Dammit...dammit! I wanted to wait till wednesday before I updated again...I really did! But I can't keep blueskiezrustyhopping around from foot to foot, can I? Oh well...you guys have shattered my reserve, with your wonderful comments!And besides, I do have many more chapters to update after this one, and for some reason, I just can't stop writing for this story!

Though I am now going to nicely ask, if you guys would continue to reveiw on each chapter. The fact that people don't is what keeps me from updating multiple chapters at a time. It may be selfish, but I am hoping to beat out sfthom on reviews! We can top 120 can't we? Pippin's LK

Chapter 21: Bliss

"Merna! Merna!" Frodo screamed, and I heard the thudding of hooves above the sound of his voice.

I coughed, and spit dirt and blood, gulping air rapidly trying to refill my emptied lungs. My back hurt so badly. But at least I hadn't landed on my stomach. Nothing felt broken. My lip was starting to throb, and I realized that was where the blood had come from…I must have split it.

And then Frodo was there, pulling me up off of the dirt, and asking me if I was all right. I nodded, and answered the questions he asked me, and all the while this strange sound was in my ears.

It seemed like a low sort of moan, and then a wheeze, and I wondered if it was my breathing. But pushing myself up, I discovered differently.

It was Arathorn.

My eyes clouded over with tears and I started to sob, rocking against Frodo as I keened softly.

Arathorn…my proud, proud Arathorn…was standing mere feet away, holding a front leg off of the ground as a heavy drip of blood landed in the dirt. His leg was broken. I could see the white of bone amid the black of his skin and the crimson of spilled blood.

I just sentenced him to death. I ruined him. He had to die. There was no way we could fix that…

Oh no…what had I done?

"What did I do, Frodo, what did I do?" I wailed. And all Frodo could do was rock me against him, all the while staring sadly at my poor horse.

I closed my eyes, tears still running down my face, as I gulped, and tried to quiet my sobbing. Someone had to finish what I started…I wouldn't let him suffer like this…

OOO

There was blood on Bag End's doorstep.

"Frodo!" Sam shouted worriedly, opening the door and stepping inside. Most of the lamps were lit, but he couldn't see, or hear anyone.

Frodo came walking quickly out of the parlor, and motioned Sam into the Drawing room.

"What happened?" Sam hissed, as Frodo closed the door, "Whose blood was that?"

"We had a bit of an accident…" Frodo started.

"Oh no…not Merna…" Sam moaned.

"No, no she's fine. She fell off of Arathorn just inside of Buckland's boarders."

"I swear, that horse is going to be the death of her…" Sam said shakily, putting a hand to his forehead. But as soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he had said the wrong thing.

"She broke his leg." Frodo said flatly.

"You mean?"

"She had to finish him. It couldn't be helped. It was horse blood you saw." He told Sam sadly.

"Is she all right?" Sam asked.

Frodo nodded. "Just a split lip. She cried the entire time we walked back. I've already got hobbits taking care of him." Frodo added.

Sam shook his head. "What about Bill? Clenna?"

"Barliman sold them. They were gone when we got there, and he couldn't remember whom he'd sold them too. That was the main reason she took the hill so fast…she was still upset about that…" Frodo explained.

"Will she be coming to the wedding, at all, now?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Merna said flatly.

Sam and Frodo jumped. "I'm sorry…I should have knocked." She apologized.

"That's alright." Sam said quietly.

"How's Rosie?" Merna asked cheerfully.

Sam looked a bit confused, but answered, "She's good."

Merna nodded. "I think I'm going to go to bed, now, ok Frodo?"

Frodo nodded. "Sure, it's late…"

"Only three days left huh, Sam?" She said with a wink as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Is she okay, Frodo?" Sam asked, as soon as she had gone.

Frodo shook his head, looking confused as well. "I guess that's just how she wants to deal with this…by not dealing with it. I think we should go along with it. Make sure Merry knows what's happened, and tell him not to talk about it."

"I will. So you think she'll be able to handle this?"

"She's strong."

Sam nodded his agreement, "She's shown us that in more ways than one…" He said quietly. And bidding Frodo good night, he left.

And he couldn't help feeling some disappointment and sorrow on Bill's account. Which made him feel guilty considering all that had just happened…

OOO

It was still early. The sun had barely risen, and all I could convince myself to do was stare at my reflection in the mirror. I don't even know what I was doing. Searching for an answer maybe? But an answer to what, I have to ask. I don't even know what question I am trying to solve.

It seems different now. Everything does. And on today, a day that should have held nothing but happiness, I am starting to feel the seed of jealousy in my stomach sprouting.

My face frowns at me in the mirror as I think sadly…this should be my wedding. And suddenly, it feels like I am crushed under a wave of sorrow so strong, I won't surface. It seems like no matter how hard I try to accept that this is the way things are…I can't anymore.

Because I am still in love with Pippin.

The answer hits me like a stone. Of course I'm still in love with Pippin. I never stopped loving him. I just pretend I did…because that made it not hurt so much. But it still hurts.

With a sigh, I start brushing my short curls into order. And with a glance over at my dresser, the outfit I have laid to wear today shines out at me. I smile. Rosie helped me pick it out. It sort of matches her dress…like a sister to it, but not as elegant, or pretty as hers.

Which is only fitting because she is the bride.

It's still hard for me to believe that Arathorn's gone. That I really killed him…that it was my fault. I haven't cried for him since those first few hours. And the pain I feel when I think about him is a throbbing ache, instead of the burn it was…Dulled, and diluted with time.

It feels like I lost something important that night. And maybe that important thing wasn't just my horse. I lost the illusion that I was going to be okay. Now, instead of the independence I felt when I thought about what I was doing…lying to everyone, I feel fear.

But as I stare hard at myself, in the mirror, I know I won't be able to cry over it. Because this is something I brought upon myself.

There's a knock on my door. "Merna? Are you up yet?" Frodo calls softly. I smile. He's been so gentle with me lately.

"Of course I am. I'll be out in a minute."

"There's a few rolls on the table, I didn't think you'd want to eat much…there's going to be so much food today…Merry and Estella and I will be in the cart waiting." He says and leaves. I heard his voice hitch on the word cart. He doesn't like to talk about horses lately.

I quickly step into my dress, and do it up. I take one last look in the mirror before I go. Fatty will be waiting for me by the party tree. I'm starting to wish now that I hadn't said yes to him.

But, it's too late now. I smile again, at myself, this time. And I decide that I like the smile I see in the Mirror. It looks real. Which it is… Because I guess, even after everything, I'm still thrilled that Sam and Rosie are getting married, and that today is their wedding.

"MERNA!" Someone yells. It sounds muffled because they are outside, and I dash out of my room, the earrings I was going to wear left forgotten on the dresser. And grabbing a roll, I leave Bag End and shut its door firmly behind me.

OOO

The ceremony was wonderful. Rosie was practically glowing, and Sam was positively beaming. Merna stood on Rosie's right, and Estella next to her, and it seemed that at some points as if the crowd gathered was watching her, instead of Estella.

Frodo knew of two hobbits in particular who watched her the entire time. Pippin, who paused only to glare every now and a again at Fredegar, and Fredegar, who didn't take his eyes off of her at all.

Merna looked beautiful standing where she was… All green eyes and curls around her face like a halo, dressed in pale green. Her eyes would light up, when Rosie's did, and she was somber when Rosie was somber. It was as if the two of them were sharing an unnatural link, their emotions were so connected and similar.

Frodo wondered how many others in the crowd thought Merna was the bride, for just those split seconds when her face glowed with the same happiness that Rosie's had.

When Sam finally got to kiss Rose it was the most beautifully innocent thing Frodo had ever seen in his life, and as he clapped his hands with the rest of them, a cheer went up.

It was as if Rosie and Sam had single-handedly showed everyone present what it meant to be a hobbit. What it REALLY meant…and everyone was the better for it.

Then Rosie, wearing the biggest smile that Frodo had ever seen her don, tossed the bouquet…

And what other hobbit in the crowd should catch it but Pippin?

OOO

Merna leaned against a bench outside of Buckland and sighed. You could hear the music from the great hall even out here, and the noise of merry-making hobbits followed it closely.

So far she had danced twice with Fredegar, once with Merry, and three times with lads she didn't even know. And Pippin never came up to her even once. It was if he had been magnetized to stay away from her, and not even the strongest forces could push them together.

But that was Pippin.

If anyone thought she was good at avoiding someone, Pippin was better at it.

Merna shook her head, and was just about to walk back inside, but when she tried to push open the doors, they thudded harshly against someone and she dashed over to a nearby shrub and hid behind it. Merna was positive that it was Fredegar.

But she was wrong…it was no other than Pippin. He walked out into the moonlight, and softly pressed a hand to his chest where the door must have hit him. Merna covered her mouth to hide the sound of her hiss of sympathy.

She blushed in the dark and tried to imagine a more embarrassing situation…and could come up with nothing. Pippin sat down on the bench she had just vacated, and pulled out his pipe.

Merna's heart raced as she remembered a similar time when he had done just that…they had been so close to each other then…so untroubled. It was all so different now. And Merna knew that she couldn't just stay hidden in the bushes, so she tried casually to walk out and said when he spotted her,

"Hi Pippin."

He looked startled, as if he wanted to get up, but thought better of it, and kept his seat.

Merna walked towards him, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Pippin shook his head. Merna sat down near to him, but not touching and said quietly, "What happened to us, Pippin?"

Pippin lost all pretense of smoking, and put his pipe away. "I don't know…"

Merna took a shaky breath, "Do you hate me?"

Pippin turned and looked at her, completely taken off guard, "Do I hate you?" he repeated.

Merna nodded, laughing nervously, and her eyes seemed a bit over bright. "Yeah, I mean, for leaving you in Minas Tirith, and not…you know…" She laughed again and swiped at her eyes.

"No, I don't hate you for leaving me in Minas Tirith."

"But you haven't said two words to me, since I got back…I thought…you must."

Pippin was silent for a moment, and then, hesitantly, he opened his arms, and encircled her in them. Merna leaned back against him, and hiccupped. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair.

Merna sighed, and hiccupped again, "I'm sorry too." She said and pulled away.

Pippin looked at her, ready to drop his arms away if she wanted him to, but she only shook her head slightly and placed her lips on his.

Pippin kissed her back without a second thought, pulling her closer to him. He tasted salt, and realized that she was crying. He pulled back, startled, and touched her face.

Tears rolled down her cheeks silently, and her chin trembled. She started to stand up, and he let her, releasing her from his hold. She swiped a hand quickly across her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Pippin…I'm so sorry…" She said, her voice breaking. And she turned and started walking away.

"Merna! Wait!" Pippin called after her…but she didn't stop. She kept walking, arms wrapped securely around her middle, and the sounds of her crying floated back to him where he sat, immobilized on the bench.

Pippin could still taste her tears on his lips; he thought…then he realized they were his own.

OOO

Hmm…it's going to be tough to top that, huh? Look for an update on thursday, or Friday!

Pippin's LK