Happy May 5th everyone! And a special Happy Birthday to Luffy! According to my calendar, not only is it Cinco de Mayo, but also this day in 1937 the Hindenburg caught fire! O_O Hopefully tomorrow will be a happier event...

Anyway, for Luffy's birthday, I grant him the gift of revenge. I've wanted to do a revenge fic for Luffy ever since that happened but I've never gotten around to it until now. I've also been wanting to do something with the 'Mariner's Revenge Song' by The Decemberists since forever ago, so why not do them together? So for warnings, let's say revenge, creepy background music, some blood, and Luffy acting like a psycho. Do I know how to celebrate a birthday or what?

Enjoy it anyway.

Akainu muttered darkly as he kicked something slimy off his shoe. Where had that whale come from anyway?

That didn't matter right now. What did matter was somehow trying to get out of here, and quickly before he was digested, just like everyone else in the shipwreck. Or at least, he hadn't encountered anyone else, neither from his ship or that other one, so he assumed they're all dead. Honestly he had no idea how he survived either, but it looked like he was the sole survivor.

Just as he thought that though, he heard a whistling echoing around the stomach. Akainu paused in his search for something useful to look up and spot a young boy wearing a straw hat. So there was another survivor…he didn't look familiar, so he must have been from the other ship.

The boy stopped whistling when he caught sight of the marine admiral, and after giving him a look over, adopted a feral grin that made Akainu uneasy. He quickly brushed it off though; this boy was no threat to him.

"So, you survived too…"

Maybe this kid was on his ship…sure sounded like he knew him. That didn't mean Akainu recognized him though. "Of course I survived. You didn't think a mere whale could do me in did you?"

The boy chuckled. "You don't remember me at all do you?"

Now caught red handed, he saw no need to keep up whatever ruse he was trying for. "Not really."

"I wasn't on your ship, if that's what you're worried about," the boy chuckled again – why was that so creepy – before continuing, "I don't blame you really; I was only about three when we last met…you were about eighteen I guess."

Ah, that would explain it. That wasn't a very good time in his life, so he blocked most of it out.

"Yes, you were down on your luck. Spent most of your money on whores and booze or gambled it away. My brother felt sorry for you, he actually felt sorry for scum like you, and took you in. Do you remember that at least?"

Now that he mentioned it, Akainu did recall a young, rich man about his age that took him in during those times, Ace or something like that. Whatever happened to him anyway?

"You spent all of our money, Ace's money. Gambled it away on this or that and then left us with nothing."

That's right, he had done that. After that he had cleaned up and joined the marines, and to silence anyone who knew about his former life and could jeopardize his new job, he…

Oh. Well, he assumed this boy wasn't going to help him escape after all.

"You remember now don't you? I can see it in your eyes. Yes, Ace tried very hard to legitimately make ends meet, but you didn't care did you? All you cared about was your precious career and had him killed off as a pirate anyway."

He didn't know Ace had a brother; otherwise he would have gotten him too. Well, at least they were both trapped in this here whale.

"You know what Ace said to me as they carted him off to jail?

'Find him, bind him
Time him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters.
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up, naked
Clawing at the ceiling of his grave.'"

Just as he was starting to come up with a way to kill the kid in here, he felt a sharp pain in his leg. Looking down, Akainu noticed that the boy had, sometime during his speech, crept close enough to stab his thigh with a piece of driftwood. This did not bode well.

"It took me fifteen years to get over Ace's death," he continued on as if nothing had happened, wiping the blood off on the marine's jacket, "Fifteen years I spent wandering the streets doing whatever I needed to survive. Eventually some priest took pity on my pathetic state and hired me to clean his school, but never once did my mind stray from revenge."

This wasn't good; clearly this kid was crazy…for some reason. The leg he had injured was his good leg, as he had sprained the other ankle the previous week in a fight. The boy was either a damn genius or just damn lucky. Now that he had a closer look, Akainu saw that the boy was also tough, tougher than he first surmised anyway, and could probably take him in a fight, especially in his current state.

"One night, I heard the priest talking to a sailor who had just come back from sea. Apparently the captain of his ship matched your description, and was known for his loyalty to the marines and his cruelty towards his enemies. I wasn't about to let my chance slip away, so the next day I stowaway on the Red Haired Pirates ship as the head out to sea. The captain really didn't' mind after he heard my story and had me do some chores."

They had been chasing the Red Haired Pirates, or were the Red Haired Pirates chasing them? It all seemed like a blur, and while the admiral mused on this another piece of driftwood was stabbed into his shoulder.

"I could hear my brother cheering me on in the sea wind,

'Find him, bind him
Tie him to a pole and break
His fingers to splinters.
Drag him to a hole until he
Wakes up, naked,
Clawing at the ceiling of his grave.'"

By this point Akainu was frantic. None of his military training had prepared him for what to do if you were trapped in a whale with a crazy kid seeking vengeance on you for killing him brother. If he ever got out of this, he'd have to fix that.

"After, I don't even know how long, we finally caught up to you. Or maybe you caught up to us, who really knows? Just as we were going to face off, this whale pops out of nowhere and eats us! Just like that! I'm not even sure how I survived…I think the rest of the crew is dead. I was certain you were dead too, but no, you survived as well! Did I mention how happy I was that you survived?"

Another piece of driftwood was stabbed through his other thigh, followed shortly by the fourth through his other shoulder. There was no way Akainu could fight back now.

"Do you know what I'm going to do now?"

"…I can take a guess…"

Luffy sighed before stepping away from the hull of the ship, satisfied. It wasn't quite what Ace had asked, but finding a hole in the middle of a whale was hard! He should have thought about that when making his last request.

"Luffy!" he heard someone shout. He turned to find Shanks and the rest of the crew shouting and waving at him from the direction of what he assumed to be the mouth.

"Captain! Guys!" Luffy grinned and waved back, "You did survive after all!"

"Of course we did! Like a whale could finish us off!" Shanks bragged, "Anyway we found a way out! Apparently this whale has a hatch in the top."

"Really? It's a mystery whale!"

"Whatever. We were just checking for other survivors. Did you see anyone down there?"

"Nope. I haven't seen a living soul…"