Note: This has been a long time coming. Thank you to everyone who kept reading and nudging me for a new chapter. Life has been really crazy (full time school and work and a broken down computer...to say the least.) Just bought a new computer and my schedule has kinda smoothed out, so hopefully I can carve out some writing time.
Chapter 21: Holes in His Shoes
Sonny looks at the little girl in his arms and runs his hand over her head. He smiles then gives her a kiss on the forehead. Arianna smiles up at him then goes back to playing with the toy in her hand. Sonny hands Arianna to Justin. Justin gives a nod, thinking that Sonny was ready but Sonny shakes his head.
"I'm not ready Dad." He straightens Ari's dress as she rests comfortably in Justin's arms. "I need you to take Arianna to meet her Dad."
"Sonny"
"I'm sure he is anxious to meet her. So don't keep him waiting. He's waited long enough."
Justin holds Arianna as he looks at his son, dumbfounded by what was taking place. He wants to search those brown eyes that he knows so well but they are pointed to the floor and Justin feels like maybe this was too much too soon. It took him three days to accept that then what he was hearing and seeing was true, yet all he'd given Sonny was less than twenty four hours.
Sonny looks at the ground because he can't bear to face the shame he's sure to see reflected on his father's face. He knows it's a cowardly move but he just can't face Will; not when he is terrified by the things floating around in his head. Sonny smooth's Arianna's dress down her back and then he steps away; giving Justin to final go ahead to run around and walk through the door. Will deserves to meet his daughter and Sonny would never try to hold her back from him.
"It's not happening Sonny." Justin boldly restores Arianna to Sonny's arms. "Let's go." But he doesn't turn towards the waiting door. Instead, Justin starts walking in the direction they came and gestures for Sonny to follow.
"Where is Grandpa going?" Arianna looks curiously at Sonny.
"I don't know?" But he wonders if Justin is leading them home. It's crazy to come all this way just to turn back, yet the thought brings relief and for a second Sonny could forget why they were here in the first place.
Up ahead Justin exchanges words with someone and they nod in the direction of another closed door. That's the thing about hospitals; too many closed doors that guard quiet rooms where even a whisper becomes and echo. Sonny follows behind even though he is not looking forward to the lecture about to take place.
They walk into a room that is obviously an office, probably for one of the doctors. Justin takes a seat on the couch like he own the place. "Sit down Sonny." And he does, because it's his father asking and he is too confused to make simple decisions for himself. "What's going on?" A very open ended question and Sonny wonders if he is talking to the lawyer or the parent.
Sonny takes the seat and sets Ari down beside him on the couch. She is immediately happy with the freedom and slides of the seat so she can roam around the small space. Sonny keeps his eyes on her as she examines the medical books on the coffee table and the miniature anatomy replicas that encased in glass.
Justin continues to watch his son and he is sure there will be permanent worry lines on his forehead after this week. There is nothing he can say to make this situation any less weird. Then he chuckles; it's so typical of Salem to raise people from the dead. Sonny's head snap towards him as the sound and very similar eyes meet each other. "This is crazy right?" Sonny nods and Justin gets more comfortable in the seat. "Not how either of us planned to spent our day today."
"I know. I…" Sonny looks to Arianna again because that is easier.
"Sonny. It's okay to be scared. I'd be surprised if you weren't." Justin knows the struggle Sonny went through to let go of Will. "Nothing about this situation makes sense, but don't run away Sonny. Besides, it's not in your nature to run from anything. You were the kid who faced every challenge head on without barely a blink. Almost sent your mother and me to an early grave." They both chuckle and Justin keeps it going by rehashing stories from Sonny's childhood.
Eventually the air the room felt lighter and Sonny's shoulders didn't seem so weighed down anymore. They laugh and poke fun at the older brothers who dragged Sonny into everything with them. They laughed as they recalled the many occasions when Arianne had to call Justin at work because one of the boys had just done something so absolutely foolhardy that all Justin could do was laugh and take the shortcut to the hospital.
"I love being your father. Do you know that?" At those words the laughter stopped.
"I not going to be a dad anymore." That's when Justin understood what his son was going through. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Will; he was just afraid to hand Arianna over to her real dad. "It's been two years. I've changed a lot since then, and maybe Will has too. This may not work out the way everyone thinks it should." Sonny takes a deep breath before he keeps talking. "We have not been Will and Sonny for a long time and I'm not sure if we'll ever be again. If that happens, I'll just become the guy who took care of Arianna for a while."
Sonny quickly reaches out and settles his hand against Arianna waist to prevent her from falling over a book that had fallen to the ground. "Be careful Baby Bird."
"Okay Daddy." She returns to her exploration and Sonny watches as she moves to the other side of the room to look at the potted plants that appear to be fake.
"I feel like a bad person for thinking like this. There is so much more going on here besides me losing Arianna. Will is alive. That's amazing and I can't even wrap my head around it. Dad, he missed out on so much and he deserves a second chance to be with his daughter. Sami and Lucas and his grandparents are going to be so happy to have him back in their lives. It's beyond amazing…it's a miracle."
"What about you? You mention everyone else, but you're his family too."
"I just. I don't know. I'm scared because I know how this can go. I'm happy he is alive, I'm so happy for that, you have no idea; but it feels like I'm saying goodbye. I don't know what my life will look like in a month or a year from now and for the first time that scares me. Dad, I'm not a risk taker anymore; I need to know the net is there before I jump off the roof." Its feels selfish to be even thinking about these things, to even be worried about the role he will play in Arianna's life. All night these things rumbled in his head and gosh he hates himself for it.
"You sound like a parent."
Sonny chuckles and shakes his head. "How can I face Will with these thoughts in my head?"
"Sonny." Then Justin pulls his son in for a hug because that's what father's do; they are there to wrap a hand around your waist when they think you are about to fall. "It's okay to be worried about how everything is going to look from now on. This is not an easy situation and you are gonna have to take it one day at a time. I can't promise you that things will go the way you want. But know that your mother and I will be here for you."
"I know Dad. I know."
"Good." They hold each other for a while. Arianna turns her attention from the fake flower that she was rubbing between her fingers and looks at her dad and grandpa. She knows something is wrong; her gram-pa always hugs her had when he is sad. Arianna Grace lets go of the flower that isn't even real and she launches herself at the two people sitting on the couch. They both let out sounds of pain but their eyes smile as they pull her into the embrace.
Three people stand in front of the door, just like before. The nerves are still there for the two older ones but the little one is busy playing with her toy as she rests safely in strong arms. There is no backing out this time. Will is waiting and Sonny is anxious and terrified to see him again. To see those blue eyes again and have them look back at him. Then the thoughts pops in his head; what if it isn't Will in that room? What if those blue eyes do not look at him the same way? Maybe all he'll find is a shadow of the man he loved, and still loves.
"You ready?" Justin wants to be sure this time but he is fully prepared to drive out of this place if Sonny isn't.
"I'm not sure." He readjusts Arianna in his arms then make a step towards the closed door.
"I thought you weren't sure?"
"I'm not." Sonny pushes the door open slightly then looks back at his father. "I need you with me."
"Of Course."
They walk in into the room.