Ink Writes Music

DGM

Chapter 21

A Push of Encouragement

I'm trying to eat a twisty glazed donut as I count the money Mana and Neah handed to me for the trip. They were still shaky about me going without them., but I'm used to it. I've been doing this alone for a long time because I was stuck with Cross. He would drop me off and leave me there until they finished with me. I would then leave, walk to the hotel he was staying at. It's a wonder thye even let me go alone and leave alone. Now I'm officially old enough to go by myself, but this time I won't have an adult with me. That's why Dad is worried, but with his health, there's no way I'm letting him come along. Then I won't go with Neah, and going with Cross is just as simple as what I was doing now. Even so, when I told my guardians about Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda coming, they brightened up about me going without them. I only wanted Lenalee to tag along, but Lavi and Kanda decided to join us. Too bad, I'm still stuck with them.

After making sure there was enough money for the ride and the hotel room, half of it in my wallet, and the other half in my pocket. I have to drive straight up to New York, back to the place where it all began, so I know not to place all my cash in one spot. If you get robbed, they aim for the wallet or purse and run off on most occasions. After I'm through with the money, I make sure I have my ID, license, all the necessary forms with all information they requested, and clothes for the next few days. I made sure I had my notebook, too. I had my phone and a few snacks, etc., and I rub my tired eyes. Neah hands me the keys to our simple family van-like jeep. It's very spacious inside, and when I think about it, the vehicle reminds me of Komui's own car.

"Remember to be careful, Allen. On the road, and back there-that city. Make sure one of your friends are always with you." Dad told me sternly.

"Even when I take a shower, or go to the bathroom?" I retort, rubbing my eyes again.

"If you must, but if you're going to bring one of them with you in there, then make sure Lenalee is on the other side of the door. Bring the boys in." Neah remarks cooly.

"I think Lavi is gay, though... Dirty pervert."

"He is a dirty pervert, isn't he? Anyways, if you wanna swing that way with Lavi, go for it. At least we will know you're not going to get anyone pregnant."

"UNCLE!"

"Shhhh. The neighbors are sleeping." Mana hushed, hugging me securely. I could feel him tense up, unwanting to let me go. It pained me when he did that, because it reminded me of when I left him to go with Cross. Going back to that place is going to be hell. "I love you, and I know you'll come back. It's easy to see you're not on drugs."

"But they won't believe me if I were to say that. I don't blame them either." I murmur, hugging him back.

"You want me to tell Cross something for you?" Dad asks as he pulls away from me.

I snort. "Because he's too lazy to get up and say goodbye? I bet he's ecstatic that I'm going and I think he might throw a party, too."

"Now you're thinking about me. I throw parties, Cross goes and steal virgins." Neah joked.

"Anyways, no. I should get going. I need to pick up the others." I kiss my Father's cheek and punch Neah's shoulder for his earlier comment. "Be back soon." When I close the door I look at them. "Actually, tell Cross I want my room to be in one piece. I am coming back."

"Will do."

I heave a sigh, place the key in the hole, and start the engine. Buckling up, I press my foot down on the gas petal and start moving the car out of the driveway. I forced myself not to look back, only looking forward, as I start driving around the small town. Everyone only lived a few blocks away from me. I stopped at Lenalee's house first, naturally, since I knew exactly where her house was, but since I've never been to Lavi's or Kanda's place, I would go there after Lenalee's home.

When I get there, Lenalee walks off the porch and I get out to help her put her luggage in the trunk. I can tell she's very tired, and she might even pass out soon. I would be lying if I said I didn't expect all of them to fall asleep on the ride to New York. Shutting the trunk, I put my hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her forward as she yawned. You know, everytime I come here, a lot of men are here. Like, does Komui have a club or something? Well, at least it was only a few people this time. Komui and Reever were watching us from the porch. Komui was drinking his coffee while Reever offered a warm, kind smile. I'm surprised Komui was letting her come. She was going to be the only girl with us. I'm glad he did let her come, but I think he only did that because Lenalee told him everything about what we were doing.

"I promise to take care of her, Komui." I told him.

"You better." Komui said icily, but then his gaze softened. "Prove to me I can trust you with my precious sister, Allen Walker."

Was he being drugged or playing a joke? I didn't expect that at all. Not one bit. Komui has to be really tired, but deep down, I do hope he means that... I think he does, because I noticed how vast the difference is between how he treats every other guy who hits on my girl and when I would kiss her or on Christmas or something. I have yet to have been chased by one of his killer robots. It is possible he knew all along? Is it possible he may trust me?

"Good luck, guys." Reever said, waving to us as we got in the vehicle.

"Thanks!" I quietly respond in a hushed shout, and off we went.

"Who's closer, Lavi or Kanda?" I ask her once we leave her street.

"Kanda. When you get to South Bell Ave, take a right. There's a huge Japanese house there. Kanda should be standing out there with his casual scowl." Lenalee explained.

I nodded, though I don't think she saw me do so, but followed her instructions. Sure enough, when we got to the street, we found a Japanese style house. Kanda was walking out of the house as I parked the in his driveway, waving to him with a small, dry smile. He snarled, obviously not wanting to speak, as I popped the drunk with the button up front by Lenalee's knee. He put his bag in there, and I'm glad to see he hasn't brought his sword. He slammed the trunk shut and sneaked in the backseat behind Lenalee. I turn around and glare at him.

"Buckle up, Kanda." I order.

"Bite me!"

"Kanda, please, not this early." Lenalee said,yawning again. "Just buckle up."

Kanda did as asked-for once-and I followed Lenalee's next instructions to Lavi's house. We came across one red light on the way. Lavi was apparently the furtherest away from HQ. So it was a good thing he had a car himself. I was brough tout of my musings when I was told to stop randomly after zoning out in thoughts. There were only a few houses scattered around on this street, some of which were empty. I found Lavi's Lamborghini sitting in front of a house that wasn't too big nor too small. It was bigger than the average grocery store, but it was definitely smaller than my mini mansion of a home. I guess it was a medium size house.

"Do I have to go get him?" I asked.

"He should be out in a sec." Lenalee said, looking at her phone, and apparently, Lavi texted her.

I studied the house Lavi lived in, unsure whether or not the house suited him or not. There weren't many details, and it has a light brown and tan coloring. The porch was big enough to hold a handful of people, but there was no sitting area like my own home. His house was unique from what I could see. It was made of wood and brick. The porch was made with a wooden frame and the rest was brick and cement. I wouldn't want to fall down on his porch. I'd rather not have my head to looking like a rotten watermelon.

I actually wanted to go inside Lavi's home to see what it looked like inside. The outside was rather boring and dull, like, and I mean this literally, it's bare. His house has nothing outside except the paint and dancing grass. No pots, bikes, plastic windmill, gnomes, or flowers aside from naturally grown dandelions laid anywhere outside. Is his house this boring inside? It really doesn't seem like Lavi at all... By what I've heard, though, it seems just like his Grandfather. I've only ever seen him on rare occasions. Once was on Christmas, but I never spoke to him. I don't know anything about his family other than what he has told me. I suppose I don't know Kanda's brothers that well either, and I only know Tiedol because he's the art teacher at school...

Do I even know my friends? When was the last time they told me one of their secrets? What do they like? What is their favorite food? What other hobbies do they have outside the band? What is Lavi's family like? Is there another talent they have? I don't even know if Lavi is gay or straight! I know as much about Kanda as much as I know about video games. Nothing. There may be a fact or two, but honestly, I can't think of anything!

"Yo, Sprout! Are we leaving or not?" Lavi yelled with twisted frustration, his face all wrinkled up to show his unruly emotion. He was displeased at my endless quiet response. I could see his dreariness etched into his expression just like the seemingly tangible insincerity riding on his words. "Stop your damn staring and step on it before I plant my foot on your face, Beansprout. Now!"

I frown at his considerate words, but turn the key in the ignition. What a way to begin the morning. Lenalee is tired and barely able to respond, then we have the crabby Lavi that is continuously glowering at me through the rearview mirror within the last few minutes we weere in Edne. Kanda wasn't much better. He may not have spoken, but he was giving off a deadly aura while chills ran down my spine. I could feel his eyes on my back. It was starting to burn. I was ready to snap and yell at the two men, but when I stopped at the stop sign, I twisted my body around to find Lenalee sleeping in the passenger seat, and the other two about ready to fall back asleep. Sighing, I smacked my head on the cushion of my seat, rubbing my eyes for the third time.

"Did you guys eat?" I mumble.

"No, Beansprout! I didn't have time to, because I had to get out of bed to drag my ass to your car." Lavi sneered venmously.

I never thought I would say this, but Lavi sounds exactly like Kanda. Exactly like him. Clearly the energetic Rabbit did have one period of the day that he is not energetic or chirpy. The morning. Then again, he may not have gotten much sleep, or any at all by the looks of the bags under his eyes. Going to Kanda, he was too quiet. It was killing me. For once I want him to open his smartass mouth. HIs bitter silence is scaring me so long as he's awake... Which doesn't look like it will alst long.

"I got a cooler back there that's filled with some snacks and drinks, Lavi... Unless you want to stop somewhere in Quittovilles. We have to go thorugh there before we can hop on the highway." I said politely.

"... What do you have in mind?" He asked tersely.

"We can stop at a drive-thru or a shop. I don't mind. I got the money for it." I suggested dully and uncaringly. But he had to keep in mind that a lot of stores aren't open at this time. It's only a few minutes past five AM. It's better if we drive over to a McDonalds or Burger King... I wouldn't mind having Burger King. Their breakfast food is amazing. "How about Burger King?"

"Tch." Kanda spat his... favorite sound?

"You don't like it, Kanda?"

"Tch."

I narrow my eyes. I have a lot of patience, really, I do, but right now it's wearing thin. As thin as melting ice in the middle of spring.

"Is that a no?" I try one more time, restraining myself from seething the words.

"Tch."

My hand twitches, my finger tapping on the steering wheel as I decide to move the car past the stop sign and sprint into the town. Fine. If everyone is going to treat me like this, I'll go where I want! I cannot deal with tihs right now. I already have neough on my mind! I can even respond now because I'm so.. so... infuriated that I'll shoot fire out of my mouth when I 'talk' to them. I can feel the steam coming out of my nostrils as I huff. I shouldn't of let them come. I should have told them no. They could have at least generously advised me to be prepared for their stingy attitudes they possess in the morning! They aren't the only ones tired!

When we got to the speaker at the drive-thru at Burger King, I rolled down the window, slumping on the door as I rest my face in my palm. I didn't even ask what they wanted. I just waited their, wasting my time, their time, and the employee's time. I have to meet my appointment at a certain time. If I'm so much as a second late I'm screwed. These people are strict. In the end, I got Lavi two sausage and eggs biscuit sandwhiches with some orange juice. Kanda got his bitter tea with their tiny hashbrowns. If he got hungrier he'll eat one of the snacks I packed. I could already see him eating a glazed donut in the back. I ordered Lenalee the French toast meal with the warm syrup and hashbrowns on the side. I had the same thing. I got her chocolate milk and I got myself hot cocoa. I have under an hour to eat my food. If not, the appointment will be put off a day and we won't get home until Saturday.

Once I handed them the money and got the food, I gently shook Lenalee awake with one hand. Thankfully she woke up, and not crabby like Mr. Rabie Rabbit. I gave her the bag of food, politely asked her to hand Lavi and Kanda what their ordered. Lenalee smiled, doing just that, and soon eating her own food. It didn't take long for us to arrive on the nearly empty highway. I didn't expect it to be busy seeing how we're in a desolated part of Pennsylvania, but there wasn't as many people as I anticipated. Fine with me.

My window was rolled down on a tiny bit so the breeze could come in, cooling the air a little bit, and the wind brushed against my skin. Stillness chanted in the air with mockery. After a few minutes of traveling on the highway, I looked in the rearview mirror to find Kanda sleeping soundlessly, and Lavi staring out the window with an intensified fierceness. If he continued that the mirror will shatter out of fright. Gee, this Lavi is kind of scaring me. Lenalee, however, remained quiet with a genuine smile. I felt bad that she couldn't go back to sleep, though. I shouldn't have woke her up. After about an hour, Lavi was fast asleep.

I was urged to turn on the radio, or put a CD in hte stereo, but the quiscence managed to become peaceful and much desired. Then Lenalee decided to speak up, most likely to keep me awake, because with all truthfullness, I was exhausted, tired, weak, and I knew it. I had enough control to keep myself awake, though.

"I'm sorry if Lavi and Kanda agitated you. I forgot to tell you they weren't morning people." Lenalee apologized sincerely, exhaling as she pressed the button on the door to let the window slide down a tiny bit. "By time thye get to school they a normally alright, but even so, they hardly lash out on their friends."

I shift the vahicle to the middle lane and pass a voaxwagon and a Ford truck. Lenalee's words pressed lightly on my brain, settling slowly. When I had completely processed and understood what she had told me, I replied with a gentle answer. "That's fine. I'm sure they had a hard time going to sleep. It was a last minute notice."

Lenalee closed her eyes.

"Lavi and Kanda kept caling me last night. They weren't sure what all to bring, and they were struggling to go to bed because they were packing. Lavi was also up watching one of his favorite shows. It's likely they only had a few hours of sleep." Lenalee declared, hardly above a whisper.

They probably weren't used to packing necessary items for only a couple of days. To me it seems if they travel somehwere they will be gone for over a week, perhaps two weeks. So two or three days would be hard for them, but not for me. I'm used to traveling so much. There were times I stayed at a place for such a short time, that I had to use internet or friends to study and get my education. I didn't stay long enough to go to school. Thus I was homeschooled by one of Cross' friends. They became a tutor, but it's amazing I ever did improve with education. That idea is highly unrealistic, but that's how my life has been since I was younger. Unrealistic. Sometimes I wonder if my life is real, if I truly am here, because I am so uncertain about everything that has happened. My life has been anything but normal. Between traveling to all these places and doing funny things, life has felt unreal. But now I've settled down in a town. I finally have a place I can call a home. I've been there for more than three months. It has been nearly six months.

"They won't be like that when they wake up a second time, will they?" I questioned, forcing my mind to think about my friends again.

"It's unlikely." Was her short answer.

The long hours in the jeep was a peaceful extended moment. Neither one of the boys woke up until we arrived in the city, and Lenalee had caught up on her sleep, but she was the first to wake up out of the three. Now and then she would break the noiselessness to get me out of a stupor, or to make sure I would stay awake. Other than that, she watched me drive. Once she mentioned it was smooth. I didn't get it. My driving was smooth? I thought it was ordinary. I believe I just barely passed the test to get my license. However, though I was confused, I didn't question the meaning. I just let it slip. The closer we got, the closer I was to snapping and losing control. I didn't want to return to this place. I never wanted to. I didn't want to do the test again despite of knowing that I had to. I knew I had to, not because it was required by the law, but because I had to do it so I would realize that my past isn't in the prsent. That my present isn't my past... It's so hard to explain.

I do this because I needed to understand that the results were signs. Signs that would tell me I've made my mistakes, and I won't make them again. Not those sort of mistakes.

"So this is where you grew up?" Lavi inquired with pointless curiosity.

"... This is where my childhood was spent." I say technically.

"You're still a child." Lavi retorted through a yawn. "Well, you look like one. I can't quite figure out if we should confes to you being in your teenage years just yet."

"I'm positive he's still in his baby years." Kanda rudely included with his snide attitude. I take my previous words back. I wish he would keep his mouth shut forever, just like this morning.

"Just be careful here. It's not as safe as Edne." I uttered with weariness, not wanting to go in depth about their lovely comments.

Each of them passed me a glance filled with an uncertain emotion I couldn't name before they all nodded. As we pass street after streets, person after person, memories flashed before my eyes. Some of which I remembered, some of which were somewhat new to my recognization. Some were pleasant, some were unwanted. I guess I started to shake, because everything in front of me wasn't staying still. I started to panic, my heart pounding in my chest with all the memories flashing in front of me. It was like I was experiencing an earthquake that was going off the scales to an impossible point. My mind is what was shaking. Lenalee placed her hand on my own as I parked in a lot. I tensed for a single moment before I turned to her. I could feel her soft hand coaxing my emotions to tranquility. Without words spliting between us, I let myself relax.

"We're going to get lunch before we head to my appointment." I told her, eyeing the mini-mall in front of us. I remember this city had around three or four malls. I would always go to this one-Keeter Mall-because it was small and not as many people came here compared to the others. It was also much closer to our destination than anywhere else. "Lunch will be a tad early. By an hour or two." I add, checking my phone for the time.

The doors prop open and I lock the car. It fel tnice to stretch my legs after the long ride. Becuase everyone was sleeping we didn't have to make a single stop. Lucky us, we passed most of the traffic easily and didn't get stuck. That's why we're way early and can actually go in a building to get lunch.

"Remember we're only here to eat, not shop." I comment as we walk in through the doors, hearing a groan coming from Lavi.

I hum as I listen to the keys jingle in my hands. After so long, I hand them to my pocket as I study the place. Not too far up ahead from where we were, I could see the old water fountain. I can see some kids tossing coins in there for a wish. I lightly chuckle at that, remembering how I used to do that when Mana or Neah brought me here. It's nice to know some things never change. Looking around, I see some stores have moved out or improved. There were plenty of new stores, and a few empty spots with the lights off and the chained wall brought to the floor and locked.

"I've only been to a mall this small." Lenalee mused aloud.

"Same here." Lavi said, itching his cheek. "Even Edne has a bigger mall than this."

"That is because this is Aster City's smallest mall. You've never heard of a mini-mall?" I inform them as we enter a pizza place called Gin's Pizzeria. I remember this place well. It was one of my favorites spots in town. I would often hang around here. Mostly alone since I got away from my family all the time.

We walked up to the cashier. I studied the backboard for any ideas on the food. They definitely had pizza, but there was a whole lot more to. The pizza was just their specialty. I couldn't decide, mainly because if I got everything I wanted I would empty my pockets, so I let Lenalee and Lavi choose while Kanda and I sat down at a booth. I folded my arms on the table and buried my face in my arms, closing my eyes. This place reminded me of some good memories here. When I entered the Pizzeria, nostalgia washed over me in two forms. Homesickness. I wanted to go home, back to Edne... The other form was the yearning for my past to come back. Before life had become hectic, but I guess my life wasn't all terrible during those years. There were some things I missed.

I could hear footsteps approaching. I immediately assumed it was Lenalee and Lavi since I smelled food. I lifted my head as they placed the food on the table. That's when it dawned me, I'm not allowed to eat until after my appointment. I groaned, and leaned back in the booth seat. With a heavy sigh, I tipped my head back. We're going to have to stop here again before we leave. I love this pizzeria.

"What's wrong?" Lenalee asked as she ate a slice of pizza. "Allen?"

"I'm not allowed to eat." I mumbled, trying to ignore the hungry pit I call a stomach.

"Oh... Sorry. If we had known..." Lenalee trailed off, giving me an apologetic look, putting her slice of pizza down.

"It's okay. Just eat. We have to go real soon. We don't want to hit rush hour." I told her, though I continued to eye the pizza as the aroma filled my senses. I really wanted it, and she knew just that. "I'll be fine. We can stop by here tomorrow or something."

Lenalee frowned, but I gave her a steady gaze, putting on my poker mask that she has yet to figure out. After so long of her protesting, I all but shoved the food down her throat, but she wouldn't eat and I lost, so Lavi and Kanda ate. She knew I wasn't happy about it, I made sure of that. Whenever I got the chance to, I glared at her since it was the only way I could vent my frustration. The defiance stood proudly in her glistening eyes. She would only compete with my gaze until we arrived at our destination.

I took the key out of the ignition and tossed it to Lavi. I wasn't going to hold onto the keys since I knew I wasn't going to be staying in these clothes I was wearing. I skipped out of the car, glaring at the building I would have to enter. The lot I parked in was practically vacant, the total opposite of my mind which was being overthrown with unwanted thoughts and even more memories. Lavi and Kanda followed Lenalee out of the car, her glare now gone as she watched me. Though it wasn't an ordinary hospital, it was a hospital in general. A special hospital. I never liked it here, though. Once I got stuck here for two weeks, and I hated everyday. I always felt like their happy smiles, sincere eyes, and coaxing words were fake. They were peering at me with absolute distain and hatred. Pure hatred. Perhaps it had been the sins of my past getting to me. Perhaps it was true, they might've hated me. Then, it just might be that my mind snaps and gives me a total pessismistic view... Perhaps Lenalee can make this better?

"Aster's Rehab Institution. Heh, how orginal." Lavi said, reading the big letters that hung on the building with dullness. "You ladies ready?"

I whipped my head around so I could glare at him, but it oddly faltered. I let his comment slip unlike Kanda who started bickering with him. If he does that here, they might put him through rehab, or send him to anger management. I hope so. Right now, though, my only concern was doing this. The only reason why I ever went in the building before was because Cross had studied me until I entered. Once you enter, there's no way out... Now I have my friends to push me in. Definitely no way out of this one. I was so worried I couldn't even hear Lavi and Kanda argue. Everything went in one ear and out the other long before the words could process. In all actuality, I thought I was dead. It didn't feel like I was breathing. I didn't want to go. I just don't want to go in! I can't d- "Allen," Lenalee's ever tender articulation snapped me out of my daze, her hands making me look at her smiling face, and as her violet orbs met my metallic ones, all concerns were sweeped out of my mind. Every thought was gone, and I realized, I was panting. This is where I would normally lecture myself about letting my composure fail me, but I didn't let a single thought crash my mind again. Nothing came to me. My mind was blank.

Well, except one: 'Lenalee... She's beautiful.'

"Allen, do you hear me? Are you listening?" Lenalee spoke up, wanting-no-demanding response from me, but I only nodded in affirmation. "Everything will be okay. You know you broke the habit. I know you're not doing it again. You have nothing, nothing, to be worried about. You will leave here. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes." I answered, somehow calm, although I can hear my heart beating in my ears, my chest aching from his unbelievable pace. I was still scared...

"Allen, I am here for you. I promise I won't leave without you. Lavi and Kanda are here to support you as well." Lenalee added, continuing to soothe my noticable tension. "I may not understand completely, I may not be able to ever understand it in whole, but... I can see how it affects you, I see how much it bothers you. Whether or not you are afraid to face your past, or afraid of this place, or afraid of something going wrong, or afraid of something neither one of us can figure out, we will be here with you. We will face everything with you, and nothing will change our thoughts about you. Our notions will remain the same about you... You're our friend. If something happens, we will help you." Lenalee paused, stroking my hair since I was still shaken up about this. Why am I losing control? Why can't I calm myself? I don't get it. I just wanted to cry. I was even so nervous about this that yesterday I blew everything about my past to people I barely even know... That, or I just wanted to get it off my chest. "You're afraid of what people will think of you, is that it?"

I hugged Lenalee. Was that it? I was afraid of what people will think? Am I afraid to remember those jeering eyes? Am I scared of being hated and ridiculed further, taunted by my past, unable to move on because no one will believe in me? I never once let someone' sopinion irk me... to what I would accept at least. I just... I'm unsure anymore. Maybe it's okay to lose control now and then, to let others know about me. Maybe I think I'm still a bad person, so in turn I need others to think otherwise, or I won't change my own view, otherwise I will continue to believe I haven't changed becuase no one else thinks differently. Is it possible I've depended on the rest of society to shape me?

"Lenalee, am I a bad person?" I whisper, blinking back tears of uncertainty and sadness as I think about everything at once.

Lenalee was glaring at me as I asked that question. I held back a bitter laugh. It was strange. Somehow.

"Of course not. The Allen Walker I know, the one I love, is a great person, a terrific guy! I'm glad to have met you." Lenalee said, though she eyed me with a disapproving sternness, making me aware of how unwise I was to ask this.

"Tch, I'm not." Kanda inclined, making Lenalee shift her gaze on him.

"Shut the hell up. You're here to encourage him, not bring him down!" Lenalee scolded with aggravation as she fixed her eyes on me. "Come on, Allen. We need to get you in there. If I have to I will craddle you."

"Ha ha, funny, funny." I mock, unimpressed by her lousy sarcasm, but I smile even so. "I can walk on my own."

I hope you enjoyed. Please review, and if you do, please do so with the utmost honesty. Plus UsuiXMisakilover, I hope I have satisfied you, met your expectations at least halfway. If you please let me know. I respect your crictism, harsh or not, good or bad... Other than that, have a wonderful day everyone! Thanks for reading!