"Draco..." Hermione waved her hand up and down in front of his face. "Yoohoo, earth to Draco."
"Huh? What?" Draco shook his head, and the daydream of them being together vanished. "Sorry, I must have tuned out for a moment. What did you say?"
Hermione couldn't hide her amusement as she repeated, "I asked if you'd ever been sailing. Then you went to another planet."
"Oh, yeah." He continued walking as he answered her, in reality this time. "No. I've never been. My family is not very fond of large bodies of water, my father especially." From the corner of his eye, he saw her grimace at the mention of his father, but he continued. "Plus, sailing is considered to be far too muggle a thing for purebloods like them to be doing."
She was a bit taken back by the hatred in his tone of voice. She'd only ever heard him speak with such contempt when he was calling her mudblood or insulting Ron and Harry in some way. To hear him speak that way about his family was surprising. Then she realized something else... he'd used the classifier 'like them'. He could have just said 'its far too muggle a thing for purebloods to be doing', but he added those two extra words. Why? "Wait, what do you mean when you say 'like them'?"
"I mean those who believe blood status matters." He was pleased their conversation was following similar lines to his fantasy, but he wouldn't allow his hopes to rise.
She hoped he was saying what she thought he was saying, but she needed to be sure. "But you've always made such a big deal about blood status yourself." He could hear the pain in her voice, as she continued. "I mean, you always called me..." Her voice trailed off. She was unable to bring herself to say the word that had literally cut her so deeply. She stopped walking and turned to face him as she asked, "Why would you do that if you didn't care about blood status."
The pain behind her question broke his heart, just as it had in his daydream. "The truth is, it was to protect myself. If I had shown any sympathy toward you, even once, I would have been marked as a traitor. That's how seriously pureblood families take blood status." Her feelings softened, as she began to comprehend what kind of life Draco had grown up with. His voice was barely more than a whisper as he continued, "And it was to protect you." Her eyes darted to his, questioning how and why he would have been protecting her by being so nasty all those years. "You see, if I hadn't been so cruel to you, my father would have made sure someone else was. I was cruel to you verbally so no one else would be cruel to you physically. I know it sounds terrible, but that is the way pureblood minds' work."
She was having a hard time computing what she'd just heard. "But I saw the hatred in your eyes every time you said it or something like it."
He sighed, and his shoulders slumped, as if in defeat, as he answered, "The hatred you saw was what I felt toward myself for saying such things. Every time that word came out of my mouth, it tasted like bile. Many times, I'd soon after find the nearest bathroom and be sick."
Tears were trying to flood her eyes, "So all this time, every cruel word and sneer, every taunt and torment was done to protect me?"
"Yes." He hoped she would be as accepting as daydream Hermione had been. "From the moment I knew you were a muggle born, I've been trying to protect you in the only way I knew how."
She was able to understand the logistics of how his 'protection' had worked, but she was struggling to understand the reasoning. "Why, why did you feel the need to protect me?"
There it was. She had hit him in the one place he couldn't be fully honest, so he bent the truth just a bit. "It was because you reminded me of a muggle girl I once knew."
She was perplexed. "I don't understand. How did you know any muggles before coming to Hogwarts? I can't believe your parents would have allowed that."
"They didn't, exactly." He flashed her his signature smirk, knowing he was about to blow her mind. "It was Severus who introduced me to the muggle world. When I was six years old, he suggested to my father that I receive private tutoring, from him of course, every summer. What my father didn't know was that he wasn't preparing me to join Voldemort when he returned, he was preparing me to fight against him. The first lesson was to see muggles as equals. I struggled with that, even after Severus told me about his relationship with Lily. It wasn't until a muggle girl and her family moved in next door that I was able to understand what he was trying to teach me."
Hermione's eyes were wide in disbelief. Draco knew about Lily, and he'd been working with Snape the entire time. "My brain feels like it is about to explode."
Draco couldn't help but chuckle. It felt good to get the truth out, even if it was only half the truth. "I can understand that. Its a lot to take in."
"So you've been working with Snape... this whole time?" Her voice was a mix of shock and admiration.
"Yes. Only Dumbledore, Severus and myself knew the truth, right up to the final battle. Professor McGonagall knows now because Snape made sure to leave his memories where only she'd find them."
Hermione shook her head to clear it. "So I was right." He looked at her in confusion. "I was right last night when I said I thought this year's you was the real you."
He laughed. "Yes, I guess you were. Not that you being right is surprising." The light left her face, and her eyes dropped to the floor. Draco worried that he'd upset her by implying she was a know-it-all. "Hermione, I didn't mean to offend you... its just that you always have the answers, and-"
She cut him off, but her voice was strained as she fought back tears. "No, no... its not that. I know you didn't mean anything by that, it was a simple, friendly joke."
He was relieved he hadn't offended her, but had no clue why she was suddenly in tears. "Then what is it? Why are you crying?"
"Its because of you. You've had to go through the last seven years of your life, having only two people who knew and cared about the real you. I just wish you hadn't had to be so alone." She wiped her cheeks with her robe.
It was his turn to get choked up. She was crying for him. Not because of something he said or did to her, but because she was upset that he'd been so alienated. He was able to keep his tears from falling, but his shaking voice revealed how much he was touched by her concern. "What is done is done. I can't say it was easy, but Voldemort being defeated, getting to be the real me now and having the chance to make genuine friends makes everything worth it."
She stared into his silver eyes and felt a sense of peace unlike any she'd known since spending lazy summer afternoons under the giant oak tree with her best friend, Blake. She was surprised how often Draco reminded her of him. She smiled kindly at him as she said, "The real you is someone I look forward to being friends with."
Draco felt his heart swell. She couldn't know how important those words were to him. She had no way of knowing that the only person he really cared to have on his side was her. "Thank you, Hermione."
She caught him off guard when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "You're not alone anymore, Draco."
He hesitated a moment before returning her embrace. He was unable to contain his emotion as he replied, "You have no idea how much that means to me."
It felt right to have her in his arms again after seven years of being forced to keep his distance, so it took every ounce of strength he had to release her, rather than cling to her, as she pulled away.
They walked in silence for several minutes before Hermione shyly revealed, "I broke up with Ron today."
Draco tried to act surprised and at the same time conceal his happiness as he replied, "What happened?"
She glanced sideways at him. "Oh, nothing in particular. I just came to terms with the fact that we will always want different things. He didn't take it very well, but I hope, eventually, he will understand it is for the best." She sounded sad yet relieved.
"Breaking up isn't easy, but I'm sure you know what is right for you." He encouraged.
"I do know." She nodded her head as if to assure herself. "The worst part is all the time I wasted trying to make myself feel something that just wasn't there. We are so good as friends, it would have been better if we'd never gone down the relationship road. I just hope someday we can get back to where we were before." Talking with Draco was comfortable. She enjoyed the way he simply let her speak, without trying to interject his thoughts or opinions. Ron was always talking over her and adding his two cents to every single thought she had. Draco, however, just listened, and when he responded it was thoughtful and supportive, unlike the but-how-is-this-going-to-affect-me comebacks she got from Ron.
"If he's got any sense at all, he will realize that being friends with you is far better than having no relationship with you at all." Draco was speaking of Ron, but thinking of himself. If it was a choice between being her friend and being her nothing, he would certainly choose being her friend.
His statement caught her off guard. She couldn't help but feel like he was no longer talking just about Ron, and heat rose in her cheeks. "Thanks, Draco. That means a lot to me."
They arrived at the library and, Hermione felt a knot tighten in her stomach. For the first time since she'd broken up with him, she might actually have to come face-to-face with Ron. Her pace slowed, and Draco noticed immediately. "Is everything okay?"
She grinned nervously at him. "Its just... I haven't seen him since, earlier. I have no idea what state of mind he'll be in. I hadn't thought of how awkward it would be to have to share the cottage with him now."
Draco tried to remain positive, but knew as well as she did that his forthcoming statement was wishful thinking. "Maybe he's already asleep, and you won't have to see him tonight."
"No. I know Ron, and he'll have waited up. He's not one to simply let something go without the chance to say his piece." Her voice gave away her exhaustion.
"Would you like me to go in first?... You know, provide him with a different target?" The smile he gave her was meant to be friendly, but it made Hermione's insides quiver. "Why does he have to be so sexy?"
She managed a weak grin as she answered. "While I appreciate your offer, I have to face him sooner or later, so it might as well be sooner."
He gave her an understanding nod as he stepped aside, motioning with his arm for her to go ahead. "Well, then, I'll be right behind you."
It was Harry, not Ron, who was waiting for them in the sitting room when they came through the portal. "Harry. What are you doing up?" Hermione asked, taken aback.
"Ron made it impossible not to be." He answered, obviously annoyed. "He's been storming around this place for the last hour wondering what was taking you so long to get back here."
Hermione suddenly felt an odd sense of guilt. It had taken longer than usual to get back because she and Draco were having a pleasant conversation. She wasn't sure if the guilt was because it took so long or because she had been enjoying a nice time with Draco, but she immediately felt the need to defend herself. "Its a long way from the Astronomy Tower, and we weren't in any rush-" She inadvertently included Draco in her explanation by saying 'we', which made him grin to himself.
"Woah, Hermione." Harry waved his hands in front of his chest to signal her to stop. "You don't have to explain yourself to me."
She breathed out heavily. "You're right. Sorry." She shook her head slightly to clear it. "So where is Ron then?" She asked, looking around the cottage.
"He portalled out of here about five minutes ago. Said he was going to find you. I can only assume that means he went to the Astronomy Tower."
"He's such an arse sometimes." Hermione stated to no one in particular. "Always thinking of himself. Did it ever once occur to him that I'm not interested in having it out with him tonight?"
Harry did not want to get in the middle of friends' break up, but was quick to defend Ron before Hermione got too worked up over his impulsive behavior. "Don't be too hard on him, Hermione." Harry shot a why-are-you-still-here look to Draco before dropping his voice, and pulling Hermione close enough so only she could hear before continuing, "He spent at least three full hours crying to Ginny and me about you breaking up with him. He really is heart broken."
Draco got Harry's hint, and began walking to the stairs, but not before Hermione caught his eyes and mouthed, "Good night." He tipped his head to acknowledge her and proceeded to his room. Hermione, then, turned her attention to her best friend, "Harry, I know Ron is having a hard time with me breaking up with him, but it is for the best. I've come to realize that what I feel for him will never be anything more than friendly love. We are too different, and I don't want our friendship to be lost because we waited too long to acknowledge that."
"I understand, Hermione, trust me, I do, but Ron doesn't. All he wants is for you to hear him out." The desperation in Harry's voice revealed how much he just wanted things between his two best friends to be back to normal so he could stop being the middle-man.
"Hear him out? For what? Its not going to change anything. I know what is right for me, Harry, and it isn't Ron. At least not as a boyfriend. You and he have been my best friends for seven years. Why can't we just go back to that?" She was aggravated, feeling like Harry was taking sides.
Harry was equally aggravated. "Oh, come on... You know full well why we can't just go back. Once something has changed, it will never again be exactly as it was. You wanted to be with him for so long. I watched you agonize over his relationship with Lavender. You loved him. I know you did. And I know he loves you, even if he doesn't show it in the way you would like."
Harry's last words made something crystal clear for Hermione. Up to that point, she had been telling herself and everyone else that she'd broken up with Ron because they wanted different things, and that was true, but even deeper than that, she now understood that someone had shown her love in the way she needed, and that was the standard to which she was holding Ron, to which she would hold everyone, the only standard she would accept. "You're right Harry. I know he loves me, but the truth is, I can't settle for the love he is capable of." She sank down to the couch, and Harry followed suit. "There is something you don't know about me. Before I came to Hogwarts, I had a best friend. His name was Blake. My parents and I moved in next door to his summer home when I was six. Now... I know how this is going to sound since we were only eleven at the time, but we planned to be married one day. The way he loved me was complete. It left nothing to be desired. Ron can't give me that, and its not because he loves in the wrong way. Its just not the right way for me."
Harry sat in stunned silence, looking at the table, trying to make sense of what she'd just told him. "Why have you never mentioned this Blake before?" He asked, turning to face her.
Hermione's gaze dropped to her lap, obviously hurting inside. Anguish filled her voice as she answered, "Because it is too painful. When I came here first year, you know how hard it was for me to make friends. Well, that was how it was for me back in the muggle world too. Even as a toddler, I was too mature for children my own age. I preferred to be curled up under a tree with a good book while all the other kids were running around the playground. But Blake was different too. We were the same." Tears trickled down her cheeks, and Harry held her hand, encouraging her to go on. "For six summers, we spent all our time together. Despite my parents warnings, I even showed him my magical abilities, and he didn't get scared away. He loved me and accepted me without reservations. I didn't have to make an effort for him to notice me. He knew all of my favorite things because he cared enough to pay attention not because he asked and waited for me to tell him. That's the kind of love I need, Harry."
"So, what happened?" Harry asked tentatively.
She looked at him with tears still pooling in her eyes. "When I went home after first year, my parents told me they'd received a letter from his father saying they wouldn't be coming to their summer home anymore, and that it would be easiest for Blake if we simply cut ties altogether. We never heard from them again."
"I'm sorry, Hermione." Harry wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders.
She snuffed and wiped her eyes and nose on the back of her sleeve. "Thanks, Harry, but please tell me you understand why it wouldn't be fair for me to drag things out with Ron."
"I do, but I don't know if the truth will make things any easier for Ron." He was torn knowing what was best for one of his best friends was what would hurt the other one the most.
"I know he's hurting right now, but I have to do what is best for me." Her mind, and more importantly her heart, was made up.
"I will support you however I can, but this puts me in a very uncomfortable position."
"I know, Harry, and I am sorry about that, but I hope you know that your friendship and support mean everything to me." She broke away from his embrace to look him the eyes. "Really. I have accepted the possibility that I won't ever get Ron back as the friend I once had, but I couldn't bear to lose you too."
"You won't, Hermione. I promise." He squeezed her hand as if to seal his word.
She smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, Harry." She rose from the couch as she continued, "I really can't deal with Ron right now, so I'm going to my room before he gets back. Are you going to wait for him?"
"Yeah, I think that's best. I'll let him know you'll talk to him tomorrow." He wasn't asking her if she'd have the needed conversation with Ron, he was telling her.
"Ok. Goodnight, Harry."
"Goodnight, Hermione."