Appearances
A/N: Ok so I'm not a doctor and I don't know much about surgery to put plates in arms so I'm basing this off a guy I went to school with who smashed both bones in his arm skateboarding and had to have both bones plated and screwed back together…Also SORRY, SORRY, SORRY for the delay in getting this one up. I was so ridiculously blocked and had written a frag of this chapter months and months ago and couldn't for the life of me work out how to frame it to get it in here. But I got there, eventually, after much, much writing and rewriting…and swearing…and throwing things…and yelling at the screen like it was the computers fault my brain wasn't cooperating. It's a long one though, a little over 7000 words so hopefully that will make up for the wait a little bit. Sorry!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee…
Glee!
Chapter 20:
Natasha sighed and got up, crossing her room to put a DVD on, hoping it would distract her from her building anxiety. She chose Mean Girls, a movie she must have watched a million times over and still loved. As she pressed the button to close the DVD tray the door to her room opened.
"Hey Tash," Santana said smiling.
"Hey," Natasha smiled back. She stood very still as Santana came closer, leaning down to kiss her softly. After a few seconds they separated and Natasha reached up to wrap her arms around Santana's neck, hugging her tightly. Santana abruptly pulled back, reaching for Natasha's right arm, cradling her forearm gently in both of her hands. She beamed at Natasha when she saw that her cast was gone, replaced by a stocking bandage.
"You got your cast off!" Santana stated the obvious, stroking her fingers over the stretchy cotton bandage.
"I did," Natasha giggled.
"Does it hurt?" Santana asked her.
"A little but not too much. Mostly it hurts when I bend my elbow, which physio says I have to do as much as possible. It feels so light though. And kinda naked," Natasha told her, wriggling her fingers a little. Santana's gentle fingers trailed up to the top of the bandage.
"Are the scars bad?" Santana asked.
"Well…yeah," Natasha admitted, her face falling.
"Can I see?" she asked. Natasha hesitated briefly, frowning.
"Ok. Just be gentle," she finally told her. Santana slowly and very carefully rolled the bandage down her arm. The first scar started about two inches above her elbow and curved down around the outside of the joint, ending about two inches below. Santana's breath caught and a lump rose in her throat at the sight of it. At what would be one of multiple physical reminders of that night, of what she had been through. As Santana rolled the bandage down further she began swallowing convulsively at the sight of the other scar. If she had thought the first one was bad, it had nothing on this one. It was nearly five inches long, it was wide and an angry red, another nasty scar bisected it about an inch and a half above her wrist. It was vicious. Santana stopped rolling the bandage at Natasha's badly scarred wrist. "Impressive huh?" Natasha asked lightly as Santana's index finger traced the skin beside the marks almost lovingly. The Latina didn't respond, she just gently rolled the bandage up and smoothed it back into place. She cradled Natasha's arm gently for a few moments before pulling the smaller girl into a careful hug. Natasha wrapped her arms around Santana's waist gently as she felt the other girl begin to shake against her. Natasha rested her head against her chest, hearing her heartbeat pounding reassuringly next to her ear and sighed. She was supposed to be breaking whatever this was between them off tonight but here, held gently and lovingly in Santana's arms, feeling her cheek against her head and her uneven breaths rustling her hair, she couldn't think of anything she wanted to do less. She reasoned that Santana was pretty upset tonight so maybe now wasn't the best time to break her heart. They held their embrace for the longest time, until it was interrupted by Genevieve walking in.
"Hey girls," she smiled slightly when she locked eyes with her daughter who smiled back from where she was snuggled against Santana's chest. Genevieve's brow furrowed when she registered the pain in Santana's eyes, the dried tear tracks on her cheeks, the way she held Natasha gently, like she might break, but protectively, like she was trying desperately to shield her from the world. Genevieve moved closer reaching out to push the taller girl's hair out of her face. "I was just popping in to say goodnight, and Santana, honey, let me know if you need anything in the guestroom. I put some extra blankets in there for you," she told them. She palmed Santana's cheek, eyeing her worriedly before leaning to kiss Natasha on the cheek.
"Night Mom," Natasha smiled. She frowned when Santana let go of her.
"Night Gen," Santana whispered. "Thanks."
"You're welcome honey," Gen smiled. "Have a good sleep ok. You'll be fine," she told them both. She smiled again before leaving, closing the door behind her, leaving the girls alone.
"What are we watching?" Santana asked quietly.
"Mean Girls," Natasha smiled, making her way over to the bed and lying down. Santana put her pyjamas on and crawled in next to her, picking up the remote and hitting play. "I have to take this off to sleep," Natasha said, gesturing nervously at her bandage. Santana winced but nodded, turning her eyes to the screen as Natasha carefully took off her bandage, rolling it down like Santana had, before pulling it off and dropping it on the bedside table. She rested her oddly naked feeling arm on a pillow that she had propped between herself and Santana, observing how the Latina pointedly kept her eyes locked on the screen, not looking at Natasha's damaged arm. Natasha sighed and pulled the sheet up to cover her arm, so that if she did look down Santana wouldn't have to see it. Then she turned her attention to the movie, mouthing her favourite lines along with the characters. They were about 20 minutes into the movie when Natasha felt the sheet being lifted off of her arm. She kept her eyes on the screen, letting Santana look. Soft fingers trailed lightly over her arm, near but not touching the scars. Out of the corner of her eye Natasha saw Santana's eyes were focussed on her arm. She watched the other girl carefully, keeping her face toward the TV and Santana in her peripheral vision. After a few minutes Santana's stroking fingers traced lightly over the big scar on Natasha's forearm. The sensation gave Natasha chills and she shivered, goose bumps spreading up her arm. Santana yanked her hand back.
"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry," she said immediately.
"No," Natasha laughed a little. "That tickles."
"I don't want to hurt you," Santana whispered.
"I know," Natasha reached over to cup her cheek gently, before removing her hand and turning back to the TV. A little while later she jumped at a light brush on her arm. She looked down and realised that Santana had leaned down and brushed the gentlest of kisses over the spot where the two scars on her forearm intersected. Natasha's breath hitched at the sheer intimacy of the gesture. Santana looked up and caught her eye then leaned down to press another kiss to her elbow scar. Natasha watched with wide eyes as Santana leaned toward her. Their lips met and Natasha sighed against the other girl's mouth, her eyes slipping closed. When Santana's tongue slipped out to touch her bottom lip Natasha suddenly realised that she just couldn't let this go on. She very gently pulled back, her heart aching at the hurt and confusion in the dark, dark eyes in front of her. She smiled slightly before snuggling further into the bed and turning her attention back to the movie. She tried in vain to gather up the courage to talk to Santana, to explain herself, but she just couldn't do it.
Santana stared at the girl beside her, wondering why she had pushed her away like that. She could almost see the cogs turning in Natasha's head as she stared unseeingly at the TV screen, and wondered what the other girl was thinking so hard about. She had a gut feeling that she knew, but she pushed it away, hoping against hope that she was wrong. Santana shook herself lightly before resting her hand over Natasha's and trying to focus on the movie playing, and when she looked over at Natasha again a few minutes later, she realised that the smaller girl had fallen asleep. Santana sighed deeply. This was the part of the night she had been dreading. She got up and turned off the TV and DVD player, deciding that it was best just to get this over with. She crouched down next to Natasha, staring at her sleeping face a moment before stroking her hair and tucking her in. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done in her young life, dragging herself away from the sleeping girl, who had been through so much and who had needed her so badly the past few months…Who she had needed so badly the past few months. Looking at her now, she suddenly seemed so much tinier, so much younger, so much more vulnerable than she ever had before and it caused a lump to rise in Santana's throat. She swallowed hard, cursing her bottom lip as it began to tremble and blinking hard in a vain attempt to keep her tears from falling. She stroked Natasha's cheek one last time before tearing herself away, turning off the light and closing the door behind her.
"OK honey?" a voice asked off to Santana's left. She jumped and whipped around to find Genevieve leaning against the wall, a few feet down the hallway, clearly waiting for her to come out of Natasha's room.
"I'm fine," Santana internally cringed at the waiver in her voice.
"No you're not," Genevieve said lightly, pushing off the wall and stepping toward Santana. "Of course you're not. You've practically been living here since she got home, practically living and breathing her. You need her as much as she needs you." Genevieve felt her heart ache at the look on the face of the young girl in front of her. She looked so young, so lost and so vulnerable. Santana looked up and locked eyes with the older woman and in that moment Genevieve could clearly see how traumatised Santana was by everything that had happened and it almost broke her. She stepped forward as Santana's chest began to hitch and carefully wrapped her arms around her. Santana tensed briefly before relaxing into the hug and laying her head on Genevieve's shoulder.
"I feel lost without her," she whispered.
"I bet you do," Genevieve stroked a hand over Santana's dark hair before pulling back. "Come on," she smiled softly and took Santana's hand, leading her to the guestroom. Once inside Genevieve pushed her gently toward the bed and Santana sat nervously on the edge. "Honey, where are your Mom and Dad?" Genevieve asked, sitting next to Santana, who shrugged.
"At home," she replied, picking at her nails.
"Do they know what happened? Where you go at night?" Genevieve probed.
"Yeah. Mom came to the hospital that night. She knows I come here," Santana replied emotionlessly.
"Santana are your parents around much?" Genevieve asked.
"No. They work," Santana used that same emotionless voice again.
"What do they do?" Genevieve noticed the shorter, sharper tone and the monosyllabic answers and hoped the girl wouldn't get angry with her questioning but she needed to know. She knew if the positions had been reversed that she would have never let Natasha go running off to her house every night and get to this point of dependence on someone else's child.
"Dad is a doctor, Mom is a lawyer," Santana replied. She looked Genevieve up and down and sighed deeply. "They work long hours; I have no brothers or sisters, only child. I spend most of my time alone. They think that giving me free run with their credit cards makes up for them not being there much. It doesn't…but they love me. They're there when it counts," she told Genevieve, an edge of defence creeping into her voice at the last sentence.
"Ok," Genevieve smiled a little, her voice pacifying. Santana eyed her warily. "It's getting late and you have school tomorrow. You should try to sleep," she said, backing off and changing the subject. Santana looked down at her hands and sighed.
"I guess," she said softly. "I don't think I'll be able to though," she admitted.
"Oh I think you will," Genevieve said, a knowing smile on her face. "Goodnight Santana," she reached out and palmed the girl's cheek before standing to leave.
"Wait, Gen," Santana called out. When Genevieve turned around she was standing, looking shyly at her feet. "Can I…," Santana started. She swallowed hard. "Can I please have a hug?" she whispered, her voice tiny. Genevieve immediately held out her arms and Santana stepped into them, wrapping her own arms hesitantly around the older woman. Genevieve pulled Santana against her, holding her tight and stroking her hair a little before pulling back.
"You can have a hug whenever you need one," Genevieve told her with a smile.
"Thank you," Santana smiled tentatively back. She climbed into bed as Genevieve left the room, closing the door behind her. As Santana got comfy in her bed she suddenly noticed that one of the pillows didn't match the others. At first she thought it was the pillow from her side of Natasha's bed, but when she pulled it closer she realised that it wasn't, it was Natasha's pillow. She hugged it tightly to her, and rested her head on it. It smelled like Natasha and that was more comforting than Santana would ever let on. She lay, curled around the pillow, for nearly an hour before her eyelids began to flutter and droop and just before sleep claimed her, Genevieve's knowing smile from earlier suddenly made sense. She had put the pillow there to help her sleep. Santana smiled softly to herself and drifted off to sleep.
Glee!
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late-," Mr Schue began. He frowned when no one paid attention to him, they were all crowded around someone and chattering. "What's going on?" Mr Schue asked.
"We're checking out Tasha's war wounds," Puck told him. "She got her arm cast off." The others had moved back and were taking their seats again now. Giving poor Natasha some much needed air. Mr Schue stepped forward and cringed at the sight of the angry marks on the girl's arm.
"Oh Tasha those are vicious," he commented with a grimace.
"I reckon," Natasha agreed. She giggled when Brittany planted a ridiculously over the top kiss on her arm and the blonde beamed back at her, thrilled to have gotten a laugh. Natasha rolled her bandage back up and glanced around the room, looking for Santana. She was sitting alone, at the back of the room, hands folded in her lap and her head down. It unnerved Natasha because it was so unlike the other Latina. Brittany had gently tangled her left hand in Natasha's right though so Natasha decided it would be easier to wait to talk to her after class and ask her what was wrong then.
"Ok your assignment this week is to pick a song that you feel describes another member of Glee Club and we will perform them next week," Mr Schue told them.
"Can we sing about ourselves?" Rachel asked.
"Uh, sure," Mr Schue fought the urge to roll his eyes at the predictably selfish question, which half of his students were already doing.
"Modest much, Manhands?" Santana snarled. Natasha turned her upper body to glare at her friend. Her glare almost became a grimace when she saw Santana's face; her lip was curled back in a vicious sneer aimed at Rachel who squeaked and cowered slightly when she saw it. When Santana caught sight of Natasha and Brittany's identical glares she turned her sneer on them, stunning them both, before dropping her gaze back to her hands where they were folded in her lap. Natasha and Brittany looked at each other worriedly before turning back to face the front.
"That was unnecessary, Santana," Mr Schue scolded lightly. Santana gave no indication that she had even heard him.
"Do we have to tell who we are singing about?" Sam asked.
"Not if you don't want to," Mr Schue told him.
"Can we sing about more than one person?" Natasha asked.
"Sure, I don't see why not," Mr Schue answered her as everyone started talking amongst themselves about the songs they were going to sing.
"I'm totally going to sing about you Tash," Brittany leaned close and whispered in Natasha's ear. Natasha leaned back and smiled a little.
"That's sweet, Britt," she whispered back, leaning over to rest her head on the blondes shoulder. She could almost feel Santana staring daggers into her back. They spent the rest of the lesson until the bell went talking about Nationals and arguing about what they were going to sing. As soon as the bell rang, Santana shot out of her chair and tried to get away, but Natasha was too quick and grabbed her arm as she walked past her.
"Wait, Santana, I need to talk to you," she said gently.
"No. I don't want to," Santana's bottom lip trembled. Everyone else had filtered out by now and with her back to the door, Santana couldn't see Brittany hovering in the doorway.
"Why not?" Natasha asked, reaching out to touch Santana's hand, swallowing hard when the taller girl yanked it away, tucking it safely at her side.
"Because if I talk to you, you're going to break my heart," Santana's voice cracked. She stared searchingly into Natasha's eyes. "Aren't you?" Natasha felt her own heart shatter at the look on Santana's face.
"No," she said softly, trying to keep her own voice steady. "I'm going to break both of our hearts," she lost the battle then, her own voice cracking with emotion. She reached out, taking both of Santana's forearms in her hands, stroking gently with her thumbs. "And it's not because I don't love you Santana. Because I do love you, so much. But you and I both know, we can't keep pretending that this is something other than what it is," Natasha said softly.
"I don't understand," Santana choked out brokenly.
"Yes you do," Natasha smiled slightly. "We're doing this for all of the wrong reasons. You're using me as a substitute for Brittany, and I'm using you as a distraction from the crap-fest that is my life right now. We're both using each other as a safety blanket," Natasha reached up in an attempt to comfort the taller girl. Surprisingly Santana let her tuck her hair back and run the back of her hand along her jaw. Santana's bottom lip trembled and tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. What Natasha was saying was true but this really hurt. No one had ever broken up with Santana before; she never gave them the chance to. Natasha's hand left her face and caught her right wrist, her other hand sliding down her left forearm to capture the left wrist lightly, wary of jolting her own arm. "I'm so sorry I'm hurting you like this. But it's for the best," Natasha whispered.
"You're right," Santana's voice cracked again and she turned her arms gently so that she could slide her hands into Natasha's. "I know you're right. I love you too Tash, but I'm in love with her. I'm in love with her," tears spilled over her cheeks.
"I know," Natasha pulled Santana into her arms, hugging her as her own tears spilled over. Santana didn't speak, she just tucked her face into the crook of Natasha's neck. The two girls stood in each other's arms, crying, until Natasha spotted Brittany watching them, tears running down her pale cheeks. "I have to go now San. I've got Physiotherapy," she whispered. She turned her body to block unwanted eyes and gently lifted Santana's hand, placing a brief kiss on her palm. "I'm sorry. I understand if…," she stopped, choking back a sob. "I understand if you don't want to come over tonight…or anymore," she sobbed. She turned to walk away pausing to whisper back over her shoulder "You know, Santana, in another lifetime you and I would have made an awesome lesbian power couple," she smiled when Santana did then she walked away leaving the taller girl in the empty choir room with a sad little smile and tears on her face. Natasha paused in front of Brittany as she walked away.
"Go Britt. Go take care of her," she whispered brokenly. Brittany looked so torn, obviously wanting to comfort both of her friends. "Go to her. She needs you more," Natasha choked out. She walked away, making a beeline to the bathroom, where she crumpled carefully to the floor in tears, her heart aching.
"Tasha?" a voice sounded, high and frightened. "Are you hurt? What happened? Should I take you to the nurse? What should I do? What do you need?" Rachel rambled hysterically.
"A hug, please?" Natasha sobbed brokenly. Rachel, overwhelmed with relief that Natasha wasn't physically hurt, knelt down beside her, wrapping the crying girl up gently in her arms. She rested her cheek against her head as she felt Natasha embrace her back, holding on tightly. She stroked her back and arms gently, making soft shushing noises until the smaller girl's sobs quieted, her harsh breathing evening out a little.
"What the hell?" Quinn said angrily when she came upon the scene in the bathroom a few minutes later. "What did you do to her?" she glared at Rachel, rushing forward to touch her friend, sending Natasha into fresh sobs.
"I didn't do anything to her!" Rachel said indignantly, hugging Natasha tighter to her. "I found her like this. I don't know what happened."
"Sorry, I…I'm a little protective of her," Quinn apologised, rubbing Natasha's back gently.
"Maybe we should take her home?" Rachel suggested.
"We'll take her to mine. Her house will just remind her," Rachel could see that Quinn already knew what had upset Natasha. The blonde was gently stroking damp strands of dark hair from the crying girl's face. Natasha had calmed again and shot her a grateful, teary smile. The two girls helped Natasha to her feet and led her past her locker to grab her things, then out to Quinn's car. After making sure she was buckled in, Rachel moved to walk away.
"You're coming too," Quinn told her. Folding her arms and trying to look demanding instead of awkward.
"I am?" Rachel asked, disbelieving.
"Get in the car, Berry," Quinn got in the driver's seat and waited until Rachel opened the back door, cautiously climbing in.
Glee!
Back in the choir room after Natasha left, Santana walked robotically over to a corner of the room and slid down to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself and dropping her head onto them, sobbing brokenly. She almost jumped out of her skin at the feel of familiar fingers brushing lightly over the back of her hand. She didn't even realise that she was holding her breath until Brittany spoke from her seat on the floor beside her.
"Santana, honey you have to breathe," Brittany carefully rested her hand between Santana's shoulder blades as the Latina sucked in a couple of choked breaths.
"Don't," Santana hiccupped and tried to shrug the hand off of her back.
"Santana," Brittany pointedly left her hand where it was. "I know that Natasha broke up with you," she said gently. "You need a friend right now. Let me be your friend again." Santana sobbed harder at the blonde's pleading words. Brittany sighed and was trying to think of a new plan when she glanced at Santana. She felt her heart leap at the simple, familiar gesture. The darker girl was in the exact same position as before, but she had shifted her hand ever so slightly, and extended her pinky finger. Brittany reached out and linked her own pinky with it, squeezing tightly, pleased when Santana squeezed back. They sat in silence, pinkies linked, until Santana slowly lifted her head and leaned over to lay it against Brittany's shoulder, sniffling softly.
"Hey," Brittany said softly, swapping one pinky finger for the other and gently laying an arm across Santana's shoulders.
"Hey," came the quiet, hoarse reply. Santana turned her head slightly so that her cheek pressed against Brittany's bare shoulder, her cool skin soothing against Santana's overheated face. Brittany dropped her head to rest her cheek against the top of Santana's head.
"Wanna get ice cream? I'll get you mint chocolate chip," Brittany asked, trying to tempt Santana with her favourite treat.
"With chocolate syrup?" Santana asked, her voice still small but steadier.
"With anything you want," Brittany told her, a smile lighting her lips.
"Good. Cos' I wants to get my chocolate syrup on." Santana announced and Brittany could hear the hint of a smile in her voice. "But you better be ready to run all that sugar off with me in the morning."
"Absolutely. What are friends for?" Brittany asked, pulling Santana tighter against her with the arm over her shoulders.
"Ok," Santana agreed, lifting her head. She smiled slightly at Brittany who positively beamed back at her. The blonde stood up, tugging Santana with her by her pinky before hauling the shorter girl into a tight hug.
"I miss you," she whispered, before pulling back, smiling and tugging at Santana's hand, leading her out of the choir room.
Glee!
"Wow," Rachel commented as she stepped into Quinn's bedroom. It was huge and beautifully decorated. She almost dropped Natasha as she tried to drink it all in.
"It's just a room Berry," Quinn muttered self consciously.
"It's gorgeous," Rachel replied, smiling warmly at the blonde as they set the now eerily silent brunette down on the bed. Natasha awkwardly crawled up the bed, one armed and dragging her cast leg, so that she was on the bed properly, her head on Quinn's pillow. Quinn pulled Natasha's shoe off before tucking her up in the big fluffy blanket that sat at the end of the bed.
"What happened?" Quinn asked softly, she lay down behind her friend, draping an arm over her. Rachel awkwardly shifted closer, taking one of Natasha's hands in both of hers.
"I broke up with Santana," Natasha all but wailed, bursting into tears. Quinn snapped her eyes to Rachel's, which were slightly surprised but the brunette didn't ask questions or comment like Quinn expected her to, she just gripped Natasha's hand tighter, stroking the back with her thumb.
"Sweetie I'm sorry," Quinn sighed, hugging Natasha tighter.
"I did the right thing Quinn. She doesn't love me. She loves Britt and I can't compete with that!" Natasha choked out between sobs. Quinn's eyes went to Rachel's, this time finding no trace of surprise in the brown orbs. "I never should have let it get to this! I'm so stupid," Natasha sobbed angrily.
"You're not stupid Natasha-," Rachel began.
"I am! I put my heart out there, knowing it was going to get trampled all over! That's stupid! Who does that?" Natasha interrupted.
"Hey, shut up a minute and listen to me," Rachel scolded, causing Quinn's eyebrows to lift almost to her hairline. Natasha closed her mouth, her eyes lifting to Rachel's. "You are not stupid. You've been through so much the last year, well your whole life really but that doesn't really pertain to what I'm about to say so -,"
"Rachel! Point!" Quinn prompted, exasperated.
"Right. You've been through so much in the last year, and you found someone who made you feel happy and whole, and safe, and comforted. It's only natural that you would want to feel that way, even if on some level you knew that it would end like this. It doesn't make you stupid, Tasha, it makes you human. And with all that Santana has been going through recently with Brittany, I'm sure you made her feel that way too," Rachel told her. Quinn lifted her head and looked at Rachel somewhat astonished by her insight. Maybe the girl hadn't been lying when she said she had a sixth sense. Natasha looked at her searchingly then rolled over to face Quinn and buried her face against her shoulder, nuzzling in close. Quinn hesitated before wrapping her arms around her friend, holding her tightly. Rachel shifted further up the bed, stroking Natasha's hair and singing softly until Natasha's breathing evened out. When she was sure the girl between them was asleep, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Quinn. "You know, don't have to be afraid of her Quinn. She doesn't like you like that. She just likes physical contact," she stated boldly. "I'm not saying she doesn't think that you're beautiful because you are and anyone would have to be blind not to see that," She added hastily at the look Quinn gave her. Quinn looked down, embarrassed both by the complement and the fact that Rachel had seen her hesitate when Natasha had cuddled into her and called her out on it.
"I didn't mean to do that," she said softly. "It's not that I have a problem with her being gay, because I absolutely don't. It's just…," Quinn trailed off, quickly dropping her face and staring at the bed. She wasn't quick enough though and Rachel caught sight of the shame in her eyes.
"What?" Rachel asked gently. "You can tell me y'know."
"It was just a kneejerk reaction. My father drilled into me for a lot of years that gay people are bad and sinful. He's my father, of course I believed him, completely. It wasn't until I joined Glee and got to know Kurt that I started questioning what he instilled in me," Quinn told her softly. "I don't think there's anything wrong with it anymore," she added quickly, averting her eyes again, unnerved by the surprisingly honest moment they were sharing.
"I understand," Rachel said honestly. She smiled at Quinn as though she was proud of her. They both went quiet for a while, the silence quickly becoming awkward. "I guess I should be going, now that Tasha's ok. Can you let me know if she's staying here or going home tonight? I'd like to bring her some homemade chocolate chip cookies to cheer her up," she told Quinn.
"Uh yeah, sure," Quinn told her. "Do, uh, do you need a ride?" she asked.
"Oh I'm only a few blocks from here. I'll just walk, Thanks, though," Rachel smiled, picking up her bag. Quinn stood and walked her to the front door to let her out. "Bye Quinn. Tell Tasha I said goodbye?" Rachel said brightly.
"I will. Uh, Bye Rachel," Quinn replied awkwardly before heading back inside. She stopped at the fridge to grab a couple of bottles of water, then headed back to her room. Natasha was awake and sitting up, waiting for her. "Rachel said Goodbye," Quinn told her, handing her a bottle of water.
"Thanks. Do you have any aspirin? I have a headache," Natasha asked quietly. Quinn reached into her bedside table and produced a bottle of pills. Natasha took two and handed the bottle back. "Thanks," she said again.
"How are you doing?" Quinn asked tenderly, brushing Natasha's hair out of her eyes.
"This really, really sucks, Quinn," Natasha replied, her voice wobbling. "I hope she's ok. I really hurt her," her voice cracked then.
"She'll be ok," Quinn assured her, putting an arm around her. "You both will. I promise."
Glee!
Natasha sat in her recliner chair, slowly eating a cookie and watching the window instead of the movie playing on her TV. She didn't expect her to come but she couldn't help but hope. She had sent Brittany a text earlier, asking if Santana was ok. She had gotten a reply immediately: She's stuffing her face with ice cream and being very rude to the lady at the counter. She's sad but she's ok. Don't worry, be happy Tash! - Love B. Natasha couldn't help the little smile that crossed her lips as she recalled Brittany's sweet words. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the door open.
"Hey," came a soft voice. Natasha jumped and whipped her head around toward the sound.
"Hey Tash!" Brittany said excitedly.
"Hey," Natasha smiled briefly at Brittany before her eyes fell on Santana, who was shifting nervously, her dark eyes incredibly sad. Brittany, oblivious to the almost palpable tension in the room, bounced happily over to the smaller girl and leaned over to plant a kiss on her forehead.
"I just came to drop San off, I have to get home before curfew so I don't get grounded," Brittany pouted and Natasha tried to look as sympathetic as possible. Brittany beamed at her effort and leaned over to kiss her head again. "Night night Tasha, sweet dreams! I'll see you at school tomorrow," Brittany called over her shoulder as she left. As she passed Santana she paused briefly to grab the shorter girls hand and kiss the back of it gently. She whispered something to her but Natasha was too far away to hear what it was. She wasn't too far away to see how it affected Santana though. The pain in her eyes deepened considerably and she began to swallow convulsively. Brittany left with a last wave, and the tension got thicker without Brittany as a buffer.
"I didn't think you'd come," Natasha said softly, staring at her hands.
"I wasn't sure I was going to come," Santana replied, stepping further into the room and sitting cautiously on the edge of the bed.
"So why did you?" Natasha asked.
"Because I may not be in love with you, but I do love you Tash. I couldn't stay away," Santana said softly, her hair falling in a curtain, shielding her face from view. Natasha had never seen the girl look so timid. She hauled herself to her feet and slowly made her way over to her friend. She could see Santana get more and more tense with each step she took toward her. When she reached her, both girls sucked in deep shaky breaths. Natasha reached out, tucking glossy black hair behind Santana's ear.
"Look at me," Natasha ordered softly. Santana looked up but her eyes focussed just off to the left of Natasha's head. "Look at me," Natasha repeated, hooking her fingertips under Santana's chin and turning her head toward her. Dark brown eyes finally met bright green. "I love you too, Santana. I don't want to lose you as a friend over this. Can we try to get past this? Please?" she pleaded. Her eyes filled with tears, her lip trembled and Santana's heart nearly shattered into a thousand pieces. She stood and slowly pulled the shorter girl into a hug, holding her tightly, tears running down her face and falling into the dark hair beneath her cheek. Natasha hugged back and Santana could feel her body begin to shake in her arms.
"I don't want to lose you either," Santana managed to choke out brokenly. Natasha just hugged her tighter, pushing up on tiptoes to bury her face in the crook of Santana's neck. They held their embrace for the longest time, until Natasha had to pull back, her left foot aching from holding all of her weight for so long and her right arm aching from the position she had been holding it in. They separated slowly, awkwardness settling back in. Natasha groaned in pain as she hobbled over to her bed and sat down. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Santana asked worriedly.
"No, no. Just stiff from standing like that for so long," Natasha said, wincing slightly as she slowly and carefully straightened and then bent her elbow as much as she could, which still wasn't much.
"This is so awkward," Santana sighed.
"I know," Natasha said, flopping back onto the bed. "I guess we just have to keep working at it 'til it isn't."
"Yeah I guess so. God if it's this awkward after a couple of kisses, I'm really glad we never had sex," Santana stated outright. Natasha threw her head back and laughed until tears ran down her cheeks and she was gasping for air. Santana couldn't help but laugh with her and it felt good.
"Oh God," Natasha gasped as she wiped her eyes and tried to catch her breath. She grinned at Santana who grinned back and both girls were relieved to feel some of the awkwardness slip away. Santana reached over to brush away an errant tear and Natasha giggled at the gesture.
"So what movie are we falling asleep to tonight?" Santana asked.
"I don't know. You pick," Natasha told her. "Something funny would be awesome but whatever you want is fine." Santana scanned over the titles in the rack, eventually settling on Bruce Almighty, which she hadn't seen in years.
"You have Berry cookies!" Santana exclaimed when she went to put the DVD in and saw the bright pink box on top of the player. She turned to Natasha, her eyes alight and pleading.
"You can have some," Natasha giggled as Santana whipped around and grabbed a cookie, shoving it all into her mouth at once. "Santana Isabella Lopez! That is so impolite! You're as bad as Elijah!" she scolded, doing her best imitation of her own mother and trying not to laugh.
"Bite me," Santana mumbled around a mouthful of cookie.
"You're gross, Santana, just gross. Put the damn DVD on," Natasha couldn't help the smile that escaped at the last second.
"You love me anyway," Santana said, having swallowed most of her cookie already.
"Yes I do. But I will slap you upside the head if you keep eating like a pig," Natasha informed her, channelling Rachel's haughtiness.
"What did you do to deserve Berry cookies anyway?" Santana moved to sit on the bed, as close to the edge as possible, so there'd be a wide gap between her and Natasha. Natasha still hadn't moved from the end of the bed and they both looked away as awkwardness settled in again.
"She and Quinn took me home from school. She, uh, made them to cheer me up," Natasha glanced at Santana, then looked away as she gave the short answer, leaving out the bit where she had sobbed like a baby on Quinn's bed for God knew how long.
"Nice of her," Santana commented awkwardly.
"Yeah. I uh, I have to brush my teeth and stuff. You can start the movie without me if you like," Natasha stood up and hobbled to the bathroom. When she came back she saw that Santana had waited for her to come back to start the DVD. The taller girl hit play as Natasha crawled under the covers, right on the edge of the bed, facing away from Santana. Santana had chosen to stay on top of the blankets, feeling like it would just be far too familiar, far too intimate to climb into the bed like she usually did. They didn't speak another word and Natasha fell asleep about halfway through the movie. Santana watched it until the end before standing up, stretching her tense muscles and moving to turn the TV and DVD player off. She headed for the door and then stopped, moving back to kneel next to Natasha, staring at her sleeping face. She reached out a hand and rested it gently against her warm cheek.
"We'll be okay Tasha," she whispered softly. "I promise," she leaned in, gently brushing her lips across Natasha's forehead. She tucked the blankets tighter around the sleeping girl before heading to her room. She found Genevieve waiting for her in the hallway again.
"Night honey," Genevieve smiled. "You know where I am if you need anything."
"Yeah I do," Santana smiled slightly. Genevieve held out her arms and Santana stepped into them. Genevieve hugged her tightly for a moment, placing an impulsive kiss on the top of her head, before pulling away. "Night Gen," Santana smiled before heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. She walked into the guestroom and frowned when she saw a pink box with a purple ribbon sitting on her bed. She walked over and picked it up, pulling an envelope from under the ribbon. Her name was written in Rachel Berry's familiar loopy scrawl on the front. Why would Berry make her cookies though? She opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper.
Dear Santana,
I know that you are hurting right now and I thought that some of my cookies would cheer you up. I know that you like them. I also know that you dislike me intensely but I just wanted to inform you that if you need someone to talk to; that you know where I live (I know that you know where I live because you used to hand deliver insulting letters to me on your way home from school. I saw you.) and that you are welcome any time. Please don't kill me for this.
Sincerely,
Rachel Berry
There was one of Rachel's trademark gold star stickers next to her name. Santana was stunned and a little touched by the gesture. Most people had come to the conclusion that she didn't have feelings and so they never went out of their way to acknowledge them. Santana placed the letter back in the envelope and put it, along with the box of cookies, on the nightstand before climbing into bed. Natasha's pillow was still there and the familiar smell made a lump rise in Santana's throat and tears well in her eyes as the hurt rose up all over again. She sat up and threw the pillow as hard as she could at the wall, a sob escaping her with the effort. She laid back down, pulling another pillow to her, sobbing brokenly into it until she finally cried herself into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.
Glee!
Sorry again for the huge delay in getting this up! Thank you for your patience and thanks for reading. I hope it was worth it!