter who yer with. Please…." His own voice broke then. "I couldn't take it if ya stopped livin' just 'cause I'm not around. Do what makes ya happy."

"But, I don't…."

"Ya have feelin's fer Hiei whether ya want ta admit them ta me right now or not." The bluntness of his statement caught her off guard, but he softened the words by putting a hand to the side of her face. Do I…? "I don't have much time left wit' ya right now. Please.. Just listen to my advice?"

All she could do was stare at him before giving him a small nod. He smiled down at her finally. "Good girl," he said in a more cheerful voice. It sounded like the old Jin again. "Now, let's make the most o' the lil' time we have left together."

He leaned down, hand still on her belly, & kissed her. It wasn't like the passionate kisses he gave her the last time they were in this clearing, when they made their baby. This was completely different. It was a goodbye. It held everything he had, all of his feelings for both of them. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks, but she wasn't sad. She felt so incredibly happy to be with him in that moment. All three of them together finally.

He smiled against her lips as he ended the kiss. "Goodbye, Jenny…." Slowly she felt his touch leaving her, disappearing.

When she opened her eyes, she was staring up at her bedroom ceiling. The fact that Jin wasn't in front of her almost caused her to break down all over again, but she stopped herself. She knew what she had to do now. It killed her & excited her all at once.

Finally, she wept both in mourning over letting go of Jin & with contentment & joy at what life held before her.