All I Want For Christmas…

"Babe, what do you want for Christmas?" Magnus called from the bathroom. It was a bad habit he'd acquired. He would be in the bathroom, getting ready, and calling out for Alec, instead of just stepping out of there to ask the question.

"I don't really know," Alec said with his indoor voice.

"What?" his boyfriend called out. Alec looked at Chairman Meow, who had placed himself in front of his food bowl as a way of communicating his current need.

"I bet all you want for Christmas is the most expensive brand of cat food, isn't it?" he asked the cat and poured something into the bowl. Magnus popped his head into the living room.

"What do you want for Christmas?"

"I don't know. I guess all I want is to spend it with you," Alec shrugged, and petted the cat on the head, while the grey cat ate from the food bowl.

"Well that's an easy present. I would have given that to you anyway. I usually spend Christmas alone," Magnus said casually.

"Wait, what?"

"Sometimes I go to Woolsey's if I feel like it, but not every year," Magnus explained. It nearly broke Alec's heart. To him Christmas was the greatest time of the year for the family. It was the one time of the year when the family were together, but this year half the family was in New York and Jace and Clary were their own family now. It was going to be different this year, Alec knew that, and he was completely fine with it, because he was going to spend it with Magnus. Alec walked over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him. He smelled so good right after the shower, because he always got the expensive shampoo.

"Maybe we shouldn't give each other presents? We don't really need anything?" Alec suggested. Magnus probably wasn't even used to getting Christmas presents.

"Maybe we should just think about it for a while, and get back to it. There's still some time," Magnus shrugged.

"Okay," Alec agreed. He kissed Magnus' throat, and he rewarded Alec with a soft moan.

"Alec, I have to go to your sister's. I'm already late," he breathed.

"Izzy's?"

"We're doing Christmas baking. We want to get out of your way so you can get your last work done before Christmas," he shrugged.

"That's adorable," Alec teased.

"I'll bring you cookies," his boyfriend smiled flirtatiously.

"All I want for Christmas is your cookies," Alec flirted back. Magnus chuckled.

"Okay, how about this, we continue to say things that works with 'all I want for Christmas', and eventually something is bound to give the other one an idea of what to get for Christmas, even if we were only joking?"

"Sounds good."

…

Magnus brought him cookies alright, and he gave him more than that. Alec had worked hard all day to go through as much revision as possible, in order to have a quiet romantic evening with his boyfriend. Alec had been writing a sort of 'behind-the-scene' sequence with his and Magnus' characters in order to get the characters just right in the book, where they weren't exactly the main characters. It had ended up being quite a hot scene, and he'd realized it might be because Magnus and he hadn't really been intimate since the wedding. It hadn't been that long, but it also hadn't been willingly, because Magnus had worked his ass of with all the Christmas and New Year's photoshoots he needed to do before Christmas, and he hadn't had much time to do anything other than work and sleep. But now he was finally off work until after Christmas.

Once Magnus came home from Izzy, they'd had a quick dinner and then Alec had prepared dessert, which quickly turned into something unexpectedly hot with both of them licking whipped cream off the other. Alec had never thought sex with food would be something he was into, but Magnus had just put whipped cream on Alec's nose and everything had evolved from there. Suddenly they were both naked, Magnus had brought the whipped cream with them to the couch and was licking it off Alec's body. In his mind Alec was making the situation Christmas related, and thought he might as well be a human gingerbread man, had it been glace and not cream. And the cream wasn't even the hottest part about it; Alec was groaning, there were biting, and clawing, and Magnus was riding him in a way that not only turned Alec on, but it gave him a different kind of pleasure than their usual positions. Soon Magnus came on Alec's chest, and lay down on top of him, his skin feeling clammy against Alec's.

"I think we need a shower," Alec sighed.

"Shh, not yet," Magnus said and wrapped his arms around him tighter. "I thought about something."

"Yeah?" Alec kissed the top of his boyfriend's head.

"All I want for Christmas is a time machine," Magnus said.

"Come on, be serious. You know I was serious about the cookies, right?"

"I am."

"Don't tell me – you want to go back and experience that orgasm again? There are easier ways, it's called 'round two'," Alec smirked.

"I want a time machine, so I can go back in time and help my mom," Magnus replied in a small voice. Alec pushed Magnus up a bit, so he could look at him.

"Magnus," he said, because he didn't know what else to say. He'd been completely fine a minute ago, more than fine actually, moaning and gasping for more. Alec sat up and placed Magnus comfortably on his lap.

"I'm sorry, I killed the mood. I don't know why I got emotional suddenly," Magnus was on the verge of tears and Alec embraced him tightly. He wished deeply he could take away this feeling Magnus was having. Alec couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to spend so many Christmases without family. Alec came from a big family. It would be tough enough to spend his first Christmas without Max.

"What can I do?"

"You can't do anything. I just get emotional around this time of the year, because everyone is with their family, and it was the one time my mom and I had a day outside of the house together, without my stepdad, when we went Christmas shopping," Magnus explained.

"You realize I am your family now, right?" Alec wasn't sure Magnus saw it that way, and he wanted to make sure. "We'll have our own family Christmas. Just the three of us, if you want?"

"Are you including the cat, or is there a third member I don't know about?"

"I'm including the cat," Alec replied.

"Good to know that I didn't knock you up," Magnus attempted to joke, but his attitude wasn't really in it.

"Please, as if I would be the pregnant one," Alec teased. He was glad that at least Magnus was trying to make light of the conversation.

"It's tempting though, but I couldn't ask you to give your family traditions up, I'll be fine with whatever your family has planned," Magnus said, getting them back on track.

"We could go to Woolsey's Christmas party?"

"You don't really want to go to Woolsey's?" Magnus frowned.

"I don't really want to go to Woolsey's," Alec smiled apologetically. Magnus looked at him and Alec already knew what he was thinking; Magnus was grateful for Alec's understanding. Alec had always had the best intentions with everyone close to him, but somehow Magnus was the only one who always seemed to realize he had a need to fix everything and protect everyone from being lonely and miserable, like Alec had so often been when he was younger, and before he met Magnus.

"We can ask my family to come here?" Alec suggested.

"Izzy told me she and Simon are going home for the holidays. Maybe we should just go with them?"

Alec thought about it. They'd seen his entire family only weeks ago, and he really was kind of busy as he neared his deadline. He needed to have the full script ready in January. He couldn't take that much time out of his calendar, to be with his family for days like he usually did.

"I have a deadline. Maybe it is best if we stay here in New York? We'll make new traditions?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Alec kissed Magnus softly.

…

It amazed Alec how Magnus was still able to bring out the butterflies in his stomach, when he looked at him a specific way, or when Alec had comforted his boyfriend somehow and brightened his day. It gave Alec an idea. Maybe he could make an extra effort for those new traditions. Sure, he wasn't going to spend time with his family, but he was making a new family. Maybe it was time for Magnus to get in contact with his remaining family. Surely his father couldn't be as bad as Magnus had insinuated. Magnus wasn't even sure what his father did for a living or why his mother had been afraid of him. And then there was the fact that it had been thirty years. People usually change over the passage of three decades. Even if he hadn't changed much, the worst Alec could find was Magnus' father in prison or dead, right?

It took him a few hours just to find out the name of Magnus' father. It was an odd name, but it seemed familiar somehow. Although, Alec couldn't be sure where he would have heard the name A.S. Modeus before.

Magnus was out Christmas shopping with Izzy. Alec had convinced Magnus that he needed some time at home to come up with a Christmas present for Magnus, and surely he was now expecting a sonnet. All Alec had in mind was a small acrostic poem, but first he needed to get some more information about this A.S. Modeus, and hopefully get Magnus an even greater gift – the gift of family. Alec knew it would take a while to search out this person, if finding his name took him several hours. So Alec quickly scribbled down a letter for Magnus, and it wasn't his finest moment, but he stuck with it and placed the letter in the red velvet blazer with small silver snowflakes, which Magnus was planning on wearing this Christmas.

L ove the way you changed everything, when you walked into my life.

O ur roads crossed, and now we walk down the same path.

V alid is the feeling you give me every morning, when I wake up next to you.

E motions flow when I think of you, and I'm glad 'love' is only a four letter word.

P.S. this is not my proposal, but merely a small taste of it.

Yours always,

Alec

…

He continued his search on A.S. Modeus. Alec wasn't the best, when it came to cyberstalking, so he had to call Simon a few times, eventually Simon had had enough.

"Dude, this is not a person you want to continue stalking," Simon said. They were on facetime, so that Alec could search, while Simon guided him on his computer. "This guy was questioned in several murders, but miraculously found not guilty." Simon narrowed his eyes at his screen, as he continued reading. "Dude…"

"Simon, stop calling me dude?" Alec rubbed his eyes with frustration. This was not what he'd hoped to find. It wasn't what anyone would hope to find.

"Sorry, man. I have a feeling this guy has Viola Davis on speed dial," Simon shrugged. Alec shot him a tired look. "Sorry, that's the leading lady in How To Get Away With Murder." Now Alec covered his entire face with his palm. "Wait!" Simon began.

"What?" Alec looked through his fingers with a small amount of hope, like maybe the guy had donated a good amount of money to cancer research. The smallest sign of goodness was good enough for Alec by now.

"Some of these missing people he was questioned about were rumoured to be his children. How many bastards do this guy have?" Simon wondered. Alec reflexively closed his jaw so tight he could hear his teeth nearly crack. "Sorry again, I didn't mean Magnus was a… sorry."

"Is there anything good about this guy?" Alec wondered. Simon had now taken over the entire research, because Alec was beyond reading the miserable information on his laptop. He needed to hear it and not read it.

"He's married?"

"Married?"

"Yeah, to a woman named… Lilith? Isn't that the name of the first demon ever? Like according to myth?" Simon wondered.

"That seems very likely," Alec sighed. "Well, thanks for helping out. Please don't tell Izzy and Magnus about any of this. I'm sure it would only make everything worse."

"Sure thing. I got your back."

"Right. Merry Christmas, Simon."

"Merry Christmas," Simon replied with a huge smile as if he'd nearly forgotten that it was Christmas, and Alec hung up before he could say anything else.

Alec summed up what he'd found out about Magnus biological father. He'd found a few pictures of the powerful business man, who with his pale skin looked nothing like Magnus, except from the eyes – his eyes had the same green-yellow color like Magnus'. He had married a just as powerful business woman, and they had several unsolved cases about their morals within the company and cases about disappearances of their people, some of them supposed children of A.S. Modeus. Alec felt a slight panic attack reaching the surface. The idea of Magnus finding out about this person who seemed more and more like a donor than anything else was so disturbing, eventually Alec ran to the bathroom, thinking he would throw up, but ended up only splashing cold water in his face. How could he look Magnus in the eye during this evening – Christmas eve – without revealing that something was wrong? Something horrible was wrong, and it was going on only blocks away. That's right, A.S. Modeus worked and probably also lived on Wall Street. When he looked at his face in the mirror, Alec looked pale, almost ill. He needed to get it together and go erase his entire search history, in case Magnus borrowed his computer in the near future.

When he came back from the bathroom, Magnus was in the living room. Alec hadn't heard him come in, but he was frozen in front of the open laptop. It was clear that he had difficulty finding words, even though the questions were evident in his heartbroken expression.

"Magnus, I thought he might have changed, but you were right, he's not a man you want a relationship with," Alec began to apologize.

"How dare you?" Magnus seemed more heartbroken than angry, which Alec felt was way worse.

"Magnus, I'm sorry, I'll let it go, I'll never bring it up again," Alec begged for his forgiveness.

"I was perfectly fine knowing my father was an asshole, this is not something I can be okay with knowing," he gestured towards the laptop. Alec took a step closer, buying time to think of what to say. Magnus held up his hand in warning. "Stop, I don't want you near me right now."

"Magnus?"

"I'm going to Woolsey's. Don't follow me!" He grabbed his Christmas blazer and left the apartment. Alec was left with a feeling of immense shame and embarrassment.

It was Christmas eve, his sister and Simon were on their way home to visit the family. Magnus was gone, he'd gone to see the only other people Alec knew in New York. Alec was alone on Christmas. He'd never felt lonelier than this, and he knew it was all his own fault. How could he be so thoughtless and inconsiderate? He should have trusted Magnus when he said he didn't have any interest in knowing his father. Alec's own father suddenly seemed like quite the saint. Robert might have his moments, but deep down he wasn't a bad person, he was only ignorant at times.

Christmas was nearly unbearable. Even Chairman Meow didn't want his company, and had gone to hide in one of his castles. Alec didn't know what to do. He'd tried calling Magnus a few times, but he'd ignored the calls. Then he'd tried Woolsey, who'd kindly told him to give Magnus some time, and then offered Alec to send Raphael over instead. Of course, Alec had politely declined the offer. Although, he might have considered it had Woolsey suggested he sent Camille over instead. Suddenly he found himself wishing for that time machine, especially when he found a letter addressed to "Santa" on the floor halfway under the couch. Magnus had probably dropped it, when he noticed the laptop. Alec opened it carefully to read:

Dear Santa

At the beginning of this year, all I did was party and work and party. I felt like I was going nowhere, and I was miserable. But I met Alexander Lightwood (yes, that's the hotter Lightwood), and he made me significantly less miserable. In fact, he's been so nice this past half of the year I think you should give him the biggest presents of them all. I don't have anything specific in mind, and I'm sure whatever you find won't be nearly enough, but I hope you take this into consideration when picking out a gift for him – I love him.

Sincerely,

Magnus Bane

At the back of the letter was a drawing of a Christmas tree and what was probably meant to be the two of them making out under a mistletoe, but Magnus wasn't really much of an artist with a pen and paper. Alec couldn't hold back the sob that escaped from deep within, wishing Magnus was there so they could actually make out or just make up underneath the mistletoe. He would have to give the drawing to Clary for her to make a proper version of it, because it was a beautiful scenario. He tried calling Magnus a few times after that, while drinking the two bottles of wine they'd bought to share for their Christmas dinner. He even left a few embarrassing voicemails, once he'd nearly bottomed both bottles of red wine.

Eventually, he must have fallen asleep on the couch, looking at photos of Magnus on his computer. Because he woke up when it was light outside, and the TV was playing Christmas carols. Alec's head was about to explode, but he rolled off the couch and dragged his feet towards the bathroom to take a warm bath. He looked at his phone every five minutes, nearly dropping it into the water several times, as he soaked in the bathtub. He didn't really deserve a long warm bath. He deserved a cold, teeth-clattering shower, and he deserved spending Christmas Day alone. He stumbled out of the bathtub, went to put on a sweater and a pair of long johns, before once again settling on the couch in front of the TV to watch the countless Christmas shows. Was it too early for a glass of Scotch? Alec had never felt so useless and miserable before, and he was beginning to doubt that someone who had left him alone on Christmas Day would ever forgive him.

But then, Alec's Christmas miracle came – Magnus stepped through the frontdoor. He didn't look hungover, which was the first good sign Alec noticed. But then he soon drew to the conclusion that it was because Magnus was in full control of his emotions and ready to throw Alec out. Alec straightened up, but the hangover prevented him from rushing to his feet. Magnus stopped once he'd stepped through the door.

"You look like hell," Magnus said casually, as if he couldn't care less. The coldness in his voice sent shivers through Alec's body, and he forced himself to stand up.

"I feel like hell," Alec admitted. Magnus' eyes shifted to the empty bottles on the coffee table.

"Did you have company?"

"No, just me. I'll get you a new bottle… or two," Alec said. He went to get his jacket, but Magnus caught his upper arm.

"Don't bother. I don't feel like drinking today anyway," Magnus said. Alec placed his hand on top of Magnus'.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Magnus. Please believe me when I say I had the best intentions in mind, when I began searching," he explained.

"I know you did. That's what hurts so much. You always have the best intentions in mind, and that only makes it so much worse. You hurt me, Alec."

Alec thought he might well fall apart right then and there at Magnus' feet, but then something in Magnus changed; his expression softened.

"I found your letter, or poem or whatever," he said. "Are you sure it isn't a proposal?"

"If I thought I might lose you I would marry you right now, on the spot," Alec admitted.

"But you don't think you'll lose me?"

"I found your letter as well," Alec said. "Neither of us wants to be without the other."

"That doesn't really sound like a good basis for a relationship?" Magnus now had tears in his eyes, as if he was trying to convince himself that the relationship wasn't working, because of this one mistake. Alec imagined the struggle inside Magnus' head – was he thinking that Alec had broken his trust, that he should have trusted Magnus when he said he didn't want to know his father? It seemed about right. Alec had no idea what had gotten into him, but he sure was going to try to explain it.

"I should have trusted you, when you said you didn't want anything to do with your father. It wasn't my place to investigate him like that. I don't know how many times I can tell you I'm sorry. It just made me incredibly unhappy to see you sad about your mother and Christmas, I wanted to give you some sort of family. It was obviously my worst decision ever, and I wish I could go back and change my decision, but despite our wishes I'm pretty sure neither of us will get a time machine for Christmas," Alec said. Magnus' expression didn't change. Alec's time machine joke even seemed to fall through.

"You wish you could take it back?"

"Yes!" Alec reassured him. It appeared to be the wrong answer, because Magnus dropped his eyes to look at his feet.

"You're afraid I possess some of his… traits?"
"What? Of course not!"

"Then why do you care?"

"Because you care! Because it hurts you!" Alec thought this was quite obvious. Magnus nodded once.

"Merry Christmas, Alec," Magnus said, sadness clouding his words. He left for their bed and didn't give Alec another look. Chairman Meow came out of his hiding place and quietly ran to keep Magnus company. Even the cat blamed Alec for screwing up Christmas. Alec wanted to do everything in his power to make it up to Magnus again. If being his slave was what it took, then a slave he would be.

I know a lot of you probably enjoy my representation of Malec for their adorableness, but I got bored with them never having any "real" issues, so I created one. I hope you still enjoyed it, I think I'll make another Christmas chapter, before making it up between them (this time from Magnus' perspective), because I think his perspective on the matter would be interesting.

As usual, I love your reviews! They are still my main source of motivation :D