Warning signs surrounded Buffy, had for weeks, but now they signaled so much more than a wayward path, they called to her like sirens into the unknown darkness.
She paused at the door and watched the conflict pass over Sam's face. Her heart craved to smooth those lines away. Dean threw his backpack in the trunk of the impala and turned to face Sam one last time from afar.
Buffy's gut clenched at the look they shared. What would she give to look upon her sister's face once more like that? Dean jerked his head in acknowledgement of Sam's choice, yet it was obvious to the world how hurt he was.
Sam's grip tightened on her hand but he remained rooted where he was. It was all she could to not shake her head. Pride engulfed the lives of these brothers and she could barely see past it sometimes. Dean had made his choice as Sam had and somehow they both refused to budge no matter the pain it caused.
She found herself releasing Sam's hand and stepping back into the house. She couldn't be witness to this anymore. A part of her had really expected Dean to relent. The sound of his car kicking up dust left a hollowness in her heart she couldn't explain.
Imagines of his grotesque and battered form in Hell flashed before her eyes and she tried not to let the bile rise past her throat. He'd given up his life and his sanity for his brother. Yet he wasn't willing to give Sam up to her, not even willing to share him. This seemed wrong, more than wrong.
Yet it was actually happening. She looked back at Sam, worry etching his form in the doorway. Did she really want half of who he was? She'd fallen for him when he was without his brother once, but there had always been that hope in him he clung to. He knew he'd have Dean back with him someday.
What version of Sam existed now that Dean had left him to start a new path? She could only admit to herself that she was more than a little scared to find out.
She closed her eyes against the doubts in her mind.
Of course she wanted Sam. Hadn't she just been defending her right to keep him? Yet she somehow felt empty knowing what she was forcing them to give up for each other. Dean's whole life was in that car of his and now it was one person short of a conversation. And from the look on his face Sam was having major reservations about his decision to return to Sunnydale with Buffy.
Is this really how she wanted her Winchester? She knew now either way he went in life he'd be missing the other half of his heart, yet she was seriously rethinking her ability to keep that half of him happy with her. Guilt crawled up into her heart and sat there like a ton of bricks.
What was she supposed to do now?
When Sam turned back to her and their eyes met across the room she knew without a doubt what that choice was, because it was the only one she ever really had. She just needed to be witness to this moment before she could admit it to herself.