Disclaimer: Still writing fanfics and not owning anything!

Nosedive backtracked, looking into the room he just passed curiously. Martha had been hired by Phil a long time ago to sort their mail out. Her days consisted of separating junk from correspondence and fan mail. She then delivered the important pieces to the corresponding duck's locker. That was how the six aliens got their mail.

But at the moment, though, Martha looked like she was prepared for a surgery. She donned a surgical mask with her long hair bound back with a bandana. An apron covered her front and blue, latex gloves protected her hands and lower forearms. Her mad scientist look was completed with a pair of lit candles adorning the table.

The young woman reached forward to retrieve a brown package from a bag of what looked to be mail. With a box cutter, she meticulously cut it open. She pulled the contents out with a pair of kitchen tongs. A piece of cloth was immediately disposed of in a heavy duty trash bag, while a piece of paper was carefully opened and examined. After a moment, the paper was also tossed into the trash.

Nosedive watched the process repeated twice more before stepping into the room. He came up to the table in silent awe, his mind still racing to figure out what was happening.

"OH MY GOD!" Martha yelped as she finally caught sight of the duck now taking a seat next to her. She clutched the material over her heart, steadying her breathing. "Where did you come from?!"

Nosedive couldn't help but laugh at her outburst. "Chill, girlie. I'm not gonna abduct you or anything."

Martha seemed to relax. Her shoulders eased as she leaned back into her chair. She might have smiled at him, but he couldn't tell with the mask on her face. After a tense moment of silence, she began to fidget again.

"So, what'cha doing?" Nosedive asked.

Martha looked down at the table full of envelopes and her box cutter. "Sorting mail," she squeaked.

"Looks like you were just tossing it out," he reached for a parcel.

"Don't touch it!" her voice tittered on being dire.

Nosedive pulled his hand back, making sure to not touch the mail. Wow. He'd heard that messing with the mail was a serious offense with earthlings, but he didn't imagine it to be this serious. A quick glance at the mail revealed some of it address to him. "But it's mine…" he whined, hurt by her outburst.

Martha was now starting to blush. Geez, humans and their emotions were bizarre. "Okay," he started. "Ya gotta level with me, girlie. What's going on here?"

Martha hung her head in shame, her blush brightening.

"Look, I ain't mad or anything. I'm just curious."

Again nothing.

"What's that smell?" he finally looked around.

Martha pointed to the trash bag on her left. Her ears were now a burning red.

Nosedive looked down into the bag, confused beyond words. "I don't get it."

"It's, umm… Well, you see," she fumbled with her words. She looked up, catching his light colored eyes. "They're undies," she finally managed to utter. "Very dirty undies," she added so softly that he nearly missed it.

Nosedive nodded slowly. "I still don't get it," he declared, his voice flat and emotionless.

Martha looked at him uneasily. Phil had told her that the ducks didn't always understand human customs. He had explained that if they ever asked for clarification, she shouldn't be afraid to do so. But, how could she explain this?

"You see," she began gesturing. "Umm, you guys have a lot of fans. A lot of female fans at that. And sometimes those female fans actually love you, even though you've never met. I mean, you see, they really love you. They love you so much that they want to share that 'love' with you. In a sexual way. By sharing their undies with you. Their dirty undies..." her voice trailed off, defeated.

The room was so deadly silent that one could probably hear a pin drop from the busy freeway across the street.

Nosedive made a face. "Eww," he finally pieced it all together. "You humans are really disturbed!" he pushed away from the table.

"Some," Martha admitted with a nervous laugh.

"Dudette, just toss it all out!"

"Well, not everything in here is undies. Sometimes it's actually a fan sending you guys a t-shirt, or banner, or something cool."

"And sometimes it's underwear," Nosedive teased.

"Don't you guys have something similar to that?" Martha pointed at the trash bag with the underwear. Nosedive was once again caught off guard, studying the human before him. "I mean, you mentioned that you have leagues back home, right? So you must have really popular players, right? You guys probably also have a custom where you send them stuff as a sign of admiration?"

"Not lustful panties," Nosedive laughed lightly while crossing his arms on the table, leaning forward. He put a finger up to his bill, tapping the end in thought. "It's usually just fanmail, like you do here. If you want to show that ya really like them, maybe a piece of jewelry? Get them a reservation to a swanky place?"

"That's pricey," Martha couldn't help but whistle at the thought. She could never imagine coming across a piece of jewelry in the ducks' fan mail. And a reservation to a nice resturant? Their customs truly were different. "Does the reservations to a nice place actually work?"

"Nah," Nosedive smiled. "They'd kindly decline and return the invitation. But that's probably the best way to get something autographed back."

"That's disappointing," Martha sat back in her chair. "What about crazy fans that just jump out crowds and try to kiss you? How do you guys deal with those fans?"

Nosedive visibly shuddered.

"What?"

"Kissing is disgusting. It looks like you guys are trying to devour each other's faces off. It's gross!" Nosedive stuck his tongue out.

"Oh, well, let me apologize for the whole of humanity," Martha replied sarcastically and the two laughed. "So, no kissing?" she insisted.

Nosedive once again tapped the end of his bill a few times. "Don't work the same," he grinned. Anticipating her next question, he continued, "It's a nuzzle, a soft touch of the beak. But there's a difference from, say your parents to a lover," he tried to explained.

"Ah! Is that why you guys get mad when people touch or flick your bills?"

"Oh, no!" he shook his head fervently. "Flicking a beak is the same as when you guys flip each other off. It's fighting challenge."

Martha considered his answer. "But, I've seen Wildwing flick your beak."

Nosedive shrugged. "He's my brother. He doesn't do it with force and I know there's no malice behind it. I've done it to him. That said, I wouldn't go around doing it to, say, Duke or any of the others. Not unless I wanted my lights punched out."

Martha giggled at the thought while leaning back in her chair. "So, beak flicking people you're really familiar with is ok, but not strangers?"

"Not really. It's wrong no matter what. But I guess it's just the intent behind the action that matters." Nosedive found himself having a difficult time trying to explain. He scratched his head trying to think of a better way to define the action. "I can't explain it," he finally said.

"I think I get it," Martha smiled warmly under her mask. She'd learned much from him in this short time.

A heavy sigh soon escaped her as her eyes landed on the bag of envelopes at the end of table. She still had a long way to go, and another two bags that lay on the floor to go.

"Wanna go grab something to eat?" Nosedive's voice cut through her thoughts. He stood from his place, throwing a thumb over his shoulder towards the door.

The young woman looked back at the pile she had left. She was about to refuse the offer before thinking better. "Sure," she got up, pulling her gloves off and disposing of them. "I just need to go wash my hands and freshen up," she put out the candles before following the large duck.

Nosedive rolled his eyes. "That's another weird thing you humans do. Always going to the bathroom to 'freshen up'," he commented.

"That's not weird!" she protested, tailing him out the door. "Besides, do you want me to smell like a skunk and hobo had filthy, god-forsaken sex?"

Nosedive burst out laughing. That was the strangest thing he'd heard in awhile. "Man! You're gonna have to explain that one!"

"Only if you explain this beak nuzzle thing," she shot back, closing the door behind her.

"Geez, you humans have one track minds!"

A/N: O_o;;;