Chapter Twenty-One:I'm Not Ready to Lose You
"Why did daddy have to go away?" Berkley asked as she helped Brooke set up for the baby shower.
"He didn't want to go away," She answered as she smoothed out the tablecloth. "It's part of his job to travel. But don't worry, he's going to be home next week." Brooke smiled.
"He hasn't called today." Berkley pouted.
"Sweetheart, it's really early in California. He's probably not even awake yet."
"He'll call though, right?"
"Berk," Brooke sighed as she knelt down to her daughter's level. "He's been gone for two weeks now and has he forgotten to call once?"
Berkley shook her head.
"Then you have nothing to worry about." She smiled as she kissed her forehead.
Brooke felt bad throwing the shower while Lucas was gone but she knew that she had to do it soon since the babies were due in less than three weeks. She was in the middle of hanging up a streamer when Nathan knocked on the front door before pushing it open.
"Looks good," He admired.
"Nate! I'm so glad you're here!" She exclaimed as she jumped off the ladder.
"You needed the ice that badly?" He laughed as he handed her two bags full of ice.
"No," She laughed. "I need you to help me carry all the presents down from upstairs; some of them are really heavy."
Nathan looked at her quizzically before following her up the staircase. He was expecting a few presents, not a whole roomful. "These are for Peyton and Haley?"
She nodded.
"Brooke, don't you think you went a little overboard?" He asked.
She shook her head. "They're babies, they're supposed to be spoiled."
"You could open your own baby store with the amount of stuff you have in here." Nathan laughed. Together, they carried every single present Brooke had wrapped downstairs into the living room. They realized after they moved everything that it wasn't the smartest idea because now no one would be able to sit down. Lucky for them, it was a nice day out and Lucas had plenty of nice lawn furniture. "How are you doing? I mean with Luke gone and everything?" He asked as they set up the wicker furniture.
"I'm doing okay," She smiled. "I miss him like crazy though."
Nathan smiled as he shook his head.
"What?" She laughed.
"I'm just glad you two found your way back. I mean your life is like one of those fairytale love stories—"
Brooke scoffed. "I was abused and I had an eating disorder, that's not a fairytale."
"But with Luke's help you were able to overcome that. You're engaged and have a beautiful daughter and with Luke you guys are going to have the cutest kids Tree Hill's ever seen." When he noticed her eye contact fall and she began to play with her hands, he knew he had hit a raw nerve. "What's wrong?" He asked.
She shook her head and turned away so he wouldn't see her fall apart. But that plan was shot to hell when she felt his hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong Brooke? What did I say?" He asked softly as he rubbed her shoulder.
"I haven't told anyone. Lucas is the only one that knows." She said as she shook her head.
Berkley emerged from the back door with her hands on her hips. "What did you do to make mommy cry?" She demanded.
"Berk, why don't you go inside and put on a nice dress while I make your mom feel better, okay?" Nathan suggested.
"Just make her so she's not sad." She said before she disappeared into the house.
When she was gone, Nathan led Brooke over to one of the chairs and sat her down before sitting on the table across from her and placing his hand on her knee. "What's going on?" He asked softly.
"You can't tell anyone, not even Haley." She said, still refusing to make eye contact with him.
Nathan nodded. With each second that passed he became more and more anxious as to what she was about to reveal.
"When I had my miscarriage, the doctor told me that if I were to become pregnant again I'm likely to either have another miscarriage, and ectopic pregnancy or die. Lucas and I had this huge fight about it one night and the next morning he proposed. I'm ecstatic that I'm engaged to him but I can't help but think that the only reason he proposed was because he knows I want a baby and knows that I could die so he wants to marry me as soon as possible so we can have the most time together." She explained as tears continued to sting her eyes.
"Can't you adopt?" Nathan asked as he tried to not cry.
"We can," She said. "And I know that Lucas said that our child doesn't have to look like us but I feel like I owe him. I lost Keith…he deserves his own child."
Nathan placed his hands on either side of Brooke's face and forced her to look him in the eye. "You did not lose Keith; it was not your fault, Brooke. Do you understand?" He waited until she nodded her head. "Trust me when I say this, if Luke had to choose between living his life with just you and Berkley or living it alone with the child you two created, he'd choose you every damn time. He loves you way too damn much to lose you, Brooke." He said as tears began to fall from his eyes. "You can't risk getting pregnant," He said softly. "I'm not ready to lose you." He whispered into her hair as he held her close. He felt her nod against his chest.
"We should finish setting up, people will be here soon." She said as she slipped out of Nathan's embrace and stood up. They spent the rest of the time setting up in total silence, Brooke consumed of thoughts concerning a baby and Nathan wrestling with the fact that he swore he wouldn't tell Haley but how was he supposed to deal with this on his own? Both were torn from there thoughts when they heard the doorbell ring. "I guess it's eleven o'clock." She shrugged as she made her way into the house. It amazed Nathan how easily Brooke was able to hide how she was feeling. He had seen her upset and distraught moments before but as soon as she entered the house, she plastered her fake smile on and acted as if nothing had happened. It made him wonder how much she was hiding behind that fake grin.
"Hi!" She greeted as Haley, Peyton and Jake made their way into the house behind all the children. "How are you guys?"
"Brooke, this looks amazing," Peyton admired as she looked around the decorated house.
She smiled. "Thanks, Nate and Berk helped."
"Speaking of those two, where are they?" Haley asked.
"Out in the backyard playing with Sadie," She gestured. "We can all go sit out there since the living room is full of presents."
A short while later, Bevin and Skills arrived with their son as well as Deb. "Who's ready to play a game?" Brooke asked while they were all sitting in the afternoon sunshine watching the kids play.
"Brooke," Haley groaned. "You promised no stupid games."
"I know I did but what's a party without some games?" She smirked as she got up out of her seat and retrieved plastic dolls.
"What game are we playing?"
"Luke!" Brooke exclaimed as she dropped the doll and ran toward him, jumping into his arms. "You're home early!"
"You really thought I'd miss this baby shower?" He asked as before he kissed her.
She nodded. "Baby showers aren't really your thing."
"I know," He laughed. "And that's not why I'm home. I had them end the tour early so I could come back home. I missed you way too damn much."
"So what's the game?" Skills asked as he edged forward to the front of his seat. Everyone laughed at his interest.
"It's called 'Who's water breaks first.' Inside all of these babies is a frozen cup of water; you want your cup to melt the fastest. You can do whatever it takes to get your frozen water melted but if anything happens to the cup itself, you're disqualified. When your cup is completely melted shout, "my water just broke!" and you'll get a prize and then we'll play the next game. So, keep an eye on yours and let the games begin!" She exclaimed as she handed everyone a doll.
Berkley walked onto the patio, clearly in a bad mood. "Mommy, daddy still hasn't called—" She stopped suddenly when she saw who was sitting next to her mom. "Daddy!" She exclaimed as she jumped into his lap. "You're home!" Everyone laughed at her realization. "Why are you home?"
"I missed you too much," He smiled.
"You're never leaving me and mommy again, okay?" She said seriously.
He nodded. "I won't."
"Good," She smiled. "Now I'm going to go play with my friends."
"I'll be right back," Peyton said as she got up from her chair and waddled into the house.
"Are you okay?" Jake asked as he accompanied her.
She nodded. "I just need to go to the bathroom." Jake nodded and returned to where he was sitting.
"You getting nervous, Jake?" Nathan asked as he reclined in his seat.
He nodded.
"Well you have nothing to worry about," Haley assured him. "Everything is going to be fine."
"Jake!" Everyone turned his or her attention to Peyton who was standing in the doorway with a panicked look on her face. "My water just broke."
"Nice try, Peyton but we just got our dolls a couple minutes ago. There's no way your cup could be melted." Skills said as he shook his head.
"I think she's serious, Skills." Brooke said as she hurried over to her friend.
"I am," Peyton nodded.
"Oh my god," Haley exclaimed.
"What's wrong?" Nathan asked as he knelt down by her side.
"I'm going into labor," She laughed.
"Haley, this isn't funny, Peyton's really having her baby," Lucas scolded.
"And I'm really having mine!" She defended. "My water just broke too."
"Seriously?" Brooke asked as she looked at her skeptically.
"Seriously." Haley confirmed.
"Well you four better get to the hospital," Bevin said as she gathered up everyone's belongings.
"Let us know how everything goes!" Brooke called as Jake and Nathan led their wives towards the house.
"Brooke!" Peyton called as she turned around. "I can't do this alone."
"You're not going to be alone, you have Jake." She said as she rubbed Peyton's arm.
"I know, but I want you to be there too."
Brooke glanced over at Lucas who nodded. "I guess I'm going to the hospital." She smiled. "I'll call later and check on Berkley," She said to Lucas.
"Luke," Nathan called. "You really think you're getting out of going to the hospital?"
Lucas nodded.
"Think again," Nathan smirked.
"You guys want me to come?" He asked.
Nathan nodded. "You've been there for all of our kids when they were born, you really think you're going to break tradition now?" He laughed.
"Skills, Bevin? Would you guys mind watching the kids?" Lucas asked.
"All of them?" Bevin questioned.
Lucas nodded.
"All seven?" Skills asked.
Lucas nodded again. "Brooke or I will be back later today to relieve you but for now, would you mind?" He asked. "And besides, I'm sure Deb would be glad to stay and help."
Deb nodded. "Anything you need, I'm here." She told Skills and Bevin.
"Guys, as much fun as I'm having right now, I really need to get to the hospital." Haley said as she clutched her stomach.
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When they arrived at the hospital, Lucas went with Nathan and Haley while Brooke went with Peyton and Jake. Lucas hung back around Haley while Brooke was completely involved in helping Peyton feel more comfortable. Every so often, they'd switch rooms and check up on each other.
"How's Peyton?" Lucas asked outside Peyton's room.
"She's grumpy and irritated but that's no change from how she usually is." Brooke laughed. "How's tutor-mom doing?"
"She's angry that this labor isn't progressing as fast as her last one. She figured that since this was her fifth child it would be out like that," He said as he snapped his fingers. "And clearly the baby is still in her." Lucas explained.
"Well, Peyton and Jake are expecting you so you better go," Brooke said as she motioned to their room. "Switch back in an hour?"
Lucas nodded. "Have fun with the devil,"
"Lucas!" Brooke scolded. "Haley's just uncomfortable." She said as she turned and walked toward her room.
"Hey," He called, causing her to turn and face him. "You doing okay with all this? I mean if any of this is too much to handle I—"
"I'm fine," She interrupted.
Lucas nodded and seemed satisfied with her answer as he turned and walked into Peyton's room. Brooke waited until she could no longer see him before she sank down against the hospital wall and placed her head in her hands. The truth was she was being torn apart inside by being here while her two best friends delivered. She lifted her head when she heard someone rush out into the hallway.
"Brooke! I think it's time!" He exclaimed once he spotted her against the wall. His smile faded when he saw her wiping her eyes. "What's wrong?" He asked as he walked toward her.
"Nothing," She said as she shook her head and smiled.
Nathan noticed the fake smile and wanted to call her out on it but he couldn't ignore Haley's screams that were coming from inside the room. "You're doing great, babe." He coached as he offered her his hand to squeeze.
"I am never letting you touch me again," She raged.
"You say that every time you're in labor and then we're back here doing it all over again." Nathan smiled.
"We're not doing anything!" Haley clarified. "You have the easy part, you just stick it in me and you're done. I have to get fat and be huge for nine months and then have push a baby out."
Brooke tried not to laugh as Nathan got scolded. As Haley lay on her side, clutching Nathan's hand, she stood behind her rubbing her back. "I thought you said it was time?" She questioned once Haley had begun another contraction and was moaning too loud to hear what she had just asked.
Nathan shrugged. "I thought it was?"
The doctor came in and checked Haley to find that she was nowhere near ready to give birth. "Are you kidding me?" She moaned. "I've been in labor for almost five hours with my fifth child and I'm not ready to start pushing?"
"Hales, you just have to stay positive. The baby's going to be out before you know it." Nathan assured her.
Brooke glanced up at the clock, it was time for her and Lucas to switch rooms again. "Luke will be here in a couple minutes, good luck!" She said as she hurried out of the room. "Time to switch." She said as she walked into Peyton's room only to find no one in there but Lucas. "Where's Peyton?" She asked skeptically.
Lucas stared down at his hands. "She started bleeding out, Brooke." He said softly.
"What do you mean?" She asked softly as she shook her head.
"She started to lose a lot of blood really quickly—"
"She said she was taking medicine so that wouldn't happen." She interrupted. "This wasn't supposed to happen." She said as she shook her head.
"I know," Lucas said as he wrapped her small body in his arms.
"Where is she?" She whispered, afraid of his answer.
"They took her for an emergency caesarian and delivered a eight pound four ounce little boy who they named Gavin Michael Gigelski—"
"Where is she?" Brooke repeated. "What happened to Peyton?"
"After they delivered Gavin, her body became too stressed and she flat lined—"
"Oh my god," She cried as she leaned into his embrace. "She's gone?"
"I don't know," Lucas replied. "I left while they were trying to revive her."
"You just left her? You left Jake alone while this happened?" She raged. "How could you do that?"
"I couldn't stand there and watch that, she looked so helpless."
Brooke nodded. "I'm sorry," She said as she placed her hand on his face. "Let's go figure this out together."
"What about Haley? Isn't the baby on its way out?" He asked.
Brooke shook her head. "It's going to be a while before that baby comes out."
"I'm sure Haley's thrilled about that." Lucas smiled.
"Trust me, being in labor's no fun." She said as she reached for his hand.
When they reached the room where Jake was, they both grew nervous and neither one of them wanted to open the door. They knew they'd either see the new happy family or they'd see a heartbroken father. "You ready?" Lucas asked as he placed his hand on the doorknob. Brooke nodded. She felt tears spring to her eyes when the door opened and she saw who was inside.
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